The Next Asylum: Laundromat

MONDAY BLUES

2010-03-22T10:29:00.003-04:00

I know I haven’t posted in a while. Put it this way, I was beyond exhausted for the past two weeks due to lack or sleep and major running around. This is my first weekend after many weekends that I got to relax. Well close to relaxing at least. Saturday I was supposed to have a day off but I ended up running errands from 9 am up until 2 pm. They weren’t even my stuff to do. Then Sunday, on my legit day off, I had to go to Target to get a couple of stuff that I needed. On the bright side, I did purchase ten Dannon Light & Fit yogurts for $4.50 at Target! Score for me!

Before I get into story telling, I need you, my readers to send me a story or a question for Spin Cycle Sunday. By you contributing, it means a lot to me and it makes it more interesting for me to write on Sundays! Plus, I love having my readers share their stories or questions with me! My email is Lillaundrygirl@gmail.com.

The Agenda:
(It will be a long post)
- Moshe and Cheapo
- Bar of Soap

Moshe and Cheapo:

Last week on Tuesday, I dropped off three skirts and four table cloths at the catering place. I told Cheapo that I was going to drop off the skirts and pick up the check. See what I did there? I TOLD him I am picking up the check. I did NOT ask him “will you have the check ready?” See I realized that it would be better for me that I tell him I am picking up the check instead of calling him and asking him if it would be ready. After I dropped off the skirts, I walked down to the main office to pick up my check. Surprise, surprise… an employee stated that Cheapo was not in the office. Little did this asshat know I was one step ahead of him… I told the employee “well, I am here to pick up the check and I need that check.” He took out the company checkbook while looking at me… he acted as if the book was taken out of a secret place. I thought “bitch, I have to get to work… work faster” He inquired about the total and I told him “$266”. He reacted with a shocked look on his face. What did the moron do? He called Cheapo… the same Cheapo that wasn’t in the office twenty minutes ago, when I had asked for him. Cheapo comes out with a pissed look on his face. It was really cute, he tried to intimidate me, instead I stood my ground, I snapped my fingers, and I asked for my money.

You see, in the past I used to be a sweet girl to him that would ask him if the check was ready. He lost that privilege a long time ago. Its serious business now bro. He handed me the check and he told me “next time call me and ask me if I am in the office” I told him “How about I just come here and pick up my check? You know what the amount is.”
For sure he owes other people money too. I looked at a table covered with invoices and when I looked over some of them while I was waiting; I noticed some invoices showing “FINAL NOTICE” in big red letters. Sucks for him. I took a picture of it but I need to figure out how to upload pictures to my computer from my phone.

I got a call on Wednesday asking me to pick up more skirting and overlays. The skirts needed to be dropped off on Friday and the overlays needed to be dropped off on Monday morning (today). When I went to pick up the skirting on Wednesday, Moshe was not in his office. His employees took my invoice and pointed me in the right direction as to where I could find the items I needed to pick up. When I was loading my half assed jeep with these bags, Cheapo comes running towards my car. Now, Cheapo is overweight and seeing him run like that was hilarious. I held in my laughter. Picture a penguin waddling and running at the same time. He hands me a check at the amount of $200 and he tells me “I made this lady pay for the skirting since she needed to use them.” He was not kidding… he really made another person pay for us to clean the skirting. What. The. Fuck.??? He asked me to follow him so he can make a copy of the check. While we were waiting for him to make a copy, he tells me “Look, you need to make your prices cheaper for some of this stuff like the overlays. How much do you charge for those to begin with?”… Here is a thought… if you don’t know how much I charge… why would you ask me to make the price cheaper for you???!!! WHY!?!?!? I was always taught to know my facts before I ask for something to become cheaper. I flat out told him “those are the prices.” If he brings it up to me again, I will point out that the box pleat skirts and the table cloths should be charged more. I am pretty sure that will shut him up. Honestly, I am still shocked that he made someone else pay for the skirts… I kid you not, the check was a personal check from TD bank and it was made out to our Laundromat. How low can Cheapo go? If I owned a catering company, I would be more professional about it, like charge extra for the event being catered but not ask the client to pay $200 to clean the skirts…

You know what the messed up part is? He asked her for $200 but that order only cost $135… He told me to use the left over money and apply it to the other two invoices. The moron still owes me $78.50 but the balance was given to him today. Once I figure out the total amount of these skirts, I will call him so he can have my check ready on Wednesday. I really need to show you guys the picture of the desk being covered with invoices…

Moving on!

Bar of Soap:

Last week I had to place a limit of how much cold water flows through the main sink of the Laundromat. Why? Well, because stupid people abuse the water by wasting it and by cleaning their clothes at the sink. First of all, I have a sign over the sink stating “Please do not wash clothes in the sink. Hand washing only.” I guess people ignore the kind request. Really, I should put a sign stating “wash your clothes in here and I will shoot yo ass.” Seems like they would understand that better…

Anywhoots… this lady brought in her laundry in a bucket and she had a bar of soap. She started to wash her clothes in our sink. I told her to stop that and she could use the washer to put her clothes in to wash. I even offered her free soap. She said “No… washer no use soap bar.” She went on and on saying how the bar of soap is far better because her clothes don’t get bleached. I explained to her that clothes only get bleached when she adds bleach to her clothes. I kid you not, she accused me of sabotaging. I got really angry and I yelled at her to stop. I rarely yell; however, she did stop what she was doing. She asked me what she could do now and I gave her the option to go home and finish what she started or to use the washer. She listened to me… that is rare for someone to listen to me. She agreed to use the washer if I helped her, which I did. She wanted to put the bar of soap into the washer and I told her not to. I swear it was like taking care of an eight year old. In the end, I gave her a baggie for the bar of soap and she put it in her pocket. Is it wrong that I wonder what else she does with that bar of soap?

CELL PHONE FAIL

2010-03-15T18:34:00.000-04:00

I think today was the day for cellphone fails...... or abuse..

This obese lady was doing her laundry and out of the blue, she started yelling at a male (husband or boyfriend). I was trying to listen to their conversation but I couldn't decipher the gibberish. From the sounds of it, I think she wanted to eat something and he kept telling her "no." The more he would say no, the louder she would yell. I felt like tapping on the male's shoulder and pointing that out. If I was him, I would have bought whatever the fat bitch wanted and just shoved it in her mouth. Actually, come to think of it she would like it. That idea can go out the window.

Once he got his final "no" in, she tossed her cell phone at him and it clonked his head. I burst out in laughter. As a matter of fact, I choked on my own saliva. It's as if it came straight out of youtube.com hahahahaha!

My cellphone failed too... or someone failed at leaving a voice mail message. Someone left me a voice message that was 20 minutes long. -sigh- Whoever called me, didn't even talk or anything. Must have been an accident.

Want to laugh? Try this! I love this "game" I was cracking up at the second part. My co-worker even gave me strange looks!

http://bored.com/game/play/699/This_is_the_only_level.html

ENTER TITLE HERE

2010-03-10T16:12:00.002-05:00

Tuesday was relatively quiet. I didn’t have anyone complaining…other than the usual that is. I’m actually amazed at how quiet it was. I managed to finish all of the Laundromat’s invoices from 2009- 2010. OH YEAH! Who would have thunk? Now that invoices are over, what is the possibility of catching up with sleep? This month has been busy and crazy. The silly part is that we are only two weeks into this month, haha! Sadly, the jeep that we use for deliveries and such has died on us –sad face- So now we are looking for a used jeep. One of the owners thinks he can get a used car for only five grand with the mileage being low. –sighs- He won’t. I explained to him that people now aren’t buying cars/jeeps/trucks due to the economy; therefore people are looking for used cars. Car dealerships caught onto this and they raised the prices of used cars. I even saw this change. Three years I was looking to purchase a used jeep with my sister and she found one for three thousand dollars with only 70k miles. Not bad at all! Oh yeah, the year of the jeep was 1995 too. Now, a used jeep from 2004 with 80k miles, it’s a bit over eight thousand dollars.

Hopefully something will be found.

If you have any stories or questions that you would like to share with me and the readers, please email me at Lillaundrygirl@gmail.com

SUCKING UP (Monday)

2010-03-10T15:55:00.000-05:00

Before I get started, I am for sucking up and against sucking up. I should really choose one side but I am not. You see, depending on where someone works and what their job entitles them to do to get a promotion or extra money, sucking up would come into play. In retail, sucking up is part of the job to make a sale and have a regular customer give you commission.In my case, I do not get commission but I get satisfied customers coming back the next week to do laundry. Does this mean I suck up? Fuck no. Well… actually… I do… only for a handful of customers because they have been doing laundry at our place for quite a few years. Customers, who have been coming to the Laundromat for over five years, do deserve that extra something from the employees.

If a customer has been doing laundry at our place for just a week and they expect the royal treatment, then they deserve a kick in the ass, not for me to kiss their ass. Oh yeah, there is also a difference between kissing ass and being nice. Just thought I would throw that out there too.

On Monday, I was talking with a long time customer and enjoying the conversation he and I were having. Mind you he is cute and I have mentioned him before. He’s the cute guy that is a carpenter and according to him, he is good with his hands. That was made into a mental note… Another customer approached me and she has been coming to us for the past two weeks. Her name is Anna but I am going to rename her to Stinger Bitch. Stinger Bitch got upset with me because I didn’t take her request of change right away. Actually, let me correct myself, she wanted me to know that she wanted change before she even approached me. In Manhattan, the employees of the Laundromat she went to knew what she wanted the moment she walked in. Guess what slipped out of my mouth! Give up? Well, this is what I told her “Sorry, we don’t roll out the red carpet here.” She wasn’t happy and I opened a new can of worms. She went off on me. Did I deserve it? Maybe but really, I don’t. I’m not the one that was giving the attitude to begin with. At least I gave the cute customer a laugh.

I gave the Sting Bitch her change and she comes back to me saying “this isn’t clean money!” Now, I don’t know what “clean money” means. Maybe it’s a mafia term? Who knows? All I said was “its ok, its clean money if the bodies are hidden.” She didn’t appreciate my humor at all. This made me a sad lil’ monkey.

Long story short, she will continue coming to us but she requested that I should be nice to her because she is an “important” person. She isn’t important. As a matter of fact, she looks like a redneck with a beer gut. –shudders-

Does anyone know how to transfer pictures from a Google G1 Smart phone to the computer without emailing the photos? If you do, please email me at Lillaundrygirl@gmail.com

SPIN CYCLE

2010-03-07T10:23:00.001-05:00

I just want to shake off this cold. I have been hit hard these past two months! NOT FAIR!

Oh yeah! Happy First Sunday of the Month people! Wish you all a happy March!

Before I get to links and reader stories, I have a story of my own! (When don't I?... Oh yeah, Wednesdays and Saturdays...)

Yesterday I was given a silly suggestion from a customer. It was so silly to the point where I was willing to go buy it just to shove his head in it. The suggestion? Before I get to this, I will call this guy Radiation Lover. The suggestion was that the owners should put a microwave in the laundromat so people can bring food from home to eat while doing laundry. You know what... now that I think about it, Radiation Lover was onto something. I -should- go purchase a microwave along with a sink and an oven just for the laundromat. It will be ideal and fantastic. Imagine the possibilities of infestation! I would LOVE it! -end sarcasm- I told Mr. Radiation a simple "no". He stood in front of me complaining that he came to do laundry and didn't have a bite to eat. Not my fault dude. I didn't tell him not to eat and I gave him that argument. He told me "well, you are here." The crazy person wasn't making any sense so I was just nodding and smiling while cleaning the front area from the mess that my co-worker and manager left.

Why would I want to put a microwave in the laundromat??? WHY!?!?!? I can just see some idiot putting metal in the microwave and starting a fire. I can even see little kids putting their heads in there to see what would happen. Hell, I can even see someone putting their fucking underwear in there just so it can dry. I can think of other things that would happen too... Yeah, no microwave. This is why I feel like putting his head in a microwave. His brain cells are dead to begin with. Hell, we used to have a coffee pot and we removed that because the thing smelled like urine. This was many many many years ago.

Now that I have entertained you, my readers with stupidity of a customer, I move on to Mike's story. Mike is form Kansas and he owns/works at a laundromat as well and he sends me his stories, which I can relate to. Mike sent the following:

"From the moment I saw the young lady enter the door, by the look in her eyes and the way she was holding a small trash bag, I knew that it wasn't going to be good. When something is filthy, smelly dirty, they always carry it to the cleaners in a trash bag. So, she smiled at me and said happily, "I just turned 21 and I puked all over my friends coat." She laid the bag on the counter and gently pushed it toward me. "Okay," I said, "We'll have it ready for you in a couple of days." And then I said the thing that the customers dread the most when they bring in that kind of stuff. I looked straight into her [until then] twinkling eyes and said carefully "You'd better check the pockets." And then to obligate her the check the pockets, I said "There could be an ink pen, lipstick or something in it that would ruin the coat." Needless to say, it didn't take long for her expression to change.

What goes through peoples minds, I'll never know. Last week another lady brought in her daughter's coat, in the usual trash bag, covered with vomit. And, so it goes, "My daughter vomited on her coat six weeks ago and I found it in her closet." After I said "We'll take care of it," I added, "You'd better check the pockets." A stunned look came over her face and she turned around and walked out saying, "I'm sure my daughter checked them.""

--------------------------------------------

Mike, I have dealt with so many liquids... or solids on clothes to be dry cleaned... the horror and the smell... Once I had a customer (I think he moved now) that came in with his "club" shirt drenched in puke. He told me "I know it smells bad but it happens when you get shit faced." I didn't accept the garment. I told him to wash it first then to give it to me. He argued that the shirt was "dry clean only" and I told him to hand wash it. Long story short, he didn't want to deal with his own puke and preferred that I take care of it. In the end, he washed it and then gave it to me to dry clean. I remember him saying "oh my god, the water in the washer is dark yellow." That is how bad the shirt was coated in puke. -shudders- He wasn't the only one. We get people like that all the time and depending on how bad the case is, we either tell them to wash it first or we don't accept the shirt to service. Well, not shirts alone... other garments as well.

-------------------------------------------

Mike also asked me if we have "dry only" customers in NY. Mike, we do and they do have the worst attitude than your "normal" customer. When I greet them, they ignore me and they have their head bowed down while they go to the dryer section. They don't bother me and I never yell at them (unless they are drying sneakers or rugs). Majority of the laundromats in NY don't allow that though. My friend goes to a laundromat where people have to wash and dry, drying only isn't allowed. The only reason we allow them is because it's a source of bringing in money. If we yell at them for drying only then they may not come back and we lose out on the five bucks. If it was only one customer, five bucks doesn't seem much but the fact that there is more than one customer, the money adds up.

The customers that we do try to limit are those who think we are a coin counting center... You know, the ones that bring in five dollars in pennies, nickels, and dimes... THOSE people are annoying. The people that bring in massive amounts of coins, we only count up to three dollars. No more than that and we give them this statement "we are not a bank." Of course they get upset at that but hey, truth is WE AREN'T A BANK!

LINK TIME!

My friend was featured in a Chain Mail Guild thingy, check it out:

www.artfirechainmailleguild.blogspot.com/

I think this cartoon dude might be my new hero... maybe not... but watching this last night while being on a drowsy medication made me chuckle...

MARCH... I SAID MARCH!!! (For Thursday)

2010-03-05T13:35:00.000-05:00

This has NOTHING to do with the month of March. Nothing at all. What does it mean? The same old...same old as crazy people...crazy people that project their craziness onto their children. If the mother was part of the military it would all make sense but she isn't. She is more of a drugster than anything else. This mother is about five feet and six inches tall with a very frail frame. Her hair looks unhealthy and the blonde strands look as if they need a comb badly. She had a North Face coat on and her sneakers are Nike in white...they were sparkling clean. I look over to the kids and they were just wearing hoodies and their sneakers and shoes look beat up and dirty. There is nothing wrong with hoodies! As a matter of fact, I love them; however in this type of weather, I would bundle up my child. Oh yeah, two of the children, their pants were short, you could see their ankles.

There is your description! Now onto the story!

Yesterday I worked at the Laundromat for an hour. I am sick again. This time I am coughing too. Joy. Hence why I didn't blog this entry yesterday, Nyquil knocked me out. Anyways... I was sitting in the front area behind the counter and all of the sudden I hear someone yelling "MARCH!" The first thing that came to mind was "oh great, an invasion!" and the second thought was "huh, it must not be zombies since they just grunt." I took a sip on my tea and my eyes focused on the entrance door. Normally I ignore stuff like this but I think a part of me deep down secretly wanted to know what was going to walk into the door.

As my eyes are fixated on the door, a parade of four kids and a drugged out mother walk in. They walked in with a military formation, marching away... and the kids were responding to the mother's yell of "GET WITH IT, MARCH, MARCH, MARCH!" then I hear "I SAID MARCH DAMNIT!" Poor kids looked miserable. If one of the kids becomes a serial killer, the mother is to blame. The little girl seemed like she was dreading what her mother was doing, as if it was a punishment just to punish the kids. I was interested and amazed. It's as if she was forming her own little army and taking my dream of taking over the world. Meh... actually I don't want to pop out babies yet to start the army and seeing what her kids are feeling, I prefer not to be a tyrant.

Once she started putting the clothes in the washer, she started to order the kids around and slowly, she was backing away to allow the kids do the laundry while she filed her nails. I smell a total psycho bitch. She continued to yell and I started to have other customers come to me with complaints. Believe it or not, I reached four complaints. I approach the psycho bitch and I ask her to lower her voice and to use her "indoor" voice. Everyone knows the indoor voice... we learn that crap from pre-k! She snapped at me. She told me "last time I checked, it's a free country." I blinked at her and decided to go all tyrant on her ass. I told her "last time I checked, this is MY Laundromat and MY democracy in here. Lower your voice!" She gasped and pulled back. She stopped yelling but she didn't stop giving orders to the kids. If I was a multi-millionaire, I would grab those kids and take them away from the mother. I felt so bad for them.

I don't get it... why would a mother dress herself warm and in designer but let her kids freeze and wear clothes that don't fit them? Obviously if she can afford Nike and name brand clothes, she can dress her children more appropriately. -sigh-

In the past when I saw kids wear clothes that didn't fit them or even mothers who looked like they needed a warm coat, I would give a sheet of paper with charities that give out clothing and sometimes even food. I stopped doing that because a couple of times, the adults would get angry/upset and tell me "what, you think I need this because of how I look?" Now, I would explain to these people that I would watch them for a couple of weeks and this is what I determined. Majority of the people were thankful about my gesture and half of those people would come back to me saying "thank you so much for helping me". After a while, I stopped because of the people that would argue with me. It took a lot of energy out of me due to explaining my justification along with other stuff.

After all that, I went home and I went home with a lesson learned.

The lesson that I learned is, to start a cult or a small army... you need your own spawn to start it.

MOSHE ATTACK

2010-03-03T18:59:00.000-05:00

When I go to sleep, my phone is on vibrate. Sometimes it stays on vibrate mode throughout the whole day because I forget to turn the ringer on. Around 2pm, I check my phone and I see seven missed calls and 2 voice messages. It was Moshe. Moshe wasn't happy. The first message basically said that their were catering skirts to pick up. The second message said that I have yet to pick up the skirts (obviously dude...) and that I need to call him back as soon as possible. I called him. He didn't sound happy. He told me "Laundry girl, you had to pick up skirts yesterday. Why haven't you picked up my stuff?" I told him "well, first off I don't have a car at the moment and second of all, I didn't have my ring tone on. I'll pick up the skirts tomorrow morning." In a stern voice he said "Laundry girl, I need the skirts tomorrow. They are an emergency." I asked him why he didn't call me on Monday and he said "I was busy".

So let me get this straight, he is allowed to be busy but I'm not? Fuck that shit. I have become sick too many times this year already and it has proven that I need to look out for myself. He could have even called me on Sunday to let me know that I need to pick up stuff on Monday. There really isn't an excuse for him to contact me last minute. Anyways, two hours later he calls me again to remind me followed by another call 10 minutes later. He wanted to know if I was going right that second. I told him "look, i'll call you when I am on my way. Even better, you will SEE me when I get there."

Finally the car arrived back to me (there is one car now, the other car has a transmission problem) and I drove to Moshe. Keep in mind, with all these phone calls you would think there was over a bunch of skirting to pic up right? NOPE! I get there and I just see two bags. One bag had four table cloths and the other bag had six skirts. That is NOTHING! He told me "I need them back by tomorrow morning." I was pissed to the point where I could feel what the look on my face was... -sigh-

I have to give him the invoices tomorrow too. I hope he doesn't give me a hard time...

BED BUGS

2010-03-01T18:33:00.000-05:00

Before I get into the story, I just want to apologize for not making a Spin Cycle post yesterday. I was busy during the day and at night, I had to do with some real life issues and people. Guess you can say "shit happens". Don't worry though, this coming Sunday you will have a super duper Spin Cycle post.

Now, onto today. New York has a big issue with bed bugs. Luckily, it has been a long time since a customer came to our laundromat with bed bugs. Until today, today a stupid customer decided to come to our laundromat to get rid of the little suckers.

First off, she didn't wash her clothes. She just tossed them in the dryer. BIG MISTAKE. I can't stress this enough. If you have bed bugs you MUST WASH ALL OF YOUR BELONGINGS! When you do wash them, you have to wash them on hot. I am contemplating on putting a couple of fliers up in the laundromat with instructions on how to wash clothes if someone is infested with bed bugs. Anyways, I told my co-worker that I am going to approach her and ask her to wash her clothes. My co-worker told me not to so she wouldn't get offended. Fuck if I care if she gets offended. She is doing it wrong and she will get infested again. I approached the female patron and told her the following "Hey! I know you have -that- problem and I recommend you wash them because by just drying them, you aren't doing much." She snapped at me and said "Who is going to pay for it? You? No you aren't. So mind your own business." That's when my logic kicked in. I told her "The amount that you are paying for the exterminator, wouldn't it be worth it to just do the job right instead of bringing an exterminator again?" She thought about it and she took her clothes out and put them in a washer. I was shocked. Really shocked... customers normally don't listen to me. When she removed her clothes from the dryer, I put a plastic bag over my body and hiked up my pants so I can clean the dryer and make sure there isn't anything left behind. I put the dyer on hot for 60 minutes to make sure stuff is dead in there. I even cleaned the area after she left too. Mopped with heavy bleach and I worked the washers she used too so the inside can rinse out.

When she was leaving, she thanked me for giving her the advice with bed bugs. For once I can say my logic worked.

People, when you have bed bugs ALWAYS remove EVERYTHING from the infected area and wash the items or dry clean them. Do NOT clean the infested area. First you must let the exterminator do his chemical business thingy and THEN clean the area. Then you can put everything back in it's place. Having bed bugs now is pretty acceptable and one should not be ashamed of them. It's more of a pain in the ass than anything. Ask a laundry employee for help or do research on the internet to figure out what you need to do. You are doing more harm by not telling a laundry employee that you have a bed bug problem.

If you need more tips on bed bugs, feel free to email me at Lillaundrygirl@gmail.com

I'M BACK!

2010-02-26T18:05:00.000-05:00

I got my laptop back! Woo hoo!

There are stories to tell!
The Agenda:
1. Stinky Clothes
2. Korea v. Bangladesh
3. More Meat

Stinky Clothes

I have one customer that I cannot tolerate... somewhat. She is a roommate of a friend of mine. Lately I have seen her do her laundry on her own but in the past, she would drop off her clothes at our laundromat. I will call this customer Le Stinkee. Le Stinkee is in her mid to late 20's and has a chin ring, which I cannot stand. She would drop off her clothes in the morning and pick them up in the evening. When she first started coming to us, I tried to befriend her but there was no hope =( (I think I am somewhat glad now that it didn't work out). A couple of times, when my co-worker didn't come to work, I would have to fold clothes. It was my destiny for life to fold Le Stinkee's clothes because she would always bring them when my co-worker wasn't there. Her clothing smelled. I wish I could put a smell to it so you, my readers, can get an idea of the smell. Unfortunately, I cannot. I have failed you all -sniff-

Anyways... When I put underwear in the washer, I never look at the crotch because I don't want to be horrified with a left over surprise. Looking at someones menstruation blood is not my cup of tea and it isn't pleasant. Oh, lets not forget about the poopie stains and orange crap that I sometimes find on people's underwear. -shudders- This female always had menstruation blood on her panties among other stuff and her clothes always smelled. I would always hold my breath and after a minute, I would turn around and gasp for air. Folding her clothes wasn't bad but I always dreaded folding the underwear. To see the marks was still disgusting but I formed some logic about it... the logic was "at least its clean blood..." or "at least its a clean skid mark now..." That logic worked for a while. One day it was bad. It was on the sheets too. I kept calm and poured a shit load of soap into her clothes. I even poured Greased Lightening in her stuff (by the way, have you picked up the spray?! It's good stuff!). The sheets came out clean but the underwear, didn't come out clean...I lost hope in those panties ever being clean. Now she just does the laundry herself. I rarely say hi to her since I don't see her now but when her friend is around, she is nice.

I think if I were to drop off my clothes, I wouldn't give my personals. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't drop off my clothes. I would just wash it myself and so should you. It's easier and you know what you are doing to your clothes. We have heard horror stories from customers about their clothes being dropped off and they are pleased with out service. Unfortunately, not a lot of places in NYC are like ours and sadly, people don't appreciate it. They see our prices and complain we are expensive. People, we are expensive for a reason, your clothes don't get put with other people's clothes and we wash your stuff with REAL stuff, not generic. Oh well.

Next up, we have two different people going at it.

One lady is Korean and the other dude I think is from Bangladesh. I love the Korean female. When she comes to do laundry, we always chit chat and her son is the cutest! She is a very nice female. This guy on the other hand, was a total douche bag. When he came to do laundry, he didn't know what he was doing with the washers and would blame his stupidity on me. HELLO DUMBASS, READ THE DAMN SIGNS ON THE WASHER! When he was putting his clothes in the washer, his friend was there and he wasn't helping the situation. He would confuse his friend even more. -shakes head- Two stupid people and they both had stupid brains. You would think if they put both brains together to think, they would accomplish something but no. Instead, they made matters worse and managed to piss me off. They pissed me off to the point where I didn't even bother to help them anymore. I put my Zune player to work and ignored them. Finally they get their washer going and they leave. The dumb ass returns to the laundromat to put his clothes in the dryer and he goes to the Korean patron "Ni hao sexy" or something like that and the Korean female got pissed.

