HEY!

Since I provide you guys with laughter and entertainment due to my misery, I would like it if you could take the time and tell me what you think about this blog AND what your favorite story was so far.

I know for a month I did not post but real life got in the way. I will make sure that does NOT happen again in 2010 and if it does, I will keep you guys (my readers and new comers) posted.

Let me know what you think and what your favorite story is =) It would be greatly appreciated =D

HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

P.S. The post down under is a letter to the New Year!

DEAR NEW YEAR

Dear Sir/Ma'am New Year,

First of all, I would like to point out that within the past decade, I have met people, fought with people, and became great friends with some of these people. I have fallen into relationships which could not be described and I have wisened up on what I want. For that, I thank you for not killing me (after all the close encounters and self-accomplished incidents/accidents) so I can live and learn throughout the ten years. I close a chapter in my life when a decade ends and/or when something happens and I want it behind me. After today, this chapter will be closed and a new one will open. Of course, I have a couple of requests from your New Year... I doubt it will change, but what the hell, a person can dream... right? With that being said, enough babling and lets get right down to business.

First off, the laundromat. Being that it is a new year and a new decade, knock some effin sense into people. I know it is hard to do that with over one million stupid people in this world, but try aiming for at least three quarters of them. It would help. While you are at, implant an imaginary hearing aid for people so they can listen to me when I say "don't sit on that!" or "stop banging my machines". It would be nice if you knocked some sense into my co-workers and owners as well.

See, I am NOT asking for much for the coming new year. I am just asking for two or three things because when someone has common sense, then they wouldn't do all the other stupid shit that they do... like praising a child for sticking playdough into the washer coin slot... or people asking me what the difference is between the soaps and the services we provide.

With that being said, GIVE SOME OF THESE STUPID PEOPLE A BRAIN OR A COUPLE OF BRAIN CELLS SO I CAN SAVE MY FRIGGIN SANITY!

Sincerely,

Little Laundy Girl

P.S. If you don't give this to me, I will kill one of these douche bag customers one of these days and I will plead insanity because I will be blaming it on you! Don't tempt me New YeaR! -breathes- Okies, maybe not kill... but maybe verbally hurt them? That works too...

MOMMY! IM A BIG KID!

Karma is hating me lately. Normally I have good karma. Maybe it isn't karma and just shitty luck. OR I am a magnet for these people. Maybe all of the above? I want to go into the fitting room, cover my head with some random towel, cry, and make believe that I am on an island owned by me. You guys are probably thinking that I am over exaggerating but removing play dough from a coin slot is serious business... especially when you have other morons hovering around the counter acting like they need something.



Play dough in a coin slot is something new to happen to me. The kid put a quarter to the dough to get a print on it and decided to put it in the slot. The kid thought that it was real currency. The mother praised the child and I scolded the mother. If you picture it, the mother should scold the child and I ignore the mother but the scolding and praising worked the other way. I spent 2o minutes cleaning out the fuckin dough... I hope the kid creates a donut and chokes on it... That is a mean remark but really, after a long day I am allowed to make such statements. I pointed out to the mother several times what her child did and many times I let out a heavy sigh. Every time I sighed she told her kid "its okay, it was clever for you to try it out. It is trial and error." I felt like telling the damn bitch "so if I kick you in the ass and I THINK you wouldn't fall face down but you do, that would be trial and error right?" But alas, I did not. I kept thinking *patience is virtue and in the end, it will be worth it*; however, my patience was being tested today by customers, co-workers, and family. Oh and after I cleaned out that gunk, I go over to the kid, get on one knee and tell him "what you did, was not nice and you could have damaged the machine. Don't do it again." The mother now scolded me... I should google a parenting class for her....



Next up!



All day customers were hovering over the counter and looking at the items (which is soap) that we sell. I would ask them "may I help you?" and they would say "no, I'm just looking." EXCUSE ME PEOPLE! THIS ISN'T WINDOW SHOPPING OR WINDOW DECORATIONS! IT'S FUCKIN TIDE!!! TIDE!!! THE CRAP THAT YOU PUT IN YOUR DAMN CLOTHES!!! What else can you possibly be looking at?! Half way through the day, I did take a walk to the other side of the counter and took a look to, to see what these people are looking at. Just as I suspected... IT IS TIDE! JUST LIKE LAST WEEK, LAST MONTH, AND EVERY OTHER DAMN YEAR WE HAVE SOLD THIS STUFF! After a couple of customers doing this, I questioned this one lady. She is a nice lady with an old fashioned mentality so I was being nice to her. Nice people deserve niceness -nods- So when I questioned if she needed something, she said "oh I'm just looking." I questioned further "what are you looking at?" and she said "the soaps". I was still confused so I questioned further... "what about the soaps?" and she replied "I'm trying to see if they are all the same and if there is a difference between any of them." Trying to remain calm and not break brain cells, I said "but we only sell Tide. That is the only non-chlorine detergent we sell... everything else with the exclusion of Clorox 2, will stain your clothes." She said "So Tide and Clorox 2 are the same"... "No ma'am, they are different... C2 is bleach for colors, you can add that in with the Tide if you want." She just stood there. I asked her if she wanted any of it and she just said that she was still looking -face roll- WHY!?!?!?!?


