SICK

I have the plague. I'm sick and it's not fun. Don't worry though. I have a couple of post it notes AND pictures for the posts when I get better.

Sorry guys but I need to get better. Excuse me but my nose is asking for a kleenex...

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

No post for yesterday or today. Maybe tomorrow. I have been having difficulties with my computer so I had to reinstall windows along with everything else.

Sorry =(

But I assure you, there WILL be posts on Saturday! =D

KEEPING IT SHORT

Going to keep this blog short. I am exhausted. I worked 10 hours straight with lack of sleep.

Someone got stuck in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. The moron got so freaked out that he forgot to unlock the door from the inside. I had to take a flat screwdriver to unlock the door. He was laughing in the end and I was shaking my head.

Remember Bob? The one that keeps saying "you know" at the end of the sentence, well he believes that only 3 of our dryers get hot only. Next time he comes, I will purposely have those three dryers occupied. It will teach him a lesson that all of my dryers work

I had another taxi driver today show me how he uses the steering wheel in his car. He has done it before and he argued with me that he can't take the stains out of his pants. The stains are from his steering wheel. I hope that isn't code for something.

This lady begged me that she does he laundry last minute. It was two minutes after the cut off time. I still let her. Why? I don't know... I guess lack of sleep and a mix of emotions just told me to let her... if that makes sense...

Good night everyone!

THIS ISN'T MCDONALDS

A few posts ago, I posted an entry about a dude and his skateboard. This dude was and still is rude and obnoxious. He is the one that fell flat on his face because he was skateboarding in the laundromat. Today he won the honor of being a douche bag. Well actually, he won it a very long time ago. One day he was doing laundry with his wife or girlfriend and they had a quarrel. He punched her in the stomach while yelling at her for not folding his socks right and then he stormed out of the laundromat. He is psychotic and he even looks the part! Gah! I wish I had my camera today!

Anywhoots...

When someone gives me money, they normally tell me what they want. Its either soap or quarters. This butt munch gave me his dollar bill along with a look. Not one word about what he wanted. He just stood there repeating "please wait" over and over again. I should have told him "a mentally disabled person is brighter than you!" It's quite hard to get me pissed me off but this guy succeeded in doing so.

Me: What do you need?
Skateboarding douche bag (SDB): Please wait, please wait, please wait.
Me: Excuse me?
SDB: Please wait Please wait...
(I cut him off)
Me: Well, we don't offer that but if you would be so kind to use more words to tell me what you need with this dollar, I would appreciate it.
(I really wasn't happy to help him. As a matter of fact, I dislike this dude.)
SDB: When I go to Mcdonalds and I hand them a dollar, they know what I want.
Me: Last time I checked, this is a laundromat and we don't have a dollar menu. So either tell me what you want or I will give you your buck back and just ignore you.
SDB: PLease wait please wait
(I got aggravated and he sees this)
SDB: okay, just give me quarters.

I hand it to him without saying anything. He comes back two minutes later and says "please wait please wait please wait" and cracks up. If the fucker sees that his dark clothes have been bleached, it wouldn't be my fault. -whistles- As a matter of fact, I should tell him "please wait, your report is being processed and it will take a month to get your complaint to the general manager, have a good day."

Well okay... I wouldn't go that far... but I am hoping he falls flat on his face again! He really is a docuhe bag.

In other news, a lady comes in asking for her wedding dress that she dropped off six years ago. Hey lady, where have you been? She gave me the excuse that she forgot. If this was my wedding dress, I wouldn't forget to pick it up. It would be my priority. I told her that we gave it away to charity. She wasn't pleased and she started to go off on me. I pointed to the sign that states "clothing left in the dry cleaners for over six months will be given to charity." She went on and on about her dress being precious and sentimental. I replied "Well, I guess it didn't mean much to you for you to forget it for six years! Sorry!"  She was furious. She called her husband... not sure what he was going to do about it. Its not like the dress would magically appear... hmm, that line just made me want to eat Lucky Charms. I should have asked the wedding dress lady to go get me some. I would have also told her "well, on the bright side, someone else is enjoying your dress" but that would have been a bit insensitive. Oh well!

I think I need to go for an eye exam...

Update: The douche bag did fall flat on his face. He slipped on the rubber mat while trying to dry his shoes. I laughed out loud this time. I may have pointed too.

SUNDAY FUNNIES

Today I am going to keep it short with a video... I have a toothache =(

The video I am going to post shows a female making homemade soap. People believe that homemade soap is better but really, it isn't. In some cases it works on clothing that isn't dirty but in many cases, for heavy soiled clothing- it doesn't work. If you think about it, the money that you spend on obtaining these ingredients, will most likely end up costing more. Especially if you live in city. Also, why would someone want to use their kitchen items to make this soap? To me, that is disgusting. Of course you can clean them after but... no... I will buy my soap thank you very much. Maybe it's the toothache speaking or maybe she is truly annoying... basically I just want to choke her.

I made soap once... from animal lard in biology class back in college. I remember my partner in my lab group had very oily hands after using the home made soap.

Bottom line is, just buy your soap. Don't put your health in danger by using kitchen tools to make homemade soap... -shakes head- If you want to go a natural way to clean your clothes, then buy the organic soap stuff. Even those don't work too well in getting the stains out but if it will make you happy and you like to spend eight bucks for a twelve load bottle, go for it. Just don't come complaining to me after saying "my stuff isn't getting cleaned!" If you do I will say "Well duh dumbass! You aren't using powerful detergent!" Okies, maybe I won't call the person a dumbass but hey, I can think it!

Here is the video:





THE FACT THAT THIS LADY IS PUTTING A TOWEL OVER A FOOD PROCESSOR, KIND OF SAYS SOMETHING... I wonder how many times she had to sniff this stuff before she came up with the towel idea.

She claims that it is cheaper but I submit not. Guess she didn't take the time to think about people's schedule either. If a person in the city is working a 9-5 job, with slight overtime, along with errands on a Saturday, and laundry on a Sunday, they wouldn't have time to make soap. So realistically, it is better to just buy the damn soap already! If you are smart, you can find laundry detergent cheaper in some places. Don't forget you can also print coupons from online as well as get the detergent from a 99 cent store as opposed to a super market.

This lady makes me want to stab her.

Here is a tip for the day:

If you are out for the night and you spill something on your blouse or whatever you are wearing, dab a tissue or towel with club soda/seltzer to remove the stain. It might not remove it as a whole but it won't set for the night! Do NOT scrub it with soap and water, you will damage your garment!

JESUS LOVES ME (For Saturday)

For the first time ever, I couldn't keep a straight face and it was worse when I tried to cover up a chuckle with a conversation. It was a time where I wish I said "No understand English."

While I was sweeping, I had my headphones on listening to the Foo Fighters... until I felt a tap on my shoulder. It made me jump a bit but when I turned around, I saw an older lady staring at me. I asked her if she needed anything and then she asked me if I was working there (at the laundromat).  Jokingly I told her "well, I do have a broom in my hand" and she laughed. She asked me for a minute of my time and I gave it to her. I wish I hadn't. She asked me if the owner was around as well and I told her that the owner wasn't. She took out a thin magazine titled "Awake". I knew where this was going. I felt the giggles making their way up to my throat and I bit my lip. The lady said "this is for you. Do you believe in god?" and I replied "well, I have my beliefs."

She got into a bunch of stuff about religion, until she said this "judgment day will come, are you prepared? Do you know that we live a life in sin?" I wanted to ask her if the zombies would be released but I just stood there, staring at her and trying not to laugh. I think she noticed that I wasn't taking what she said seriously. So she then asked me "do you know what we are? we are humans! we are not perfect! we can't live our lives without someone telling us what to do or which road to take." I cut her off and I said "Of course we do! We tell ourselves what to do and we guide ourselves to the places that we want to go. There are challenges." I was saying that while trying not to laugh in her face. She replied back in a stern and strong voice "No! we are not perfect! We cant do that!" Here is the best part, I reply "yes we can! look, I am doing it now!" and I gave back the magazine to her.

