TMI

TMI= Too much information

I consider myself to be an open person. Cynical at times too but that isn’t important. A lady walked up to me after putting her laundry in the wash and she just started talking to me. She acted as if I were her best friend. I guess she didn’t catch on to my facial expression, which was “what the fuck?” First she was complaining about her husband and how he doesn’t help out at home or with the laundry. Now, keep in mind this happened on Friday and I was sick. I couldn’t swallow, my glands were swollen, and later on in the night, I was running a fever.
As I was saying, she was complaining about her husband and I told her “ha! You should make him sleep on the couch.” See, I tossed that into the conversation thinking maybe she would leave me alone. Nope. I was wrong. She replied “I would but the thing is that he is good in bed.” I wanted to ignore that. Sadly, she didn’t stop there. She continued to say “the best thing is, we don’t have to use a condom because my tubes are tied.” I cocked my head to the right and I just looked at her. I wondered if I was imagining all this due to all the medication I took at once (Tylenol, Advil, alieve, Dayquil, and some other stuff. Hey, I’m still alive), but I wasn’t imagining it. It was truly happening. All I said was “oh… that’s cool…” She agreed with me. Then she asked me how I have sex. I told her “oh, well you see… it’s kind of hard to have sex with a cartoon. Communication between me and Pikachu just isn’t working out.” Her head went back and he eyes opened and she said “what? Is that code for something?” I shook my head sideways.

To think that my reply would make her leave was only a dream. She sat there and continued to talk. She told me about her daughter from her first marriage and how she obtained an STD. Lovely lady. Real classy… I applaud to you and your stupidity. Finally my time to leave came. I excused her and told her to have a nice one. She said “it was nice talking to you, we should do this again.” I looked at her and told her “yes, next time, please keep the TMI to yourself.” Guess she didn’t know what that meant.

If you are wondering what she looks like, think obese and white trailer trash. She looked like a stuffed sausage in a brown sweat suit. The back read “Preious”… I think the “c” was hidden between her… you know what, never mind… I’ll spare you all the mental image.