From that I learned to not ask them if they want anything and to just leave them there until they ask for something.

THEN I had a customer ask me for a ten and two fives. I gave him exactly that and he was arguing that I stiffed him on a five dollar bill. I was pointing out that he had a ten dollar bill in hand as well as two fives... after 5 minutes, his wife comes over and she agrees with me. He started to apologize to me and offered me a drink to which I replied very fast "NO!"

... I am terrified of my customers buying me beverages now... why? Well, sometimes they lead to questions such as "will you marry me?" or "do you want a boyfriend?" and "want to web chat?" -cries-

As for family, I went to pick up an uncle and he just wouldn't shut the hell up! My dad and I would just ignore his questions sometimes but his mouth would still go 100mph! GAH! If it is karma, DAMN YOU!

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!

I deal with this laundry place 6 times a week. If I am lucky, only five times. Now, I dream about it. Not dream as in day dream but like the dreaming you do when you sleep. I will blame it on Nyquil but my dear god, I hope I never dream about me working in the laundromat. It was a nightmare!!

This is how the dream went.

It was 30 minutes before the last wash and the laundromat was pretty quiet with only 3 customers. I kept thinking "yes! I am going to close early!" but I was wrong. Even in my dream my prediction was wrong! So much for the whole "controlling your dreams" advice...
Anyways, a customer comes up to me and asks me for a couple of bags because his wife forgot to give him the laundry bag. I told him I would have to charge him for the bags and he just went on a mumbling rant saying "oh I am never coming here ever again." I leave from the counter to go to the back to start cleaning up and all of the sudden, theres over 10 customers. Washers are going and dryers are drying. Customers started to come in 10 minutes before the last wash and I would tell them that im closed. While im telling these group of customers to basically leave, other customers are putting in wash! I look at the clock and I see that its 30 minutes before closing time. I start to freak out. I clean and it gets dirty all over again. I am reminding people of the closing time and they ignore it. There were 3 teenage girls sitting on the folding tables and I told them to get down. I thought that the customer with the bags put a curse on me so I return to the counter to get him the bags and I gave them to him. He thanks me. He didn't put a curse on me. I turn around and i see three girls sitting on the counter again. I yell at them this time to get down... except for the fact that there were three little girls sitting there. I started to freak out that I made 2 of the 3 girls cry and I started to apologize to the mom. The mom forgave me and told me "you are just doing your job." I told her she can leave them up there if its going to avoid a headache and them running around as if it were a playground. I look at the clock and it was 10 minutes before closing and these people were nowhere close to down. I was freaking out because I wanted to go home. Then my phone rings in reality.

The dream freaked me out... NO MORE LAUNDRY DREAMS PLEASE!!!!

I SMELL APPLE

First off, a friend of mine came by to see me... she lives 4 doors down from the laundromat. I wish she never left. I REALLY do wish she didn't.

Remember that customer that I talked about in the past... the one that would always bring me a beverage and a snack? Yeah well, he came back today. I thought he would leave before my friend did but sadly, his wash was on the first rinse cycle. When he entered the laundromat (before the friend came by) he didn't start a conversation nor did he bring me a drink. I thought I was safe and that he gave up on trying to "impress" me. I was wrong. Lately, I have been wrong a lot with my predictions. I don't even know why I bother to think that these people will change, it only leads to disappointment as well as the urge to just stab them in the eye or force feed them a box of Tide and hope that they never approach me. Sadly, the stabbing and Tide poisoning is illegal...

Anyways, I thought I was in the clear until the friend left. He came up to me, cleared his throat and said "I smell apple." I was tempted to say "I smell you" but I didn't know if that would get him excited or not. That's another thing... I have to watch what I say to people or they will take it the wrong way. Instead of saying what I thought, I just told him "I don't smell apple. As a matter of fact, I smell bleach." He said "oh yeah yeah yeah, it might be that." I continued to ignore him and I would answer with a "yes" or a "no". He asked me if I wanted to go to the park with him and I told him "No. It's cold and I am going to a gym." He asked which gym and I told him "sorry, I don't share that with customers. I see you guys in here, I don't want to see you at my gym." He then told me if I wanted help, I should ask him... I pointed out that there are trainers at the gym. Then he went into a conversation about my co-worker and how she works hard and to that I replied "she better. She is getting paid." He laughed and then he asked me if I found a job yet. I thought *Hey! Apparently you missed the Obvious Bus! I'M STILL HERE!* but I went with the short answer "no". He clears his throat once again and he starts to flex his legs. He points out once again that he is running every morning in the park but I just told him "oh, I thought you have an involuntary muscle spasm." He didn't understand what that meant and he asked me what I meant... I decided to ignore the question and say "well, the loo is calling me... I'll talk to you later." It was a lie.

Notice how I have been failing at my predictions AND lying to customers? I have reached to the lowest levels of the low scale. -sighs- Meh, I'll be able to sleep at night knowing that I didn't have to deal with any longer.

On another note, I accidentally locked myself out of the office... I had to jump over the counter. It happens once in a while but that's what I get when I exit one door and enter through another. I could yell at myself but I think it's best if I save my energy for the incompetent morons that need the yelling.