Thanks lady, you took me away from my sweeping and music time. I was really into it to. Anyways, she gave me back her magazine and said that jesus loves me. Then she brought up something about a Jehovah's witness... I think the two contradict each other or something. I am quite tempted to read the magazine out of pure curiosity. If I do, I will let you guys know!

Oh yeah! Today I met the modern day version of the Golden Girls! Normally when I see a young daughter and mother do laundry I think "awwww! How cute!"; however, when I see a 50 year old daughter and a 70 year old mother I think "Hey! It is Dorothy and Sophia!" The daughter was scolding the mother because the mother was playing with the dryer. I giggled a bit. A couple of minuted later, the mother scolded the daughter for not being married yet, let alone laid. I kid you not, I caught myself with a jaw drop. Thankfully I had my mp3 player and I pretended to sign along to a sing. Lip sync for the win? I submit yes.

So here, I leave you with a Golden Girls episode:



Sorry for this post being late but hey, better late then never! woooooooooooo

THE YES MAN

Just to let all of you know, my brain has been taken over by stick figures. I think I have been inhaling too much laundry detergent. The whole day I pictured people in stick figure form. They all looked the same. Heh...

Today has been quiet and I was being nice to customers. I thought I would try the nice approach and it somewhat worked, except for the asshats that don't know how to greet or have manners. Manners are important people...

I will call this guy the Yes Man (YM). All he knew how to say was "yes" as well as other words but mostly "yes". I felt bad for him because he seemed lost and he was nice. I did get irritated a bit because it felt as if I was babysitting him and his clothes. Here is what went on:

He was standing in front of the counter with his back to me and I say:

Me: Hi! Do you need help?
YM: Yes.
Me: Okies. Well, the washers are there and you can wash!
YM: Yes.
Me: Okay
YM: Yes. I here new.
Me: Okay, I will show you.
Ym: Yes.
Me: These are the small ones.
YM: Yes. Soap.
Me: We sell it over there.
YM: Yes.

I'm not going to type up the whole dialogue but that is all he would say... "yes"... so you can get an idea as to why I got irritated; however, I kept my cool and helped him with a sunny side smile.

Aside from him, I had this one retard who thought the dryers were voice activated. Instead of putting his dryer on hot, he left it on warm and left the premises. When he came back, I saw him putting the quarters into the dryer and saying "hot" over and over again. Once again, the dryer was left on warm. I passed by him and  I told him "uh, sir... you need to put it on hot by pushing the button."  He tells me something in Spanish and all I understood was "gracias."


I wonder if there is a way to buy brain cells in bulk and hand them out for free at my laundromat. -sighs-

NEW LOOK!

I got tired of the blue background and colorful dots. I wanted something that screamed what my blog is about. I spent an hour and a half in photoshop and another hour trying to figure out color coding. Haha! It was well worth it though! I love the new look.

Do you like it?

Also, I have a new poll all the way at the bottom of the blog page and do not forget to read the two posts I entered today! One is for yesterday and the other for today.

NO REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

In my laundromat we have over fifteen laundry carts. Three out of those fifteen carts, have a hanger thingy on them. At some point today, three of those carts were being utilized by customers. (Yes, I counted for the sole purpose to make a point). You would think a customer would go for an empty cart so they can cart away their wet clothes to the dryer. Nope. Why would someone do that? That thought requires too much logic and a high amount of brain cells to work.

I was going through a laundry magazine (I have resulted to one of "those" people) and I look up after a question was asked. The question was "excuse me, is this cart being used?" She had her hand over the cart in a claw like form ready to grab the items from that cart to put them somewhere else. I stared at her, then at the laundry cart, and then back her and then I replied with a "yes" along with a *wtf* look. She looked shocked while she was staring at me and she didn't move for a couple of seconds. I guess not many people tell her "no", except for me. After the "yes" I told her to go to the back, where there was a large quantity of carts available.

Why... why... Why would she want to touch some random person's dirty laundry bag??? Just WHY?! To me, it doesn't make any sense!!! I must have missed the stupid bus once again.
Mind you this female is a teenager so her boyfriend comes along, with acne full on his face and braces and decides to put quarters in the wrong dryer. By the way, the dryer clearly stated "OUT OF SERVICE =(" Stupid people deserve each other, I just fear for their spawn....

I DRIVE TAXI (Wednesdays post)

I will admit that yesterday I did not feel like posting. I was zombified. I only had three hours of sleep the night before because Mr. Toss and Ms. Turn decided for me that I didn't need sleep. I managed to cut caffeine out of my diet and when I cad that large cup of coffee yesterday, I felt worse after drinking it.

Anywhoots, now I present to you yesterday post!

My co- worker took someones laundry as a drop off and the guy failed to answer the "do you have any blanket, rugs, or comforters in your bag" question. Fortunately, there was a reason to it. It wasn't his laundry bag. It was his brothers. What my co-worker failed to do is call the actual owner of the laundry bag and ask if he wanted his blanket to be washed. Unfortunately, the brother gave the owners name on the ticket but not the phone number. As a matter of fact, the number that was given to me was linked to a restaurant. -sighs- We decided to wash the blanket and not charge it full price. The reason we didn't charge full price was because I didn't want to deal with the owner of the clothes at pick up time. Sadly, he gave me a hard time and I concluded that I should charge people full price no matter what because miserable people will never be pleased at a friendly (with a motive) discount.

He comes at night and his to pick up his crap and the total was 37.85. Without the blanket it would have been 32.85. Now, if I were to charge the blanket at a normal price, it would have been twelve dollars more. He bitched and moaned about the price and I let him. I just had my hand out while he was doing that so I can get the cash. He didn't look at my facial expression which was *I don't give a fuck, give me the money you moron* Why is he a moron? Well because of this... Oh before I go ahead with the dialogue, I will give you a description of him. He is Mexican, his height is about 5'4", approximately 175 pounds, black hair, tanned, and his two front teeth were made out of gold. His accent was thick and his English was decent. This is what went on:

Moron (ron): Why so much?
Me: Well, we charged you for the blanket but not at full price and we also deducted the weight of the blanket from your bag. This way, you wont pay more.
Ron: But why do I have to pay for it?
Me: Because it is clean?
Ron: How much you charge for the blanket? -He is saying this while he is going through his stack of cash-
Me: Being that it is a Queen size, we charge twelve but I only charged you five dollars. You didn't give me the right phone number for me to call you.
Ron: Why I pay so much?
Me: Because we cleaned your stuff and those are our prices.
Ron: But why?
-I felt like saying "chicken thigh" or "because you touch yourself at night"-
Me: Your total is 37.85.
Ron: I no drop this off. My brother did.
Me: Well we asked him and now it is clean. Would you have preferred if we didn't wash it?
(here is the line)
Ron: I drive taxi!
Me: Well, good! I work at a laundromat!
Ron: Taxi!
-This is where I thought *great, he is going to kill me*-
Me: Okies, thank you!
Ron: *mumbles something is Spanish* I never come back! Why did my brother come here?
Me: Oh! I know! Because you told him to take your clothes to the laundromat to have them cleaned!

He wasn't too happy about the last line. He did hold up the line of customers but all four of them said they were entertained. They also sided with me and one of them said "your sarcasm really shined with that last line." I think I may have blushed when he said that but I'm not too sure... Oh well!

Thanks to him, I believe that all gypsy cab owners are crazy and I don't think I will be getting in one anytime soon.

LINKS MEANT TO BE CLICKED!

Here are a couple of links for you guys to check out.