I would get pissed too. She said "I am not Chinese, I am Korean and I hate it when people think I am Chinese just because I am Asian." I don't blame her. I would be pissed too for multiple reasons. The female approaches him and asks/tells him the following:

"Do you have a mother or a sister? If someone did that to you mother or sister, would you be happy about it? What you did was NOT respectful or nice. It was rude and you wouldn't like it if I started to stereotype you. I am not Chinese, I am Korean and one more time you do that, you will regret it."

The guy bowed his head down in shame and apologized. I was listening to all this and I just started clapping from the front end of the laundromat. Haha!
People like him tend to disgust me but I would rather have that then someone grabbing my ass, which has happened on many occasions. It was grabbed by Mexicans =(

Moving on...

A guy came to do his laundry and he kept talking to me about deli meats. I would just stare at him. He would ask me if I have tried salami, pastrami, etc. I would just nod and say "uh-huh". When he asked me about a cheese, I would say "Uh huh" and he yelled back at me "THAT'S NOT A DELI MEAT" To calm him down I said "Oh, I thought we moved on to cheeses." He didn't buy my excuse and he left. People, when someone starts talking to you about deli meats, mention cheese. It will upset them but they will get off your back!

With that being said, I am out! Sunday you guys will have your Spin Cycle post and I might be working tomorrow. If I do, I will most likely do a post. Sunday I will also update the poll and maybe get a blog picture avatar thingy. Who knows! Also, I will have links for all of you as well to check out!

SPIN CYCLE

2010-02-21T10:57:00.001-05:00

Allllooooo there!

Sorry for the lack of posts. I got sick for two days and then I got better and now I have an ear infection. I should probably go see a doctor... or take vitamins or something at least. On Wednesday I slept for 12 hours straight. It felt so damn good!

I am NOT into gossip. As a matter of fact, I hate it. Gossip is evil and just opens a box full of fail and evil. Yesterday my co-worker was telling about this customer that was asking her questions. I have talked about this customer before, she is the one that set my dryer on fire. It should be posted somewhere at the start of the blog. Anywhoots, she was asking my co-worker if she gets paid on time. My co-workers answered "yes" and then asked her why. Apparently, a customer had a friend that used to work at the laundromat. I call TOTAL bullshit! First off, the people that used to work at the laundromat were NOT Spanish, with the exception of two. Even those two Spanish workers didn't converse with this bitch. After asking her that question, she asked how our boss treats us because her friend told her my boss used to beat her. WHAT. THE. FUCK? Our boss has never laid a finger on us. See, this is how rumors get started, by stupid bitches. I should start spreading rumors about her and how she likes to make out with her cats or something... see if she likes that. Luckily, I am not like that... to start rumors or gossip. My co-worker gives her a sour face and says "no, she is very nice". She tried to get more answers out of my co-worker but my co-worker was smart enough to say "look, I have real work to do. I'll talk to you another time." The customer got upset and stopped talking to her.

Oh and this same customer had the nerve and demanded that I should remove MY clothes from the top dryer so she can use it. I told her "no, the quarters are in and there is a bunch of empty dryers in the back. I need dry clothes too." She told ME to go and use the back ones. I didn't and instead I gave her a look and ignored her for the rest of the night.

People like her make me wonder why they are still around. I wish there was a pack of wolves that sense stupid people and then they just destroy them...harsh? I don't think so. Cynical? Naw... Cynical would be me telling my father the following "either you go fix the car or you pay for my funeral!"

STORY TIME!

I like Mike. Mike sends me stories all the way from Kansas! He owns a laundromat and can relate to me. I thought stupid people going to laundries only existed in New York but I was wrong!
Mike wrote to me the following:

"I think the parents must tell the kids to wait 'til they get to the laundromat to run wild. It's unbelievable!

But most of the time, when the kids arrive, they behave pretty good. But, as soon as the laundry is in the washers, it's time for Coke and cookies. By the time the wash is in the dryer, the little rugrats are running wild. Always jumping on all the seats, playing with all the doors, screaming and running like there is no tomorrow. I guess at that point I have to talk to the parents and tell them, "if you want to spank your kids, I will loan you my belt."

And then, at just the time when the clothes are done, the kids are asleep in the middle of the floor."

---------------------------------

Mike, you have NO idea how much I want to trip their kids while they run. One of my achievements in life would be complete. The worst part is that majority of the parents keep feeding their kids thinking it would quiet them down. They are wrong! Once a customers kid thought it would be a good idea to color on all the tables. I pulled the mom aside and handed her the Greased Lightening and a towel. I made her clean it up because she gave her kid a bag of chips, juice (water, sugar, coloring), and a crap load of pure sugar candy. She wasn't happy but she didn't even punish the kid! It's unbelievable! Parents like that make me want to choke them.

-sigh-

I mentioned above Greased Lightening. People, if you have this available in your stores, buy it! It does wonders! We use it as a spot cleaner and it removes anything from grease, to ink, to blood. I even have a bottle at home to I can clean the oven top and counters. I swear by it! I am 89% sure they have them at all Home Depots but in the gallon size. If you want to find a store near you or if you can purchase it online, go here www.greased-lightning.com .

OH! VERY IMPORTANT!!! THIS WEEK, I WILL NOT HAVE A LAPTOP! I AM SENDING OUT MY LAPTOP TO BE PREPARED! I WILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE A POST ON SOMEONE ELSE'S COMPUTER!

With that being said, have a good one everyone!

PAID

2010-02-16T18:44:00.000-05:00

I finally got paid by Cheapo (look at Irritated and Irritated part 2 for details). I was supposed to get paid yesterday but he wasn't there. Well actually, he was supposed to pay me yesterday (Monday) and he said he wasn't in the office.

You know what really pissed me off though? He really was in the office but didn't have the money. I found this out by Moshe. Moshe asked me when he is paying me and I told him "Well, he was supposed to pay me today but he isn't in the office." Moshe smirked and shook his head. I knew what was going on and I asked "He really is in the office, isn't he?" He nodded.

PISSED I TELL YAH!

Today he didn't answer the door when I was ringing it. I stood outside a bit. Nothing. I went to the car and I slammed the door. Then I hear from the intercom "hello, hello, HELLO!?" and I yell "IT'S LAUNDRY GIRL" There was a pause. I could feel a self monologue from him that went like this "shit, shit, shit"... finally his secretary opens the door for me and he is taking money out of his pocket. I took his last two one hundred dollar bills. He gave it to me with a mean look and said "here you go dear". I just blinked, thanked him, grabbed the money, and left.

You'd think that I was the mafia for him to hide like that but really, I'm not. It was only $240... nothing more... I want my money just as much as he wants his skirts. Maybe I should become my own mafia with only me in it to scare him into the fuckin money. Instead of smoking a cigar and asking "wheres the money?" I would be sucking on a lollipop. -shakes head-

Next time I am making a non-kosher comment towards Cheapo. Also, today I wanted to deflate Moshe.

SPIN CYCLE

2010-02-14T10:51:00.001-05:00

You know what sucks? Me losing all of my laundry links to post for the Spin Cycle posts. There were videos, pictures, and random stuff. I had to reinstall Windows last week because HP tech support decided to make my laptop worse. -sighs- It's okies though! I will find everything.

Hope everyone is enjoying there day! It's Valentines Day but I really don't observe this day. Even if I had a boyfriend, it would just be like any other day for us. Today is really just a day for Hallmark and Hersheys to make extra money. My logic is, why focus on love on one specific day when it should really be everyday? Oh well!

Here's a note for everyone and hopefully you absorb this information because an argument can be avoided! If your zipper breaks and you take it to your local tailor, do know that the zipper that they will use to replace the broken will be better quality and will NOT be the exact color as your previous zipper. Why? Well, when factories make coats with zippers, they do not splurge on the good quality zipper since they cost a lot. YKK is the best brand for zippers. One YKK zipper may vary from three dollars to sixteen dollars. As for the color, factories order the zipper made for that color coat. The tailor (if he or she is good) will try to match the zipper color to coat color as close as possible. It will either be lighter or darker than the original color. This is useful information to know or to explain to customers because then there isn't a misunderstanding.

Two days ago a customer came to pick up her North Face coat and she was complaining that the color on the zipper didn't exactly match the coat. I told her the above and she didn't believe me. She wanted her money back but I refused to give it to her. I explained to her that when she dropped it off, I told her the above. She sucked in her teeth to make a noise and left. On her way out she said "I ain't comin back to dis ghetto place" I said "good, we dun like ghettoness in here" She was NOT happy. She did leave though. Hey, she deserved it!

Every week I share a story that a reader sends me or I answer questions from readers. This week, Mike from Kansas sent me three stories! Woo hoo! However, I will be sharing one and then the others next week. Here is Mike's story:

Mr. Scary

The first time Mr. Scary came in was close to closing time one night. He is big and tall, bearded and alway dressed in black. He always uses the same two small washers and always sits in back. He pre-spots his "work clothes" with some magic formula that always leaves a black powder on the folding table and inside the washers. He wears geek glasses and is always reading some thick book while waiting for his clothes. He always drags a chair over with him to be in front of the dryers. Often, he walks to the bathroom, stops and stands, looking at the TV for a few minutes on his way there and back.

One night, out of nowhere, he asked me if we were going to start staying open later. I told him I didn't think so right now. Then he asked me if I needed someone to work in the laundromat, he would like the job. Needless to say, I told him no. Later, he said he was getting a job driving an ice cream truck around the neighborhood.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah Mike, I used to have a Mr. Scary and he tried to dye his clothes with black dye. He always wore black. I never allowed him to dye his clothes though. Often I remember him and I wonder where he is. One night I actually had a dream about him and he tried to melt my face off with an iron. NOT a fun dream!

I'm not sure the kids will be happy with Mr. Scary.... -shudders-

With that being said, I'm signing out!

Have a good one guys!

FRIDAY NIGHT SMACK DOWN

2010-02-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, it wasn't a physical smack down. It was verbal. The customer was cursing me out because I wanted to help her with inserting the coins in the washer. She was banging the coin slot instead of pushing the very obvious button. -sighs- Her child was there too. I asked her to stop and she just started to go off in Spanish and in English... the words varied from bitch to fuck to maricon... -shakes head- Her daughter was just staring at her mom. I hope this child doesn't look up to her...

Sorry guys but I am too tired for a long post. I had to lift six bag equaling to 362 pounds... its as if needles are slowly piercing into my lower back.

Yesterday I didn't have a post because I posted on Wednesday.

Good Night everyone, have a fun and safe weekend!

Make sure to check back on Sunday for the Spin Cycle post! I have stories from a reader. Remember, you can submit your laundry story to Lillaundrygirl@gmail.com

Take care!

IRRITATED PART 2

2010-02-10T20:07:00.000-05:00

I know today is my day off from posting in my blog but I wanted to. I should rather say that I needed to post because I need to rant and ranting is always good.

Yesterday I mentioned that Moshe wanted me to deliver the black skirts to him so he can complete his order for Thursday evening; however the problem was that I didn’t know if I was going to deliver the items due to the blizzard in NYC.

I ended up delivering the skirts to him.

I was not pleased that he called me early in the morning to do so either. I should put my phone on silent or vibrate at least. He calls me and asks the following “hey laundry girl, can you deliver the skirts to me please? I need them.” I told him to tell Cheapo to have the money ready.

So I get out of bed cranky and I look outside to see a blanket of snow covering the ground. My exact reaction was “oh fuck, I better get paid for this shit.” Thankfully I have a jeep with four wheel drive and it took me to where I needed. I drop them off at his place and I go to him “your five skirts are delivered.” He says the following (which pissed the fuck out of me) “oh, why did you bring them in this weather? I saw what it looked like outside. Also, I completed my order but thanks for bringing them.” Really? I had a look on my face that projected “I’m going to fuckin’ kill you”. I told him “you, you asked me to bring them to you because you needed them and they were important, you could have called.” He apologized but I didn’t accept it or anything. I turned my back to him. I asked him if he got any word from Cheapo and Moshe said that he didn’t come to work because of the snow. ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING?! YOU FUCKIN ASSHAT, YOU GOT ME OUT OF BED TO BRING YOU SKIRTS WHICH YOU DIDN’T EVEN FRIGGIN NEED?! WHAT. THE. FUCK!? If I were to kill him on the spot, it would be my fault. Not his. This also led me to believe that whenever he rushes me with the skirts, he really doesn’t need them. As a matter of fact, it makes sense. I believed that he rushed me for nothing a long time ago but today really did confirm it.

I saw olive colored table skirts still on the hanger and in plastic. My memory is excellent and I remember him saying “I need these olive skirts back as soon as possible, they are for a wedding.” I remember picking them up in the morning around 9:00am and dropping them off at 3:00pm. He never used them. If he did use them, then I would be cleaning them again after the wedding. So Cheapo is really cheap and Moshe just likes to feel important. Great. Really, I shouldn’t complain because it’s money coming in for the owner and it’s how I get paid but if money doesn’t show up on Monday, Cheapo is REALLY going to hear it from me.
I have patience and I am a calm person but when I am being dragged around and treated unprofessionally, then I can get pretty mean.

I HATE GRADE A ASSHATS!

Next up, there is a friggin blizzard going on outside. Why is the Laundromat busy?! Why are people doing laundry when they can be at home in a warm bed or couch watching television or something?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU COME AND DO LAUNDRY WHEN THERE IS ALMOST A FOOT OF SNOW OUTSIDE!? WHY!? Oh I know why… these people are destined to make my life difficult. Then again, they are the customers that are labeled as “stupid”. I got a good bunch of them today. Then again, they were the only bunch. One customer kept asking me over and over if bleach is only for white clothes. I told him to read the label after the fifth time. Another customer put coins in the wrong washer and started it up. Another one put soap in a wrong washer and asked me to reimburse the soap to them. I just stared at the customer and walked away. I was NOT in the mood to deal with them. Then I had a customer who decided that it would be a good idea to dye her clothes in the washer with hot water. I stopped her. My favorite one is the one who was confused with the mirrors. The mirrors reflect some of the equipment and he kept asking me how he could get to that side. Really?

I need to sleep and I need to get my money on Monday.

IRRITATED

2010-02-09T20:17:00.001-05:00

Sometime last year I mentioned in one of my blogs that we do a pickup/delivery service for a kosher catering company. The owners are Jewish and I never have a win situation with them. As a matter of fact, they still owe me money for six invoices. What we basically do is pick up the table skirts, spot clean the skirts, wash them, dry them, and then hang them so they can be delivered. It is a lot of work and at times, we get almost fifty skirts. Lately I have not been happy with these people because trying to get my money from them is like pulling teeth.

Time to give names to these people that I deal with to avoid confusion so here goes!
Moshe: The guy that gives me the skirting and passes word to the big boss to pay me.
Cheapo: The owner of this catering company that refuses to pay me on time.

Now that we got the names covered, here the gist of what our deal was…

The deal was that I would get paid on a weekly basis. I would pick up on Thursday and drop off on Friday and receive my money on Monday when I pick up again. Moshe and I agreed to this deal since it seemed convenient for both of us. The first four months went great! Payment was received on time! Then shit started to hit the fan and our deal dates started to get a bit odd. Sometimes I would get a bulk check after four invoice submissions. Of course I put my foot down and I told Moshe the following “look, lately we haven’t received any checks from the big guy, can you please let him know that we have bills to pay too? Plus, lately we bring back your items the next day because we are professional like that.” He understood and then I realized I was preaching to the wrong person.

Now fast forward to this month.

It hasn’t been busy for them lately because majority of the demographic that they cater to, went away… or so I have been told. Moshe continues to converse with me until he tells me something that I find alarming. He tells me “look, Cheapo just told me that you will have to be dealing with him for now on with the money. He doesn’t want me to be giving you the checks so whenever you have an invoice, you have to take it to his office.” I was pissed. He saw my pissed face and told me “don’t let him procrastinate with your money. The balance will build up and then the check will bounce.” Did I believe him? Yes. Payments in the form of a check have bounced from them before. They paid the bouncing fee but still… a bounced check equals unnecessary dilemma and trouble.

So now instead of communicating with one person, I have to communicate with two. Moshe wasn’t bad but Cheapo is horrible. Cheapo always brushes me off so fast but come Monday, I am demanding my money and telling him the following, “Look, we provide you extraordinary service in a fast time period. We would like the same back. At the beginning our deal was that I would be getting paid on a weekly basis. The owner of the Laundromat is NOT happy and I am being yelled at. If you can’t afford us, then please let us know to discontinue servicing you.”

Today I had to clean five black table skirts. I did a shitty job and I admit to it. If Cheapo or Moshe say anything, I will have to point out to them the shitty time they take to pay us. Seems fair to me.

Speaking of Moshe, he decided to get on the flirting train with me. I don’t respond to it and I tend to ignore it; however, it’s fuckin’ annoying and unprofessional. Before the weekend arrives and I drop off his order, he tells me “have a good weekend and try not to get wild” and I truthfully respond “don’t worry… I’m not!” Then he says “you sure? You seem like you are a heavy drinker” and I respond “I’m not.” He does this a lot. It’s irritating. Moshe wobbles and I should tell him “try not to wobble yourself down the stairs” after he tells me that…

*breathes*

OH and get this! Supposedly a monster storm is going to hit New York. He calls me up today asking me if his black skirt order will be ready for delivery tomorrow. I told him that if it isn’t bad in the morning, I will deliver it to him but if it’s bad, I won’t be able to. He asked me when he would get it back and I told him Thursday morning. What did I get from him? “Shit, that is going to screw me over for Thursday morning.” Huh, and you not paying me isn’t screwing me over? FUCK OFF MOSHE! IF THE APOCALYPSE IS GOING ON OUTSIDE MY STORE FRONT WINDOW, I AM NOT LEAVING THE PREMISES! YOU ARE GETTING IT THURSDAY MORNING! The nerve of him!

THE BET

2010-02-08T19:30:00.001-05:00

Last week I made a bet with a customer of mine. The bet was the following:
If he finished his laundry before I finished doing two loads (each around 30 pounds), then he would get two weeks’ worth of free wash (one load per week). If he didn’t, then he wouldn’t get anything and secretly he would be known as a failure.

Pretty sweet incentive right? He thought so and so did I! The owner doesn’t have a clue about this bet but hey, this place can practically be identified as my own at this rate. Plus the cash for the free laundry would be coming out of my pocket.

The reason I made this bet is because this customer takes six hours to do one load of laundry. Unfortunately, I am NOT exaggerating. He would come in at 2:00pm to put his wash and he would leave. Then he would return five minutes before or after closing to pick up his laundry. Oh yeah, at one point he would come back to toss his laundry in the dryer. The point of this bet was to show him that it isn’t hard to stick around to do one load of laundry. By the time he finishes a newspaper or whatever, he would be done. Plus I get to go home early if I don’t stick around for him to come and pick up his laundry. Actually, I don’t stick around for him at all now. He is one of –those- customers who think that the world works around him. He claims to be a star too. I wonder if I could hit him with a reality brick. Is that against the law?

Sometimes I want to pat this customer on the head and patronize him by saying “of course you are a star. I bet the people at Olive Garden know that too.” He is a waiter. Not at Olive Garden BUT it is a major food chain. –shakes head-
Today I reminded him about the bet and I had two bags ready to put in the wash. I started to put the laundry in at the same time he started to put his laundry in the washer. I asked him if he was sticking around and he said “I will be back in twenty minutes”. Our washers run for twenty-eight minutes. Thirty minutes later, he doesn’t show up and I am already putting the two different loads of clothes in the dryer. He can still make to win the bet. Forty minutes pass and I remove the first load from the dryer and I start to fold. I think to myself *this guy has another forty-five minutes. He better make it.* He was nowhere in sight.

In a way I was kind of glad that he didn’t show up because then the money would remain in my pocket. Will I continue to wait for him? No. If he complains, the owner of this place will side with me. Even the owner asked “who the hell takes six hours to do laundry?” I answered “he does apparently.” Oh well. He had an opportunity to get two weeks’ worth of free wash as well as to see that being in a Laundromat for an hour isn’t that bad when you have something to do.

I have seen people stay in the Laundromat for three hours because they had a crap load of laundry to do and they hardly complain. What’s his excuse? Probably scratching his balls and dreaming about his dream mansion now that he is a “star”. I really need to research if it is illegal to hit someone with a reality brick.

I wouldn’t mind if someone took his clothes from the dryer while he was out and about instead of being in the Laundromat. It would teach him a lesson. Then again, I can see him blaming it on me or whoever is on duty because his clothes were missing. Meh, he would get the same answer I give others “you should have stayed in the Laundromat to monitor your property, not our fault.”

Oh well. Sucks for him and I learned my lesson to not bother making bets with customers. It’s for the best for my pocket.

SPIN CYCLE

2010-02-07T10:24:00.000-05:00

Sunday Funnies has been changed to Spin Cycle. Why? Well it seemed logical to me because Sunday doesn't only have funny stuff but useful information and such. Now it's even enhanced with stories from readers! I have one today too!

Please submit your stories or questions to lillaundrygirl@gmail.com =D

Does anyone know a site where I can upload images and get a code to paste it on here? Something other than Imageshaq or whatever it's called.

Someone during the week posted a comment asking what a "pill" is on clothing. Here is an image. Those "dot" thingies on the clothing, they are called pills. You can purchase a device to remove these little suckers or you can just ask your dry cleaners to remove it. If you don't ask, they most likely won't remove them.

Some dry cleaning advice: Please don't bring wet items to your local dry cleaners. They will most likely deny. I have this customer who *thinks* it's a good idea to pre-soak the item before giving it to me. I had to tell her several times that she is making the problem worse. Finally she stopped and now she is bitching that the stains won't get removed. Gee lady... not my fault you can't follow directions. She is the one that damaged her silk blouse with pre-soaking treatments. This is why morons shouldn't have nice things.... and when they do, I have to deal with them.

Here is a readers story. It is by To the Moon, Alice :

My laundromat is usually quiet and most people seem smart enough to function at mine. Today however not so much. You know how the arrows go up and down to point which dryer is which? Apparently she literally had no clue which way was up. She had a bottom dryer and kept hitting start for the top one. I'm just watching her stare and open and close the door and repeatedly hit the wrong button. I continue to fold my clothes and watch her. My father keeps telling her she's hitting the wrong button and to hit the other start button. Now this lady knows perfect English and so does my father so I knew this bitch was ignoring him because my dad was right next to her repeating to her it was the wrong one. (I'm sorry but it was the wrong button the first time and the next eight times after. Ain't gonna change, Lady.) I was about to tell him within her hearing range to not bother with an imbecile but then she decided to hear him and went "Oh" as she hit finally hit the right button. Didn't thank him, nothing. God I hope she doesn't drive.

Alice, I deal with people like that everyday with one or two exceptions. Your lady understood English and 80% of my customers, don't even know how form a sentence. If I were you, I would have said that to your father along with giving her a look. In my case I get the "Dryer no work. Dryer broken" deal. Not fun at all. Then I have to sit and explain to them while using hand diagrams that they are using the wrong dryer and I can't refund them. Those who are fluent in English tend to say "I don't want to use the bottom dryer, give me my money back to use the top." Of course I tell them that it is not possible but they can't understand why and when I tell them why, they refuse to understand it because they want their way. -sigh-

Moving forward...

I am going to choose a day of the week to not blog. I need a break from blogging for a day. Maybe two. I am thinking about Wednesday and Saturday.

With that being said, I am out.

I wish you all a good week and enjoy the day!

BUMPER CARTS

2010-02-05T21:25:00.000-05:00

I need to make a sign stating "this isn't an amusement park". Four kids decided to race carts in the laundromat and then play bumper carts. I yelled at them. I think I turned red too. They didn't listen and the mom wasn't any better.

I hate this shit.

I'm off to bed.

WHAT IS QUALITY?

2010-02-03T17:19:00.001-05:00

Before I get into my rant, I just want to say that technology is against me and if germs could eat me alive, they would. Being sick sucks. Well now all I have is nose blowing and sounding all stuffed up. Actually, I sound like one of my customers who talks through her nose because of the crack she has been taking. No, I am not kidding you and yes, I really do sound like her BUT minus the crack. She is nice though. Technology wise, I had to take back my G1 phone because T-Mobile decided that I needed a defective phone as opposed to a good NEW phone. The pictures that I had on there of the ghetto underwear are gone. Don't worry... he will be back though...

Today a lady walks in asking for some tailoring to be done to her pants. First I asked her if she had the items with her (believe it or not, people show up without the items that need to be tailored). She said yes. Then I asked her if she knew how short she needed her pants to be tailored (this way I free the fitting room) and she said she didn't. Next I tell her the price (its best to tell the customers the price beforehand... I'll get into that a little later) and that is when she said "it's too expensive." This is where my title of my blog comes into play. We charge twelve dollars to hem pants and jeans. It may seem a bit pricey but really the customer is paying for a good quality job. Many people say so. Here is a story from the past:

Two years ago a customer walked in and demanded that he needed his jeans to be hemmed. The tailor gave him the price and he said "oh no honey, that price is too much. Up the block they can cut it for me 6 dollars." The tailor told him "so go up the block." The next day he returns and in a panic he says "Oh my gosh, they ruined my pants. One side they cut too short and the other side is still too long. Please help me, I can pay whatever you want me to." The tailor told him "That's what you get for six dollars." He coughed up eighteen dollars so the tailor could repair the damages and cut the proper length. Not once did the customer complain about it being too much. Mind you, two years ago the hemming price was ten bucks. He could have easily paid the extra four dollars for the quality as opposed to paying more the second time. Now he praises our tailor and doesn't complain.

The lady comes in fully prepared to get her items hemmed until she sees the twelve dollar charge per pant. With a Spanish accent she says "oh my! You people charge a lot." and I replied "well, not to brag but the tailor does a good quality job. She will make sure you get what you want and she guarantees it. If not, she fixes the problem without a charge." She didn't seem convinced. She told me "well, other places are cheaper." to which I replied "other places won't guarantee you good quality." She was still looking at the prices. I got peeved and I stated to her "if you would like, you can go somewhere else where it is cheaper. We have no problem." She wasn't happy by my remark and she said "well, I have a lot of pants. I will!" I told her to have a nice day. She will probably be back. Eighty percent of the time they come back asking for their items to be fixed properly and out of the eighty percent, twenty percent cry. That twenty percent also say "my jean/pants cost me 300 dollars! Help me!"