SUNDAY FUNNIES

Today is Sunday... a day that I can sit back and relax. Oh and prepare myself for the week. Of course it is 1 am but hey... better a post early then not at all! Truth is, I can't sleep. My walls are vibrating because of the club next door and I think they know I am calling so they aren't picking up their phones. Yoda would say, asshats they are. Plus, I will not be around for most of the day tomorrow.

You know, the best day of the week is Saturday. Its the last day of the week I have to deal with incompetent morons. When Sunday comes around, I dread Monday. Monday and Thursday are the two worst day's of the week. Why? Well on Monday people come into the laundromat fully energized and excited. By excited I mean that they are ready to pick a fight or hit some machines due to anger issues. Thursdays are bad because I have customers that don't even belong to me because other laundromats are closed... so I'm dealing with people that don't know how to speak English and people who think that the washer will work with the door open. If I see someone attempt to start a washer without closing the door I will ask them "do you think your clothing is claustrophobic?" and go from there.

It really is mind boggling and many people tell me I have patience. I nod and smile at that remark only because sometimes it isn't true. I will yell at people if I have to and make threats if the job gets done. As a matter of fact, my co-worker told me that a lot of the Spanish customers think I am an angry person. Well... of course I am! If you don't understand English and I don't understand Spanish, there will be a bit of hostility. Then again if I am making hand signals and flailing my arms while talking to them in a language they don't understand, they will probably think I am trying to kill them. Hell, I would be frightened too AND think that the person belongs in a room with four padded walls.

I once had a customer tell me I had the easiest job since I get to sit around sometimes. While he was telling me that, a customer came up to me telling me that his keys got stuck in the soap hole. I turned to the other customer that was lecturing me on my job and said "so, you think my job is easy?" he said "I take it back. You are dealing with morons." I replied "I glad I had an example walk up to us at the right time." I grabbed my screwdriver and skipped to the washer.... to only find out that the keys entered the actual washer. I told the customer "feel free to put the keys in your mouth, they will be bacteria free!" and I walked away. The key customer laughed and thought that my suggestion was adorable. On the bright side, he didn't ask me to perform a sexual gesture!

With that being said,

ENJOY YOUR SUNDAY EVERYONE!

Also, if you are reading this blog and liking it, don't be afraid! Follow me! I swear I really don't bite!

-LG

I NEED CLEAN

I thought I was going to have a calm Saturday after the tablecloth lady but no. I was introduced to the most stupidest person on this Earth. I will call him the Fail Guy. He deserves that title!!

What did he do?

Many things. This is how it goes:

Failguy: I need clean.
Me: Excuse me?
FG: -mumbles-
Me: -snaps- What?
FG: You have clean?
Me: -points to the soap- You need soap?
FG: -nods-
Me: Which one?
FG: Tide
Me: Okee... 6.50

After giving me the money he left and I thought "that wasn't so bad... he won't bother me again". Five minutes later:

FG: Clean no work.
Me: What?
FG: 18 clean no work wrong
Me: Is something broken? Did you break something?
FG: no clean no clean!
Me: Okay, okay... show me!

So he takes me to the washer and he says that he put the coins and soap in the wrong washer. This is how it all unraveled:

FG: Clean in wrong machine
Me: You put money in here too?
FG: Yes, 2.50
Me: I can't give you your money back. I don't even know if you really put it in there! Plus, I am not going to pay for your mistake!
FG: ok, give me free clean!
Me: No! I am NOT responsible for your mistake! It is YOUR fault! You should have paid attention. You need to pay attention to what you are doing.
FG: I need clean.
Me: I will sell it to you.
FG: Give me discount.
Me: No, I am not going to be responsible for your wrong doing! No discount for you!

Finally he starts to put money in the right washer and he comes to buy soap. He is about to walk away with it for free but I told him to come back and pay. He did pay. I thought that after that, he wouldn't bother me again... he did.

FG: Clean no work
Me: What?
FG: 18 no work
Me: Ugh! Show me!
Me: You didn't close the door!
FG: OH okay!

His friend was sitting down and tells me "he is stupid." I replied "no shit". And we left it at that.

Oh and if you were wondering, "clean" used by him means soap and washing machine at the same time.

So, when can I grow a new set of brain cells?

POST HOLIDAYS

On Christmas Eve, people asked me what I asked from Santa and I told them two things.

1. I am the x amount of age and Santa is just a figment of a child's imagination. Plus he is just there to make kids happy and to make himself happy too (if you know what I mean...).
2. If a Santa DID exist, I would want my sanity back along with a day at a spa.

OH and some people got offended when I said this "NO MORE STUPID CUSTOMERS!"

It's a shame though. I was right. Santa does not exist because I DON'T have my sanity back and because the x amount of stupid customers doubles today, after Christmas. This may be Karma's doing.

A customer walked up to while she huffed and puffed and demanded I remove the stains from her "precious" table cloth. Mind you, there was not one stain or two... there were over 20... in different colors and judging by the smell, different flavors. I asked her how long the stains were sent on for and she said "some are from yesterday and the rest are from the past years." I could not help but ask her "did you use the same dirty cloth yesterday?" and she responded with an attitude "yes".