Ever wonder what life on OkCupid is like? Take the site as a joke? Want to fall in love with words of sarcasm and conversations with desperate fools looking for a one night stand? Well then! Here is your link! W. Brimley and Senorita Rosalita would love it if you paid a visit to them and read their encounters with random people!
- areyouseriouscupid.blogspot.com

Love hinting balls into a hole? (Not what you think you pervert!) Check out a golf blog! It's all about golf! The writer is passionate about this sport and has a few pointers to give, check it out at the Golf Student!
- http://thegolfstudent.com/

Looking to buy jewelry for special events or costumes? Then I suggest you purchase from Little Metal Merchant. The jewelry is hand made with time and passion well put in it. Take a look and I promise you that quality is guaranteed. The owner of this business that makes this jewelry, makes exquisite jewelry! Check out the link!
- http://littlemetalmerchant.com/

My favorite comic of all times! It never fails to cheer me up! If I were a male, I would be exactly like Rayne! Please, look at this while you are at home! Yes it is a comic but some people have panties shoved up high in their toosh! So for the sake of you keeping your job, just open it at home. I find it harmless but others, you never know.
- http://www.leasticoulddo.com/

FOOD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LAUNDRY

This is too funny. Scary but funny.

I was putting tags on dress shirts and out of the blue, the door opens with a loud *bam* and all I hear is "Un-Fuckin Believable." I turn to see who it was that came into the store and it was a short female, in her late 20's with long black hair. She must have weighed around 220 pounds. After storming in, she continues her walking rampage to the back of the store and all I hear is "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MONEY OUT OF THE ACCOUNT? ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LAUNDRY. HURRY YOUR FUCKIN ASS UP. I WANT FOOD AND I AM HUNGRY YOU STUPID BITCH!" The other girl, who I will assume is her sister asked the psycho to "simmer" down. She didn't. She continued to yell and scream. Oh yeah, while she was yelling "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE NOW! YOU DON'T NEED TO SPEND SO MUCH FUCKIN TIME IN THE LAUNDRY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I AM HUNGRY", she slammed her hand into my washer.

Here is an analogy:
Mother is protective to her newborn as laundry employee is protective to her washers.

Bitch better not mess with my washers...

I asked the psycho bitch to stop yelling and to not hit the machines. She turns to me and yells "DON'T YAH TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU AIN'T MAH MOTHER." You are right, I am not your mother and I thank the heavens for that. If I were your mother, I would whoop your ass and teach you manners you damn whale! After yelling a bit more at her assumed sister and making a fool out of herself, she storms to the front and before she exits she yells "YAH BETTER HURRY YOUR ASS UP. I WANT MAH CHICKEN."

I lost it there. Once I heard that she wants her chicken, I sat in a chair and just laughed. I may find this funny because I have been in the laundromat since 8:30 am with only two mini breaks which I used to email my friend. That is almost 12 hours. Therefore, the above situation is hysterical to me. I just picture that scenario over and over again and to me, it never gets old.

Also, I will be taking pictures now of items that I find interesting. Someone in the past had notified me that they would LOVE to see what some of these people looked like but unfortunately, I don't have a cool camera phone and I can't really point a camera at someone without explaining the reason I am taking a photo. However, pictures of people items is no harm! For instance, on a pair of boxer briefs today, there was a worn on ribbon saying "limited edition underwear" and I thought *can I cut this off? What is the point of it? Does he wear it when he gets laid and secretly thinks that the ribbon is a "good job" award?* So yeah, the camera will be coming with me at work. What do you guys think?

ASSASSIN MONDAY

Sorry for not posting the past two days. I decided to have a life on Saturday and Sunday. Oh yeah, I also caught up on sleep on Sunday. 2009 owed me. It still owes me more hours of sleep.

Anyways, it was and still is an animal house today in the asylum. Not fun stuff. People threatening other people's lives for washers and of course I was arguing with a whale over pre-wash vs. final rinse. Oh yes, I feel like I stooped to a new low in this Laundromat life.

The other Laundromat did not open today. I am going to assume the following reasons:

Reason 1: It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Reason 2: They screwed themselves over by not renewing their license.

I am leaning more towards reason numero 2. I have all of the animals here today in this barn! Noah would be proud... this is where you just nod and smile...

Customer A was putting his wash into the washer. Customer B comes along and wants the washer Customer A is using. Customer A ignores Customer B. Customer B gets angry at customer A. Customer A continues to ignore Customer B that is until Customer B decides to shove Customer A's cart away. Customer A tells the other customer "excuse me, but that wasn't nice" and the other customer replies "I don't care. I want da washer now." The funny thing is Customer A is a male and Customer B is a female. Customer A continues to ignore Customer B and that is when the female yells "give me the washer now or I will kill you." That was my queue to go in there and be the peace maker. The last thing I need is to fill out paper work from the cops... the blood is the least of my worries.

The mission: Create peace among two hostile customers.
Strategy: Accommodate both customers.
Weapons: Words.

After five minutes, the mission was complete. I told Customer B to cool it and that I will give her two washers that were better than the two she wanted. I felt like a pre-school teacher telling a child that her cookie is better than the other child's cookie because her cookie has magical powers...-sigh- Customer A decided to remain civil. Customer A deserved a cookie. After Customer B settled in, she came over and told me "I ain't like no bitches takin mah stuff" and after she said that, she made that teeth sucking sound. I told her "the washers do not belong to you. They belong to the Laundromat and the general public. When one is taken, you need to find another one." She turned to me and gave me that look. You know, -the- look... the one where half the lip is up, the nose is scrunched, and the eyes are bugged out... -that- look.

I continued to drink my ginger ale and hoped that they don't take the feud to the dryers as well as Customer A not getting killed. Paper work is a pain in the ass, seriously.

Then I had a customer complain to me that we don't have the pre-wash option. I pointed out to her that we have the final rinse option. Final rinse is better than the pre-wash and I gave her the reasoning. The final rinse rinses out the excess soap and that allows the clothing to be soap free. That is why the softener bottles also say "for better results, pour softener into the final rinse cycle"... or something like that. If the bottle doesn't say that, do it! The clothing comes out so much better! This whale decided to project stupid logic out of her mouth. She said "the pre-wash is far better because it gets that extra soap in there and it removes all the dirt." I told her "False! See, the more soap you put in your clothes, it will be less likely that they will get washed." She looked baffled and had nothing to say to that.

After her wash was done, she was observing her clothing carefully. She turns to me with a smirk and says "so you guys have a final rinse and not a pre-wash, why?" -face roll- I told her what I explained to her before and with a smile she says "I think I like this better." I felt like asking "then bitch, why did you give me a fuckin hard time?" It was a hard time. I had 20+ customers in the Laundromat, a couple of people waiting for washers, a death threat going on, and then the whale with her lack of common sense... maybe hearing too. Oh yeah, the kids too.....

Kids have been running around all day because they are out of school. I won't be surprised if I don't have much of a voice tomorrow. All day I have been yelling "NO RUNNING!" and at one point I yelled at a parent "put your kids on a leash!” I don't know if I should be thankful or not that she didn't understand English... Parenting is hard but if you are at a Laundromat and you have a stroller, straps you friggin kid in it! If it cries, give it a damn cookie or a toy! This isn't a playground. If the child falls and breaks something, the parent will blame it on me and that is when I will say "no lady/sir, it is YOUR fault because YOU FAILED at parenting.”

-takes a deep breath-

You know what, if I had kids and I needed to go to the Laundromat, I wouldn't bring them with me. I would leave them with a family member or my husband. If that isn't possible, I would explain to them that the Laundromat is NOT a playground. If other parent's applied this to their children, accidents most likely would not happen.

SOME OF THESE PEOPLE NEED TO GO TO PARENTING 101!!! Or not have children at all.

Next up... I get a phone call that goes like this:

Drugged Lady (DL): Hi sweetie, is my blouses ready?
Me: Eh?
DL: My daughter dropped off shirts. What time you close?
Me: Erm, your shirts aren't ready... your daughter dropped them off 6 minutes ago.
DL: I have other blouses.
Me: Ticket number?
DL: I don't know.
Me: When did you drop them off?
DL: They should be inside.
Me: Inside where?
DL: Inside.
Me: O... Okay... I will be right back.
(They were nowhere inside and I checked on the other racks)
Me: I see them and they are ready but they aren't the ones dro...
DL: I be there before you close.