So what is quality? I'm not asking for a definition but the answer is not much for majority of the people. It's kind of hypocritical actually because half of these people buy pants that cost over one hundred dollars due to the quality yet they don't take care of the garment the way they are supposed to. It is mind boggling. If it were me, I would be paranoid! Paranoid that the tailor wouldn't do a good job or the dry cleaners would fuck up my silk blouse. I'm lucky that I work in the Laundromat because I have these good quality services available to me; however, some of these people refuse to understand that a price being so "high” is high for a reason. Labor and hard work is put into doing a good job and a good job deserves good compensation. If you pay six bucks for a tailoring job to be done, expect one pant leg to be long or shorter than the other one.

It annoys me to the point where I want to kick these people in the head. Argh! Before I worked at the Laundromat, I would take my items to be dry cleaned at a store that charged me two bucks for dry cleaning my trousers. I got them back and they were shrunk. A couple of years later, I found out why... they washed and dried them when the instruction tag specifically said "dry clean only". See, we pay attention to that. We also pay attention to what material the garment is so we could avoid damage. We use this logic for tailoring and dry cleaning... yet people refuse to acknowledge this logic... they just want the cheap buy...

-UGH-

2010-02-02T16:29:00.002-05:00

-grumbles-

So last night before bed I accidentally took the wrong medication... I took medication that was filled with caffeine and stimulants... I have been awake for over 24 hours and all I had was an hour nap around noon.

Sorry, I feel way too tired and I am still sick to make a proper post.

I guess you can say that Laundry Girl is currently out of order.

=(

HAPPY FEBRUARY!

2010-02-01T19:25:00.001-05:00

HAPPY NEW MONTH! I wish you all a good month!

Last couple of days I have been sick and I still am but I managed to get three updates on here. The three blogs are available for you to read bellow. The three posts are labeled as TMI, The Jerk, and Parenting.

In one of my posts I mention that I now have an android phone (Google phone) and I will abuse it at the Laundromat by taking pictures of people and people’s laundry (after it is washed). Woo hoo!

Also, I have come up with an idea. I was thinking what I could add to my Sunday Funnies and the light clicked! Posting laundry experiences and/or stories from my readers! I would love to read some of your experiences and stories! In addition, another thing that I am going to add is questions from my readers. The questions would vary within the laundry topic (soaps, stain removal, prevention, clothing storage, options, etc).

If you would like to participate, simply email me your story, experience, and/or question to Lillaundrygirl@gmail.com
I would LOVE it if I get some reader interaction!
What do you guys think?

Also, a new poll will be up! The poll is located at the bottom of this blog page.
Don't forget to read the three blogs posted!

XoXo,

Laundry Girl

THE JERK

2010-02-01T19:15:00.000-05:00

I don't understand some people and I am not going to start trying to understand them. I am still sick to even try and argue. Today I worked. I was feeling a bit better and to be quite honest with you guys, I couldn’t stay in bed again… all day. My body hurts from just laying down all day Saturday and Sunday. When I talk, it sounds as if someone is holding my nose together. It could be worse and I am thankful it is not.

Today a customer came to pick up his dry cleaning. I would love to call him Mr. Upper East Side with a Stick Shoved Up his Ass… but it’s too long. Guess I can call him a Douche Bag but someone else has claimed that title. Meh, I will stick to Jerk. He dropped off his dry cleaning on Saturday and the owner of the Laundromat serviced him. According to the owner, Mr. Jerk gave one instruction which was to remove the pills from his jacket. The dry cleaner dude followed the instructions and did so. Mr. Jerk was informed that there would be an extra charge to pill removing. Mr. Jerk was not too happy about that. Oh, let me not forget this part… Mr. Jerk had a friend with him. This to me is significant because when someone has a compadre (friend) with him, the person’s behavior changes. I have observed this many times with different customers. For instance, when a customer is picking up something alone, they seem nice and have manners. When the same customer comes with a friend to pick up something, they become cocky/conceited and they forget their manners. It is quite pathetic if you ask me.

Mr. Jerk walks into my Laundromat with his friend. While chewing he starts to ramble on about insignificant information that he thinks I need… here is the dialogue:

Mr. Jerk (MJ): hi so I dropped off clothes but I don’t have my ticket.
Me: Is it dry cleaning or laundry?
MJ: its two tickets with a suit and jackets. A couple of slacks and sweaters…
Me: So dry cleaning?
MJ: Yeah. This other lady…
(I cut him off)
Me: Your name?
MJ: Mr. Jerk
Me: When did you drop it off?
Mj: (he starts talking to himself) Let see, what is today? Oh yeah, today is Monday and yesterday was Sunday. So, I dropped it off on Saturday.
Me: Okay...
(I find his stuff and I hand it over)
Me: I just need you to sign the book since you didn’t have your tickets.
MJ: What am I signing for, you want my autograph huh?
Me: No, not really.
(His friend laughs)
MJ: So how much?
Me: $63.00
MJ: I thought it was less than that!
Me: Well, you got charged extra for the lint removal.
MJ: So if I were to go somewhere else in this neighborhood to get the dry cleaning and pills removed done for me, it would be cheaper?
(That above is a typical threat that customers say so they can get a couple of bucks knocked off)
Me: Probably but who knows.
MJ: I just praised you guys and gave you good words to my friend and now you charge me that extra 6 bucks?
Me: Yup! It works out great, doesn’t it?
MJ: I don’t know anymore…
(His friend whispers to him “they did a fantastic job” and Mr. Jerk nudged him)
Me: Well anyways, here is your receipt and have a good night.
MJ: How do they dry clean this stuff?
Me: Chemicals, heat, and steam to clean and press clothing and other fabrics. In the past they used to use formaldehyde but now they don’t.

He tried to say something else but I cut him off with “well, have a nice one!” and they left. His attitude was pretty bad and cocky. I could have embarrassed him in front of his friend but my nose needed to be blown badly. See, it’s people like Mr. Jerk that makes me wish that they fall into a ditch already. He wasn’t even cute to be cocky, let alone smart...

TMI

2010-02-01T18:46:00.000-05:00

TMI= Too much information

I consider myself to be an open person. Cynical at times too but that isn’t important. A lady walked up to me after putting her laundry in the wash and she just started talking to me. She acted as if I were her best friend. I guess she didn’t catch on to my facial expression, which was “what the fuck?” First she was complaining about her husband and how he doesn’t help out at home or with the laundry. Now, keep in mind this happened on Friday and I was sick. I couldn’t swallow, my glands were swollen, and later on in the night, I was running a fever.
As I was saying, she was complaining about her husband and I told her “ha! You should make him sleep on the couch.” See, I tossed that into the conversation thinking maybe she would leave me alone. Nope. I was wrong. She replied “I would but the thing is that he is good in bed.” I wanted to ignore that. Sadly, she didn’t stop there. She continued to say “the best thing is, we don’t have to use a condom because my tubes are tied.” I cocked my head to the right and I just looked at her. I wondered if I was imagining all this due to all the medication I took at once (Tylenol, Advil, alieve, Dayquil, and some other stuff. Hey, I’m still alive), but I wasn’t imagining it. It was truly happening. All I said was “oh… that’s cool…” She agreed with me. Then she asked me how I have sex. I told her “oh, well you see… it’s kind of hard to have sex with a cartoon. Communication between me and Pikachu just isn’t working out.” Her head went back and he eyes opened and she said “what? Is that code for something?” I shook my head sideways.

To think that my reply would make her leave was only a dream. She sat there and continued to talk. She told me about her daughter from her first marriage and how she obtained an STD. Lovely lady. Real classy… I applaud to you and your stupidity. Finally my time to leave came. I excused her and told her to have a nice one. She said “it was nice talking to you, we should do this again.” I looked at her and told her “yes, next time, please keep the TMI to yourself.” Guess she didn’t know what that meant.

If you are wondering what she looks like, think obese and white trailer trash. She looked like a stuffed sausage in a brown sweat suit. The back read “Preious”… I think the “c” was hidden between her… you know what, never mind… I’ll spare you all the mental image.

PARENTING

2010-02-01T18:27:00.000-05:00

Parenting should require licensing. As a matter of fact, a background check too while they are getting their parenting license. On Thursday, a mother decided to put her child in the dryer as punishment. The kid was freaking out. I wouldn't be surprised if he grows up with a complex or a fear of clean clothes. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the child grows up and just Febreezes himself due to the fear of doing laundry. Hey, I have customer who does that. As much as I enjoy his citrus smell, I would prefer if he took a shower. I will talk about that customer after this child's nightmare... and mine.

Its okay to put a child in the dryer if the electricity is off and the heat isn't going. I have been in the dryer before. I felt like I was at Six Flags. My boss told me that the ride in the dryer was my vacation. I laughed. Sadly, she wasn't laughing.

Anyways, the kid was crying and the mother was holding the door. I was minding my own business and playing with my new phone (I got the Google phone, G1) until a customer came up to me with a shaky broken English accent telling me "I think you might want to come see this." I didn't want to see anything. As a matter of fact, I wanted to continue playing with my phone; however, to avoid paperwork and any liability, I did head to the drying area. I wasn't happy. The child was banging on the door, crying, and screaming. I told the mother to remove the child from the dryer because it wasn't safe. She told me "this is my child. Not yours." I felt like saying *you fuckin Mexican, you don't know better!* but I didn't. Instead I remained calm and civilized. I let the parent know that if she doesn't remove the child from the dryer, I would have to call the police. She gave me a look as if I were bluffing. I wasn't bluffing.

Shit, I just got a new on that day (Thursday) and I did NOT mind using it to call the cops. As a matter of fact, my phone has an emergency option thing, so I wouldn't even have to dial. AND WHAT BITCH, BRING IT!
The lady had another child too with her. The kid appeared to be older than his brother, who was in the dryer. He must have been around 11 years old. I asked him to translate for me but he was too busy playing under the folding table. I turned to another customer for help and she did help... in her Spanglish translation. Oh, I forgot to mention... the child was removed from the dryer. Now I asked this customer to translate the following:
"Tell her that what she is doing, is abuse and she is putting her child in a dangerous position."
What did the psycho bitch reply? This: "tell her it's not her son and that I will do to my children what I want. She has no business."

I shook my head and just walked away. She put the kid in her shopping cart with a blanket over it... I guess so the kid won't escape? It's pretty horrifying and the only reason I didn't call the cops on her was because I wanted her to know first that what she is doing, is bad and not healthy.

When she was ready to leave the premises, she stopped at the counter and with her head bowed down she said “sorry”. I looked at the kid and asked how he was doing and I didn’t get a reply. He was quiet. I didn’t reply to the apology. Instead I said “have a good night”. I didn’t know what to say… hell; I think this is the first time a customer ever apologized to me for their actions!

I mentioned that I bought an android phone… which means… LAUNDRY PICTURES! Woooo hooooo! I have pictures from Friday, when I was folding someone’s clothes but since I wasn’t feeling too well, I couldn’t upload anything or update my blog due to having the plague (being sick).

Moving on, the Febreeze dude… he comes into my Laundromat once a month with two big bags of laundry. He is around my height but a bit taller. I would say he is approximately 5’7” weighing in at 230 pounds. I could never tell if his hair is jet black or if the grease on it is making it black… pretty frightening. He looks dirty but he smells like April Fresh and sometimes Orange Citrus. How do I know this? I have a bottle of febreeze in my car, room, and bathroom. Oh yeah, at the Laundromat too. If you sniff him really well, you will sniff past the febreeze and reveal his true scent of “dirty fool.” One day, I think he forgot to febreeze himself and my eyes started to tear up and I gagged. I couldn’t handle the stench so I pulled out my own bottle of febreeze. It would have been funny if he came over and asked to use some. Hell, I would have offered….

SICK

2010-01-30T13:22:00.000-05:00

I have the plague. I'm sick and it's not fun. Don't worry though. I have a couple of post it notes AND pictures for the posts when I get better.

Sorry guys but I need to get better. Excuse me but my nose is asking for a kleenex...

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

2010-01-28T19:21:00.001-05:00

No post for yesterday or today. Maybe tomorrow. I have been having difficulties with my computer so I had to reinstall windows along with everything else.

Sorry =(

But I assure you, there WILL be posts on Saturday! =D

KEEPING IT SHORT

2010-01-26T20:36:00.000-05:00

Going to keep this blog short. I am exhausted. I worked 10 hours straight with lack of sleep.

Someone got stuck in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. The moron got so freaked out that he forgot to unlock the door from the inside. I had to take a flat screwdriver to unlock the door. He was laughing in the end and I was shaking my head.

Remember Bob? The one that keeps saying "you know" at the end of the sentence, well he believes that only 3 of our dryers get hot only. Next time he comes, I will purposely have those three dryers occupied. It will teach him a lesson that all of my dryers work

I had another taxi driver today show me how he uses the steering wheel in his car. He has done it before and he argued with me that he can't take the stains out of his pants. The stains are from his steering wheel. I hope that isn't code for something.

This lady begged me that she does he laundry last minute. It was two minutes after the cut off time. I still let her. Why? I don't know... I guess lack of sleep and a mix of emotions just told me to let her... if that makes sense...

Good night everyone!

THIS ISN'T MCDONALDS

2010-01-25T18:57:00.000-05:00

A few posts ago, I posted an entry about a dude and his skateboard. This dude was and still is rude and obnoxious. He is the one that fell flat on his face because he was skateboarding in the laundromat. Today he won the honor of being a douche bag. Well actually, he won it a very long time ago. One day he was doing laundry with his wife or girlfriend and they had a quarrel. He punched her in the stomach while yelling at her for not folding his socks right and then he stormed out of the laundromat. He is psychotic and he even looks the part! Gah! I wish I had my camera today!

Anywhoots...

When someone gives me money, they normally tell me what they want. Its either soap or quarters. This butt munch gave me his dollar bill along with a look. Not one word about what he wanted. He just stood there repeating "please wait" over and over again. I should have told him "a mentally disabled person is brighter than you!" It's quite hard to get me pissed me off but this guy succeeded in doing so.

Me: What do you need?
Skateboarding douche bag (SDB): Please wait, please wait, please wait.
Me: Excuse me?
SDB: Please wait Please wait...
(I cut him off)
Me: Well, we don't offer that but if you would be so kind to use more words to tell me what you need with this dollar, I would appreciate it.
(I really wasn't happy to help him. As a matter of fact, I dislike this dude.)
SDB: When I go to Mcdonalds and I hand them a dollar, they know what I want.
Me: Last time I checked, this is a laundromat and we don't have a dollar menu. So either tell me what you want or I will give you your buck back and just ignore you.
SDB: PLease wait please wait
(I got aggravated and he sees this)
SDB: okay, just give me quarters.

I hand it to him without saying anything. He comes back two minutes later and says "please wait please wait please wait" and cracks up. If the fucker sees that his dark clothes have been bleached, it wouldn't be my fault. -whistles- As a matter of fact, I should tell him "please wait, your report is being processed and it will take a month to get your complaint to the general manager, have a good day."

Well okay... I wouldn't go that far... but I am hoping he falls flat on his face again! He really is a docuhe bag.

In other news, a lady comes in asking for her wedding dress that she dropped off six years ago. Hey lady, where have you been? She gave me the excuse that she forgot. If this was my wedding dress, I wouldn't forget to pick it up. It would be my priority. I told her that we gave it away to charity. She wasn't pleased and she started to go off on me. I pointed to the sign that states "clothing left in the dry cleaners for over six months will be given to charity." She went on and on about her dress being precious and sentimental. I replied "Well, I guess it didn't mean much to you for you to forget it for six years! Sorry!" She was furious. She called her husband... not sure what he was going to do about it. Its not like the dress would magically appear... hmm, that line just made me want to eat Lucky Charms. I should have asked the wedding dress lady to go get me some. I would have also told her "well, on the bright side, someone else is enjoying your dress" but that would have been a bit insensitive. Oh well!

I think I need to go for an eye exam...

Update: The douche bag did fall flat on his face. He slipped on the rubber mat while trying to dry his shoes. I laughed out loud this time. I may have pointed too.

SUNDAY FUNNIES

2010-01-24T19:56:00.002-05:00

Today I am going to keep it short with a video... I have a toothache =(

The video I am going to post shows a female making homemade soap. People believe that homemade soap is better but really, it isn't. In some cases it works on clothing that isn't dirty but in many cases, for heavy soiled clothing- it doesn't work. If you think about it, the money that you spend on obtaining these ingredients, will most likely end up costing more. Especially if you live in city. Also, why would someone want to use their kitchen items to make this soap? To me, that is disgusting. Of course you can clean them after but... no... I will buy my soap thank you very much. Maybe it's the toothache speaking or maybe she is truly annoying... basically I just want to choke her.

I made soap once... from animal lard in biology class back in college. I remember my partner in my lab group had very oily hands after using the home made soap.

Bottom line is, just buy your soap. Don't put your health in danger by using kitchen tools to make homemade soap... -shakes head- If you want to go a natural way to clean your clothes, then buy the organic soap stuff. Even those don't work too well in getting the stains out but if it will make you happy and you like to spend eight bucks for a twelve load bottle, go for it. Just don't come complaining to me after saying "my stuff isn't getting cleaned!" If you do I will say "Well duh dumbass! You aren't using powerful detergent!" Okies, maybe I won't call the person a dumbass but hey, I can think it!

Here is the video:

THE FACT THAT THIS LADY IS PUTTING A TOWEL OVER A FOOD PROCESSOR, KIND OF SAYS SOMETHING... I wonder how many times she had to sniff this stuff before she came up with the towel idea.

She claims that it is cheaper but I submit not. Guess she didn't take the time to think about people's schedule either. If a person in the city is working a 9-5 job, with slight overtime, along with errands on a Saturday, and laundry on a Sunday, they wouldn't have time to make soap. So realistically, it is better to just buy the damn soap already! If you are smart, you can find laundry detergent cheaper in some places. Don't forget you can also print coupons from online as well as get the detergent from a 99 cent store as opposed to a super market.

This lady makes me want to stab her.

Here is a tip for the day:

If you are out for the night and you spill something on your blouse or whatever you are wearing, dab a tissue or towel with club soda/seltzer to remove the stain. It might not remove it as a whole but it won't set for the night! Do NOT scrub it with soap and water, you will damage your garment!

JESUS LOVES ME (For Saturday)

2010-01-24T02:00:00.000-05:00

For the first time ever, I couldn't keep a straight face and it was worse when I tried to cover up a chuckle with a conversation. It was a time where I wish I said "No understand English."

While I was sweeping, I had my headphones on listening to the Foo Fighters... until I felt a tap on my shoulder. It made me jump a bit but when I turned around, I saw an older lady staring at me. I asked her if she needed anything and then she asked me if I was working there (at the laundromat). Jokingly I told her "well, I do have a broom in my hand" and she laughed. She asked me for a minute of my time and I gave it to her. I wish I hadn't. She asked me if the owner was around as well and I told her that the owner wasn't. She took out a thin magazine titled "Awake". I knew where this was going. I felt the giggles making their way up to my throat and I bit my lip. The lady said "this is for you. Do you believe in god?" and I replied "well, I have my beliefs."

She got into a bunch of stuff about religion, until she said this "judgment day will come, are you prepared? Do you know that we live a life in sin?" I wanted to ask her if the zombies would be released but I just stood there, staring at her and trying not to laugh. I think she noticed that I wasn't taking what she said seriously. So she then asked me "do you know what we are? we are humans! we are not perfect! we can't live our lives without someone telling us what to do or which road to take." I cut her off and I said "Of course we do! We tell ourselves what to do and we guide ourselves to the places that we want to go. There are challenges." I was saying that while trying not to laugh in her face. She replied back in a stern and strong voice "No! we are not perfect! We cant do that!" Here is the best part, I reply "yes we can! look, I am doing it now!" and I gave back the magazine to her.

Thanks lady, you took me away from my sweeping and music time. I was really into it to. Anyways, she gave me back her magazine and said that jesus loves me. Then she brought up something about a Jehovah's witness... I think the two contradict each other or something. I am quite tempted to read the magazine out of pure curiosity. If I do, I will let you guys know!

Oh yeah! Today I met the modern day version of the Golden Girls! Normally when I see a young daughter and mother do laundry I think "awwww! How cute!"; however, when I see a 50 year old daughter and a 70 year old mother I think "Hey! It is Dorothy and Sophia!" The daughter was scolding the mother because the mother was playing with the dryer. I giggled a bit. A couple of minuted later, the mother scolded the daughter for not being married yet, let alone laid. I kid you not, I caught myself with a jaw drop. Thankfully I had my mp3 player and I pretended to sign along to a sing. Lip sync for the win? I submit yes.

So here, I leave you with a Golden Girls episode:

Sorry for this post being late but hey, better late then never! woooooooooooo

THE YES MAN

2010-01-22T21:32:00.001-05:00

Just to let all of you know, my brain has been taken over by stick figures. I think I have been inhaling too much laundry detergent. The whole day I pictured people in stick figure form. They all looked the same. Heh...

Today has been quiet and I was being nice to customers. I thought I would try the nice approach and it somewhat worked, except for the asshats that don't know how to greet or have manners. Manners are important people...

I will call this guy the Yes Man (YM). All he knew how to say was "yes" as well as other words but mostly "yes". I felt bad for him because he seemed lost and he was nice. I did get irritated a bit because it felt as if I was babysitting him and his clothes. Here is what went on:

He was standing in front of the counter with his back to me and I say:

Me: Hi! Do you need help?
YM: Yes.
Me: Okies. Well, the washers are there and you can wash!
YM: Yes.
Me: Okay
YM: Yes. I here new.
Me: Okay, I will show you.
Ym: Yes.
Me: These are the small ones.
YM: Yes. Soap.
Me: We sell it over there.
YM: Yes.

I'm not going to type up the whole dialogue but that is all he would say... "yes"... so you can get an idea as to why I got irritated; however, I kept my cool and helped him with a sunny side smile.

Aside from him, I had this one retard who thought the dryers were voice activated. Instead of putting his dryer on hot, he left it on warm and left the premises. When he came back, I saw him putting the quarters into the dryer and saying "hot" over and over again. Once again, the dryer was left on warm. I passed by him and I told him "uh, sir... you need to put it on hot by pushing the button." He tells me something in Spanish and all I understood was "gracias."

I wonder if there is a way to buy brain cells in bulk and hand them out for free at my laundromat. -sighs-

NEW LOOK!

2010-01-21T21:13:00.000-05:00

I got tired of the blue background and colorful dots. I wanted something that screamed what my blog is about. I spent an hour and a half in photoshop and another hour trying to figure out color coding. Haha! It was well worth it though! I love the new look.

Do you like it?

Also, I have a new poll all the way at the bottom of the blog page and do not forget to read the two posts I entered today! One is for yesterday and the other for today.

NO REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

2010-01-21T17:10:00.002-05:00

In my laundromat we have over fifteen laundry carts. Three out of those fifteen carts, have a hanger thingy on them. At some point today, three of those carts were being utilized by customers. (Yes, I counted for the sole purpose to make a point). You would think a customer would go for an empty cart so they can cart away their wet clothes to the dryer. Nope. Why would someone do that? That thought requires too much logic and a high amount of brain cells to work.

I was going through a laundry magazine (I have resulted to one of "those" people) and I look up after a question was asked. The question was "excuse me, is this cart being used?" She had her hand over the cart in a claw like form ready to grab the items from that cart to put them somewhere else. I stared at her, then at the laundry cart, and then back her and then I replied with a "yes" along with a *wtf* look. She looked shocked while she was staring at me and she didn't move for a couple of seconds. I guess not many people tell her "no", except for me. After the "yes" I told her to go to the back, where there was a large quantity of carts available.

Why... why... Why would she want to touch some random person's dirty laundry bag??? Just WHY?! To me, it doesn't make any sense!!! I must have missed the stupid bus once again.
Mind you this female is a teenager so her boyfriend comes along, with acne full on his face and braces and decides to put quarters in the wrong dryer. By the way, the dryer clearly stated "OUT OF SERVICE =(" Stupid people deserve each other, I just fear for their spawn....

I DRIVE TAXI (Wednesdays post)

2010-01-21T12:46:00.004-05:00

I will admit that yesterday I did not feel like posting. I was zombified. I only had three hours of sleep the night before because Mr. Toss and Ms. Turn decided for me that I didn't need sleep. I managed to cut caffeine out of my diet and when I cad that large cup of coffee yesterday, I felt worse after drinking it.

Anywhoots, now I present to you yesterday post!

My co- worker took someones laundry as a drop off and the guy failed to answer the "do you have any blanket, rugs, or comforters in your bag" question. Fortunately, there was a reason to it. It wasn't his laundry bag. It was his brothers. What my co-worker failed to do is call the actual owner of the laundry bag and ask if he wanted his blanket to be washed. Unfortunately, the brother gave the owners name on the ticket but not the phone number. As a matter of fact, the number that was given to me was linked to a restaurant. -sighs- We decided to wash the blanket and not charge it full price. The reason we didn't charge full price was because I didn't want to deal with the owner of the clothes at pick up time. Sadly, he gave me a hard time and I concluded that I should charge people full price no matter what because miserable people will never be pleased at a friendly (with a motive) discount.