I explained to her that last years stains will not come off because the oils and coloring from the food products are already set in. I told her that she shouldn't have waited a year or more to clean. So she had the nerve to yell into my face "I DID NOT ASK YOU FOR YOUR OPINION. I ASKED YOU TO CLEAN IT. " I thought to myself, nasty bitch, don't yell at me; however I told her "ma'am, please take your stained cloth and exit the premises. Your attitude and business is not appreciated here." She then went on and on about how rude I am and how I should bow down to her. So what accidental slipped my mouth? This... "You obviously didn't get laid on Christmas morning" After saying that, I just gasped and laughed. I think she got really annoyed at me (or the truth) and left.

So that is how I get rid of people like that? I will make note of that.

Normally I am nice and I "behave" but she deserved what I told her.

Also, I had four or five customers bang the machines today. An Arabic Muslim told me that if he can't put the quarters in, then I can't because I am a female. I told him "hit my machine again and I will SHOW you what a female can do to a male!" I put the quarters in the machine for him and after I told him "guess it takes some education to realize that you have to put the quarters in the slot and not in the coin return" and I walked away. His friend was laughing at him. I was too. Another one was a repeat offender and I told her "stop banging the machine! Go to a boxing class if you have built of anger" She laughed. She knows I mean well and she apologized saying that she forgot. Thankfully not all of my customers are stupid... I will classify this one as forgetful.

A customer brought me home baked cookies, which were yummy.

Hopefully the New Year will enlighten people.

TIS THE SEASON TO BE...

THANKFUL!

Why? Well see... people are doing last minute shopping which means they do not have enough time to do laundry which means that they are not bothering me. Today was easy peasy! Tomorrow will be crazy though. Expect stories.

Also, check out this blog:

http://areyouseriouscupid.blogspot.com/

I recommend it!

REPEAT OFFENDER

A couple of months ago, I thought a male was cute because of his eyes.. but in the end, he stole my hangers. As a matter of fact, I gave him the douche bag title for demeaning me. I asked him many times to not call me sweetie. After that night, I thought he would be gone for good. I was wrong.

He showed up tonight 10 minutes before the 8pm cutoff. He asked me if I can wash his laundry and I said "No." My friend Rob was here and he was just laughing. He said he would pay me, the douche bag that is, and I told him the same answer as above. As a matter of fact, with an attitude, with hopes of getting rid of him, I told him that I close at 9pm on the dot. He ignored me I think. He put his crap into the washer and stepped out to purchase soap. He came back after 5 minutes and asked me if I can put his stuff in the dryer, the answer remained the same. He said he would pay me extra and I kept telling him "no." I should have told him that I am not a laundry prostitute.

Anyways, when he comes back, the conversation went like this:

Douchebag: You are beautiful.
Me: Thanks.
Dbag: You got a boyfriend?
Me: I'm married actually.
Dbag: Want to go into the fitting room?
Me: Judging by your height, their is nothing there. I'm married.

He walks away but before that he asks me what time I am closing. Normally, I don't hate people. As a matter of fact, I enjoy them... with the exception of the stupid ones... but people like this d-bag, I do NOT tolerate.

-sigh-

Speaking of Rob, we had a debated conversation about whether or not, not-attractive is the same as ugly. My opinion is that they are two different things. Not-attractive include everything for me.. from personality to turn ons/off. If the individual has more turn-offs than turn-ons, then I am NOT attracted to that person. However, if the person looks like they have been hit by a bus several times and a lion went to eat his/her face... then he/she is ugly.

THE INTERNET IS TRUELY FOR PORN

Remember the crazy dude that I blogged about a couple of entries ago where he was skateboarding in my laundromat and he fell to his face? Well, now I know even more about him and I wish I didn't.

He asked me if I was on the Internet and I said "yes" and he asked me how and I told him that I have Roadrunner. He yelled "SERIOUSLY?!" with his eyes almost popping out and I told him "yes...now how many I help you?" He decided to ignore my question and just go into his story about how his Internet isn't working and that he hates the Time Warner cable service. I told him that it happened to me before and that they will fix it soon. What does he throw back at me? "I have no way of watching porn on my mother fuckin computer! For 3 days now I haven't watched the girls going at it." I had no words for him and except I nodded and smiled which was a bad idea because he then tells me "you have beautiful eyes, you know that?" I told him that I did and he just kept repeating it. I got annoyed and I finally told him "your eyes are beautiful too. They are so beautiful that I want to spork them out and devour them." He took his elbows off the counter, handed me the money, and left. I should have told him that I could also pull a Lorena Bobbitt, you know... the lady that chopped off her husband's penis and tossed out of the car window.... but I didn't.

For the rest of the night, he did not make eye contact. I win.

Today was a long day. The two washers that broke, I removed the piping from the bottom and then removed the water motor thingy (fuck if I know what the name is) and took it to Gold Coin so they can repair it. I made two trips there. If you own a laundromat and need parts, I highly recommend Gold Coin in Jamaica!
Need to fix a dryer tomorrow too.