I know this lady. She is the resident crazy. Nice lady don't get me wrong but half the time she doesn't make sense. Who am I kidding, all the time she doesn't make sense.

I love random phone calls that don't make sense. They fulfill my daily quota of "how many crazy people can I talk on the phone with?" and the daily quota is one. Thank you crazy lady for making me feel all warm and fuzzy.

OH! An update on Bitchiana, she picked up her clothes and she didn't give me any lip. I was surprised; however, I did find the ten cents tip quite offensive.

A LETTER TO...

... Williamsburg, the mother of spawning hipsters and yuppies.

Dear People of Williamsburg,

Majority of you living in Williamsburg are starving "artists" yet you come from families that are loaded with money. These parent's send you off to another state or town just to satisfy your crave of the current trend. Unfortunately, these parent's do not send off their kids with a brain. It must be left behind or they must have been dropped when they were a wee bit lad. In addition the parent's have forgotten to teach their children the basics of math as well as laundry. I am 99.9% sure that Williamsburg has at least a laundromat where people can do laundry. If not, then that explains why the hippies/yuppies that are moving into my town, are retarded.

So Williamsburg, please teach your spawns of a trend to use the laundromat properly or open up more laundromats and offer classes.

Sincerely,

LLG

I have no words for today. Well, actually I do... since I am typing this blog.

It's 6:35 pm and the laundromat is pretty busy. The door opens and in walks a tall and thin male with curly long hair wearing a fedora. Half of his face is covered with acne. His shirt is black and white plaid and the undershirt is red. He is wearing tight skinny jeans. Put it this way... his jeans are so tight that you can make out his... you know what... never mind... anyways... he brings in two bags worth of laundry and he is pacing back and forth trying to figure out which washers he is going to use. He uses the ones that are right in front of the counter area. I let out a long "sigh" because I knew what was coming.


First off, the moron uses four washers and then he puts bleach in the washer with the mixed color clothing. Then he inserts quarters... the quarter wouldn't be accepted by the machine. Without looking up I told him "don't you even dare to bang the machine. I see you. Use the coin return button." I think I scared him because he jumped a bit. He had trouble putting quarters into the machine and I asked him if he needed help and he said "no." It was HILARIOUS watching him trying to coordinate his hand with putting the quarter in the slot and then pushing the button. I did an eye roll and went to help him. He gave me the quarter and I put it in the coin slot without any trouble. Now, here is where he was having trouble with his math... our machine takes 7 quarters and he inserted four quarters, leaving him with three more quarters to go.

He complained that the machine didn't register the fourth quarter, but it did. The counter was showing that he needed to put in three more quarters but he was convinced that the machine didn't register it. I think he has ingrown curls in his brain... anyways, I open up the coin box and I show him that there are four quarters in there. Then I take my index finger and point out that he needs to put in three more quarters. He got pissed.

Fuck if I care that he got pissed. Not my fault he refuses to use his brain. Other people around him were snickering and laughing. I felt like saying "Uh dude, Williamsburg called and they are looking for their residential moron, they are missing you." Trust me, I was biting my tongue.

I can't stress enough that doing laundry is NOT a hard thing to do! Certain things that come with it as well, it isn't hard to achieve. Can we bring back School House Rock? Except this time, make a mini episode about laundry and math...

For those who don't remember School House Rock, here is a YouTube video:



Also, if this post seems a bit off, forgive me. I am sleep deprived and pretty exhausted.

RUGATTACK

Rugattack (rug-attack) is a word that I just made up and it is used when people get into a bitchy mode over a rug charge. Actually, I just changed it from Rugattack to Rugrage.

Yesterday, a petite female came into my Laundromat. I will call her Bitchiana.
Bitchiana dropped off 40-something pounds worth of laundry and when she dropped it off, I asked her specifically if she had any rugs, blankets, or comforters in her bag. See, in my Laundromat we charge extra for items like that. Now if the rug isn’t thick and it’s just a flimsy rug, we won’t charge; however if it is a thick cotton rug, we charge it. We charge these items because it takes FOREVER to dry and we keep feeding the dryer quarters. Sometimes, a thick cotton rug will take up to five bucks in quarters to dry. We would charge the customer between 5-8 bucks extra on their slip. We even have signs taped on the counter and to the wall letting the customers know that these items are charged extra. Another customer of mine doesn’t want his rug dried because he doesn’t want to pay the extra money. He let us know from day one and he doesn’t have a problem with it. On the other hand, this lady was a total bitch.

Now, throughout the story keep in mind the following details, I asked her if she had another of the above items in her laundry bag and she answered with a no. In addition, she isn’t our regular customer and she complained about stuff that WE did but really, we didn’t. Oh yeah and all of this happened BEFORE we serviced her laundry bag. Furthermore, I introduce to you the dialogue of last night and this morning.

Bitchiana (B): Drop off.
Me: Sure~ It will be ready tomorrow night at 6pm. Is that ok?
B: Yes.
Me: Do you have any blankets, rugs, or comforters?
B: No but I have pillow cases.
Me: We don’t charge pillow cases unless the actual pillow is in there. Do you have the actual pillow in there? We charge extra for those things.
B: No.
Me: And no rugs or anything?
B: Nope. Bed sheets and a couple of clothes.
Me: Okays, no problem.
B: Just make sure you don’t shrink my stuff.
Me: Well, we don’t dry peoples clothing on hot unless it is a rug or something. Also just to let you know, clothing over time shrink.
-Bitchianas voice turns demanding and bitchy-
B: I am talking about my pillow cases. You guys shrink my stuff.
Me: And you have brought your clothes to us?
B: Yes.
Me: Oh. Hm. I don’t remember you but that must have happened when you brought them somewhere else.
B: No! I bring them here.
Me: Well, your stuff will be ready tomorrow. Good night.

Bitchiana flashed me with this look of evil… As if she was going to punch me in the face.

Now as you can see from the dialogue, I was being nice and I explained to her how we work. She on the other hand wasn’t so nice but I ignored her for the mere fact that my shift was ending and I just didn’t want to be “upset”.
Today, I went to the Laundromat to fold a couple of stuff. I was asked to come in early since the owner had to go to a private affair. I was sorting through Bitchiana’s clothes and I observed that she had mostly bed sheets and pillow cases, that is until I came upon a thick cotton rug (I will have a link of the rug at the end of the blog). The rug is pretty big and if I didn’t have issues with perception of measurement, I would give you the numbers. I went over to my co-worker and I told her “the bitch from last night has a rug in her wash… either she doesn’t understand what a rug is or she thought she was being slick.” She was trying to be slick and I concluded that from the telephone conversation she and I had this morning. It went like this.

Me: Hi, is this Bitchiana?
B: Yes.
Me: This is Lillaundry girl; you dropped off your laundry last night.
B: What do you want?
(Oh yeah, not rude at all lady…)
Me: Well, yesterday I asked you if you had a rug in your laundry and you said you didn’t. I found one in your wash. We washed it already but I was wondering if you want us to dry it for you. There will be an extra charge of five dollars.
B: What did you find?
Me: -sigh- A rug. A beige rug. You know… like a bath mat. Your beige cotton rug.
B: What about it?
Me: Do you want us to dry it?
B: Well, the other Laundromat doesn’t charge me. No other Laundromat charges me for that.
(Mind you, she says she always brings her clothes to us to wash)
Me: Well, we charge. Want it dried or not? We aren’t like the other Laundromat.
B: Don’t dry it!