He comes at night and his to pick up his crap and the total was 37.85. Without the blanket it would have been 32.85. Now, if I were to charge the blanket at a normal price, it would have been twelve dollars more. He bitched and moaned about the price and I let him. I just had my hand out while he was doing that so I can get the cash. He didn't look at my facial expression which was *I don't give a fuck, give me the money you moron* Why is he a moron? Well because of this... Oh before I go ahead with the dialogue, I will give you a description of him. He is Mexican, his height is about 5'4", approximately 175 pounds, black hair, tanned, and his two front teeth were made out of gold. His accent was thick and his English was decent. This is what went on:

Moron (ron): Why so much?
Me: Well, we charged you for the blanket but not at full price and we also deducted the weight of the blanket from your bag. This way, you wont pay more.
Ron: But why do I have to pay for it?
Me: Because it is clean?
Ron: How much you charge for the blanket? -He is saying this while he is going through his stack of cash-
Me: Being that it is a Queen size, we charge twelve but I only charged you five dollars. You didn't give me the right phone number for me to call you.
Ron: Why I pay so much?
Me: Because we cleaned your stuff and those are our prices.
Ron: But why?
-I felt like saying "chicken thigh" or "because you touch yourself at night"-
Me: Your total is 37.85.
Ron: I no drop this off. My brother did.
Me: Well we asked him and now it is clean. Would you have preferred if we didn't wash it?
(here is the line)
Ron: I drive taxi!
Me: Well, good! I work at a laundromat!
Ron: Taxi!
-This is where I thought *great, he is going to kill me*-
Me: Okies, thank you!
Ron: *mumbles something is Spanish* I never come back! Why did my brother come here?
Me: Oh! I know! Because you told him to take your clothes to the laundromat to have them cleaned!

He wasn't too happy about the last line. He did hold up the line of customers but all four of them said they were entertained. They also sided with me and one of them said "your sarcasm really shined with that last line." I think I may have blushed when he said that but I'm not too sure... Oh well!

Thanks to him, I believe that all gypsy cab owners are crazy and I don't think I will be getting in one anytime soon.

LINKS MEANT TO BE CLICKED!

2010-01-19T20:12:00.003-05:00

Here are a couple of links for you guys to check out.

Ever wonder what life on OkCupid is like? Take the site as a joke? Want to fall in love with words of sarcasm and conversations with desperate fools looking for a one night stand? Well then! Here is your link! W. Brimley and Senorita Rosalita would love it if you paid a visit to them and read their encounters with random people!
- areyouseriouscupid.blogspot.com

Love hinting balls into a hole? (Not what you think you pervert!) Check out a golf blog! It's all about golf! The writer is passionate about this sport and has a few pointers to give, check it out at the Golf Student!
- http://thegolfstudent.com/

Looking to buy jewelry for special events or costumes? Then I suggest you purchase from Little Metal Merchant. The jewelry is hand made with time and passion well put in it. Take a look and I promise you that quality is guaranteed. The owner of this business that makes this jewelry, makes exquisite jewelry! Check out the link!
- http://littlemetalmerchant.com/

My favorite comic of all times! It never fails to cheer me up! If I were a male, I would be exactly like Rayne! Please, look at this while you are at home! Yes it is a comic but some people have panties shoved up high in their toosh! So for the sake of you keeping your job, just open it at home. I find it harmless but others, you never know.
- http://www.leasticoulddo.com/

FOOD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LAUNDRY

2010-01-19T19:36:00.002-05:00

This is too funny. Scary but funny.

I was putting tags on dress shirts and out of the blue, the door opens with a loud *bam* and all I hear is "Un-Fuckin Believable." I turn to see who it was that came into the store and it was a short female, in her late 20's with long black hair. She must have weighed around 220 pounds. After storming in, she continues her walking rampage to the back of the store and all I hear is "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MONEY OUT OF THE ACCOUNT? ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LAUNDRY. HURRY YOUR FUCKIN ASS UP. I WANT FOOD AND I AM HUNGRY YOU STUPID BITCH!" The other girl, who I will assume is her sister asked the psycho to "simmer" down. She didn't. She continued to yell and scream. Oh yeah, while she was yelling "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE NOW! YOU DON'T NEED TO SPEND SO MUCH FUCKIN TIME IN THE LAUNDRY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I AM HUNGRY", she slammed her hand into my washer.

Here is an analogy:
Mother is protective to her newborn as laundry employee is protective to her washers.

Bitch better not mess with my washers...

I asked the psycho bitch to stop yelling and to not hit the machines. She turns to me and yells "DON'T YAH TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU AIN'T MAH MOTHER." You are right, I am not your mother and I thank the heavens for that. If I were your mother, I would whoop your ass and teach you manners you damn whale! After yelling a bit more at her assumed sister and making a fool out of herself, she storms to the front and before she exits she yells "YAH BETTER HURRY YOUR ASS UP. I WANT MAH CHICKEN."

I lost it there. Once I heard that she wants her chicken, I sat in a chair and just laughed. I may find this funny because I have been in the laundromat since 8:30 am with only two mini breaks which I used to email my friend. That is almost 12 hours. Therefore, the above situation is hysterical to me. I just picture that scenario over and over again and to me, it never gets old.

Also, I will be taking pictures now of items that I find interesting. Someone in the past had notified me that they would LOVE to see what some of these people looked like but unfortunately, I don't have a cool camera phone and I can't really point a camera at someone without explaining the reason I am taking a photo. However, pictures of people items is no harm! For instance, on a pair of boxer briefs today, there was a worn on ribbon saying "limited edition underwear" and I thought *can I cut this off? What is the point of it? Does he wear it when he gets laid and secretly thinks that the ribbon is a "good job" award?* So yeah, the camera will be coming with me at work. What do you guys think?

ASSASSIN MONDAY

2010-01-18T18:37:00.003-05:00

Sorry for not posting the past two days. I decided to have a life on Saturday and Sunday. Oh yeah, I also caught up on sleep on Sunday. 2009 owed me. It still owes me more hours of sleep.

Anyways, it was and still is an animal house today in the asylum. Not fun stuff. People threatening other people's lives for washers and of course I was arguing with a whale over pre-wash vs. final rinse. Oh yes, I feel like I stooped to a new low in this Laundromat life.

The other Laundromat did not open today. I am going to assume the following reasons:

Reason 1: It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Reason 2: They screwed themselves over by not renewing their license.

I am leaning more towards reason numero 2. I have all of the animals here today in this barn! Noah would be proud... this is where you just nod and smile...

Customer A was putting his wash into the washer. Customer B comes along and wants the washer Customer A is using. Customer A ignores Customer B. Customer B gets angry at customer A. Customer A continues to ignore Customer B that is until Customer B decides to shove Customer A's cart away. Customer A tells the other customer "excuse me, but that wasn't nice" and the other customer replies "I don't care. I want da washer now." The funny thing is Customer A is a male and Customer B is a female. Customer A continues to ignore Customer B and that is when the female yells "give me the washer now or I will kill you." That was my queue to go in there and be the peace maker. The last thing I need is to fill out paper work from the cops... the blood is the least of my worries.

The mission: Create peace among two hostile customers.
Strategy: Accommodate both customers.
Weapons: Words.

After five minutes, the mission was complete. I told Customer B to cool it and that I will give her two washers that were better than the two she wanted. I felt like a pre-school teacher telling a child that her cookie is better than the other child's cookie because her cookie has magical powers...-sigh- Customer A decided to remain civil. Customer A deserved a cookie. After Customer B settled in, she came over and told me "I ain't like no bitches takin mah stuff" and after she said that, she made that teeth sucking sound. I told her "the washers do not belong to you. They belong to the Laundromat and the general public. When one is taken, you need to find another one." She turned to me and gave me that look. You know, -the- look... the one where half the lip is up, the nose is scrunched, and the eyes are bugged out... -that- look.

I continued to drink my ginger ale and hoped that they don't take the feud to the dryers as well as Customer A not getting killed. Paper work is a pain in the ass, seriously.

Then I had a customer complain to me that we don't have the pre-wash option. I pointed out to her that we have the final rinse option. Final rinse is better than the pre-wash and I gave her the reasoning. The final rinse rinses out the excess soap and that allows the clothing to be soap free. That is why the softener bottles also say "for better results, pour softener into the final rinse cycle"... or something like that. If the bottle doesn't say that, do it! The clothing comes out so much better! This whale decided to project stupid logic out of her mouth. She said "the pre-wash is far better because it gets that extra soap in there and it removes all the dirt." I told her "False! See, the more soap you put in your clothes, it will be less likely that they will get washed." She looked baffled and had nothing to say to that.

After her wash was done, she was observing her clothing carefully. She turns to me with a smirk and says "so you guys have a final rinse and not a pre-wash, why?" -face roll- I told her what I explained to her before and with a smile she says "I think I like this better." I felt like asking "then bitch, why did you give me a fuckin hard time?" It was a hard time. I had 20+ customers in the Laundromat, a couple of people waiting for washers, a death threat going on, and then the whale with her lack of common sense... maybe hearing too. Oh yeah, the kids too.....

Kids have been running around all day because they are out of school. I won't be surprised if I don't have much of a voice tomorrow. All day I have been yelling "NO RUNNING!" and at one point I yelled at a parent "put your kids on a leash!” I don't know if I should be thankful or not that she didn't understand English... Parenting is hard but if you are at a Laundromat and you have a stroller, straps you friggin kid in it! If it cries, give it a damn cookie or a toy! This isn't a playground. If the child falls and breaks something, the parent will blame it on me and that is when I will say "no lady/sir, it is YOUR fault because YOU FAILED at parenting.”

-takes a deep breath-

You know what, if I had kids and I needed to go to the Laundromat, I wouldn't bring them with me. I would leave them with a family member or my husband. If that isn't possible, I would explain to them that the Laundromat is NOT a playground. If other parent's applied this to their children, accidents most likely would not happen.

SOME OF THESE PEOPLE NEED TO GO TO PARENTING 101!!! Or not have children at all.

Next up... I get a phone call that goes like this:

Drugged Lady (DL): Hi sweetie, is my blouses ready?
Me: Eh?
DL: My daughter dropped off shirts. What time you close?
Me: Erm, your shirts aren't ready... your daughter dropped them off 6 minutes ago.
DL: I have other blouses.
Me: Ticket number?
DL: I don't know.
Me: When did you drop them off?
DL: They should be inside.
Me: Inside where?
DL: Inside.
Me: O... Okay... I will be right back.
(They were nowhere inside and I checked on the other racks)
Me: I see them and they are ready but they aren't the ones dro...
DL: I be there before you close.

I know this lady. She is the resident crazy. Nice lady don't get me wrong but half the time she doesn't make sense. Who am I kidding, all the time she doesn't make sense.

I love random phone calls that don't make sense. They fulfill my daily quota of "how many crazy people can I talk on the phone with?" and the daily quota is one. Thank you crazy lady for making me feel all warm and fuzzy.

OH! An update on Bitchiana, she picked up her clothes and she didn't give me any lip. I was surprised; however, I did find the ten cents tip quite offensive.

A LETTER TO...

2010-01-15T18:41:00.006-05:00

... Williamsburg, the mother of spawning hipsters and yuppies.

Dear People of Williamsburg,

Majority of you living in Williamsburg are starving "artists" yet you come from families that are loaded with money. These parent's send you off to another state or town just to satisfy your crave of the current trend. Unfortunately, these parent's do not send off their kids with a brain. It must be left behind or they must have been dropped when they were a wee bit lad. In addition the parent's have forgotten to teach their children the basics of math as well as laundry. I am 99.9% sure that Williamsburg has at least a laundromat where people can do laundry. If not, then that explains why the hippies/yuppies that are moving into my town, are retarded.

So Williamsburg, please teach your spawns of a trend to use the laundromat properly or open up more laundromats and offer classes.

Sincerely,

LLG

I have no words for today. Well, actually I do... since I am typing this blog.

It's 6:35 pm and the laundromat is pretty busy. The door opens and in walks a tall and thin male with curly long hair wearing a fedora. Half of his face is covered with acne. His shirt is black and white plaid and the undershirt is red. He is wearing tight skinny jeans. Put it this way... his jeans are so tight that you can make out his... you know what... never mind... anyways... he brings in two bags worth of laundry and he is pacing back and forth trying to figure out which washers he is going to use. He uses the ones that are right in front of the counter area. I let out a long "sigh" because I knew what was coming.

First off, the moron uses four washers and then he puts bleach in the washer with the mixed color clothing. Then he inserts quarters... the quarter wouldn't be accepted by the machine. Without looking up I told him "don't you even dare to bang the machine. I see you. Use the coin return button." I think I scared him because he jumped a bit. He had trouble putting quarters into the machine and I asked him if he needed help and he said "no." It was HILARIOUS watching him trying to coordinate his hand with putting the quarter in the slot and then pushing the button. I did an eye roll and went to help him. He gave me the quarter and I put it in the coin slot without any trouble. Now, here is where he was having trouble with his math... our machine takes 7 quarters and he inserted four quarters, leaving him with three more quarters to go.

He complained that the machine didn't register the fourth quarter, but it did. The counter was showing that he needed to put in three more quarters but he was convinced that the machine didn't register it. I think he has ingrown curls in his brain... anyways, I open up the coin box and I show him that there are four quarters in there. Then I take my index finger and point out that he needs to put in three more quarters. He got pissed.

Fuck if I care that he got pissed. Not my fault he refuses to use his brain. Other people around him were snickering and laughing. I felt like saying "Uh dude, Williamsburg called and they are looking for their residential moron, they are missing you." Trust me, I was biting my tongue.

I can't stress enough that doing laundry is NOT a hard thing to do! Certain things that come with it as well, it isn't hard to achieve. Can we bring back School House Rock? Except this time, make a mini episode about laundry and math...

For those who don't remember School House Rock, here is a YouTube video:

Also, if this post seems a bit off, forgive me. I am sleep deprived and pretty exhausted.

RUGATTACK

2010-01-14T13:54:00.004-05:00

Rugattack (rug-attack) is a word that I just made up and it is used when people get into a bitchy mode over a rug charge. Actually, I just changed it from Rugattack to Rugrage.

Yesterday, a petite female came into my Laundromat. I will call her Bitchiana.
Bitchiana dropped off 40-something pounds worth of laundry and when she dropped it off, I asked her specifically if she had any rugs, blankets, or comforters in her bag. See, in my Laundromat we charge extra for items like that. Now if the rug isn’t thick and it’s just a flimsy rug, we won’t charge; however if it is a thick cotton rug, we charge it. We charge these items because it takes FOREVER to dry and we keep feeding the dryer quarters. Sometimes, a thick cotton rug will take up to five bucks in quarters to dry. We would charge the customer between 5-8 bucks extra on their slip. We even have signs taped on the counter and to the wall letting the customers know that these items are charged extra. Another customer of mine doesn’t want his rug dried because he doesn’t want to pay the extra money. He let us know from day one and he doesn’t have a problem with it. On the other hand, this lady was a total bitch.

Now, throughout the story keep in mind the following details, I asked her if she had another of the above items in her laundry bag and she answered with a no. In addition, she isn’t our regular customer and she complained about stuff that WE did but really, we didn’t. Oh yeah and all of this happened BEFORE we serviced her laundry bag. Furthermore, I introduce to you the dialogue of last night and this morning.

Bitchiana (B): Drop off.
Me: Sure~ It will be ready tomorrow night at 6pm. Is that ok?
B: Yes.
Me: Do you have any blankets, rugs, or comforters?
B: No but I have pillow cases.
Me: We don’t charge pillow cases unless the actual pillow is in there. Do you have the actual pillow in there? We charge extra for those things.
B: No.
Me: And no rugs or anything?
B: Nope. Bed sheets and a couple of clothes.
Me: Okays, no problem.
B: Just make sure you don’t shrink my stuff.
Me: Well, we don’t dry peoples clothing on hot unless it is a rug or something. Also just to let you know, clothing over time shrink.
-Bitchianas voice turns demanding and bitchy-
B: I am talking about my pillow cases. You guys shrink my stuff.
Me: And you have brought your clothes to us?
B: Yes.
Me: Oh. Hm. I don’t remember you but that must have happened when you brought them somewhere else.
B: No! I bring them here.
Me: Well, your stuff will be ready tomorrow. Good night.

Bitchiana flashed me with this look of evil… As if she was going to punch me in the face.

Now as you can see from the dialogue, I was being nice and I explained to her how we work. She on the other hand wasn’t so nice but I ignored her for the mere fact that my shift was ending and I just didn’t want to be “upset”.
Today, I went to the Laundromat to fold a couple of stuff. I was asked to come in early since the owner had to go to a private affair. I was sorting through Bitchiana’s clothes and I observed that she had mostly bed sheets and pillow cases, that is until I came upon a thick cotton rug (I will have a link of the rug at the end of the blog). The rug is pretty big and if I didn’t have issues with perception of measurement, I would give you the numbers. I went over to my co-worker and I told her “the bitch from last night has a rug in her wash… either she doesn’t understand what a rug is or she thought she was being slick.” She was trying to be slick and I concluded that from the telephone conversation she and I had this morning. It went like this.

Me: Hi, is this Bitchiana?
B: Yes.
Me: This is Lillaundry girl; you dropped off your laundry last night.
B: What do you want?
(Oh yeah, not rude at all lady…)
Me: Well, yesterday I asked you if you had a rug in your laundry and you said you didn’t. I found one in your wash. We washed it already but I was wondering if you want us to dry it for you. There will be an extra charge of five dollars.
B: What did you find?
Me: -sigh- A rug. A beige rug. You know… like a bath mat. Your beige cotton rug.
B: What about it?
Me: Do you want us to dry it?
B: Well, the other Laundromat doesn’t charge me. No other Laundromat charges me for that.
(Mind you, she says she always brings her clothes to us to wash)
Me: Well, we charge. Want it dried or not? We aren’t like the other Laundromat.
B: Don’t dry it!

By the time I went to say “okay thanks, bye”, she just rudely hung up on me. My tone wasn’t bitchy or anything. Considering the fact that it was morning, I was… calm and wishing I was back in bed. I put her rug on the furnace to dry until she comes. –shrugs-

Like I said, sometimes rugs we don’t charge if they are thin and flimsy and other times we do when they are double thick like this one. We let our customers know and we ASK them if there are any in their bags. We also charge extra because we don’t wash the rugs with the clothes. As a matter of fact, it isn’t sanitary (even though they are being washed with dirty clothes). Some people like the fact that we take their clothes into consideration and others could care less. So we wash them separately, dry them separately, and then we package them in their own lil’ bag. To me, that is service; however we have customers that say “oh just wash it with our clothes” and we do. We don’t charge the same price. We knock off a couple of dollars and just charge for the drying. When they ask for it to be air dried, then we don’t bother charging them at all. That is how it goes and that is what gets explained to my customers. The regulars know this and they don’t mind because they enjoy the service. Mind you, these past two weeks customers who have tried us, told us “our clothes come out cleaner and fluffier with you guys” or “I like this Laundromat.” Of course I heard a lady last night saying “this Laundromat is too bright for me, I fucking hate it.” Then again, she looked miserable….

Anyways…

Bitchiana was out of line for being rude and bitchy towards me, even after explaining to her what the charged were. Oh yeah, don’t forget the lying too! This lady really irked me… Let’s see what she says when she picks up tonight!

What do you guys think about the extra charge for rugs, blankets, and comforters?

Oh yeah! Here is a link of the rug image!
http://www.amazon.com/Pinzon-Luxury-Reversible-34-Inch-Bath/dp/B000T2WYK8/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1263497569&sr=1-24

POSSESSED

2010-01-13T19:33:00.004-05:00

As time goes by and I spend more hours in this place (I should ask management for a bed), the more things are starting to make sense. I don't question another person's actions much anymore. Instead I just label them and go on with the day. Well actually, I do question them unconsciously since my brain tends to have its own brain sometimes. In other words, my organs argue with each other.

Around 10 am today, I was folding a customer’s clothing while listening to music. I was rocking to Motley Crue when all of the sudden, I hear constant thumping. This was NOT part of the song Dr. Feelgood and I know this because I have listened to it religiously. I look to my dryer to see if the sound was coming from there but it wasn't. Who knows, maybe technology really did start to take over humanity and the start of this phenomenon was beginning from the dryers. My imagination is what keeps me sane. Moving on... I check under my table and I check the front. All was quiet. I check to the back of the store and I see a little girl banging her legs and head against the wall. What amazed me even more is that the mother was just chatting away with her husband or friend. My jaw was slightly dropped. I went over to the mother and told her "um... your daughter is hurting herself... I think you might want to check it out..." Of course the mother didn't understand English. The mother went over to the daughter, tied her shoe and then the daughter stopped. By the way, the daughter must have been at least 3 or 4 years old. I shake my head on the way to my folding table.

The thumping starts again. I look to the back and I see her hitting her legs against the wall while flailing her arms. I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed hard as a matter of fact. I asked another customer what the little girl was saying and the customer said "she wants her shoes tied and her mom's attention." She was laughing just as hard. This girl looked like she was seriously possessed... The male picked her up soon after and she was just hitting his head with one hand while flailing the other.

I bet you any money that in 20 years; she will be asking the laundry attendant how the door closes...
Speaking of closing doors, this lady had her daughter with her (I think it's -bring your daughters to the Laundromat day- today) and they kept taking clothes out of the washers and putting it into the next one. The little girl comes and notifies me "none of the washers are working" and she shows me (that is when the mom revealed to me that she was changing washers). I point out the 3x4 picture of how to close the door and then I close it for her. She made an "aahhhh" sound and thanked me. This is where I am going to question... The other Laundromat (which is still closed) has the exact same washers as we do. Why is it so damn difficult to close the door? I KNOW I am not going crazy. My co-worker even pointed out the same exact thing, that the washers are the same therefore they function the same way. It is mind boggling.

Asking how to close a door to a washer is like asking someone how a fork functions. That is my analogy and I am sticking to it. Fuckin morons.... I used to say "fuckin kangaroos" but I replaced the 'roos with morons.... -sighs-

Remember yesterday when I mentioned that I had a feeling about me having an argument today with a customer (from the other Laundromat), well I didn't. The husband came to pick up the clothes and he was a lot nicer than his wife. He did question me about the price and I told him "we treat our customer's clothing as if it were ours. It's the quality." He said he will check to see how he likes our service and he will continue with us if it is good. He said the only difference was ten bucks. -Shrugs- Then he mentioned that the other Laundromat lost his wife’s Dolce and Gabana jeans and his Hugo Boss sweater. Excuse me but if I had clothes with THOSE name brands, I would dry clean them. I would NOT have them machine washed. Unless they were knockoffs... If he did start an argument though, I would have told him off in a nice and passive way. -nods-

With that being said, if you have children, please give them attention and don't let them hurt themselves.....

WHAT IS...

2010-01-12T20:24:00.002-05:00

... a change machine?

That is what someone asked me. I asked him "is this the first time you are doing laundry?" and he said in a thick Arabic accent "no, I used to go to the other laundromat but it's closed." I cocked my head to the right (I have been doing that a lot lately) and told him "it's most likely the same device you used in the other laundromat." He asked where is was and I pointed out to him "the same place where you left your laundry bag." I could tell he was confused. I left the counter area and approached him. He wasn't looking at the change machine. He was looking at the soap dispenser, which has a sign that states "Out of Order. Soap sold at the counter." I am going to assume he didn't know how to read. I go to him "No! That is the machine" while pointing at it. The moron continued to look at the soap dispenser. I was almost close to asking if he needed soap but his action said otherwise. He was going to put the money in the coin pockets. I stopped him, turned him to the side and told him "change machine." Really, I could have done that from the start but I wanted entertainment. Things have been too quiet lately.

Anyways, after 1o minuted of explaining to him how the bill goes into the machine, he found his way to the washer. By the way, I was impressed by the fact that he knew how to work it. Normally people who don't know how to use the change machine, don't know how to use the washer... let alone whipe their own ass most likely.... With that mental image being imprinted to your brain, I will continue to the next moron.

This one was yelling AT the washer to start up. At first I thought she was fighting with someone so I left the counter once again to go check out what is going on. I just saw someone standing in front of the washer in pajamas yelling "YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! WORK!" I asked the lady if things were ok (maybe she just has tourettes) but she complained that the washer wasn't starting. I told her "you didn't close the door" and she argued that she did. I closed the door for her and said "no you didn't". I think she has tourettes.... Readers, tourettes is a serious thing and if your loved ones have it, take them to seek help.

I have a feeling a customer that isn't mine but the other laundromats will start a fight with me tomorrow. It's just a hunch. Yesterday she was complaining how we are too expensive. I didn't bother to explain to her the process which we use to make clothes fluffy and clean. I just handed her the ticket. She seemed to be a miserable person and her boyfriend (I assume) was just giving me an ugly stare. -sigh- Hopefully my hunch isn't true just like my predictions tend to not be true.

MR. STEAMY

2010-01-11T13:09:00.004-05:00

Hey kids! Look what I brought home! It isn't your ordinary ball or dryer sheets! It's Mr. Steamy!

With Mr. Steamy, you can fill it with water and toss it in your dryer! That’s not all! While your dryer is working, your clothing inside the dryer is playing catch with Mr. Steamy! But that’s not all! In the end, your clothes will come out with dry water spots! That's right kids, now you can go to school with brown spots on your jeans and white cotton t-shirts! You will start a whole new trend!

https://www.mistersteamy.com/?mid=653217

Ah, I just love infomercials that sound exciting. Truth is, I bought this out of pure curiosity and then tossed it out. Why did I toss it out? Well... it left dry water spots on white clothes and small dark spots on dark clothes. It irritates me that people who invent stuff like Mr. Steamy, make it seem that laundry will be done in a better manner. The infomercial is deceiving or maybe m Mr. Steamy was broken somehow... but also think of this... you are putting "dirty" water to steam clean clothes. With a washer, there is a filter before the water goes into the washing machine. The filter connected to the hose, before the valve collects debris (rocks and such) as well as soil/dirt. You would be AMAZED what a filter net looks like after three months. We actually change our filters every two months because the water flows better and it eliminates problems in the future.

In all honesty, Mr. Steamy doesn't make sense to me and I don't see the need for it. Want clothes to come out wrinkle free? That is easy. Want clothes to come out fluffy? Easy as well.
Here are a few tips:

- To keep clothes wrinkly free, remove the light weight clothes (button downs, thin cotton t-shirts, etc) out of the dryer before the dryer finishes. If they are a bit damp, let them air dry and by the time your heavy clothes dry, the light weight clothes will be dry. This will also eliminate shrinkage as well as wear and tear.

- To achieve the fluffiness in your clothes, add an extra cup of softener in the final rinse cycle of the washer. By adding the recommended cup, the dryer “burns out” the softener, especially if you have the dryer on hot. If you want, you can use the Bounce dryer sheets or any other brand. I am not a big fan of dryer sheets because it isn’t that great for your skin. Plus people put more sheets then they are supposed to and then they wonder why they are itching…

To conclude this, Mr. Steamy isn’t all that great it is made out to be. If you are curious like I was, go ahead and buy it… maybe it will work out for you but I am sticking to my tips!