0 DOWN 2 TO GO...

I hate when washers break. Oh how much I do. Why? Well, the male owner thinks he can fix them himself when in fact he really can't. Yeah I learned how to fix washers from him but really, I think I know more than he does. He wants to take a part from a working washer to put into the broken one to see if it works. I know which part it is and I KNOW that the part is broken but he still wants to play operation. Honestly, I am willing to GIVE him the money for the part just to save myself the headache and frustration.

Customers weren't so much of a bother... yet... but one customer kept repeating that her coat was warm over and over again like a crackhead asking for crack. So I told her "Oh yeah? My underwear has electrical heating. I think I win." She shut it and left. I win.

Must find parts for washer...

WANT A SNICKERS? HERE TAKE A SNAPPLE!

When I was growing up, T.V shows taught me to never accept candy from strangers or anything really. Not even if they tell you a pretty pink princess is in a white van. Typically, parents are supposed to give you that kind of talk but when I was a young little girl, they didn't tell me anything. They were too busy working. As a matter of fact, I learned about sex from 90210 and Melrose Place. Yes, at that time I was around 7 or 8 years old... but hey, look at me now... I AM AS NORMAL AS I WILL EVER BE! Okies, that is a lie...

Yesterday and today I was being forced to eat and drink from two different Arab guys. Apparently they do NOT know the meaning of "no". I was amused at first and then it turned to annoyance.

On Monday, the guy was offering me a small snickers bar and I refused it. He kept pushing it on me and I lied by telling him I don't like chocolate. Well actually, it isn't a lie. I am not a big fan of milk chocolate but I LOVE white chocolate. Also, Snickers is WAY too sweet for me. After telling him all this, he continued to pressure me to take the chocolate when I finally raised my voice a tad bit and said "NO". That is when he said "okay. I see you drink Snapple. You like Snapple. You drink Snapple." I kept refusing that too and he finally said "okay." I thought I had won the battle but boy was I wrong... he brought me an orangeade Snapple.

I thanked him for the nice gesture but then I told him to never bring me anything because in my words "I'm not a big fan of Snapple much anymore"... another lie... I like Raspberry Snapple ONLY. Plus, I love the Snapple Facts... heh... Anywhoots, he dropped it off and told me "its okies, you drink" and I argued that I had water and he just ignored me. Asshole. Nice gesture but still an asshole because of the following; he thought that by offering me stuff, he could stay late to fold but NO! It does NOT work like that. I gave him his 5 minute warning and on his way out he asked me why I want to close at 9pm and I told him that I want to go home too. He asked me if I wanted to walk him to his apartment and I told him "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" He then said he was kidding (in broken English of course). He asked me if I use MSN and I told him "NO! I do not use messengers, its not my thing" (another lie). He asked me what my shifts were and I told him that it varies and I'm not here most of the time (another lie... I practically live in this place). He finally said good night and left me alone to lock up. Bastard took 10 minutes of my life that I couldn't take back. -shakes head-

Today I had a neighbor of mine, a mechanic offer me services. It's not what it sounds like. His business isn't going that great because it's slow so he is trying to get my car into his shop. Not in a million years. I did take my car to his shop one Sunday and they wanted to charge me $480 just to change the exhaust. I told him "HELL NO! The exhaust pipe is only like 60 bucks dude!" After arguing for 5 minutes and me threatening him that I'm going to go someplace else, he changes the damaged part for 6o. I told the story to guy today and he tells me "you know, you just made my life miserable. I have to come to work now on Sundays" and I told him straight out "hey dude, not my fault your workers are trying to put money in their pocket. You should have laid down the rules or at least put cameras in your place." After 30 minutes of talking to me and telling me how I should try them again, he leaves. I thought that I was going to have a smooth night now that he was gone but nope. I was wrong once again. He came back. This time he came back with post cards with his business on them. I told him to just leave them on the table and if people are interested, they would pick them up. Somehow... we got into food. I didn't bring up food but he did...

He was asking me if I liked Afghanistan food and I told him that I never tried it. He told me that he is going to bring me some from around the corner right now and then asked if I liked spicy food. I told him that I don't like spicy food (a lie) and that I have sensitive taste buds so I don't try new food (another lie). Then he was forcing me to eat k-bobs and I told him "oh no, I am trying to become a vegetarian!" (Another lie once again). He didn't get the idea after me telling him no several times and I reached the point where I yelled "I DON'T WANT FOOD! LEAVE ME ALONE!" What does he say? "OK, I will bring you a veggie platter!" Dude, NO!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? So I told him "Look, I don't like ethnic food. I am used to my kind of food. I grew up on it and I have sensitive taste buds. It is OK. Don't bring me anything. Please!" (HUGE lie on the ethnic food part.) He then says he will bring me Greek food and then I just look at him with what seemed to be a blank stare. I informed him that I didn't want anything and I thanked him for his gesture but he just went on. Finally I told him I had to go to the bathroom and he left me alone and said "okay, ill bring something one day for you to try." I just said "Okay" at that point. I really didn't go to the bathroom. I just went to the back room and waited until he left.

What is wrong with these people?! I was telling one of my customers about this and he pointed out that they are trying to get other stuff down my throat... not only food. Think about that one.