By the time I went to say “okay thanks, bye”, she just rudely hung up on me. My tone wasn’t bitchy or anything. Considering the fact that it was morning, I was… calm and wishing I was back in bed. I put her rug on the furnace to dry until she comes. –shrugs-

Like I said, sometimes rugs we don’t charge if they are thin and flimsy and other times we do when they are double thick like this one. We let our customers know and we ASK them if there are any in their bags. We also charge extra because we don’t wash the rugs with the clothes. As a matter of fact, it isn’t sanitary (even though they are being washed with dirty clothes). Some people like the fact that we take their clothes into consideration and others could care less. So we wash them separately, dry them separately, and then we package them in their own lil’ bag. To me, that is service; however we have customers that say “oh just wash it with our clothes” and we do. We don’t charge the same price. We knock off a couple of dollars and just charge for the drying. When they ask for it to be air dried, then we don’t bother charging them at all. That is how it goes and that is what gets explained to my customers. The regulars know this and they don’t mind because they enjoy the service. Mind you, these past two weeks customers who have tried us, told us “our clothes come out cleaner and fluffier with you guys” or “I like this Laundromat.” Of course I heard a lady last night saying “this Laundromat is too bright for me, I fucking hate it.” Then again, she looked miserable….

Anyways…

Bitchiana was out of line for being rude and bitchy towards me, even after explaining to her what the charged were. Oh yeah, don’t forget the lying too! This lady really irked me… Let’s see what she says when she picks up tonight!

What do you guys think about the extra charge for rugs, blankets, and comforters?

Oh yeah! Here is a link of the rug image!
http://www.amazon.com/Pinzon-Luxury-Reversible-34-Inch-Bath/dp/B000T2WYK8/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1263497569&sr=1-24

POSSESSED

As time goes by and I spend more hours in this place (I should ask management for a bed), the more things are starting to make sense. I don't question another person's actions much anymore. Instead I just label them and go on with the day. Well actually, I do question them unconsciously since my brain tends to have its own brain sometimes. In other words, my organs argue with each other.

Around 10 am today, I was folding a customer’s clothing while listening to music. I was rocking to Motley Crue when all of the sudden, I hear constant thumping. This was NOT part of the song Dr. Feelgood and I know this because I have listened to it religiously. I look to my dryer to see if the sound was coming from there but it wasn't. Who knows, maybe technology really did start to take over humanity and the start of this phenomenon was beginning from the dryers. My imagination is what keeps me sane. Moving on... I check under my table and I check the front. All was quiet. I check to the back of the store and I see a little girl banging her legs and head against the wall. What amazed me even more is that the mother was just chatting away with her husband or friend. My jaw was slightly dropped. I went over to the mother and told her "um... your daughter is hurting herself... I think you might want to check it out..." Of course the mother didn't understand English. The mother went over to the daughter, tied her shoe and then the daughter stopped. By the way, the daughter must have been at least 3 or 4 years old. I shake my head on the way to my folding table.

The thumping starts again. I look to the back and I see her hitting her legs against the wall while flailing her arms. I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed hard as a matter of fact. I asked another customer what the little girl was saying and the customer said "she wants her shoes tied and her mom's attention." She was laughing just as hard. This girl looked like she was seriously possessed... The male picked her up soon after and she was just hitting his head with one hand while flailing the other.

I bet you any money that in 20 years; she will be asking the laundry attendant how the door closes...
Speaking of closing doors, this lady had her daughter with her (I think it's -bring your daughters to the Laundromat day- today) and they kept taking clothes out of the washers and putting it into the next one. The little girl comes and notifies me "none of the washers are working" and she shows me (that is when the mom revealed to me that she was changing washers). I point out the 3x4 picture of how to close the door and then I close it for her. She made an "aahhhh" sound and thanked me. This is where I am going to question... The other Laundromat (which is still closed) has the exact same washers as we do. Why is it so damn difficult to close the door? I KNOW I am not going crazy. My co-worker even pointed out the same exact thing, that the washers are the same therefore they function the same way. It is mind boggling.

Asking how to close a door to a washer is like asking someone how a fork functions. That is my analogy and I am sticking to it. Fuckin morons.... I used to say "fuckin kangaroos" but I replaced the 'roos with morons.... -sighs-

Remember yesterday when I mentioned that I had a feeling about me having an argument today with a customer (from the other Laundromat), well I didn't. The husband came to pick up the clothes and he was a lot nicer than his wife. He did question me about the price and I told him "we treat our customer's clothing as if it were ours. It's the quality." He said he will check to see how he likes our service and he will continue with us if it is good. He said the only difference was ten bucks. -Shrugs- Then he mentioned that the other Laundromat lost his wife’s Dolce and Gabana jeans and his Hugo Boss sweater. Excuse me but if I had clothes with THOSE name brands, I would dry clean them. I would NOT have them machine washed. Unless they were knockoffs... If he did start an argument though, I would have told him off in a nice and passive way. -nods-

With that being said, if you have children, please give them attention and don't let them hurt themselves.....

WHAT IS...

... a change machine?

That is what someone asked me. I asked him "is this the first time you are doing laundry?" and he said in a thick Arabic accent "no, I used to go to the other laundromat but it's closed." I cocked my head to the right (I have been doing that a lot lately) and told him "it's most likely the same device you used in the other laundromat." He asked where is was and I pointed out to him "the same place where you left your laundry bag." I could tell he was confused. I left the counter area and approached him. He wasn't looking at the change machine. He was looking at the soap dispenser, which has a sign that states "Out of Order. Soap sold at the counter." I am going to assume he didn't know how to read. I go to him "No! That is the machine" while pointing at it. The moron continued to look at the soap dispenser. I was almost close to asking if he needed soap but his action said otherwise. He was going to put the money in the coin pockets. I stopped him, turned him to the side and told him "change machine." Really, I could have done that from the start but I wanted entertainment. Things have been too quiet lately.

Anyways, after 1o minuted of explaining to him how the bill goes into the machine, he found his way to the washer. By the way, I was impressed by the fact that he knew how to work it. Normally people who don't know how to use the change machine, don't know how to use the washer... let alone whipe their own ass most likely.... With that mental image being imprinted to your brain, I will continue to the next moron.

This one was yelling AT the washer to start up. At first I thought she was fighting with someone so I left the counter once again to go check out what is going on. I just saw someone standing in front of the washer in pajamas yelling "YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! WORK!" I asked the lady if things were ok (maybe she just has tourettes) but she complained that the washer wasn't starting. I told her "you didn't close the door" and she argued that she did. I closed the door for her and said "no you didn't". I think she has tourettes.... Readers, tourettes is a serious thing and if your loved ones have it, take them to seek help.

I have a feeling a customer that isn't mine but the other laundromats will start a fight with me tomorrow. It's just a hunch. Yesterday she was complaining how we are too expensive. I didn't bother to explain to her the process which we use to make clothes fluffy and clean. I just handed her the ticket. She seemed to be a miserable person and her boyfriend (I assume) was just giving me an ugly stare. -sigh- Hopefully my hunch isn't true just like my predictions tend to not be true.

MR. STEAMY

Hey kids! Look what I brought home! It isn't your ordinary ball or dryer sheets! It's Mr. Steamy!

With Mr. Steamy, you can fill it with water and toss it in your dryer! That’s not all! While your dryer is working, your clothing inside the dryer is playing catch with Mr. Steamy! But that’s not all! In the end, your clothes will come out with dry water spots! That's right kids, now you can go to school with brown spots on your jeans and white cotton t-shirts! You will start a whole new trend!

https://www.mistersteamy.com/?mid=653217

Ah, I just love infomercials that sound exciting. Truth is, I bought this out of pure curiosity and then tossed it out. Why did I toss it out? Well... it left dry water spots on white clothes and small dark spots on dark clothes. It irritates me that people who invent stuff like Mr. Steamy, make it seem that laundry will be done in a better manner. The infomercial is deceiving or maybe m Mr. Steamy was broken somehow... but also think of this... you are putting "dirty" water to steam clean clothes. With a washer, there is a filter before the water goes into the washing machine. The filter connected to the hose, before the valve collects debris (rocks and such) as well as soil/dirt. You would be AMAZED what a filter net looks like after three months. We actually change our filters every two months because the water flows better and it eliminates problems in the future.