Oh! I am going to assume that the person, who created this invention, is a fan of McSteamy from Grey’s Anatomy… Mr. Steamy minus the “Mc”… do you see it too or is it just me…?

A "HEY LOOK IM NOT FEELING GOOD" POST

2010-01-09T14:55:00.004-05:00

Sorry guys, not feeling well today so no post. Didn't even work today. So I will leave you guys with this random youtube video that I found after typing in "laundry day". Could I have done better? Yes! But the fact that this left me with my mouth open and a "wtf" look, deserves attention. Now, if something like this was happening in my laundromat, I would most likely grab my camera to record it and then call the cops. Hey, what can I say... its a natural reaction.

Not sure yet if this would be safe to watch at work or not... so just do me the favor and just watch it at home haha.

THE MEANING OF CLOSED

2010-01-08T20:05:00.002-05:00

Closed: not open or affording passage or access; "the many closed streets made travel difficult"

This is the first time ever I had to explain to a customer the meaning of "closed". This customer has made it on this blog two other times. He is the douche bag that wanted to go into the fitting room with me along with calling me "mami". He walks in 4 minutes after the last wash cutoff and I stop him midway. I told him "you can't wash. I am closed." He asks me what I mean and I thought I was being clear... so I told him "you are 5 minutes late. We close at a certain time and the last wash is at a certain time. You. Cant. Wash." He looked blankly at me and replied "no wash mami?" I straightened my back (I don't know why...) and I TOLD him to not call me that. He stood there and looked at me as if I had three heads. He asked again if he could wash and I replied with a loud and shocked "NO!" He slowly went to get his bag, stopped by in front of me and asked once again. I ignored his question and I wished him a good night. The asshole didn't wish me a good night back.

Without him telling me a good night, I will not be able to sleep tonight. As a matter of fact, he needs to come back NOW so he can do his wash, accept my apology, AND wish me a good night.
-eye roll- I am starting to believe that he is a masochist or glutton for verbal punishment; however, the polite this is to at least thank me for the good wish. That is going in my mental record under his name, Douche Bag Moe.

A NEW ADDITION

2010-01-08T20:00:00.000-05:00

A guy hired himself to be the door opener of this Laundromat just as long as I am around. He calls himself the "Sexy Albanian". Normally, when someone is reading or watching something, you don't go on and disturb them with an obnoxious conversation. He was asking me what my name was, where I live, what I do, and what I like to do for fun. He automatically assumed that I was into the club scene and drinking coffees at the local cafe. I told him "you know what they say about those who assume, you make an ass out of you and me." I don't think he understood what I was saying so I just told him that he was entirely wrong. Damn noob.

I tried to not laugh but I couldn't help but break out a smile. I am 99.99% sure he mistook the smile as a flirty move because he started to put the moves on me saying that my name was "just as beautiful as me" and "your eyes can light up a room". Please keep in mind, all this was being said with an accent and broken English. Oh, just to throw this in there, I think his teeth are capped. They looked pretty fake. Anyways, I was texting friends to call me so they can save me from this inquisition. He was just rambling on and on about how awesome he is and how beautiful I was. I thought he was going to ask if I wanted his babies, but he didn’t. My friend saved me! We were talking for 10-15 minutes and he just stood there. In front of me. Staring at me. His eyes were grilling me. I was thinking *Laundry girl, wipe that smile off your face now!*

At one point he was mocking me and my conversation. He repeated something I told my friend. Then another customer was entering the Laundromat and he went to open the door for her. He told her “I’m the new doorman in this Laundromat! As long as she is working here, I will open doors.” CREEPY! I didn’t have a reply for that. As a matter of fact, I ignored it. After I got off the phone, my sister came by to drop something off. I pointed out to her the creepy Albanian dude and she laughed. I was going to beg her to stay but he was in the back folding or something. It wasn’t that bad after my sister left… until this… “You married?” I told him “yes” and he pointed out that I don’t have a diamond ring. See, I was desperate to put something on my ring finger, so I took my pirate skull ring and put it on the left hand. I also pointed out that I was married to a pirate. Not sure if he bought it but hey! I am married to a pirate! (Ok, I am not… but can’t a girl dream?... Renaissance season is almost here… who knows…). When he was in the dryer section, he was being loud and obnoxious to the point where a customer asked me if I can go and shut him up. I shook my head side to side.

As for the doorman position, if he shows up tomorrow, I accuse him of stalkerism (not a word… I know… it should be though) and either call the cops or spray him with some detergent or something. Either works!

Oh by the way, all this started because I helped him put quarters in the washer. Next time, I am NOT helping someone… I am just going to point out they are an idiot. Then again, I can point out they are an idiot and then help them. This way, it is clear from the start that I am not interested in idiots but more than happy to help them. Okies, that happy part may be a small fib but it fits with the sentence.

Is it just me or does it seem like an ethnic week this week with my stories? Could it be a new pattern for the New Year? Guess my letter didn’t work eh?
Honestly though, I was thinking of printing out an instructions page for the washer and dryer so I can hand out to people. I mean, some of these people just do the same stuff over and over again. Then again, it could also be that some of these people just want the stuff done for them. People, I assure you. Your finger will NOT fall off if you put the quarter in the slot yourself. You will however lose a limb if you continue to bang my washer.

A SIMPLE REQUEST

2010-01-07T19:31:00.003-05:00

How a normal person starts the washer:
1. Insert clothing into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment as advised.
3. Close the washer door.
4. Make sure nothing is stuck in the door.
5. Insert coins.
6. Sit and wait.

How a moron starts the washer TRY # 1:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Close washer door.
3. Complain.

How a moron starts the washer Try #2:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment.
3. Insert clothes.
4. Close the washer door.
5. Sit and wait while complaining on the phone to his friend why he didn't get reimbursed.

I guess the tight jeans and bottle of gel in his hair made his brain stop functioning. I bet his brain has as many holes as his tight jeans do, if not more. -shakes head- I think he is a confused hipster. -mumbles- fuckin hipster..

So what happened? He put coins in the washer and started it without his clothes. His explanation was...actually you know what?.,.here is the dialogue:

Hipster (Hip): Um, I have a problem. I put coins in my washer and it turned on.
Me: What do you mean? You are supposed to put quarters in it so the machine COULD work.
Hip: Well I started it but there is nothing in there.
Me: As in water?
Hip: No, it's empty.
Me: And it is working?
Hip: Yes.
Me:... Okies, let me see what you did because this isn't making sense.
-The moron laughs-
Me: So you started your wash without putting your clothes in first?
Hip: Well, I normally put the quarters in first then the soap then my clothes.
Me: You are supposed to put your clothes in first..
Hip: Well, can I get reimbursed?
Me: No... you started it...
Hip: Can you stop it?
Me: Nope!
Hip: So I wasted 2 bucks for nothing?
Me: Nope! You wasted $1.75!
-He sighs at me-
Hip: And there is no way to get my money back?
Me: Nope! Sorry. If you want you can come back tomorrow and talk to management.
Hip: I'm leaving tomorrow.
Me: Can't do anything about it. The register gets counted and if I am missing that much, I get in trouble. Sorry.

See, if he said "please" I may have reconsidered. Then again, my laundromat doesn't pay for people's stupidity. Next time, put your clothes in first.

The moral of the story? Always use your manners and say "please", it may get you what you want and always put your clothes in FIRST in the washer.

I GOTZ A GIRLFRIENDZ

2010-01-06T19:51:00.002-05:00

In the Spring of 2009, I was servicing a customer named Tito (fake name). He was tall, built with fat, and black. He dropped off a polo-shirt with so much glitz and glimmer for dry cleaning.

He returned again this year.

Flashback to 2008: While I was filling out his dry-cleaning ticket, he would ask me questions about myself. Questions such as my name, if I am always working here, what I am studying, and so on. I answered the questions like a jackass because I probably wasn't thinking.

When Tito left, my co-worker left, and then the phone rang. I look at the caller i.d and there is Tito's name. My initial thought was *he must have forgotten something*, I pick up the phone and the convo went something like this:

Me: Hello?
Tito (Ti): Hi, may I speak to Laundry Girl?
Me: Speaking.
Ti: Well I was there just a while ago and I couldn't ask you this because your co-worker was around. First off, I want to let you know that you are cute and I was wondering if we can go out together.
Me: Oh, I am sorry. I have a boyfriend.
Ti: It's cool. I'm not asking you to leave your boyfriend. I'm just asking us to hang out. You seem funny and all, thas all.
Me: He is strict, sorry.
Ti: Well, he can come too if you want.
Me: Well, the other thing is I can't date customers. It is store policy (bullshit!).
Ti: Hold up, yall got a policy?
Me: Yes, you see... there used to be an incident and I got a stalker and then I had to fill out paperwork.
Ti: I promise I won't do anything to you. Here's my nu...
-I cut him off-
Me: Oh, I have your number because of your caller Id! I'll call you back when we can hang out ok?
Ti: Aight, don't lose the number.
Me: Bye.
-click- I hang up.

My co-worker asked what that was all about and I told her and she laughed. I never did call him back nor did I bother to save the number. Since then, he didn't show up to drop off anything. Until today, 2010.

Time to fast foward!

He shows up today and drops off his clothes as if nothing happened and as if he has been coming here for a very long time. He starts to chat it up with me and I was being cautious. After servicing him, on his way out he said "Oh, by the way, I gotz a girlfriendz." I just cocked my head to the right and said "ok."

Seriously? Like seriously?! Why would I care if a customer that doesn't mean much to me, has a girl friend? Did I miss something like you are epic? Or a mutant? Or something spectacular and I just didn't see it?! Why!? Just why!? I was pounding my head with that today until I decided to cool it and just go on with the quiet day.

Well actually... I do know why... I had this deep burning urge of love for him. So deep, that it went past hell, around the corner, and down the stairs. My god did I miss a great catch. I have his number and I should save it for one of those drunk dialing moments. Ugh, excuse me while I cut off the tag of his ghetto ass polo shirt and make my shrine of him. -eye roll-

REVERSE RACISM (For Monday)

2010-01-06T12:08:00.002-05:00

For once I can say that I was not the one touched or being asked to be touched (if that makes sense).

My customer/friend came running into a quiet laundromat saying "Dude, a black girl just asked me if she could touch me?" My reply was "you have to be kidding me"... She wasn't. A black girl wanted to touch my friend because she had hips. Apparently the black girl has never seen a white girl with hips. -shakes head- My customer/friend kept telling her "no" and after she got her food from next door, that is when she entered my laundromat. My laundromat can now be categorized in the safe zone pit stop..

After 10 minutes of entering my laundromat, we hear "heeey there she is yoo, yooo mah friend is fascinated by yah yooooooo" and then you hear "fuck that white bitch yoooo" as they are looking through the storefront window. I told my customer/friend "im going to get shot because of you." We laughed. The people were out there for a good two minutes. All we kept hearing was "bitch" and "yooooo", oh and "bitch". Eventually they left and after 15 minutes my customer/friend ran home.

Now, if I were to ask that lady "can I touch you?" I would be labeled as a racist...
After my customer/friend left, I laughed.

Other than that, it was surprisingly a quiet day. People knew what they were doing!

CURRY QUEEN

2010-01-04T17:17:00.003-05:00

Sorry for not posting the Sunday Funny!

Yesterday was a lazy day for me and I took full advantage of it. Nothing says relaxing like Pj's, movies, and games. I even played Guitar Hero sitting down at one point, but that didn't last. I went straight to the computer to play a video game and search for useless information that may at one point be significant. For all we know, Zombies could evolve and they would keep us captive if we didn't know how to answer trivial questions about useless information.

The above information was provided to you by your local detergent distributor.

Now, back to reality.

I didn't think Indian's lived in my neighborhood. No, not Native American Indians but Indian's from India. -Laughter- For some reason, that line made laugh. Who know, maybe delirium is kicking in. Anywhoots, as I was saying, I have no problem with Indians at all. I love their food and the taste/smell of curry until today...

This lady walked into the laundromat with a heavy smell of curry and dirty socks following behind. I never open the door in the front during the Winter but my dear god, I had to this time. I think the lady picked up on my action because she turned around and gave me a mixed look of "death" and "are you hinting at something bitch?" After that look, I put my head down and scratched it. She came up to me at the counter and asked me for change. I asked her "change for what?" and she replied "for the machines". -Ponders- Last time I checked, someone had to GIVE me money so I can give them change... This is all how it went down:

Curry Queen (CQ): I need change.
Me: I need money.
CQ: I need change for the washers.
Me: I need money to give you change.
CQ: OH! Okay.
-waits with a smile-
Me: You know, if you give me a 20, I can give you a 10 and 2 fives...
CQ: One minute (with an Indian accent).

She rummages through her bag and pulls out a twenty. I give her the change. She comes back asking me to break the ten into two fives and breaking the fives into singles. I just gave her ten singles from the ten instead of going down the pyramid of money breaking. What came to mind? Nothing. Her heavy odor killed my brain cells. I should start a campaign "Save Little Laundry Girls Brain Cells".

One thing I did NOT like is that she continued to bang on my washers. I asked her to stop doing that many times and she refused. After the sixth or seventh bang, I walk back up to her and asked her if she had complications and she said "yes". I asked her what they were and she said "machine no work! Eat my quarters!" I tried my best not to laugh because I pictured my washer with a mouth and sharp teeth trying to chomp away her arm. I told her "Machines don't eat quarters. They accept them. Here, let me show you how. Be one with the machine and be nice to it, it will be nice back at you." I think the lady thought I was crazy because she gave me another look of disapproval. She can take her look and shove it up her ass!

My co-worker heard me and she said "Laundry girl, you need to be more nice to customers" and I told him "I will be nice to them when they grow a couple of brain cells OR when hell freezes over and I am put as the leader." She told me to take a nap. I didn't take a nap but I did point out to the Curry Queen that she put waaay too much soap in her washer. Though, with her odor, she may need it...

Speaking of my co-worker, she told me that she noticed my mood changes during the week. She came up with this theory:
-On Monday, I am hyper and giddy but on Tuesday I am just happy.
-Wednesday, I am okay but sarcasm kicks in even more so than Monday and Tuesday.
-Thursday and Friday, I seem tired and the smile is wiped away.
-Saturday, I am angry.

I bought her a Snapple because it was a good observation! Who would have thought?? I could say that her observation is 80% correct.

THE OLD PEOPLE AND THE SPERM

2010-01-02T17:48:00.002-05:00

Usually I don't listen in on other people's conversations and that is because I am not interested; however, sometimes my ear catches a conversation and it's normally a not so pleasant conversation. As a matter of fact, this lady wasn't even talking low. She was yelling through out the laundromat. Well not yelling but talking loud.

First off she kept pointing out to me that the laundromat is like a party because of the massive amount of people (at that point, there must have been over 25 people in the laundromat) that are washing and waiting for washers as well as dryers. I kept telling her "oh yeah yeah" with a nod a smile. Bitch, I am busy. Back off! >:O

After telling five or six times that it seems as if there was a party, she went to the dryers and left me alone. After 45 minutes I hear "It kills off the sperm and then they no get to have babies"... those were the exact words. Trying to hide my smirk and inner laughter, with a serious face I ask "what kills sperm?" and she said "the radiation from the cell phones". I asked her how it was possible when it can't be possible at all! She said "well when the men put the phone by their hip, the radiation gives off and kills the sperm and then you can't get pregnant and have babies!" I assured her that such information is not true (if it is true, then excuse me...). She continued to rant and she added "you better remove that phone from your pocket there or no babies for you eitha!" I told her "um... okies... I should be fine but thank you for your concern."
She said "well I watched it on t.v too so it might not be true."

She left. I laughed. A guy came up to me and told me "she started with me first. I'm never going to have babies" I told him "Adopt a child but make sure the brain cells are intact!"

He laughed. I laughed. Then I wanted to cry because it was still on 3P.M.

Oh! Down below are two separate posts! One about a Diva and another about a cranky Russian!

There are more stories to type but I will get to that tomorrow! I have to jet!

STARSHMUCKS LADY

2010-01-02T17:28:00.003-05:00

Starshmuck is my way of saying "Starbucks". I will admit, I am not a fan of Starbucks but if there isn't a Dunkin Donuts around for a tea, I will result to the Seattle Coffee House also known as Starshmucks. Think about it... there is a Starshmucks on every friggin corner! Yo, Dunkin Donuts, I think you need to step up here!
With that being clear, this lady dressed in business clothes, walks in with her nose stuck up in the air holding a flashy bag, a Starshmucks extra large cup, and an Ikea plastic bag (the ones that sell for 59 cents or something) acting as if there is a red carpet event going on in my laundromat. Who thought! An Ikea plastic bag is the new Coach Laundry Bag. -head to desk-

Normally I don't have any problems with her but I secretly mock her whenever she walks around like she is the bomb. (Oh snap! I went old school and said "the bomb"). She put her laundry in the washer and she came up to me and complained that the washer isn't working. Without a word, I silently walked to her washer and turned the handle. It magically worked! I turned around and walked back to my counter without saying "you're welcome." I am exhausted... I have a right to not say anything, especially when stupidity and lack of competence is present.

Dryer time!

She places her clothes in the dryer and I spot out that she left her dryer on the warm option. I didn't say anything. I assumed she wanted it that way since she is obviously weird. Of course she wasn't present when I spotted this as well and I could have easily changed the option but I didn't.

She comes back thirty minutes later and she stated that her dryer is broken because she had her clothes in there for 40 minutes and her clothes were not dry. I told her that I saw it on warm but I didn't change it. She said that she was 110% sure that she had it on hot. I argued with her and pointed out the obvious "Ma'am, the dryer is working because no one else complained about it. If you put your hand on the metal piece, it is slightly warm. You had it on the warm temperature"... She said "No, no! It was on hot!" She got an attitude with me and I was planning on proving her and her Starshmucks drink wrong!

I will be honest with you though... when I walked away with the attitude that I was right and she was wrong, I was hoping that I don't get proved wrong and I come out as the ass... haha! What? I'm sure all of you get that way at times!

So when I walked back with the quarter to put in the dryer and put it on hot, I told her "I'll be back in two minutes to check the temperature." I go back in two minutes and the dryer door is HOT! I told her to put her hand on the dryer and showed her that she made the mistake. I stuck around for the apology. After a couple of seconds, she said it... with her head down too! haha! BITCH! I WIN!

On her way out, she was walking as if she were on the runway. I should have told her "don't walk that way... your butt and muffin top are wobbling!" Instead I just laughed at her... she didn't notice. Not that I wanted her to -whistles- but hey... I WIN!

Also, there is a blog below from today as well! Read on about the Cranky Russian!!!

CRANKY RUSSIAN

2010-01-02T15:46:00.003-05:00

Today we opened up to a New Year with the same stupid customers. As a matter of fact, there were more because the other laundromat is closed. I am going to divide up the stories in different posts so make sure you look down below for more! This is to make it easier for you guys to read and not make the entry seem as a thesis. Here goes...

Today is a busy day. Busy to the point where people waited for 15 minutes to get washers and 10 minutes for dryers. Of course I accommodated all of them by making a line and seeing how many washers each person needed. When I thought it died down and bit because 6 washers were empty, I was wrong (hey new year type person... I asked you in the letter to allow my predictions to be correct!). A Russian guy in his 60's, tall with white hair came in with two big bags in a blue cart. I knew he was bad business because his face looked angry but I just continued to fold a drop off. My co-worker was at the counter taking care of the customers waiting in a line for change, soap, and to drop off clothes. The old guy took up six of the washers and another customer came in and pointed asked the Russian "are you using all of them?" and this is how the dialogue went:

Calm Customer (CC): Are you using all of them?
Russian Old Guy (ROG): -in an angry voice- YES!
CC: Well, could you at least let me use one of them?
ROG: YOU WANT ME TO BE HERE ALL DAY? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I WAS HERE FIRST THEY ARE MINE!

So I went over to ROG and informed him that I will be removing clothes from one of the washers so he can use it. The gentleman man thanks me and whispers to me "a nut case he is". I nodded. Another customer came and she was asking for three washers. I asked her to wait for four minutes so the washers can end their cycle and I pull them out. She happily agreed and told me to take my time. Then this happened

ROG: I NEED WASHER!
Me: Well I'm accommodating these people first. If you would like you can use a bigger one.
ROG: Use bigger one? Who gonna pay for it?
Me: Well, not me but it is your choice. You will have to wait.
ROG: I will not wait for three hours for a machine.
Me: Listen mister, I'm not asking you to wait for three hours. Give me a minute and I will get to you!
ROG: What am I supposed to do?
(I felt like telling him that he should go to the bathroom and scratch his balls)
Me: WAIT!
ROG: Well I need now! I can't wait. I busy person.
Me: Look, I asked you to wait, I need to accommodate these people. Your attitude is not appreciated.
ROG: My attitude is not appreciated? *laughs*
Me: No, its not so cool it!
ROG: Ok ok we will see.
Me: -mummbles- my ass you will.

I took my sweet time considering the fact that I had been at it with emptying washers and dryers along with folding so yeah, his ass could wait. When I finally gave him a washer, he was all nice to me until he sarcastically said "thank you" to which I replied "you are not welcome".
The moron also had problems with the sink. He was ranting to me that it wasn't working. I thought that this might be happening because Murphy's Law likes to be a bitch to me but it was working. He said that I magically did something to it and I told him "yes. I used my brain cells and made a sink function. Just amazing." That is when my crankiness kicked in. Soon after he left me alone until it came time for the dryers. He demanded that I tell other people to remove their clothes so he could use the top ones. Of course I told him that it was not possible since people ARE using the dryers and he could use the empty ones. He started with his three hour crap again. This time, I did not respond to him. I just turned around and walked away. He came to the counter and I made a sign with the counterfeit marker that said "out for 5 minutes, go to the other side" My co-worker took care of him and when she came back, she asked if she could borrow my sign. I told her "no". I love my sign -hugs sign-

He then came asking for the bathroom key and I get this from him "you know, I have to use the bathroom. I need newspaper"... I gave him a *wtf* look and figured he was kidding.... I think he was... I ignored his comment then.... I should change the tittle of this blog from "Cranky Russian" to "Dirty Old Man Russian"... WHY DO I FUCKIN GET STUCK WITH THE WEIRDOS?

In the end, he was leaving and he said "you know, I have to walk for 15 minutes and I need to use the bathroom" I asked him why he was asking me and he said "I need your permission, no?" I wonder if I scared him off....

People around me were comforting me and asking me why so many washers were going... I pointed to the old man all the time and added "because people need to do wash?" -sigh-

Fuck my Life.

Also a friend of mine within a game (we will call him Prae) suggested that I shouldn't kill anyone. Good call buddy. I was close to smashing someone's head into a washer and then force feeding them quarters...

2010

2010-01-01T13:15:00.001-05:00

HAPPY 2010!

HEY!

2009-12-31T12:17:00.002-05:00

Since I provide you guys with laughter and entertainment due to my misery, I would like it if you could take the time and tell me what you think about this blog AND what your favorite story was so far.

I know for a month I did not post but real life got in the way. I will make sure that does NOT happen again in 2010 and if it does, I will keep you guys (my readers and new comers) posted.

Let me know what you think and what your favorite story is =) It would be greatly appreciated =D

HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

P.S. The post down under is a letter to the New Year!

DEAR NEW YEAR

2009-12-31T12:06:00.002-05:00

Dear Sir/Ma'am New Year,

First of all, I would like to point out that within the past decade, I have met people, fought with people, and became great friends with some of these people. I have fallen into relationships which could not be described and I have wisened up on what I want. For that, I thank you for not killing me (after all the close encounters and self-accomplished incidents/accidents) so I can live and learn throughout the ten years. I close a chapter in my life when a decade ends and/or when something happens and I want it behind me. After today, this chapter will be closed and a new one will open. Of course, I have a couple of requests from your New Year... I doubt it will change, but what the hell, a person can dream... right? With that being said, enough babling and lets get right down to business.

First off, the laundromat. Being that it is a new year and a new decade, knock some effin sense into people. I know it is hard to do that with over one million stupid people in this world, but try aiming for at least three quarters of them. It would help. While you are at, implant an imaginary hearing aid for people so they can listen to me when I say "don't sit on that!" or "stop banging my machines". It would be nice if you knocked some sense into my co-workers and owners as well.

See, I am NOT asking for much for the coming new year. I am just asking for two or three things because when someone has common sense, then they wouldn't do all the other stupid shit that they do... like praising a child for sticking playdough into the washer coin slot... or people asking me what the difference is between the soaps and the services we provide.

With that being said, GIVE SOME OF THESE STUPID PEOPLE A BRAIN OR A COUPLE OF BRAIN CELLS SO I CAN SAVE MY FRIGGIN SANITY!

Sincerely,

Little Laundy Girl

P.S. If you don't give this to me, I will kill one of these douche bag customers one of these days and I will plead insanity because I will be blaming it on you! Don't tempt me New YeaR! -breathes- Okies, maybe not kill... but maybe verbally hurt them? That works too...

MOMMY! IM A BIG KID!

2009-12-30T18:11:00.004-05:00

Karma is hating me lately. Normally I have good karma. Maybe it isn't karma and just shitty luck. OR I am a magnet for these people. Maybe all of the above? I want to go into the fitting room, cover my head with some random towel, cry, and make believe that I am on an island owned by me. You guys are probably thinking that I am over exaggerating but removing play dough from a coin slot is serious business... especially when you have other morons hovering around the counter acting like they need something.

Play dough in a coin slot is something new to happen to me. The kid put a quarter to the dough to get a print on it and decided to put it in the slot. The kid thought that it was real currency. The mother praised the child and I scolded the mother. If you picture it, the mother should scold the child and I ignore the mother but the scolding and praising worked the other way. I spent 2o minutes cleaning out the fuckin dough... I hope the kid creates a donut and chokes on it... That is a mean remark but really, after a long day I am allowed to make such statements. I pointed out to the mother several times what her child did and many times I let out a heavy sigh. Every time I sighed she told her kid "its okay, it was clever for you to try it out. It is trial and error." I felt like telling the damn bitch "so if I kick you in the ass and I THINK you wouldn't fall face down but you do, that would be trial and error right?" But alas, I did not. I kept thinking *patience is virtue and in the end, it will be worth it*; however, my patience was being tested today by customers, co-workers, and family. Oh and after I cleaned out that gunk, I go over to the kid, get on one knee and tell him "what you did, was not nice and you could have damaged the machine. Don't do it again." The mother now scolded me... I should google a parenting class for her....