-sigh- I should put up a sign that says "if you don't accept the first no and you ask again, your dark clothes will get bleached when you aren't watching."

ROXORZ BOXERZ

Hands down, boxers are a turn on for me. (Way to start a blog right?) Boxers with a huge hole in the front, isn't a turn on for me. White boxers scare me but white boxers with a hole in front and questionable stains are terrifying. Boxers with pictures on them are interesting but boxers with YOUR ACTUAL FACE ON THEM IS MORE TERRIFYING THAN THE THOUGHT ITSELF.

The boxers that I described above, all belonged to one customer. I will be honest that I was intrigued by the boxers with his face on it and I do question the position of the mouth but still... intriguing and disturbing. I would say 6 or 7 of his boxers had big holes cut out in the front area. Easier access for urinating? Maybe. Easy access for an itch? Could be. Easier access to play with himself while watching porn? DING DING DING! I came to that conclusion by bringing all the pieces together. On two ocassions, I found porn dvd's in his bag and another time a playboy magazine. Good going dude. Very subtle. When he comes to pick up his laundry later tonight, I will NOT be able to look at him with a straight face.

I don't know why but today's theme seems to be "naughty".

I had two twelve year old girls talk about their virginities and then they started to call up people on their phones and ask them if they are still virgins. I don't think the two girls admited to whether or not they are or are not virgins but they came up with these two theories:

1. "Our teachers aren't virgins"
and
2. "My parent's arent virginss".

First... the first one seems really wrong when it came from their mouth, being that they are 12 and still in school and the to the second one, I felt like replying "NO SHIT!" They were loud and obnoxious. Not to mention they dirtied my floor with the disgusting fried chicken from next door. At one point, I did yell at them to quiet down.

Also, my cutie came in today <3 I just love love love his eyes!

I CAN EXPLAIN

Dear Readers,

First off, I would like to start off with an apology. An apology because I have not updated my blog for more than a month. Unfortunately, I did not have time to update it. Between being busy with work, looking for a college for my masters, and a real job, I just did not have time to update. At one point I did hit the bottom and I just needed time to myself.

Just to let you know, I am STILL tired and I am STILL looking for a job, but I will start to tell you my stories of my everyday life in the laundromat. Things did go on for the month that I did not update but I will assure you, those stories will be told!

With that in mind, I am pleased to tell you that I have come back to entertain you all and hopefully, a job will pop up for me.

If you have any questions or concerns, even comments, feel free to email me or ask away in the comment area.

I hope all of you understand!!

Thank you!

Laundry Girl~

THE THREESOME

I didn't tell anyone about this except for my mom. I wanted everyone to read it and I kept it for the blog.

In my previous posts, I blogged about the guy that repeats "you know" after each statement and his wife that walked around passing gas and demanding ice cream... hopefully you remember them because if you don't, go back to last months posts... anywhoots...

This guy came to do laundry (I'll call him Bob) on Tuesday and he was in a talkative mood as always. I guess he can't read facial expressions because mine clearly yelled "fuck off." As he was yapping on about some non-sense, his wife walks in with her usual cane and Mets jacket. There was something different about her and I couldn't pin point what it was. Naturally, I checked this old lady out to figure out what was new about her (big mistake on the checking out part) and I saw that she cleaned herself up. Her hair was combed and sprayed and she sported a little bit of blush and lip gloss. I thought to myself "aww! She is so cute! She must be trying to get her husbands attention!" and my thought was right. She was so raunchy towards him and whispered to him "can't you wait until tonight? You and me. Hey Bob, you should ask the girl to join." Once I heard this I mouthed "OH MY GOD." I ducked behind the counter and waited until she left. She was all over him and using her cane as gestures in public. I. was. scared. I still am. -shudders- I think this has happened before because it seems familiar but I can't seem to pin point which day or if it even really happened.

They never got around to asking me but she was the one checking me out when I had to serve the customers. Threesomes for old people should become illegal. My lesson is to not check out old people to see what new to offer a compliment. Just don't.

AFK!

Sorry for not being around for a week and a half. My laptop decided to break on me. Well the heat sink fan thingy did. Not fun. I sent it out to HP and the turn around time was surprisignly fast. I was expecting it to be in sometime during this coming week.

I have tons to type up! Thanks to my super duper amazing brain, I remembered it all. Watching Looney Tunes while growing up did have a positive impact. Woot!

JUST AN INFO POST

Hi!

So I added a new feature provided by Blogspot that will allow you to check off one of the three options or if you want, all of them. It would be great if you can use it! This way, I get an idea of how many people actually read this blog.

Also, I added a poll to the blog which is located at the bottom of this page! Check it out!

If you are too shy to leave a comment, feel free to email be at lillaundrygirl@gmail.com with some suggestions or even comments about this blog. It would be great to read emails from you and get an idea of how many people read this.

Thanks!

-LG

KOSHER DELIGHTS...

... Is brought to you by a Jewish episode.

I never had a problem with one of the companies we service. I show up, pick-up and drop off without a problem. Sometimes it is a bit uncomfortable when the guy just sits and smiles at me but I have gotten past that... somewhat.