In all honesty, Mr. Steamy doesn't make sense to me and I don't see the need for it. Want clothes to come out wrinkle free? That is easy. Want clothes to come out fluffy? Easy as well.
Here are a few tips:

- To keep clothes wrinkly free, remove the light weight clothes (button downs, thin cotton t-shirts, etc) out of the dryer before the dryer finishes. If they are a bit damp, let them air dry and by the time your heavy clothes dry, the light weight clothes will be dry. This will also eliminate shrinkage as well as wear and tear.

- To achieve the fluffiness in your clothes, add an extra cup of softener in the final rinse cycle of the washer. By adding the recommended cup, the dryer “burns out” the softener, especially if you have the dryer on hot. If you want, you can use the Bounce dryer sheets or any other brand. I am not a big fan of dryer sheets because it isn’t that great for your skin. Plus people put more sheets then they are supposed to and then they wonder why they are itching…

To conclude this, Mr. Steamy isn’t all that great it is made out to be. If you are curious like I was, go ahead and buy it… maybe it will work out for you but I am sticking to my tips!

Oh! I am going to assume that the person, who created this invention, is a fan of McSteamy from Grey’s Anatomy… Mr. Steamy minus the “Mc”… do you see it too or is it just me…?

A "HEY LOOK IM NOT FEELING GOOD" POST

Sorry guys, not feeling well today so no post. Didn't even work today. So I will leave you guys with this random youtube video that I found after typing in "laundry day". Could I have done better? Yes! But the fact that this left me with my mouth open and a "wtf" look, deserves attention. Now, if something like this was happening in my laundromat, I would most likely grab my camera to record it and then call the cops. Hey, what can I say... its a natural reaction.

Not sure yet if this would be safe to watch at work or not... so just do me the favor and just watch it at home haha.

THE MEANING OF CLOSED

Closed: not open or affording passage or access; "the many closed streets made travel difficult"

This is the first time ever I had to explain to a customer the meaning of "closed". This customer has made it on this blog two other times. He is the douche bag that wanted to go into the fitting room with me along with calling me "mami". He walks in 4 minutes after the last wash cutoff and I stop him midway. I told him "you can't wash. I am closed." He asks me what I mean and I thought I was being clear... so I told him "you are 5 minutes late. We close at a certain time and the last wash is at a certain time. You. Cant. Wash." He looked blankly at me and replied "no wash mami?" I straightened my back (I don't know why...) and I TOLD him to not call me that. He stood there and looked at me as if I had three heads. He asked again if he could wash and I replied with a loud and shocked "NO!" He slowly went to get his bag, stopped by in front of me and asked once again. I ignored his question and I wished him a good night. The asshole didn't wish me a good night back.

Without him telling me a good night, I will not be able to sleep tonight. As a matter of fact, he needs to come back NOW so he can do his wash, accept my apology, AND wish me a good night.
-eye roll- I am starting to believe that he is a masochist or glutton for verbal punishment; however, the polite this is to at least thank me for the good wish. That is going in my mental record under his name, Douche Bag Moe.

A NEW ADDITION

A guy hired himself to be the door opener of this Laundromat just as long as I am around. He calls himself the "Sexy Albanian". Normally, when someone is reading or watching something, you don't go on and disturb them with an obnoxious conversation. He was asking me what my name was, where I live, what I do, and what I like to do for fun. He automatically assumed that I was into the club scene and drinking coffees at the local cafe. I told him "you know what they say about those who assume, you make an ass out of you and me." I don't think he understood what I was saying so I just told him that he was entirely wrong. Damn noob.

I tried to not laugh but I couldn't help but break out a smile. I am 99.99% sure he mistook the smile as a flirty move because he started to put the moves on me saying that my name was "just as beautiful as me" and "your eyes can light up a room". Please keep in mind, all this was being said with an accent and broken English. Oh, just to throw this in there, I think his teeth are capped. They looked pretty fake. Anyways, I was texting friends to call me so they can save me from this inquisition. He was just rambling on and on about how awesome he is and how beautiful I was. I thought he was going to ask if I wanted his babies, but he didn’t. My friend saved me! We were talking for 10-15 minutes and he just stood there. In front of me. Staring at me. His eyes were grilling me. I was thinking *Laundry girl, wipe that smile off your face now!*

At one point he was mocking me and my conversation. He repeated something I told my friend. Then another customer was entering the Laundromat and he went to open the door for her. He told her “I’m the new doorman in this Laundromat! As long as she is working here, I will open doors.” CREEPY! I didn’t have a reply for that. As a matter of fact, I ignored it. After I got off the phone, my sister came by to drop something off. I pointed out to her the creepy Albanian dude and she laughed. I was going to beg her to stay but he was in the back folding or something. It wasn’t that bad after my sister left… until this… “You married?” I told him “yes” and he pointed out that I don’t have a diamond ring. See, I was desperate to put something on my ring finger, so I took my pirate skull ring and put it on the left hand. I also pointed out that I was married to a pirate. Not sure if he bought it but hey! I am married to a pirate! (Ok, I am not… but can’t a girl dream?... Renaissance season is almost here… who knows…). When he was in the dryer section, he was being loud and obnoxious to the point where a customer asked me if I can go and shut him up. I shook my head side to side.

As for the doorman position, if he shows up tomorrow, I accuse him of stalkerism (not a word… I know… it should be though) and either call the cops or spray him with some detergent or something. Either works!

Oh by the way, all this started because I helped him put quarters in the washer. Next time, I am NOT helping someone… I am just going to point out they are an idiot. Then again, I can point out they are an idiot and then help them. This way, it is clear from the start that I am not interested in idiots but more than happy to help them. Okies, that happy part may be a small fib but it fits with the sentence.

Is it just me or does it seem like an ethnic week this week with my stories? Could it be a new pattern for the New Year? Guess my letter didn’t work eh?
Honestly though, I was thinking of printing out an instructions page for the washer and dryer so I can hand out to people. I mean, some of these people just do the same stuff over and over again. Then again, it could also be that some of these people just want the stuff done for them. People, I assure you. Your finger will NOT fall off if you put the quarter in the slot yourself. You will however lose a limb if you continue to bang my washer.

A SIMPLE REQUEST

How a normal person starts the washer:
1. Insert clothing into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment as advised.
3. Close the washer door.
4. Make sure nothing is stuck in the door.
5. Insert coins.
6. Sit and wait.

How a moron starts the washer TRY # 1:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Close washer door.
3. Complain.

How a moron starts the washer Try #2:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment.
3. Insert clothes.
4. Close the washer door.
5. Sit and wait while complaining on the phone to his friend why he didn't get reimbursed.

I guess the tight jeans and bottle of gel in his hair made his brain stop functioning. I bet his brain has as many holes as his tight jeans do, if not more. -shakes head- I think he is a confused hipster. -mumbles- fuckin hipster..

So what happened? He put coins in the washer and started it without his clothes. His explanation was...actually you know what?.,.here is the dialogue:

Hipster (Hip): Um, I have a problem. I put coins in my washer and it turned on.
Me: What do you mean? You are supposed to put quarters in it so the machine COULD work.
Hip: Well I started it but there is nothing in there.
Me: As in water?
Hip: No, it's empty.
Me: And it is working?
Hip: Yes.
Me:... Okies, let me see what you did because this isn't making sense.
-The moron laughs-
Me: So you started your wash without putting your clothes in first?
Hip: Well, I normally put the quarters in first then the soap then my clothes.
Me: You are supposed to put your clothes in first..
Hip: Well, can I get reimbursed?
Me: No... you started it...
Hip: Can you stop it?
Me: Nope!
Hip: So I wasted 2 bucks for nothing?
Me: Nope! You wasted $1.75!
-He sighs at me-
Hip: And there is no way to get my money back?
Me: Nope! Sorry. If you want you can come back tomorrow and talk to management.
Hip: I'm leaving tomorrow.
Me: Can't do anything about it. The register gets counted and if I am missing that much, I get in trouble. Sorry.