Next up!

All day customers were hovering over the counter and looking at the items (which is soap) that we sell. I would ask them "may I help you?" and they would say "no, I'm just looking." EXCUSE ME PEOPLE! THIS ISN'T WINDOW SHOPPING OR WINDOW DECORATIONS! IT'S FUCKIN TIDE!!! TIDE!!! THE CRAP THAT YOU PUT IN YOUR DAMN CLOTHES!!! What else can you possibly be looking at?! Half way through the day, I did take a walk to the other side of the counter and took a look to, to see what these people are looking at. Just as I suspected... IT IS TIDE! JUST LIKE LAST WEEK, LAST MONTH, AND EVERY OTHER DAMN YEAR WE HAVE SOLD THIS STUFF! After a couple of customers doing this, I questioned this one lady. She is a nice lady with an old fashioned mentality so I was being nice to her. Nice people deserve niceness -nods- So when I questioned if she needed something, she said "oh I'm just looking." I questioned further "what are you looking at?" and she said "the soaps". I was still confused so I questioned further... "what about the soaps?" and she replied "I'm trying to see if they are all the same and if there is a difference between any of them." Trying to remain calm and not break brain cells, I said "but we only sell Tide. That is the only non-chlorine detergent we sell... everything else with the exclusion of Clorox 2, will stain your clothes." She said "So Tide and Clorox 2 are the same"... "No ma'am, they are different... C2 is bleach for colors, you can add that in with the Tide if you want." She just stood there. I asked her if she wanted any of it and she just said that she was still looking -face roll- WHY!?!?!?!?

From that I learned to not ask them if they want anything and to just leave them there until they ask for something.

THEN I had a customer ask me for a ten and two fives. I gave him exactly that and he was arguing that I stiffed him on a five dollar bill. I was pointing out that he had a ten dollar bill in hand as well as two fives... after 5 minutes, his wife comes over and she agrees with me. He started to apologize to me and offered me a drink to which I replied very fast "NO!"

... I am terrified of my customers buying me beverages now... why? Well, sometimes they lead to questions such as "will you marry me?" or "do you want a boyfriend?" and "want to web chat?" -cries-

As for family, I went to pick up an uncle and he just wouldn't shut the hell up! My dad and I would just ignore his questions sometimes but his mouth would still go 100mph! GAH! If it is karma, DAMN YOU!

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!

2009-12-29T10:30:00.002-05:00

I deal with this laundry place 6 times a week. If I am lucky, only five times. Now, I dream about it. Not dream as in day dream but like the dreaming you do when you sleep. I will blame it on Nyquil but my dear god, I hope I never dream about me working in the laundromat. It was a nightmare!!

This is how the dream went.

It was 30 minutes before the last wash and the laundromat was pretty quiet with only 3 customers. I kept thinking "yes! I am going to close early!" but I was wrong. Even in my dream my prediction was wrong! So much for the whole "controlling your dreams" advice...
Anyways, a customer comes up to me and asks me for a couple of bags because his wife forgot to give him the laundry bag. I told him I would have to charge him for the bags and he just went on a mumbling rant saying "oh I am never coming here ever again." I leave from the counter to go to the back to start cleaning up and all of the sudden, theres over 10 customers. Washers are going and dryers are drying. Customers started to come in 10 minutes before the last wash and I would tell them that im closed. While im telling these group of customers to basically leave, other customers are putting in wash! I look at the clock and I see that its 30 minutes before closing time. I start to freak out. I clean and it gets dirty all over again. I am reminding people of the closing time and they ignore it. There were 3 teenage girls sitting on the folding tables and I told them to get down. I thought that the customer with the bags put a curse on me so I return to the counter to get him the bags and I gave them to him. He thanks me. He didn't put a curse on me. I turn around and i see three girls sitting on the counter again. I yell at them this time to get down... except for the fact that there were three little girls sitting there. I started to freak out that I made 2 of the 3 girls cry and I started to apologize to the mom. The mom forgave me and told me "you are just doing your job." I told her she can leave them up there if its going to avoid a headache and them running around as if it were a playground. I look at the clock and it was 10 minutes before closing and these people were nowhere close to down. I was freaking out because I wanted to go home. Then my phone rings in reality.

The dream freaked me out... NO MORE LAUNDRY DREAMS PLEASE!!!!

I SMELL APPLE

2009-12-28T19:08:00.002-05:00

First off, a friend of mine came by to see me... she lives 4 doors down from the laundromat. I wish she never left. I REALLY do wish she didn't.

Remember that customer that I talked about in the past... the one that would always bring me a beverage and a snack? Yeah well, he came back today. I thought he would leave before my friend did but sadly, his wash was on the first rinse cycle. When he entered the laundromat (before the friend came by) he didn't start a conversation nor did he bring me a drink. I thought I was safe and that he gave up on trying to "impress" me. I was wrong. Lately, I have been wrong a lot with my predictions. I don't even know why I bother to think that these people will change, it only leads to disappointment as well as the urge to just stab them in the eye or force feed them a box of Tide and hope that they never approach me. Sadly, the stabbing and Tide poisoning is illegal...

Anyways, I thought I was in the clear until the friend left. He came up to me, cleared his throat and said "I smell apple." I was tempted to say "I smell you" but I didn't know if that would get him excited or not. That's another thing... I have to watch what I say to people or they will take it the wrong way. Instead of saying what I thought, I just told him "I don't smell apple. As a matter of fact, I smell bleach." He said "oh yeah yeah yeah, it might be that." I continued to ignore him and I would answer with a "yes" or a "no". He asked me if I wanted to go to the park with him and I told him "No. It's cold and I am going to a gym." He asked which gym and I told him "sorry, I don't share that with customers. I see you guys in here, I don't want to see you at my gym." He then told me if I wanted help, I should ask him... I pointed out that there are trainers at the gym. Then he went into a conversation about my co-worker and how she works hard and to that I replied "she better. She is getting paid." He laughed and then he asked me if I found a job yet. I thought *Hey! Apparently you missed the Obvious Bus! I'M STILL HERE!* but I went with the short answer "no". He clears his throat once again and he starts to flex his legs. He points out once again that he is running every morning in the park but I just told him "oh, I thought you have an involuntary muscle spasm." He didn't understand what that meant and he asked me what I meant... I decided to ignore the question and say "well, the loo is calling me... I'll talk to you later." It was a lie.

Notice how I have been failing at my predictions AND lying to customers? I have reached to the lowest levels of the low scale. -sighs- Meh, I'll be able to sleep at night knowing that I didn't have to deal with any longer.

On another note, I accidentally locked myself out of the office... I had to jump over the counter. It happens once in a while but that's what I get when I exit one door and enter through another. I could yell at myself but I think it's best if I save my energy for the incompetent morons that need the yelling.

SUNDAY FUNNIES

2009-12-27T01:03:00.004-05:00

Today is Sunday... a day that I can sit back and relax. Oh and prepare myself for the week. Of course it is 1 am but hey... better a post early then not at all! Truth is, I can't sleep. My walls are vibrating because of the club next door and I think they know I am calling so they aren't picking up their phones. Yoda would say, asshats they are. Plus, I will not be around for most of the day tomorrow.

You know, the best day of the week is Saturday. Its the last day of the week I have to deal with incompetent morons. When Sunday comes around, I dread Monday. Monday and Thursday are the two worst day's of the week. Why? Well on Monday people come into the laundromat fully energized and excited. By excited I mean that they are ready to pick a fight or hit some machines due to anger issues. Thursdays are bad because I have customers that don't even belong to me because other laundromats are closed... so I'm dealing with people that don't know how to speak English and people who think that the washer will work with the door open. If I see someone attempt to start a washer without closing the door I will ask them "do you think your clothing is claustrophobic?" and go from there.

It really is mind boggling and many people tell me I have patience. I nod and smile at that remark only because sometimes it isn't true. I will yell at people if I have to and make threats if the job gets done. As a matter of fact, my co-worker told me that a lot of the Spanish customers think I am an angry person. Well... of course I am! If you don't understand English and I don't understand Spanish, there will be a bit of hostility. Then again if I am making hand signals and flailing my arms while talking to them in a language they don't understand, they will probably think I am trying to kill them. Hell, I would be frightened too AND think that the person belongs in a room with four padded walls.

I once had a customer tell me I had the easiest job since I get to sit around sometimes. While he was telling me that, a customer came up to me telling me that his keys got stuck in the soap hole. I turned to the other customer that was lecturing me on my job and said "so, you think my job is easy?" he said "I take it back. You are dealing with morons." I replied "I glad I had an example walk up to us at the right time." I grabbed my screwdriver and skipped to the washer.... to only find out that the keys entered the actual washer. I told the customer "feel free to put the keys in your mouth, they will be bacteria free!" and I walked away. The key customer laughed and thought that my suggestion was adorable. On the bright side, he didn't ask me to perform a sexual gesture!

With that being said,

ENJOY YOUR SUNDAY EVERYONE!

Also, if you are reading this blog and liking it, don't be afraid! Follow me! I swear I really don't bite!

-LG

I NEED CLEAN

2009-12-26T14:33:00.004-05:00

I thought I was going to have a calm Saturday after the tablecloth lady but no. I was introduced to the most stupidest person on this Earth. I will call him the Fail Guy. He deserves that title!!

What did he do?

Many things. This is how it goes:

Failguy: I need clean.
Me: Excuse me?
FG: -mumbles-
Me: -snaps- What?
FG: You have clean?
Me: -points to the soap- You need soap?
FG: -nods-
Me: Which one?
FG: Tide
Me: Okee... 6.50

After giving me the money he left and I thought "that wasn't so bad... he won't bother me again". Five minutes later:

FG: Clean no work.
Me: What?
FG: 18 clean no work wrong
Me: Is something broken? Did you break something?
FG: no clean no clean!
Me: Okay, okay... show me!

So he takes me to the washer and he says that he put the coins and soap in the wrong washer. This is how it all unraveled:

FG: Clean in wrong machine
Me: You put money in here too?
FG: Yes, 2.50
Me: I can't give you your money back. I don't even know if you really put it in there! Plus, I am not going to pay for your mistake!
FG: ok, give me free clean!
Me: No! I am NOT responsible for your mistake! It is YOUR fault! You should have paid attention. You need to pay attention to what you are doing.
FG: I need clean.
Me: I will sell it to you.
FG: Give me discount.
Me: No, I am not going to be responsible for your wrong doing! No discount for you!

Finally he starts to put money in the right washer and he comes to buy soap. He is about to walk away with it for free but I told him to come back and pay. He did pay. I thought that after that, he wouldn't bother me again... he did.

FG: Clean no work
Me: What?
FG: 18 no work
Me: Ugh! Show me!
Me: You didn't close the door!
FG: OH okay!

His friend was sitting down and tells me "he is stupid." I replied "no shit". And we left it at that.

Oh and if you were wondering, "clean" used by him means soap and washing machine at the same time.

So, when can I grow a new set of brain cells?

POST HOLIDAYS

2009-12-26T13:24:00.003-05:00

On Christmas Eve, people asked me what I asked from Santa and I told them two things.

1. I am the x amount of age and Santa is just a figment of a child's imagination. Plus he is just there to make kids happy and to make himself happy too (if you know what I mean...).
2. If a Santa DID exist, I would want my sanity back along with a day at a spa.

OH and some people got offended when I said this "NO MORE STUPID CUSTOMERS!"

It's a shame though. I was right. Santa does not exist because I DON'T have my sanity back and because the x amount of stupid customers doubles today, after Christmas. This may be Karma's doing.

A customer walked up to while she huffed and puffed and demanded I remove the stains from her "precious" table cloth. Mind you, there was not one stain or two... there were over 20... in different colors and judging by the smell, different flavors. I asked her how long the stains were sent on for and she said "some are from yesterday and the rest are from the past years." I could not help but ask her "did you use the same dirty cloth yesterday?" and she responded with an attitude "yes".

I explained to her that last years stains will not come off because the oils and coloring from the food products are already set in. I told her that she shouldn't have waited a year or more to clean. So she had the nerve to yell into my face "I DID NOT ASK YOU FOR YOUR OPINION. I ASKED YOU TO CLEAN IT. " I thought to myself, nasty bitch, don't yell at me; however I told her "ma'am, please take your stained cloth and exit the premises. Your attitude and business is not appreciated here." She then went on and on about how rude I am and how I should bow down to her. So what accidental slipped my mouth? This... "You obviously didn't get laid on Christmas morning" After saying that, I just gasped and laughed. I think she got really annoyed at me (or the truth) and left.

So that is how I get rid of people like that? I will make note of that.

Normally I am nice and I "behave" but she deserved what I told her.

Also, I had four or five customers bang the machines today. An Arabic Muslim told me that if he can't put the quarters in, then I can't because I am a female. I told him "hit my machine again and I will SHOW you what a female can do to a male!" I put the quarters in the machine for him and after I told him "guess it takes some education to realize that you have to put the quarters in the slot and not in the coin return" and I walked away. His friend was laughing at him. I was too. Another one was a repeat offender and I told her "stop banging the machine! Go to a boxing class if you have built of anger" She laughed. She knows I mean well and she apologized saying that she forgot. Thankfully not all of my customers are stupid... I will classify this one as forgetful.

A customer brought me home baked cookies, which were yummy.

Hopefully the New Year will enlighten people.

TIS THE SEASON TO BE...

2009-12-23T22:47:00.002-05:00

THANKFUL!

Why? Well see... people are doing last minute shopping which means they do not have enough time to do laundry which means that they are not bothering me. Today was easy peasy! Tomorrow will be crazy though. Expect stories.

Also, check out this blog:

http://areyouseriouscupid.blogspot.com/

I recommend it!

REPEAT OFFENDER

2009-12-21T20:34:00.003-05:00

A couple of months ago, I thought a male was cute because of his eyes.. but in the end, he stole my hangers. As a matter of fact, I gave him the douche bag title for demeaning me. I asked him many times to not call me sweetie. After that night, I thought he would be gone for good. I was wrong.

He showed up tonight 10 minutes before the 8pm cutoff. He asked me if I can wash his laundry and I said "No." My friend Rob was here and he was just laughing. He said he would pay me, the douche bag that is, and I told him the same answer as above. As a matter of fact, with an attitude, with hopes of getting rid of him, I told him that I close at 9pm on the dot. He ignored me I think. He put his crap into the washer and stepped out to purchase soap. He came back after 5 minutes and asked me if I can put his stuff in the dryer, the answer remained the same. He said he would pay me extra and I kept telling him "no." I should have told him that I am not a laundry prostitute.

Anyways, when he comes back, the conversation went like this:

Douchebag: You are beautiful.
Me: Thanks.
Dbag: You got a boyfriend?
Me: I'm married actually.
Dbag: Want to go into the fitting room?
Me: Judging by your height, their is nothing there. I'm married.

He walks away but before that he asks me what time I am closing. Normally, I don't hate people. As a matter of fact, I enjoy them... with the exception of the stupid ones... but people like this d-bag, I do NOT tolerate.

-sigh-

Speaking of Rob, we had a debated conversation about whether or not, not-attractive is the same as ugly. My opinion is that they are two different things. Not-attractive include everything for me.. from personality to turn ons/off. If the individual has more turn-offs than turn-ons, then I am NOT attracted to that person. However, if the person looks like they have been hit by a bus several times and a lion went to eat his/her face... then he/she is ugly.

THE INTERNET IS TRUELY FOR PORN

2009-12-21T19:29:00.006-05:00

Remember the crazy dude that I blogged about a couple of entries ago where he was skateboarding in my laundromat and he fell to his face? Well, now I know even more about him and I wish I didn't.

He asked me if I was on the Internet and I said "yes" and he asked me how and I told him that I have Roadrunner. He yelled "SERIOUSLY?!" with his eyes almost popping out and I told him "yes...now how many I help you?" He decided to ignore my question and just go into his story about how his Internet isn't working and that he hates the Time Warner cable service. I told him that it happened to me before and that they will fix it soon. What does he throw back at me? "I have no way of watching porn on my mother fuckin computer! For 3 days now I haven't watched the girls going at it." I had no words for him and except I nodded and smiled which was a bad idea because he then tells me "you have beautiful eyes, you know that?" I told him that I did and he just kept repeating it. I got annoyed and I finally told him "your eyes are beautiful too. They are so beautiful that I want to spork them out and devour them." He took his elbows off the counter, handed me the money, and left. I should have told him that I could also pull a Lorena Bobbitt, you know... the lady that chopped off her husband's penis and tossed out of the car window.... but I didn't.

For the rest of the night, he did not make eye contact. I win.

Today was a long day. The two washers that broke, I removed the piping from the bottom and then removed the water motor thingy (fuck if I know what the name is) and took it to Gold Coin so they can repair it. I made two trips there. If you own a laundromat and need parts, I highly recommend Gold Coin in Jamaica!
Need to fix a dryer tomorrow too.

0 DOWN 2 TO GO...

2009-12-18T16:47:00.002-05:00

I hate when washers break. Oh how much I do. Why? Well, the male owner thinks he can fix them himself when in fact he really can't. Yeah I learned how to fix washers from him but really, I think I know more than he does. He wants to take a part from a working washer to put into the broken one to see if it works. I know which part it is and I KNOW that the part is broken but he still wants to play operation. Honestly, I am willing to GIVE him the money for the part just to save myself the headache and frustration.

Customers weren't so much of a bother... yet... but one customer kept repeating that her coat was warm over and over again like a crackhead asking for crack. So I told her "Oh yeah? My underwear has electrical heating. I think I win." She shut it and left. I win.

Must find parts for washer...

WANT A SNICKERS? HERE TAKE A SNAPPLE!

2009-12-16T17:43:00.003-05:00

When I was growing up, T.V shows taught me to never accept candy from strangers or anything really. Not even if they tell you a pretty pink princess is in a white van. Typically, parents are supposed to give you that kind of talk but when I was a young little girl, they didn't tell me anything. They were too busy working. As a matter of fact, I learned about sex from 90210 and Melrose Place. Yes, at that time I was around 7 or 8 years old... but hey, look at me now... I AM AS NORMAL AS I WILL EVER BE! Okies, that is a lie...

Yesterday and today I was being forced to eat and drink from two different Arab guys. Apparently they do NOT know the meaning of "no". I was amused at first and then it turned to annoyance.

On Monday, the guy was offering me a small snickers bar and I refused it. He kept pushing it on me and I lied by telling him I don't like chocolate. Well actually, it isn't a lie. I am not a big fan of milk chocolate but I LOVE white chocolate. Also, Snickers is WAY too sweet for me. After telling him all this, he continued to pressure me to take the chocolate when I finally raised my voice a tad bit and said "NO". That is when he said "okay. I see you drink Snapple. You like Snapple. You drink Snapple." I kept refusing that too and he finally said "okay." I thought I had won the battle but boy was I wrong... he brought me an orangeade Snapple.

I thanked him for the nice gesture but then I told him to never bring me anything because in my words "I'm not a big fan of Snapple much anymore"... another lie... I like Raspberry Snapple ONLY. Plus, I love the Snapple Facts... heh... Anywhoots, he dropped it off and told me "its okies, you drink" and I argued that I had water and he just ignored me. Asshole. Nice gesture but still an asshole because of the following; he thought that by offering me stuff, he could stay late to fold but NO! It does NOT work like that. I gave him his 5 minute warning and on his way out he asked me why I want to close at 9pm and I told him that I want to go home too. He asked me if I wanted to walk him to his apartment and I told him "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" He then said he was kidding (in broken English of course). He asked me if I use MSN and I told him "NO! I do not use messengers, its not my thing" (another lie). He asked me what my shifts were and I told him that it varies and I'm not here most of the time (another lie... I practically live in this place). He finally said good night and left me alone to lock up. Bastard took 10 minutes of my life that I couldn't take back. -shakes head-

Today I had a neighbor of mine, a mechanic offer me services. It's not what it sounds like. His business isn't going that great because it's slow so he is trying to get my car into his shop. Not in a million years. I did take my car to his shop one Sunday and they wanted to charge me $480 just to change the exhaust. I told him "HELL NO! The exhaust pipe is only like 60 bucks dude!" After arguing for 5 minutes and me threatening him that I'm going to go someplace else, he changes the damaged part for 6o. I told the story to guy today and he tells me "you know, you just made my life miserable. I have to come to work now on Sundays" and I told him straight out "hey dude, not my fault your workers are trying to put money in their pocket. You should have laid down the rules or at least put cameras in your place." After 30 minutes of talking to me and telling me how I should try them again, he leaves. I thought that I was going to have a smooth night now that he was gone but nope. I was wrong once again. He came back. This time he came back with post cards with his business on them. I told him to just leave them on the table and if people are interested, they would pick them up. Somehow... we got into food. I didn't bring up food but he did...

He was asking me if I liked Afghanistan food and I told him that I never tried it. He told me that he is going to bring me some from around the corner right now and then asked if I liked spicy food. I told him that I don't like spicy food (a lie) and that I have sensitive taste buds so I don't try new food (another lie). Then he was forcing me to eat k-bobs and I told him "oh no, I am trying to become a vegetarian!" (Another lie once again). He didn't get the idea after me telling him no several times and I reached the point where I yelled "I DON'T WANT FOOD! LEAVE ME ALONE!" What does he say? "OK, I will bring you a veggie platter!" Dude, NO!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? So I told him "Look, I don't like ethnic food. I am used to my kind of food. I grew up on it and I have sensitive taste buds. It is OK. Don't bring me anything. Please!" (HUGE lie on the ethnic food part.) He then says he will bring me Greek food and then I just look at him with what seemed to be a blank stare. I informed him that I didn't want anything and I thanked him for his gesture but he just went on. Finally I told him I had to go to the bathroom and he left me alone and said "okay, ill bring something one day for you to try." I just said "Okay" at that point. I really didn't go to the bathroom. I just went to the back room and waited until he left.

What is wrong with these people?! I was telling one of my customers about this and he pointed out that they are trying to get other stuff down my throat... not only food. Think about that one.

-sigh- I should put up a sign that says "if you don't accept the first no and you ask again, your dark clothes will get bleached when you aren't watching."

ROXORZ BOXERZ

2009-12-14T17:18:00.002-05:00

Hands down, boxers are a turn on for me. (Way to start a blog right?) Boxers with a huge hole in the front, isn't a turn on for me. White boxers scare me but white boxers with a hole in front and questionable stains are terrifying. Boxers with pictures on them are interesting but boxers with YOUR ACTUAL FACE ON THEM IS MORE TERRIFYING THAN THE THOUGHT ITSELF.

The boxers that I described above, all belonged to one customer. I will be honest that I was intrigued by the boxers with his face on it and I do question the position of the mouth but still... intriguing and disturbing. I would say 6 or 7 of his boxers had big holes cut out in the front area. Easier access for urinating? Maybe. Easy access for an itch? Could be. Easier access to play with himself while watching porn? DING DING DING! I came to that conclusion by bringing all the pieces together. On two ocassions, I found porn dvd's in his bag and another time a playboy magazine. Good going dude. Very subtle. When he comes to pick up his laundry later tonight, I will NOT be able to look at him with a straight face.

I don't know why but today's theme seems to be "naughty".

I had two twelve year old girls talk about their virginities and then they started to call up people on their phones and ask them if they are still virgins. I don't think the two girls admited to whether or not they are or are not virgins but they came up with these two theories:

1. "Our teachers aren't virgins"
and
2. "My parent's arent virginss".

First... the first one seems really wrong when it came from their mouth, being that they are 12 and still in school and the to the second one, I felt like replying "NO SHIT!" They were loud and obnoxious. Not to mention they dirtied my floor with the disgusting fried chicken from next door. At one point, I did yell at them to quiet down.

Also, my cutie came in today <3 I just love love love his eyes!

I CAN EXPLAIN

2009-12-13T17:31:00.004-05:00

Dear Readers,

First off, I would like to start off with an apology. An apology because I have not updated my blog for more than a month. Unfortunately, I did not have time to update it. Between being busy with work, looking for a college for my masters, and a real job, I just did not have time to update. At one point I did hit the bottom and I just needed time to myself.

Just to let you know, I am STILL tired and I am STILL looking for a job, but I will start to tell you my stories of my everyday life in the laundromat. Things did go on for the month that I did not update but I will assure you, those stories will be told!

With that in mind, I am pleased to tell you that I have come back to entertain you all and hopefully, a job will pop up for me.

If you have any questions or concerns, even comments, feel free to email me or ask away in the comment area.

I hope all of you understand!!

Thank you!

Laundry Girl~

THE THREESOME

2009-11-07T14:39:00.003-05:00

I didn't tell anyone about this except for my mom. I wanted everyone to read it and I kept it for the blog.

In my previous posts, I blogged about the guy that repeats "you know" after each statement and his wife that walked around passing gas and demanding ice cream... hopefully you remember them because if you don't, go back to last months posts... anywhoots...

This guy came to do laundry (I'll call him Bob) on Tuesday and he was in a talkative mood as always. I guess he can't read facial expressions because mine clearly yelled "fuck off." As he was yapping on about some non-sense, his wife walks in with her usual cane and Mets jacket. There was something different about her and I couldn't pin point what it was. Naturally, I checked this old lady out to figure out what was new about her (big mistake on the checking out part) and I saw that she cleaned herself up. Her hair was combed and sprayed and she sported a little bit of blush and lip gloss. I thought to myself "aww! She is so cute! She must be trying to get her husbands attention!" and my thought was right. She was so raunchy towards him and whispered to him "can't you wait until tonight? You and me. Hey Bob, you should ask the girl to join." Once I heard this I mouthed "OH MY GOD." I ducked behind the counter and waited until she left. She was all over him and using her cane as gestures in public. I. was. scared. I still am. -shudders- I think this has happened before because it seems familiar but I can't seem to pin point which day or if it even really happened.

They never got around to asking me but she was the one checking me out when I had to serve the customers. Threesomes for old people should become illegal. My lesson is to not check out old people to see what new to offer a compliment. Just don't.