Anyways, today I go to our scheduled time that HE gave me to do a pick up and to drop off a jacket. I saw the truck in the driveway so my first thought was "it must be a madhouse in there" and my second thought was "I hope he is in a good mood." Never has this guy ever yelled at me but he has repeated many things over and over due to paranoia even though the instructions are clearly stated on the paper, taped to the bag and a copy placed inside the bag. He even hands me a copy with the instructions. So after 3-4 papers of the instructions handed to me, he manages to stand there and emphasize the following:

"Please, please put these in boxes and fold them. Please, please do not mix up the items. This is VERY important." My reply is "I know, I have done this before. I assure you the best quality will be given to you with the instructions followed to the max" and his reply is "this isn't a laughing matter, I'm being serious." And I give back "I know you are, I am too."

It must be my passive voice that I tend to give at times where people have to state the obvious a couple of times but trust me, "moron" isn't written across my face.

So today, when I enter the massively busy place to deliver the item that needed to be delivered, I greet him with a cheery voice and he barks back "now is not the time!" Being that this is the first time that he barked at me I thought "whats next, couples therapy" and I told him "um, ok... want me to leave this with you?" and he said "I don't care what you do, now is not the time." Seeing that there wasn't a path for me to get to the other side, I told him "okay, when you are ready, give me a call or I will see you tomorrow." He said in an angry voice "fine." Normally, some people would be upset that they were yelled at for nothing and I would too but this mini event made me laugh all the way to my parked car. Seeing a short angry guy buried behind boxes and plastic just made me laugh... I pictured Cartman at some point and then I pictured my friend, who is also Jewish just laughing and saying "See, I told you..."

Guess that wasn't the right time to ask him which name brand has the best Kosher salt...... heh......

Signing out with a smile and a deli pickle,

LG

SUNDAY BLUES

Today is the first time I worked on a Sunday after a very long time and for the first time ever, I will say I wish I dealt with stupid people as opposed to HP tech support.

Today is history for my blog because of the above sentence.

The HP lady was ridiculously retarded. She stated that my overheating issue can be solved if I moved my laptop to a cooler place. I told her my bed and room do not fit in the freezer and apparently me demanding to speak to someone with a brain (yes, I did tell her that), didn't phase her. What. the. fuck. I told her my stupidest customers are brighter than her. She kept making me go into the bios and asking me to turn my laptop on and off ( I didn't though) and she was asking me what the temperature is. Gee, I wonder where I stick the thermometer...

If my laptop is going in for repairs, im going to try and steal someones laptop for a while.

MAKE IT A MEAL

Customer: Do you have coupons?
LG: For what?
Customer: Well, some places give coupons with their service.
LG: For what?
Customer: Well, mostly food and some for products.
LG: No. I'm not a Sunday newspaper.
Customer: You should give out coupons.
LG: No, we shouldn't. But why should we?
Customer: So we can get a meal with our clothes.


I felt like calling him a fat fuck and telling him to get out of my store. Apparently another laundromat gives out coupons in this town. Who would have thunk?

A lady came up to me asking me for change. I snapped "Do you see a cash register around?" I was in the back folding some clothing while my co-worker was in the front doing some stuff. Why come to me, when she is in the front? WAKE UP, DRINK SOME COFFEE, HAVE SOME BRAIN FOOD, AND UTILIZE YOUR BRAIN. IT IS THERE FOR A REASON! The brain isn't an internal ornament to just sit there...

It's one of those days where I hope to go home early.

-SLAP-

Today I was yelling at a young boy for running around the laundromat. His sister was too. Well I didn't yell the first couple of times. I just warned them and after the billionth time I got fed up, and yelled "STOP RUNNING NOW!" The boy didn't get hit but the girl got brutally slapped by the mother. I told the mother that she wasn't as bad as her son and her reply was "you no talk."... She didn't speak English but she was speaking in Arabic. Another Muslim lady from Lebanon witnessed all this and she came to the counter and explained to me the following:

-The mother isn't supposed to punish the son because he holds a higher place in the family than the mother and sister. If both the sister and brother are running, the sister would get punished but the brother will only get a light warning. If the brother was alone running but the sister wasn't doing a thing, then the brother wouldn't get yelled at, his actions would be ignored and the mother will resume her tasks. If the mother yells at her son, then the father will punish the mother. The only reason she told me to (basically) mind my own business

This reminds me of the stuff I learned in high school about family pyramids in different religions and cultures. I forgot what the pyramid is called and I'm too lazy to drag my finger to the google search box thingy.

Anyways...

After the nice lady explained to me all of this, I was asking her questions and she said "that's how it is in some families." I asked her if it's like that with her family (she has two daughters and a son) and she said "no, my husband knows I don't tolerate that." Now her statement made me think *it really doesn't have to be that, its just power vs. fear, where fear wins.* Fear that the wife gets punished by what is thought to be powerful, the husband. Do I agree with all this? Of course not. Especially when I see a kid get hurt just because the brother was being a spoiled lil brat. I did make a note to not intervene with her family matters again, but still... seeing a lil girl brutally slapped is NOT cool in my book.