See, if he said "please" I may have reconsidered. Then again, my laundromat doesn't pay for people's stupidity. Next time, put your clothes in first.

The moral of the story? Always use your manners and say "please", it may get you what you want and always put your clothes in FIRST in the washer.

I GOTZ A GIRLFRIENDZ

In the Spring of 2009, I was servicing a customer named Tito (fake name). He was tall, built with fat, and black. He dropped off a polo-shirt with so much glitz and glimmer for dry cleaning.

He returned again this year.

Flashback to 2008: While I was filling out his dry-cleaning ticket, he would ask me questions about myself. Questions such as my name, if I am always working here, what I am studying, and so on. I answered the questions like a jackass because I probably wasn't thinking.

When Tito left, my co-worker left, and then the phone rang. I look at the caller i.d and there is Tito's name. My initial thought was *he must have forgotten something*, I pick up the phone and the convo went something like this:

Me: Hello?
Tito (Ti): Hi, may I speak to Laundry Girl?
Me: Speaking.
Ti: Well I was there just a while ago and I couldn't ask you this because your co-worker was around. First off, I want to let you know that you are cute and I was wondering if we can go out together.
Me: Oh, I am sorry. I have a boyfriend.
Ti: It's cool. I'm not asking you to leave your boyfriend. I'm just asking us to hang out. You seem funny and all, thas all.
Me: He is strict, sorry.
Ti: Well, he can come too if you want.
Me: Well, the other thing is I can't date customers. It is store policy (bullshit!).
Ti: Hold up, yall got a policy?
Me: Yes, you see... there used to be an incident and I got a stalker and then I had to fill out paperwork.
Ti: I promise I won't do anything to you. Here's my nu...
-I cut him off-
Me: Oh, I have your number because of your caller Id! I'll call you back when we can hang out ok?
Ti: Aight, don't lose the number.
Me: Bye.
-click- I hang up.

My co-worker asked what that was all about and I told her and she laughed. I never did call him back nor did I bother to save the number. Since then, he didn't show up to drop off anything. Until today, 2010.

Time to fast foward!

He shows up today and drops off his clothes as if nothing happened and as if he has been coming here for a very long time. He starts to chat it up with me and I was being cautious. After servicing him, on his way out he said "Oh, by the way, I gotz a girlfriendz." I just cocked my head to the right and said "ok."

Seriously? Like seriously?! Why would I care if a customer that doesn't mean much to me, has a girl friend? Did I miss something like you are epic? Or a mutant? Or something spectacular and I just didn't see it?! Why!? Just why!? I was pounding my head with that today until I decided to cool it and just go on with the quiet day.

Well actually... I do know why... I had this deep burning urge of love for him. So deep, that it went past hell, around the corner, and down the stairs. My god did I miss a great catch. I have his number and I should save it for one of those drunk dialing moments. Ugh, excuse me while I cut off the tag of his ghetto ass polo shirt and make my shrine of him. -eye roll-

REVERSE RACISM (For Monday)

For once I can say that I was not the one touched or being asked to be touched (if that makes sense).

My customer/friend came running into a quiet laundromat saying "Dude, a black girl just asked me if she could touch me?" My reply was "you have to be kidding me"... She wasn't. A black girl wanted to touch my friend because she had hips. Apparently the black girl has never seen a white girl with hips. -shakes head- My customer/friend kept telling her "no" and after she got her food from next door, that is when she entered my laundromat. My laundromat can now be categorized in the safe zone pit stop..

After 10 minutes of entering my laundromat, we hear "heeey there she is yoo, yooo mah friend is fascinated by yah yooooooo" and then you hear "fuck that white bitch yoooo" as they are looking through the storefront window. I told my customer/friend "im going to get shot because of you." We laughed. The people were out there for a good two minutes. All we kept hearing was "bitch" and "yooooo", oh and "bitch". Eventually they left and after 15 minutes my customer/friend ran home.

Now, if I were to ask that lady "can I touch you?" I would be labeled as a racist...
After my customer/friend left, I laughed.

Other than that, it was surprisingly a quiet day. People knew what they were doing!

CURRY QUEEN

Sorry for not posting the Sunday Funny!

Yesterday was a lazy day for me and I took full advantage of it. Nothing says relaxing like Pj's, movies, and games. I even played Guitar Hero sitting down at one point, but that didn't last. I went straight to the computer to play a video game and search for useless information that may at one point be significant. For all we know, Zombies could evolve and they would keep us captive if we didn't know how to answer trivial questions about useless information.

The above information was provided to you by your local detergent distributor.

Now, back to reality.

I didn't think Indian's lived in my neighborhood. No, not Native American Indians but Indian's from India. -Laughter- For some reason, that line made laugh. Who know, maybe delirium is kicking in. Anywhoots, as I was saying, I have no problem with Indians at all. I love their food and the taste/smell of curry until today...

This lady walked into the laundromat with a heavy smell of curry and dirty socks following behind. I never open the door in the front during the Winter but my dear god, I had to this time. I think the lady picked up on my action because she turned around and gave me a mixed look of "death" and "are you hinting at something bitch?" After that look, I put my head down and scratched it. She came up to me at the counter and asked me for change. I asked her "change for what?" and she replied "for the machines". -Ponders- Last time I checked, someone had to GIVE me money so I can give them change... This is all how it went down:

Curry Queen (CQ): I need change.
Me: I need money.
CQ: I need change for the washers.
Me: I need money to give you change.
CQ: OH! Okay.
-waits with a smile-
Me: You know, if you give me a 20, I can give you a 10 and 2 fives...
CQ: One minute (with an Indian accent).

She rummages through her bag and pulls out a twenty. I give her the change. She comes back asking me to break the ten into two fives and breaking the fives into singles. I just gave her ten singles from the ten instead of going down the pyramid of money breaking. What came to mind? Nothing. Her heavy odor killed my brain cells. I should start a campaign "Save Little Laundry Girls Brain Cells".

One thing I did NOT like is that she continued to bang on my washers. I asked her to stop doing that many times and she refused. After the sixth or seventh bang, I walk back up to her and asked her if she had complications and she said "yes". I asked her what they were and she said "machine no work! Eat my quarters!" I tried my best not to laugh because I pictured my washer with a mouth and sharp teeth trying to chomp away her arm. I told her "Machines don't eat quarters. They accept them. Here, let me show you how. Be one with the machine and be nice to it, it will be nice back at you." I think the lady thought I was crazy because she gave me another look of disapproval. She can take her look and shove it up her ass!

My co-worker heard me and she said "Laundry girl, you need to be more nice to customers" and I told him "I will be nice to them when they grow a couple of brain cells OR when hell freezes over and I am put as the leader." She told me to take a nap. I didn't take a nap but I did point out to the Curry Queen that she put waaay too much soap in her washer. Though, with her odor, she may need it...

Speaking of my co-worker, she told me that she noticed my mood changes during the week. She came up with this theory:
-On Monday, I am hyper and giddy but on Tuesday I am just happy.
-Wednesday, I am okay but sarcasm kicks in even more so than Monday and Tuesday.
-Thursday and Friday, I seem tired and the smile is wiped away.
-Saturday, I am angry.

I bought her a Snapple because it was a good observation! Who would have thought?? I could say that her observation is 80% correct.

THE OLD PEOPLE AND THE SPERM

Usually I don't listen in on other people's conversations and that is because I am not interested; however, sometimes my ear catches a conversation and it's normally a not so pleasant conversation. As a matter of fact, this lady wasn't even talking low. She was yelling through out the laundromat. Well not yelling but talking loud.