AFK!

2009-11-07T14:37:00.002-05:00

Sorry for not being around for a week and a half. My laptop decided to break on me. Well the heat sink fan thingy did. Not fun. I sent it out to HP and the turn around time was surprisignly fast. I was expecting it to be in sometime during this coming week.

I have tons to type up! Thanks to my super duper amazing brain, I remembered it all. Watching Looney Tunes while growing up did have a positive impact. Woot!

JUST AN INFO POST

2009-10-27T14:50:00.006-04:00

Hi!

So I added a new feature provided by Blogspot that will allow you to check off one of the three options or if you want, all of them. It would be great if you can use it! This way, I get an idea of how many people actually read this blog.

Also, I added a poll to the blog which is located at the bottom of this page! Check it out!

If you are too shy to leave a comment, feel free to email be at lillaundrygirl@gmail.com with some suggestions or even comments about this blog. It would be great to read emails from you and get an idea of how many people read this.

Thanks!

-LG

KOSHER DELIGHTS...

2009-10-26T17:13:00.002-04:00

... Is brought to you by a Jewish episode.

I never had a problem with one of the companies we service. I show up, pick-up and drop off without a problem. Sometimes it is a bit uncomfortable when the guy just sits and smiles at me but I have gotten past that... somewhat.

Anyways, today I go to our scheduled time that HE gave me to do a pick up and to drop off a jacket. I saw the truck in the driveway so my first thought was "it must be a madhouse in there" and my second thought was "I hope he is in a good mood." Never has this guy ever yelled at me but he has repeated many things over and over due to paranoia even though the instructions are clearly stated on the paper, taped to the bag and a copy placed inside the bag. He even hands me a copy with the instructions. So after 3-4 papers of the instructions handed to me, he manages to stand there and emphasize the following:

"Please, please put these in boxes and fold them. Please, please do not mix up the items. This is VERY important." My reply is "I know, I have done this before. I assure you the best quality will be given to you with the instructions followed to the max" and his reply is "this isn't a laughing matter, I'm being serious." And I give back "I know you are, I am too."

It must be my passive voice that I tend to give at times where people have to state the obvious a couple of times but trust me, "moron" isn't written across my face.

So today, when I enter the massively busy place to deliver the item that needed to be delivered, I greet him with a cheery voice and he barks back "now is not the time!" Being that this is the first time that he barked at me I thought "whats next, couples therapy" and I told him "um, ok... want me to leave this with you?" and he said "I don't care what you do, now is not the time." Seeing that there wasn't a path for me to get to the other side, I told him "okay, when you are ready, give me a call or I will see you tomorrow." He said in an angry voice "fine." Normally, some people would be upset that they were yelled at for nothing and I would too but this mini event made me laugh all the way to my parked car. Seeing a short angry guy buried behind boxes and plastic just made me laugh... I pictured Cartman at some point and then I pictured my friend, who is also Jewish just laughing and saying "See, I told you..."

Guess that wasn't the right time to ask him which name brand has the best Kosher salt...... heh......

Signing out with a smile and a deli pickle,

LG

SUNDAY BLUES

2009-10-25T16:49:00.005-04:00

Today is the first time I worked on a Sunday after a very long time and for the first time ever, I will say I wish I dealt with stupid people as opposed to HP tech support.

Today is history for my blog because of the above sentence.

The HP lady was ridiculously retarded. She stated that my overheating issue can be solved if I moved my laptop to a cooler place. I told her my bed and room do not fit in the freezer and apparently me demanding to speak to someone with a brain (yes, I did tell her that), didn't phase her. What. the. fuck. I told her my stupidest customers are brighter than her. She kept making me go into the bios and asking me to turn my laptop on and off ( I didn't though) and she was asking me what the temperature is. Gee, I wonder where I stick the thermometer...

If my laptop is going in for repairs, im going to try and steal someones laptop for a while.

MAKE IT A MEAL

2009-10-22T18:07:00.003-04:00

Customer: Do you have coupons?
LG: For what?
Customer: Well, some places give coupons with their service.
LG: For what?
Customer: Well, mostly food and some for products.
LG: No. I'm not a Sunday newspaper.
Customer: You should give out coupons.
LG: No, we shouldn't. But why should we?
Customer: So we can get a meal with our clothes.

I felt like calling him a fat fuck and telling him to get out of my store. Apparently another laundromat gives out coupons in this town. Who would have thunk?

A lady came up to me asking me for change. I snapped "Do you see a cash register around?" I was in the back folding some clothing while my co-worker was in the front doing some stuff. Why come to me, when she is in the front? WAKE UP, DRINK SOME COFFEE, HAVE SOME BRAIN FOOD, AND UTILIZE YOUR BRAIN. IT IS THERE FOR A REASON! The brain isn't an internal ornament to just sit there...

It's one of those days where I hope to go home early.

-SLAP-

2009-10-20T19:12:00.004-04:00

Today I was yelling at a young boy for running around the laundromat. His sister was too. Well I didn't yell the first couple of times. I just warned them and after the billionth time I got fed up, and yelled "STOP RUNNING NOW!" The boy didn't get hit but the girl got brutally slapped by the mother. I told the mother that she wasn't as bad as her son and her reply was "you no talk."... She didn't speak English but she was speaking in Arabic. Another Muslim lady from Lebanon witnessed all this and she came to the counter and explained to me the following:

-The mother isn't supposed to punish the son because he holds a higher place in the family than the mother and sister. If both the sister and brother are running, the sister would get punished but the brother will only get a light warning. If the brother was alone running but the sister wasn't doing a thing, then the brother wouldn't get yelled at, his actions would be ignored and the mother will resume her tasks. If the mother yells at her son, then the father will punish the mother. The only reason she told me to (basically) mind my own business

This reminds me of the stuff I learned in high school about family pyramids in different religions and cultures. I forgot what the pyramid is called and I'm too lazy to drag my finger to the google search box thingy.

Anyways...

After the nice lady explained to me all of this, I was asking her questions and she said "that's how it is in some families." I asked her if it's like that with her family (she has two daughters and a son) and she said "no, my husband knows I don't tolerate that." Now her statement made me think *it really doesn't have to be that, its just power vs. fear, where fear wins.* Fear that the wife gets punished by what is thought to be powerful, the husband. Do I agree with all this? Of course not. Especially when I see a kid get hurt just because the brother was being a spoiled lil brat. I did make a note to not intervene with her family matters again, but still... seeing a lil girl brutally slapped is NOT cool in my book.

I have this one customer and his names rhymes with Dragon. Every time he comes to pick up his dry cleaning, he looks at the wrong places and touches other peoples clothing. It bothers me. It also bothers my co-worker so I can't be classified as a complex case. Tonight, I let him have it. I told him "you know, you seem to know every time where your clothes are. Here, take your ticket and you are limited to the outside rack only. Go on. Find it." He was confused and then I felt bad for him. I grabbed his ticket and gave him his clothes. He thanked me and I thanked him. Sucks that I can't be a full time bitch sometimes.... DAMN MY SOFT SPOTS!

IT'S COLD TODAY

2009-10-15T18:24:00.003-04:00

Actually, cold is an understatement. It is freezing and I don't feel like dealing with morons today.

Today's rain brought out customers that are stubborn and stupid. Before I get into this customer, take the following advice from me.

In certain situations, you should tone down your stubbornness and put your pride to the side, especially in public because you will come off as a moron and you will have an audience whether you like it or not.

This lady isn't even my customer but she arrived to the laundromat with TWO shopping carts and each shopping cart had one bag of laundry in it. She could have easily put both bags in one but she said "one cart is heavy to cart it all.".... Instead she was pushing one cart and pulling the other -shakes head-.

She puts her laundry in the washer and then starts to add the quarter. After every quarter, she would hit the machine so the washer could accept the quarter. After four "bangs", I left the front to go to the back and told her to stop because she is damaging the washer and that she can use the coin return and try again. I stood there for two seconds and she said "what, now you are going to stand and watch me?" and I said "no, but I figured you might need help." She snapped back "I don't." Like a fuckin moron, she stood in front of the washer trying to figure out where the coin return button is. One lady shook her head at me for her and mouthed "retard". The only lady that started chit chatting with her about the laundromat was that crazy waitress lady from last Thursday that bitched at me for the baby carriage. All I have to say is this: Crazy waitress lady, meet crazy moron. Now shake hands.

Other than that, the day has been relatively quiet. Outside of the laundromat, I had a political convo with someone and they thought I attacked them by making a general comment. In the end, I just apologized (it was sincere) to be the bigger person and just end the suppose attack. Lesson in life : Never touch politics because there are people out there that are defensive and in denial while others are just sensitive about their views and logic behind their reason. Be the bigger person and just don't touch the subject and if you do, end the debate with an apology.

OMG! IT SMELLS LIKE BLEACH!!!

2009-10-14T22:10:00.002-04:00

I have reached the point where I no longer ask "WTF is wrong with people?" As a matter of fact, I just want to ask people "WTF is wrong with you and were you dropped as a child?" Seriously people... THINK before you TALK!!!!

Anyways..

A teenager (high school) walks into the laundromat and yells "Omg! It smells like bleach!" and after that, I yell "OMG! ITS A LAUNDROMAT!" He stood there for a minute until he figured out what just happened. He comes back to me after 20 minutes and says "oh, just so you know, I know its a laundromat but the smell." Of course, I had to reply with "It's expected you. People come here to CLEAN their laundry. Not dirty it. What kind of a laundromat would we be, silly." I don't think he liked my condescending attitude but his friend said "Ha you asshole, you deserve that." I felt like asking his friend to be my best friend just for that comment towards him.

I had a lady in the morning asking me the drop-off prices and I was telling her. I would tell her 6.75 and she would say "so it's $7.00?" and I would tell her the price again and she said her price. Then she stopped repeating the wrong price to me after I told her "Listen lady, there is a price difference between the two. If you want me to take your extra quarter, that will be fine with me BUT seven dollars is NOT our price so stop saying it is! IT IS 6.75!" Then she ended with "Okay... do you have a business card?".... WHAT THE FUCK!?

GLIDE.TRIP.FACEPLANT.

2009-10-13T20:33:00.004-04:00

Today is one of those days where I just want to go in a corner, rock side to side in a blanket, and cry. For many reason. One being my customers.

Before I get into the "OMFG WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WERE YOU DROPPED AS A CHILD" stories, here is a funny one.

One of the customers, he must be in his early 40s, always manages to creep me out. Today he wanted to know the difference between Bleach and Bleach for colors... I told him and he didn't grasp the concept... anyways... when he came back to put his clothes in the dryer, he was skateboarding in the laundromat and he managed to trip or something and he fell. I didn't get out of the front area until I stopped laughing. I wanted to show my "sympathy" for him and make sure he was "okay". Really, I could care less about him but seeing his arms flail in the air while singing, was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.

Tis' all for tonight guys. I am tired =(

MONDAY'S POST

2009-10-13T20:19:00.004-04:00

All day I was wondering why were so busy and why little kids aren't in school. Then I realized it was Columbus day. A friend texted me "Happy finding America then ruining it day". I laughed and I think the laughter was more for the fact that I forgot that it was a historical day. No wonder I didn't recieve my dvd in the mail... who would have thunk?... yes... thunk IS a word in MY dictionary.

Monday morning I had a passer-by argue WITH me that HE knew this was a dry cleaners and NOT a laundromat. After a minute of arguing, I gave in and said "you know what? You are absolutely right and when the apocolypse comes, YOU will know EXACTLY what to do." He looked at me as if I were the crazy one. He finally left after telling me that I am not a nice person.

The stupidest question of the day was : The washers use water to wash, right?
My ideal answer would have been "No. When it rains, we gather the rain drops in a bucket and put it in a BIG barrel so the machines can take the water from there. Then, little fairies come and start to dance around and sing *wash clothing wash so you can see day again*" while bashing her head against the washer. Yup. That would have made my year, not day but year.

Don't ask stupid question because when you do, little kittens die.

EASY DAYS

2009-10-11T21:40:00.002-04:00

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday have been easy days. Friday not much happened and things went smoothly. People left on time and they knew what they were doing. Saturday the same... but then again, I didn't work much. Instead I decided to go watch Paranormal Activity, which you should go watch. It was really good. Sunday, which is today is my off day and I used this day to look for a second job. Tough times.

WHY ISN'T THERE A FULL MOON OUT?

2009-10-08T18:29:00.006-04:00

... And if there is one out tonight, then that will explain the behavior of my customers. Where shall I start from?... From the beginning of the day would be good...

Believe it or not, folding can be relaxing at times. When I fold, I listen to my music and i just fold to the beat. Time passes by faster and I am in my own world. Today I didn't have music. Instead I had the sound of the dryers and a belt hitting up against the washer door. I felt like turning the washer off just to remove the "clanking" sound but I tuned it out eventually. A customer approached me for the fourth time this week looking for the seamstress. Before I get into the conversation he and I had, let me give you a bit of a background on him.

This perverted gentleman (if that is even possible) is a little bit over 6 feet tall and must weigh around 125 pounds. He is as thin as a toothpick. He is from Romania and has a heavy accent with a well trimmed beard. He is also a VERY nervous person and very punctual. Tell him "soon" and he would say "I need a precise time". I would say "Fuck you" but I fear he would ask for an exact time, an exact place, and the exact date. Oh and he must be in his early 60's or 70's.

For the past three days, today being the fourth- he would come around asking for the seamstress and for the past three days I would give him the exact times she would be here. He always missed her by 10-20 minutes. Unfortunately, I had to deal with him. Today he decided to wait for the seamstress's arrival and decided to ask me some questions to "get to know me." Now, I was so into what I was doing and I didn't bother to give him much attention let alone turn on my witt... I thought "hey, this guy is old... what can he possibly do?"... well... this is what went on:

Cust: I always see you here. Do you have hobbies?
LG: Yes.
Cust: Well, what are they?
LG: Oh, art, photography, sports, and video games.
-starts to talk about art and music-
Cust: You say you like video games?
LG: Yes
Cust: Like what? Cooking? Sports? Music? Sex?
-note the sex-
LG: Uh... Rpg, Fp.....
Cust: Oh, you no like sex video games?
LG:.... that... that doesn't exist...
Cust: Oh well you know uhuhmmm hahah hmmm

At this point my mouth is slightly open with what felt to be like a WHAT THE FUCK face. The first thing that came to my mind was this:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orl/740493470.html

Straight from the best of Craig's list. I feel like printing it out and giving it to this guy. Anywhoots, seeing that I didn't have anything to say he said "well, I will let you finish your work."
I have come to the conclusion that 80% of the old people are perverted and or crazy...
Crazy is up next.

I have a customer that has been coming to us since day one. I never really speak to her but there is the occasional greetings and asking of one anothers well being. Recently, she has been bringing her mother to the laundromat and she has been scaring me. This is rare, for a human to scare me. It's not her looks or anything but it's the fact that she is always talking and chanting to herself. When I am around, she does this while looking at me, which when she does look at me, I go to a mirror to look at myself to see if there is anything wrong. She makes me paranoid. Today, she didn't stop looking at me at all. She even walked around the laundromat and came back to my folding table and just stood there.... mumbling something in Spanish and looking straight ahead. I asked her if she needed anything and she said "Nuh" and went back to her daughter. After fifteen minutes, I proceed to the front to assist a customer with something. When I go back to the folding tables, she stands right where I was standing while I was folding... I told her "excuse me, but I need this table... its has the clothes on it." She just looked at me and then went back to her daughter. Eerie is an understatement I think.... Where's my blanket? Something about old people today and it doesn't stop here! Read on!

This lady, I have wrote about her. She is the one who doesn't understand that I don't speak English and she always arrives to the laundromat with a home attendant. Well, today after telling her 4 or 90million times that I don't speak Spanish, she picked up her cane and I think she threatened me. She was shaking her cane at me in an angry voice.

At this point I went from relaxed to slightly irritated. I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. If I did speak Spanish I would tell her "Shake your cane at me one more time and I will shove it so far up your ass, you would need a wheelchair to help you." Oops! Did I say I was slightly irritated... sorry, I'm pissed off!

The day gets better for you readers but worse for me. Remember, today is also Thursday which means I am dealing with people that really aren't my customers.

After my break, I go back to work to only find out that one of my customers is drunk and won't stop talking. As a matter of fact, she manages to scare a little boy AND be bitchy towards me. She was bitchy because she was cranky and she was cranky because she is a waitress. I know how it is BUT its not that hard to move a bay carriage away from the washer. That is what she was bitchy about. A baby carriage blocking her washer. She came to ask me to move it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!? She could have moved it herself and when I told her I didn't want to move because there is a child in there, she replied "so I have to stand around all day until the lady comes back?" to which I kindly said "she took her son to the restroom. She won't be long." Then she started to blab and at that point, I just moved it to get it over with. When the lady came out of the restroom, she gave me a weird look and that is when I explained to her what happened. The crazy drunk lady decided to add her input by saying "I was a bitch to her." I had nothing to say to her... I just went along my business. A customer came and complained to me that she wouldn't shut up and to tell her something and I pointed out the whole freedom of speech thing and how you can't really tame drunk people... especially when they are mean drunks. I classified her as a mean one. She was at the laundromat for three hours straight and she only had two loads of laundry... go figure... oh and her husband abusive too but I will leave that story for another day.

Next up on the insane-o-mobile we have the guy who can't function the dryer and states that it is broken. He comes storming up to me in his bumble bee type sweater and starts yelling at me in Spanish. I let him finish and then I asked him kindly to tell me what the problem is in ENGLISH. He got pissed at that. Ladies and gentleman, never assume someone is or speaks Spanish. I went to check out his dryer to only point out to the fuckin retard that he had it on warm the whole time. He continued to yell and scream at me and I asked him to relax and calm down and he says "Calm down!? How can I calm down?! My clothes aren't dry"... I said "Sir, next time pay attention to what you press. YOU are at fault. NOT me." I walked away. I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He just started to rant again in Spanish to someone that speaks Spanish and that customer told the crazy one that the dryers are working right and he isn't. I win.

Lastly, I locked up late tonight because people like to have clothing fights with each other. Nothing says "FUN" like thongs and boxers being tossed around. DO THAT AGAIN AND ILL THROW YOU OUT INTO TRAFFIC.

I need a bath.

Good night.

RING RING: OCD TIME!

2009-10-07T18:55:00.005-04:00

Not only do I get stupid people in person but I get them on the phone too.

This lady called 4 times to ask the same question with different wording and on the fourth time, I felt like telling her she has OCD. Her question was if this was ____________ Laundromat and four times I said yes. Well, one time out of the four she asked if this was a laundromat with other services as well. I didn't bother to ask what she meant by "other" but I hope she isn't thinking that we provide happy endings along with clean bedsheets and underwear.

Speaking of underwear, ladies... if you are wearing a thong and you are on your period, please invest in a tampon or at least pads cut out for thongs. This lady yesterday decided to go off on me because the blood wasn't removed from the underwear. I explained to her the following:

"Ma'am, unfortunately blood doesn't come out of clothing unless you pre soak it on the day it gets stained. If blood did come off of clothing and items, then serial killers wouldn't be caught."

I don't think she was too happy with my explanation. Especially the last sentence, she gave me a look as if I am disturbed. No lady, I'm not disturbed. As a matter of fact, I am disgusted that you decided to yell out that you stain your underwear with blood. I should have told her to invest in the products that I mentioned above but I just stood there listening to her tell me how her clothes should be watched. "You should do it yourself next time" is what blurted out of my mouth. She asked for the manager and I said she was speaking to the manager. The end result was that she did it herself to prove me wrong... except that she failed horribly at proving me wrong. She bleached her underwear and the blood was still there. I tried not to laugh but I thanked her for her apology (which is rare) and she went on her merry way. She came by today and dropped off more clothes to be washed and she left a generous tip. I felt like saying "keep it so you can invest in the goods" but I didn't. See how good and professional I can be at times? It's rare with stupid people...

Other then that, people are still banging on my machines and it's the same people sometimes. When I call it on them they say "oh I forgot!" Maybe I should really consider banging their head against the washer, maybe then they will remember my words. Don't fuck with your laundry person... they may seem nice and quiet, but really we could be plotting.

BY THE WAY...

2009-10-02T18:33:00.006-04:00

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE OCTOBER!!! I know I missed the beginning of October by a day but better late than never, right?

WHEN ONE COMPLAINS, ALL COMPLAIN

2009-10-02T17:51:00.002-04:00

On Thursday I had a lady approach me to tell me that her washer stopped working and the door wouldn’t open. This isn’t unusual so I grab my Phillips screw driver and a flat one just in case the machine was broken. Turns out, it was and it wouldn’t spin her clothes. I couldn’t fix the machine on the spot and I needed a part (which I didn’t have in the store) so I put the machine “out of service”. I refunded the quarters back to the customer and made my way back to the front until another lady approached me in a panicked voice saying that the dryer was broken because her clothing isn’t dry. (Keep in mind, the moron broke her cover). She stated that her dryer wasn’t hot and that her towels weren’t dry. I asked her how many quarters she put in her dryer and she said “five”. Then I asked her how many minutes there were and she said “28”. Okies, MATH TIME! Five times eight does NOT equal to 28.

I listened to her problem and I dropped a quarter into the dryer and put it on hot to see if the dryer was heating. As I was doing that, she yells “OH MY GOD! HOW DID YOU PUT IT ON HOT!?” Two thoughts came running into my head: 1. Why do you still exist in society? and 2. Can I please bash your head against the dryer door? I pre –prepared myself for this stupidity and started to explain to her how to push the button with the following instructions:
1. Take your finger and choose the temperature you want.
2. Push the word on the temperature button once.
3. Remove finger.

I don’t think she enjoyed my sarcastic help but her response was “Oh! So you have to push the word and not the light! I see now, I was pushing the light over here and I was wondering why it wasn’t working. I thought you guys didn’t have the hot option but you do. I was just pressing the wrong button. You see, I am from out of town and I just have two or three times a year to do my mother’s laundry.” I wanted to ask her “you only do your mom’s laundry three times a year?” but I just let it go and answered that question by myself. The answer was “yes.” Trust me… it saved me a couple of brain cells that she may have killed. Honestly, I believe that once a customer makes a complaint publicly, others will follow. It ALWAYS happens.
I have this customer that always complains there isn’t enough water in the washer and I have told him “you are the only one complains. Obviously a problem isn’t with the machines.” He had given me one of those “how dare you” faces but I just walked away; however, when he complains, another customer complains about the machine eating their quarters where 98% of the time, I prove them wrong.

A poster that I would LOVE to put in my laundromat would say the following:

PEOPLE, STOP BEING STUPID AND DON’T FOLLOW OTHER PEOPLE’S COMPLAINTS. YOU WILL JUST GET MOCKED BY ME FOLLOWED BY US, AT THE LAUNDROMAT, GIVING YOU A NAME!
STOP IT!

THE RELIGIOUS ONE

2009-10-02T17:32:00.002-04:00

I don't have a problem with religion. I have my beliefs and I respect other people's beliefs too. I used to have a customer that would come on a weekly basis to do her laundry and she would lecture me for the whole time that she was here how St. Anthony is her angel and that when she loses something, she would ask him for help. She would also tell me that I should go church hopping and find a big group of Christians that would help me through my times. Confused, I asked her “what times?” and she said “we all have our times where we need people.” My question to her was “well, isn’t that what friends and family is for?” To which she replied “yes but being in a group of people that believe in the man upstairs is very powerful.” I agreed with her for the hell of agreeing and just to make her stop really. She would always approach me with the bible and would read me and excerpt.

For a while she had stopped coming and to be honest with all of you, I have thought about her and where she is until one night… she came into the Laundromat as I was closing (what is it with people paying me a visit as I am closing shop?). She came in all giddy and in a loud voice (mind you I was standing in front of her) she say “HI! HOW ARE YOU?!” At first I got scared because my back was to her and then I thought to myself *well fuck, she had to come now as I am closing!?* She has a mouth on her and she can talk for hours without stopping. She asked me how I was, what I am up to, and how a friend of mine in Texas is doing. My friend that moved to Texas used to do laundry in this place and sometimes, the religious lady would be around and talk to us until it was time for all of us to leave. So I updated her with a couple of short words hoping she got the point but she continued on about her life and how she has visited many churches in the NY area. She also mentioned that she learned another language and how St. Anthony helped her. That was my cue to say “oh! I remember you telling me how close you were to him”, which I did but she didn’t stop. She decided to continue about this saint and how great he is as well as that I should pray to him. I was polite but I had to end the conversation by saying “it was nice seeing you! Pass by again!” The pass by again was a big mistake. She paid a visit to me the next night and even brought food for herself since she was “famished.” A customer came to the rescue saying that a dryer was broken so I told her it was nice seeing her once again and I did NOT tell her to pass by again.

Why me?

THE USER

2009-10-02T17:15:00.003-04:00

This happened on Wednesday

I hate these kinds of people; you know... the users... the people that always come up to you with a smile smacked on their face and talk in a chipper voice. You can tell them apart from the people that are truly genuine.

We used to have a customer that would come twice a week and sometimes three when the Laundromat first opened. Now, we see this guy two times a year. When I asked him where he disappeared to, he said he goes to another Laundromat. I asked him why he left (due to curiosity) and he said "the other Laundromat is closer and it's cheaper." That is good to know sir; you are now on my list. The list consists of names and faces of people that I think I can be rude to due to the fact that they are either douche bags/bitches/users (most of the time non-customers). This list is more of a game than revenge. Believe it or not, the list is small and stupid people can't be on it only because there isn't enough room for them.

Anywhoots, this guy had the nerve to come up to me with his Pakistan accent asking me let him borrow ten dollars. His voice was so sweet and his smile was so wide. Sadly, there was a frown on my face and a stern voice saying "no". Then he built up another nerve to say "your store owner knows me." To make him feel stupid, I said "I will call the owner and ask him/her myself". That's when his smile went away and in a small not - quite - there - yet shaken voice he said "no, you don't have to"; however, I did not listen to his plea. The owner on speaker said "WHO?! Don't give him money. I don't know who he is" and followed by that I added "you should have continued to come here and not to the other Laundromat. Sorry but your status has been denied." You could say I was a bitch for saying that but laughter suddenly followed as he left the premises. It could have been worse if you really think about it. When he came back to pick up his laundry from the dryer, he started to talk to me and ask me what I have been up to. At that point, I didn't feel like talking and I just wanted to go home. So I kept saying "uh-huh" along with "yeah". He didn't get the hint and continued to talk. That's when I turned around and said "Sir, look... I am busy and I want to go home. Your clothing is finished and I want to lock up. It was nice seeing you and I will see you again when you don't make the cut off time at the other Laundromat." That is when I remembered, THIS GUY GOT ON MY NERVES!