First off she kept pointing out to me that the laundromat is like a party because of the massive amount of people (at that point, there must have been over 25 people in the laundromat) that are washing and waiting for washers as well as dryers. I kept telling her "oh yeah yeah" with a nod a smile. Bitch, I am busy. Back off! >:O

After telling five or six times that it seems as if there was a party, she went to the dryers and left me alone. After 45 minutes I hear "It kills off the sperm and then they no get to have babies"... those were the exact words. Trying to hide my smirk and inner laughter, with a serious face I ask "what kills sperm?" and she said "the radiation from the cell phones". I asked her how it was possible when it can't be possible at all! She said "well when the men put the phone by their hip, the radiation gives off and kills the sperm and then you can't get pregnant and have babies!" I assured her that such information is not true (if it is true, then excuse me...). She continued to rant and she added "you better remove that phone from your pocket there or no babies for you eitha!" I told her "um... okies... I should be fine but thank you for your concern."
She said "well I watched it on t.v too so it might not be true."

She left. I laughed. A guy came up to me and told me "she started with me first. I'm never going to have babies" I told him "Adopt a child but make sure the brain cells are intact!"

He laughed. I laughed. Then I wanted to cry because it was still on 3P.M.

Oh! Down below are two separate posts! One about a Diva and another about a cranky Russian!

There are more stories to type but I will get to that tomorrow! I have to jet!

STARSHMUCKS LADY

Starshmuck is my way of saying "Starbucks". I will admit, I am not a fan of Starbucks but if there isn't a Dunkin Donuts around for a tea, I will result to the Seattle Coffee House also known as Starshmucks. Think about it... there is a Starshmucks on every friggin corner! Yo, Dunkin Donuts, I think you need to step up here!
With that being clear, this lady dressed in business clothes, walks in with her nose stuck up in the air holding a flashy bag, a Starshmucks extra large cup, and an Ikea plastic bag (the ones that sell for 59 cents or something) acting as if there is a red carpet event going on in my laundromat. Who thought! An Ikea plastic bag is the new Coach Laundry Bag. -head to desk-

Normally I don't have any problems with her but I secretly mock her whenever she walks around like she is the bomb. (Oh snap! I went old school and said "the bomb"). She put her laundry in the washer and she came up to me and complained that the washer isn't working. Without a word, I silently walked to her washer and turned the handle. It magically worked! I turned around and walked back to my counter without saying "you're welcome." I am exhausted... I have a right to not say anything, especially when stupidity and lack of competence is present.

Dryer time!

She places her clothes in the dryer and I spot out that she left her dryer on the warm option. I didn't say anything. I assumed she wanted it that way since she is obviously weird. Of course she wasn't present when I spotted this as well and I could have easily changed the option but I didn't.

She comes back thirty minutes later and she stated that her dryer is broken because she had her clothes in there for 40 minutes and her clothes were not dry. I told her that I saw it on warm but I didn't change it. She said that she was 110% sure that she had it on hot. I argued with her and pointed out the obvious "Ma'am, the dryer is working because no one else complained about it. If you put your hand on the metal piece, it is slightly warm. You had it on the warm temperature"... She said "No, no! It was on hot!" She got an attitude with me and I was planning on proving her and her Starshmucks drink wrong!

I will be honest with you though... when I walked away with the attitude that I was right and she was wrong, I was hoping that I don't get proved wrong and I come out as the ass... haha! What? I'm sure all of you get that way at times!

So when I walked back with the quarter to put in the dryer and put it on hot, I told her "I'll be back in two minutes to check the temperature." I go back in two minutes and the dryer door is HOT! I told her to put her hand on the dryer and showed her that she made the mistake. I stuck around for the apology. After a couple of seconds, she said it... with her head down too! haha! BITCH! I WIN!

On her way out, she was walking as if she were on the runway. I should have told her "don't walk that way... your butt and muffin top are wobbling!" Instead I just laughed at her... she didn't notice. Not that I wanted her to -whistles- but hey... I WIN!

Also, there is a blog below from today as well! Read on about the Cranky Russian!!!

CRANKY RUSSIAN

Today we opened up to a New Year with the same stupid customers. As a matter of fact, there were more because the other laundromat is closed. I am going to divide up the stories in different posts so make sure you look down below for more! This is to make it easier for you guys to read and not make the entry seem as a thesis. Here goes...

Today is a busy day. Busy to the point where people waited for 15 minutes to get washers and 10 minutes for dryers. Of course I accommodated all of them by making a line and seeing how many washers each person needed. When I thought it died down and bit because 6 washers were empty, I was wrong (hey new year type person... I asked you in the letter to allow my predictions to be correct!). A Russian guy in his 60's, tall with white hair came in with two big bags in a blue cart. I knew he was bad business because his face looked angry but I just continued to fold a drop off. My co-worker was at the counter taking care of the customers waiting in a line for change, soap, and to drop off clothes. The old guy took up six of the washers and another customer came in and pointed asked the Russian "are you using all of them?" and this is how the dialogue went:

Calm Customer (CC): Are you using all of them?
Russian Old Guy (ROG): -in an angry voice- YES!
CC: Well, could you at least let me use one of them?
ROG: YOU WANT ME TO BE HERE ALL DAY? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I WAS HERE FIRST THEY ARE MINE!

So I went over to ROG and informed him that I will be removing clothes from one of the washers so he can use it. The gentleman man thanks me and whispers to me "a nut case he is". I nodded. Another customer came and she was asking for three washers. I asked her to wait for four minutes so the washers can end their cycle and I pull them out. She happily agreed and told me to take my time. Then this happened

ROG: I NEED WASHER!
Me: Well I'm accommodating these people first. If you would like you can use a bigger one.
ROG: Use bigger one? Who gonna pay for it?
Me: Well, not me but it is your choice. You will have to wait.
ROG: I will not wait for three hours for a machine.
Me: Listen mister, I'm not asking you to wait for three hours. Give me a minute and I will get to you!
ROG: What am I supposed to do?
(I felt like telling him that he should go to the bathroom and scratch his balls)
Me: WAIT!
ROG: Well I need now! I can't wait. I busy person.
Me: Look, I asked you to wait, I need to accommodate these people. Your attitude is not appreciated.
ROG: My attitude is not appreciated? *laughs*
Me: No, its not so cool it!
ROG: Ok ok we will see.
Me: -mummbles- my ass you will.

I took my sweet time considering the fact that I had been at it with emptying washers and dryers along with folding so yeah, his ass could wait. When I finally gave him a washer, he was all nice to me until he sarcastically said "thank you" to which I replied "you are not welcome".
The moron also had problems with the sink. He was ranting to me that it wasn't working. I thought that this might be happening because Murphy's Law likes to be a bitch to me but it was working. He said that I magically did something to it and I told him "yes. I used my brain cells and made a sink function. Just amazing." That is when my crankiness kicked in. Soon after he left me alone until it came time for the dryers. He demanded that I tell other people to remove their clothes so he could use the top ones. Of course I told him that it was not possible since people ARE using the dryers and he could use the empty ones. He started with his three hour crap again. This time, I did not respond to him. I just turned around and walked away. He came to the counter and I made a sign with the counterfeit marker that said "out for 5 minutes, go to the other side" My co-worker took care of him and when she came back, she asked if she could borrow my sign. I told her "no". I love my sign -hugs sign-

He then came asking for the bathroom key and I get this from him "you know, I have to use the bathroom. I need newspaper"... I gave him a *wtf* look and figured he was kidding.... I think he was... I ignored his comment then.... I should change the tittle of this blog from "Cranky Russian" to "Dirty Old Man Russian"... WHY DO I FUCKIN GET STUCK WITH THE WEIRDOS?

In the end, he was leaving and he said "you know, I have to walk for 15 minutes and I need to use the bathroom" I asked him why he was asking me and he said "I need your permission, no?" I wonder if I scared him off....

People around me were comforting me and asking me why so many washers were going... I pointed to the old man all the time and added "because people need to do wash?" -sigh-

Fuck my Life.

Also a friend of mine within a game (we will call him Prae) suggested that I shouldn't kill anyone. Good call buddy. I was close to smashing someone's head into a washer and then force feeding them quarters...

2010

HAPPY 2010!