In the past this guy would bring in food and dirty not one but two tables and I would ask him to clean it up or go eat at the restaurant. He would get mad at me and say "I work long hours!" This had happened about 2 or 3 years ago. He would even put his dirty feet in the laundry baskets and I would tell him to remove his feet and he would bite back the same excuse "I'm tired or I work long hours." Eventually my boss said I could kick him out if need be and I did. When he finished his laundry one night I told him to not bother coming back if he can't listen to my rules. He yelled "FUCK YOU!” I can't help but laugh.

BLOOD SHOT EYE

2009-09-29T19:42:00.002-04:00

I was going to make a long post last night but my left eye couldn't stand the bright white background. My left eye suffered from a corneal abrassion last night due to the cat poking me in the eye 3 years ago. Actually, it poked me in my right eye but somehow over a year and a half, the left eye decided to jump in on the "problems with the cornea" wagon. Go figure. I promise you all tomorrow I will have many stories and each story will have it's own post to make reading easy.
If it weren't for the cat, I wouldn't have this problem and if I didn't have this problem, there would be a post... thus, blame it on the cat.

LITTLE BIG WORLD

2009-09-24T18:45:00.003-04:00

It is a small world. I don't care what anyone says, the world is small... maybe even tiny...

A customer walks in today and he is someone I went to elementary school with. Why do I remember him? He always picked on me and he used to have an extra finger. I didn't say "Hello!" but what blurted out of my mouth was "You went to _____ (school) and you picked on me! I remember you!" Apparently he remembered me too because of my dimples and face. We talked for a bit and then I asked him why he picked on me (what can I say, im blunt and I was curious) and his answer was "I don't remember why but I remember doing it". Typical.

No crazy people today then again, the day is still young.

BRA SUICIDE

2009-09-22T18:29:00.007-04:00

So two morons walk into a laundromat....

I need to make a joke that starts out like that...

Really though, two morons did walk into my store today, considering it is relatively quiet. Then again, when don't they walk in?

Let me start of with the bra suicide.

For those of you who do laundry or wear bra's, you will know that sometimes the bra clasp thingy gets stuck in the drying holes of the dryer. It is normal. It happens. Sometimes the bra gets destroyed, other times it just hangs there. This one female customer started screaming like a bloody banshee (I feel the English accent coming out of me) that her bra is stuck and won't come out. First off, never scream in a laundromat because three things come to mind:
1. You let your child go in the dryer for a ride and the child is now burned
2. You managed to somehow mutilate your hand from our machines
3. There is a fire..

The third one would sound more legit but the first one could happen... you never know, there are twisted parent's out there that decide "hey! I will let my child go in so it can have fun while I fold in one peace" followed by "OMG OMG OMG AHHHHHHHHHHH MY CHILD IS BURNING". Anywhoots, back to the story...
So she yelled and I walked in a fast pace to the drying area to only find her arm in the dryer trying to unlatch (if that is a word) the bra from the drying holes. She had an attitude with me and she kinda made it seem like it was my fault. I tried my hardest to not laugh. I tried to show some sympathy and I finally unlatched the bra from the drying holes for her and she didn't even thank me! So I blurted out "your bra tried to commit suicide and I might know why." She didn't bother to ask why but she flashed me a glare. Hey, I was trying to be funny by mocking her with a minor and subtle insult. Maybe it was a good thing she didn't ask why... wouldn't want to lose a customer... Hey, maybe it was her favorite bra or something!

Here is a tip to avoid a problem like the lady above, buy a small garment bra bag. They usually go for $2.99- $8.00 depending where you get it from. I would avoid the ones from Bed, Bath and Beyond only because after 4 uses, the plastic ring comes out. Make sure it is the zippered bag too! The zipper eliminates any tangling among washed or drying clothing. It is a good investment and the bras don't lose their structure.

A male walked in today asking what our dry cleaning prices were. I told him the prices and he told me it was too much and that other places were cheaper. I told him he could go to those places if that's the price he wants. He left and then came back after 2 minutes. He comes back and asks me what the wash and press prices were and I told him. He said that he wanted the wash and press service to begin with and I pointed out that he said he wanted dry cleaning. He didn't say anything about him being wrong but instead he asked if we add starch, to which I replied yes. After counting his shirts and pants, I made his tickets and told him that they would be ready on Thursday. He went to give me his laundry bag and this is what went on:

Customer: You keep my bag?
LG: No. We don't keep the laundry bags for the dry cleaning. You need to take it with you because we have our own bags to put the clothing in.
Customer: So where you put clothes now? (he didn't speak perfect English)
LG: Oh! We have own bags but before that, we put it in that basket. (I pointed to the basket)
Customer: Professionals put clothes in the bag.
LG: But we don't need the bag.
Customer: So I have to carry the bag with me?
LG: Yes and next time, you can just put the clothes in a plastic shopping bag. We recycle those and you wouldn't have to carry a bag around.
Customer: That is no professional. Professional places hold bag and then put bag on hanger with dry cleaning.
(I hand him his tickets and he puts them in his pocket)
LG: Well, we don't do that only because we have so many packages.
(Customer is lingering around and fondling his laundry bag. Mind you I was nice and calm until he started the attitude, which is now)
Customer: YOU NO PROFESSIONAL!
LG: Well, okay sir. If you would like, you can take back your clothing and take it to the place that is professional. Keep in mind, you left from that place to come here for a reason. We offer good service.
Customer: Yes, I take my clothes back, gimme.
(He pulls out the tickets I gave him and he starts to stuff his laundry bag with the clothing)
LG: Also, do know that hanging a bag to give back after the cleaning is done, is not professional and that you are leaving because of a bag, which is fine. We are professional but I guess you want that little extra "oomph" which is fine. There is reason why we can't hang the bag for you. I hope you have a good and pleasant day and I am sorry we couldn't help you. Have a good one.

Of course he got pissed at me being super nice and I bet what he mumbled in his language was a curse word towards me or something, which I found pretty funny. What was even more entertaining was the customer waiting behind him tells me "He must be a dumb fuck, you guys are the best!"

Go figure.

IT ATE MY QUARTERS

2009-09-21T19:11:00.002-04:00

I am starting to believe that people will do ANYTHING or come up with an excuse just to get free quarters out of me. Little do they know, I am out there to prove that they are WRONG! Of course in some cases, they are right and I refund them their money. An example would be the machine is acting up and it does not rinse the customers clothes, which in that case we will refund the money by putting the clothing to wash again. Sometimes, I don't refund it and just reset the washer's timer to rinse the clothes an extra time. Hey, shit happens and when it is our fault, we admit to it. As much as we hate doing so, we do it. What can I say, this is an honest laundromat.

A customer apparently put 4 quarters (32 minutes) in an out of order dryer. The two main questions are:

1. Why would you put quarters in an out of order dryer?

and

2. How did you put quarters in an out of order dryer when the coin slot is taped up with paper and has been for the past 3 days?

He said that it wasn't there when he put the quarters when it was complete bullshit because I checked to see if the sign was still there. The workers at this laundromat always check to see if signs are up to make sure that future problems do not develop like this one. The customer convinced himself that he put quarters in there. What did I do? I called my co-worker to ask how long the sign and the coin slot was taped up for just to make sure I am not imagining things. She confirmed that the sign and paper was not touched within the past two days. I explained this to him and somehow, he didn't believe. My next step was to grab the keys and open the coin box collector, which I did and to only find that the box was empty. I showed him and I told him that quarters aren't in here. The fucker still didn't believe that he did not put quarters in that dryer. My logical explanation to him was the following AND I was being nice: "Sir, you didn't put quarters in here. See? The box is empty and by all means, look inside the box holder, there isn't anything. You must have put the quarters in another dryer or you may not have put any in it at all. I am terribly sorry but I can't help you here."... his response? "When I went home, someone took it out." My response "no, we didn't and if we did, we would have emptied out all of them. Look, the tape is still on and not pulled off. I can't help you."

It didn't sink in that he was wrong. He started going off that it was MY fault and the he had to use more quarters out of his pocket. NOT MY FAULT.

Next time the fucker should pay attention and the ONLY reason I call him a fucker is because when he was leaving, I sweetly told him to have a good night and he just ignored me. As a matter of fact, I AM HAPPY YOU USED UP MORE QUARTERS YOU DOUCHE BAG! KARMA KNOWS YOU ARE AN ASS!!

Trust me, it pays to be nice, even when it kills.

IM SICK

2009-09-20T17:06:00.002-04:00

I'm sick, hence the lack of posting.

Plus side, I sneezed twice while typing this...

"BOBBY BROWN IS MY DAD"

2009-09-17T18:42:00.003-04:00

I used to have a customer that would come on a weekly basis to our laundromat until she moved. She has two daughters and one of them must have been sick in the head. Actually I diagnosed her as a pathological liar. She never liked me because I would catch her on her lies but she had a thing for my co-worker. As a matter fact, I was glad she didn't like me because then she would be glued to my hip like she used to be with my co-worker. I remember one of her "lies" was that she was a child model and that everyone wants her for their shows. I inquired about what kind of shoes and what she modeled. She answered me with the typical child response that we all have said once in our young years and that is "it's a secret and I can't tell you." I am guilty of that but I didn't go as far as saying that my mother is in some secret service thing. She said that along with "it's so secret that they don't even know it is secret." I would have asked her mom if I could keep her for a week and psycho-analyze her or something... kind of like being my own lil' test subject. I would compensate them with free laundry for a month since that is the only thing I could have afforded then...

Anyways, one day she started singing that her dad was Bobby Brown and that Bobby had so much money that he would come and pick her up from her apartment. According to her the only reason she lived in the projects was because her dad, Bobby Brown wanted to protect them from the media. As she was continuing to sing the tune of "Bobby Brown is my father", the following question slipped out of my mouth... I thought it was an internal monologue but nope... she was annoying me and the following managed to slip "Your dad is a crackhead?" She stopped her singing, looked at me, and said "IM TELLING MY DADDY ON YOU!". I was tempted to say "You can't do much with a crack spoon" but I let it go. Obviously the girl isn't sane. -sigh-

We all imagine stuff. When I was little and Clinton was in office the first term, I used my pillow and pretended I was dancing at a Royal Ball or something. We have all imagined people or being something else... but I would never choose a famous crackhead to be my father.

I haven't seen the family since and I am 90% sure they moved. The mother was a health care nurse and the oldest daughter was in high school. The young one annoyed me and I would imagine tripping her on her rollie shoes or whatever the hell they are called.

Point is, don't go around singing that your dad is a famous crackhead... you will get a response like mine and eventually get bit in the ass for it but karma let me slide I guess.

UPDATE

2009-09-16T19:46:00.001-04:00

Remember gorgeous eye's dude is my previous post? Well he just made King Douche Bag in my book.

What did he do?

Well, he was in the dryers section and he started to yell "Hey mami" and "Sweetie" with whistles in between towards me. I didn't respond to it. I am NOT a dog and I am NOT someone that responds to pet names.... I don't even fuckin know him!!! This lasted for a good two minutes.

After he realizing that I am not responding, he comes up to the counter and he says "hey sweetie, can you help me?" and of course I was going to help him but I pointed out to him that i don't respond to pet names because I have a name. He didn't bother asking for it nor did I tell him. He didn't have a reaction to what I pointed out to him. OH! He even checked me out from head to toe. Not subtle at all. Kind of creeped me out............

I showed him how to use the dryers and he thanked me. I turned around to go back to the counter and as I was walking he said "you my love". Alrighty then. Next comes "will you marry me?"... right? I'll take the eyes but not the whole package.

MANIC WEDNESDAY

2009-09-16T18:55:00.002-04:00

Surprisingly Tuesday was really quiet. I worked practically a whole day and it was quiet. People actually cooperated and I let my co-worker know that she should only contact me if the laundromat is burning. I wanted to relax Tuesday night. If people got into a fight and stabbed each other, then call 911. Not me. If a machine broke, tell the customer its punishment because he touched himself the night before (Family Guy reference... sort of), and if someone had an issue, to put it in the imaginary comment/suggestion box.

Today is Wednesday and I am sure many of you know that but I bet for some of you it wasn't manic. As I am writing this, I am humming to myself Manic Monday except I am replacing Monday with Wednesday... Huh... pretty repetitive...

Anywhoots, the day started out pretty good and gradually got worse. Spanish people were yelling and I asked them to quiet down a bit and they replied "we are talking, we are allowed". Under my breath I called them chickens in my language and went my merry way. I didn't feel like putting up a fight. My week wasn't exactly the greatest. Sometimes you just let things go without a fight so you can save what is left of your sanity. Even then, that is not enough. When one of the Spanish ladies got up to go to the dryer area, her friend just sat on the other end of the laundromat and yelled at her. I come out from behind the counter and I suggest to the lady to go to her friend to continue their yapping. She got on my case about how rude I am but I just told her "thank you ma'am for informing me about my attitude. I appreciate it."... I think that got her more irked. Kindness can piss someone off and that right there is proof. When they left she looked at me and said something in Spanish and of course I replied "you too" and in return I got a "maricon". Nice.

Some people need anger management and by some people I mean people that I know and 80% of my customers. A new customer (I assume this) walked in to do laundry and as I am helping another customer, he literally starts beating on the machine's coin slot... after 4 LOUD hits, I told my customer to give me a minute and to enjoy the show. I head to the back to tell the douche bag to stop banging on my damn machine and to use the coin return button. The moron realized what the button does and started to utilize it. Then he said something like "samara" and I was like "what?" and he said it again, to which I just turned around and walked away. I stopped when he said "you don't understand?" to which I replied "no" and went back to my customer. The customer at the counter was laughing and I told her that this happens a lot and that I may consider putting signs on the washers. Her exact words were "don't waste your ink. The assholes aren't going to read it." Lady has a point. After he put his wash, he comes to the counter and apologizes and I accepted his apology. Hey, not a lot of people apologize for their wrong doing. He is cute too and his eyes are gorgeous. Too bad he is an asshat. Did I mention his eyes are gorgeous?!?!?! After his apology he asked me to dry and fold his clothes... I declined his request and he said he was going to pay... this is how the convo went (he had an accent too and I couldn't pin point if it was an Arabic accent or Spanish):

Guy: I'll pay you to do it.
LG: Well, I was going to charge you in the first place if I were to do that but we don't offer half the service. We only do the full service, washing, drying, and folding.
Guy: Ok, you do full service.
LG: No. It's too late to do that and I am not going to do it. You should have brought it in the morning so it could be done by tonight if you wanted the drop off service.
Guy: Come on, I pay good and full service.
LG: NO! Its too late and I am tired. We don't do wash at night unless my co-worker is here.
Guy: Come on, please?
LG: No! Sorry but no!!

Gosh darnit people, NO MEANS NO!!! Lol! To anyone!!!
"Can I have my shirts in an hour?" NO!
"Can I have my laundry done at 7am?" NO YOU MORON! WE OPEN AT 7:30AM!!!
"Can I have a blow job while my laundry is being dried?" NO! This would also score the person a kick to the balls. Of course this question hasn't come up again but I'm waiting for it. Everyone seems to be skipping to the "will you marry me?"

-head to desk-

Enjoy your night everyone!

SOCK MONSTER!!!

2009-09-14T20:04:00.002-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen

Do you wonder where your missing socks go? Or who takes them? Well, after researching day and night without sleep and using a difficult equation for a solution, I conclude this:

Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL

2009-09-14T19:18:00.002-04:00

Its been almost a week since I last made an entry and for that I do apologize. You see, real life took its toll on me and I have been dealing with family stuff as well as my own health. My customers are creating an ulcer for me I think. Where are my Rolaids?...

During the week I have spoken with four teachers, which are my customers and I will say, one doesn't know her head from her ass, another seems to be an excellent teacher, and two are in it for the money. The ones with the money, I asked them if they knew how many quarters are in a dollar. They answered correctly but one of the two didn't know the difference between a box and a bottle. If I get a ten year old that doesn't know the difference between the box and the bottle, I will who their educator is. The teacher/customer type person asked me why I asked such question and I told her that within the past week, two kids didn't know how many quarters were in a dollar. She shook her head and said "it is expected". I asked why and she said "well, they just don't want to learn and the parents aren't helping." Of course I inquired further and asked what she, as a teacher is doing and she said "well, you can't do much and you can't use force on them and if you do, they will complain." I felt like taking the ruler from the seamstress and slapping her across the face with it. OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO COMPLAIN DUMBASS! THEY ARE IN SCHOOL AND NOT AT THE BEACH!!! DO YOUR FUCKIN JOB! Now, I didn't exactly use those words but I did point out that using force in a positive manner, may increase the wanting to learn. She thought it was a good idea. Then again, she could have just been saying it to make me go away and give her the dry cleaning. Bitch, you didn't know the difference between a box and a bottle... your learning years may have sucked.

On Thursday, when the change machine was broken a big fat female approached me. I will admit, I did get slightly intimidated because she was taller and she was wider than me with a mean face. She wanted change from a twenty dollar bill.... this is what went on:

LG: The change machine is broken, how much do you want in quarters?
Cust: I need a 10 and two 5's.
LG: Okies but the change machine is broken... I can give you quarters here... how much do you want?!
Cust: Im telling you 10 and two 5's.
LG: Right, but the machine for quarters is broken... do you need $10 in quarters?
Cust: You aren't listening to me.... I need a 10 and two 5's.
LG: Are you washing here?
Cust: Yes.
LG: Are you aware that the change machine is broken?
Cust: Yes, now give me what I asked you for, god.
LG: Fine!

I give her the bills and then she asks me for 10 bucks in quarters. I told her while giving her the quarters that she could have just told me and avoided the whole conversation. She just smiled, turned her head and under her breathe called me dumb. Of course I would have fired back with something but I was truly afraid that she would sit on me. It sounds mean but seeing her life saver tube around her waist spilling out of her really small jeans made me think twice about opening my mouth, a first. I should have asked for her age but I could see a conversation having numbers, symbols, and stuff... kind of like "I am 3x2+10-50x6$##@@!%^&x5" coming out of her mouth.

Again, sorry for not posting!

DEAR TEACHERS,

2009-09-08T16:37:00.003-04:00

Dear Teachers,

A new school year has begun and first off, good luck. Second, please teach these kids how to count and use their noggin. I know you are trying your best and the Excedrin is handy in your drawer but please, drill into their brains that FOUR QUARTERS= $1 and that you can't get half a dollar without getting the whole dollar in quarters. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEACH THESE CHILDREN THE NECESSITIES OF LIFE!!! Kids do not need to know about Pluto not existing anymore, hell majority of them will hate Science. Teach them math, this way my life would be easier too.

Thank you!

Today I had a 10 year old and a 11 year old come in at two different times and neither of them knew how many quarters they needed... nor how many quarters a dollar gives you. How do I know the ages? I asked. Of course the first question was "aren't you supposed to be in school today?" The 10 year old gives me a $10 bill and asks for two fives. I explain to her that the change machine was out of order (once again) so I would have to manually give her quarters. This is how the convo went:

LG: How much in quarters do you need?
Cust: I need two fives.
LG: Okies, but the machine is out of order so I need to give you quarters here.
Cust: Five dollar bills.
LG: Machine out of order. Quarters here.
Cust: Um, I don't know.
LG: Well, how much were you going to put in the machine?
Cust: Uh -smiles nervously- um, five dollars.
LG: You have a lot of bags, are you sure?
Cust: Yes.
LG: OKay, here you go.
Cust: NO! I need ten.
LG: Is your mom here so you can ask her?
Cust: No, but I need 10 in quarters.
LG: Ok. How old are you?
Cust: 10

Alrighty... After she put her clothes in the washer, she blasted her ipod and sat down. I felt like shoving a book in here face. The 11 year old was just as bad. She didn't know how many quarters she would get back in a dollar so she thought I was cheating her when I gave her four quarters. I asked if her mom was around and she said no. Mind you, when I was questioning her, she didn't know how to respond to some of the questions and of course she blasted her iPod.

Dear Parents,

Please stop giving your children Mp3 players when they don't know simple math. In addition, please escort your children to the laundromat because they lack the common sense that they should have for their age. In addition, I might choke them due to the fact that I am explaining something to them that a three year old knows. May I also suggest that you shove a book in front of your child's face and if they have an allergic reaction to it, let them suffer.

Thank you!

AWAY

2009-08-21T09:02:00.002-04:00

I will be going away for two weeks and I will return on September 5th, 2009.

HAPPY LAUNDERING EVERYONE AND BE SAFE!!!!

BLEACHED BRAINS GO IN THE SPIN CYCLE

2009-08-20T18:07:00.004-04:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Where the hell do I begin? Child surfing in the cart? Child making bomb noises? Two females asking someone who clearly doesn't work here, if she works here? Female not knowing if the change machine works? Male not knowing which is the dryer and washer? Male screaming that the machine ate his 5 dollar bill?

The best part? All this happened within 8 minutes. Yes, I was checking time to see if I am going home soon.

Since I already made a mental- write down list above, I will just go with that.

So I come back to work from the ear doctor (my ear was clogged with black wax. Yum.) to only find a child surfing in a cart while making bombing noises. I asked the lady if the child belonged to her and she said yes. I asked her to remove her son from the cart because it was dangerous and the child could be in danger. Plus, I didn't want to deal with the insurance company and fill out tedious paper work along with answering questions to liability investigators. The kid asked why and the mom replied "because the mean lady said so". I corrected her in front of her son by saying "no, not because of that but because it is dangerous and you could get hurt." The mom gave me a stare down. I stared back. She isn't even my regular customer. She belongs to the other laundry place that closes on Thursday's. Tell your child the truth and point out the dangers. I felt like slapping the bitch because she made me out to be a "bad" or "mean" person just for placing fault (subliminal) to her parenting. Come back and stare at me and your eyeballs will be 6 feet under bitch!!! Too many incompetent human beings today has made me cranky.
Also, if my child were making bombing noises with curse words, I would tell him to stop and take the toy soldiers away. Mind you, the kid must have been 6 or 7 years old.

Next up, we have two females high on Burger King (super sized might I add) and really loud. They said "hi" to me and even asked how I was. I was polite. That right there would make you assume that they know I work there right? Nope. They went over to the sink asking a lady who didn't know how to speak English if she worked here. This was the convo:

Girls: You work here? I need two fives from a 10.
Lady: No.
Girls: You don't have change? I need change. You work here. Go to the front.
Lady: No, no speaky English.
Girls: ugh, how can you work here? I need change. Go get me change.

The lady walks away from them frightened. I am just sitting at the counter watching it all. They told me "Can you believe it? She works here!" I was like "Uh, no she doesn't. I do." They felt stupid. They had a "no way" type of look on their face. Mind you, one of them didn't know how to turn on the water at the sink.

Our next lucky contestant on today's blog is the young lady asking me if the change machine works. It does I told her and I also pointed out to her that she used it 15 minutes ago. She said there is a piece of paper next to it and I asked her what the paper says and she replied "I don't know". Good going... I went to see and I pointed at the sign that was there and she was like "Oohhh!" The sign had the hours of operation on it. I asked her if she saw the sign before she used it the first time since I was curious and she said "no."... OPEN YOUR FUCKIN EYES AND READ YOU STUPID BITCH!.... Okies, I am cranky without a doubt and maybe, just maybe the bitch comment is uncalled for but I don't give a crap! READ!!!
R-E-A-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHIFT+1!!!!!!!!

So remember the "I know I know" guy from a couple of blogs ago? I called him Bob if I recall... he is the you who also ends the sentence with "you know?" Well, the genius thought he had put in a five dollar bill and he didn't. GOOD GOING! So he was yelling from the back while I was at the counter waiting for him. I was NOT going to yell. The laundromat is busy today and last thing I was going to do is scream. He came to the front and after a minute of banting and ranting, he apologized because he had the bill in his hand the whole entire time.

-Breathes- Just typing all this makes me want to go play in traffic.

Then I had a customer that is not a regular ask me which are the washers and the which are the dryers and if the washers also dry. You know what, I am not even going to get into this one because the guy was obviously high. I asked him if he knows a place where the washers also dry and he said no. He answered his own stupid question and just went on to wash.

My favorite today was the lady who came to pick up her dry cleaning and she didn't have the money for it and asked "can I pick it up and pay you tomorrow?". I felt like saying "lady, I wasn't born yesterday" and instead I pointed her to an ATM. She rolled her eyes and went to retrieve money.

-face to desk-

The shift isn't over yet and I can't wait until I get home.

SOMETHING NEW

2009-08-19T19:29:00.003-04:00

This has happened for the first time ever.

These two guys must be new to laundry and the English language. They asked me how to turn on the water from the sink so they can put it in the washer. This is how it went down:

Cust: I need water.
Me: What for?
Cust: For the machine.
Me: What?
Cust: I need water.
Me: In the sink.

Yes this is a delayed reaction.

Me: WAIT! Where are you going to PUT the water?!
Cust: I need to wash my clothes.

He and I walk to the sink and then to the washer.

Cust: Clothes need wash.
Me: You need to put quarters in it and the wash will start. Water will come down and the soap will dissolve.
Cust: I need water.
Me: Are you thirsty?
Cust: Machine water.
Me: QUARTERS!! YOU NEED TO PUT QUARTERS. LOOK!!!!

Apparently his friend did speak English but he just sat back. I gave him a glare and withheld the comment of "YOU ARE A JERK".

Come on people, get it together!!! YOU NEED QUARTERS TO DO A FUCKIN WASH!!!

Oh and here is a bonus, a lady at my local bakery today didn't know the difference between butter and cream cheese. I asked for butter and she put cream cheese and said "its the same". So I replied "It won't be the same if you decide to not make me another one." I am a cranky person in the morning. Especially at 7am with only 4 hours of sleep. Like I said before, I am a nice person but if you don't use your noggin, you are in for a knockin... get it?...no?... WELL FINE!