I have this one customer and his names rhymes with Dragon. Every time he comes to pick up his dry cleaning, he looks at the wrong places and touches other peoples clothing. It bothers me. It also bothers my co-worker so I can't be classified as a complex case. Tonight, I let him have it. I told him "you know, you seem to know every time where your clothes are. Here, take your ticket and you are limited to the outside rack only. Go on. Find it." He was confused and then I felt bad for him. I grabbed his ticket and gave him his clothes. He thanked me and I thanked him. Sucks that I can't be a full time bitch sometimes.... DAMN MY SOFT SPOTS!

IT'S COLD TODAY

Actually, cold is an understatement. It is freezing and I don't feel like dealing with morons today.

Today's rain brought out customers that are stubborn and stupid. Before I get into this customer, take the following advice from me.

In certain situations, you should tone down your stubbornness and put your pride to the side, especially in public because you will come off as a moron and you will have an audience whether you like it or not.

This lady isn't even my customer but she arrived to the laundromat with TWO shopping carts and each shopping cart had one bag of laundry in it. She could have easily put both bags in one but she said "one cart is heavy to cart it all.".... Instead she was pushing one cart and pulling the other -shakes head-.

She puts her laundry in the washer and then starts to add the quarter. After every quarter, she would hit the machine so the washer could accept the quarter. After four "bangs", I left the front to go to the back and told her to stop because she is damaging the washer and that she can use the coin return and try again. I stood there for two seconds and she said "what, now you are going to stand and watch me?" and I said "no, but I figured you might need help." She snapped back "I don't." Like a fuckin moron, she stood in front of the washer trying to figure out where the coin return button is. One lady shook her head at me for her and mouthed "retard". The only lady that started chit chatting with her about the laundromat was that crazy waitress lady from last Thursday that bitched at me for the baby carriage. All I have to say is this: Crazy waitress lady, meet crazy moron. Now shake hands.

Other than that, the day has been relatively quiet. Outside of the laundromat, I had a political convo with someone and they thought I attacked them by making a general comment. In the end, I just apologized (it was sincere) to be the bigger person and just end the suppose attack. Lesson in life : Never touch politics because there are people out there that are defensive and in denial while others are just sensitive about their views and logic behind their reason. Be the bigger person and just don't touch the subject and if you do, end the debate with an apology.

OMG! IT SMELLS LIKE BLEACH!!!

I have reached the point where I no longer ask "WTF is wrong with people?" As a matter of fact, I just want to ask people "WTF is wrong with you and were you dropped as a child?" Seriously people... THINK before you TALK!!!!

Anyways..

A teenager (high school) walks into the laundromat and yells "Omg! It smells like bleach!" and after that, I yell "OMG! ITS A LAUNDROMAT!" He stood there for a minute until he figured out what just happened. He comes back to me after 20 minutes and says "oh, just so you know, I know its a laundromat but the smell." Of course, I had to reply with "It's expected you. People come here to CLEAN their laundry. Not dirty it. What kind of a laundromat would we be, silly." I don't think he liked my condescending attitude but his friend said "Ha you asshole, you deserve that." I felt like asking his friend to be my best friend just for that comment towards him.


I had a lady in the morning asking me the drop-off prices and I was telling her. I would tell her 6.75 and she would say "so it's $7.00?" and I would tell her the price again and she said her price. Then she stopped repeating the wrong price to me after I told her "Listen lady, there is a price difference between the two. If you want me to take your extra quarter, that will be fine with me BUT seven dollars is NOT our price so stop saying it is! IT IS 6.75!" Then she ended with "Okay... do you have a business card?".... WHAT THE FUCK!?

GLIDE.TRIP.FACEPLANT.

Today is one of those days where I just want to go in a corner, rock side to side in a blanket, and cry. For many reason. One being my customers.

Before I get into the "OMFG WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WERE YOU DROPPED AS A CHILD" stories, here is a funny one.

One of the customers, he must be in his early 40s, always manages to creep me out. Today he wanted to know the difference between Bleach and Bleach for colors... I told him and he didn't grasp the concept... anyways... when he came back to put his clothes in the dryer, he was skateboarding in the laundromat and he managed to trip or something and he fell. I didn't get out of the front area until I stopped laughing. I wanted to show my "sympathy" for him and make sure he was "okay". Really, I could care less about him but seeing his arms flail in the air while singing, was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.

Tis' all for tonight guys. I am tired =(

MONDAY'S POST

All day I was wondering why were so busy and why little kids aren't in school. Then I realized it was Columbus day. A friend texted me "Happy finding America then ruining it day". I laughed and I think the laughter was more for the fact that I forgot that it was a historical day. No wonder I didn't recieve my dvd in the mail... who would have thunk?... yes... thunk IS a word in MY dictionary.

Monday morning I had a passer-by argue WITH me that HE knew this was a dry cleaners and NOT a laundromat. After a minute of arguing, I gave in and said "you know what? You are absolutely right and when the apocolypse comes, YOU will know EXACTLY what to do." He looked at me as if I were the crazy one. He finally left after telling me that I am not a nice person.

The stupidest question of the day was : The washers use water to wash, right?
My ideal answer would have been "No. When it rains, we gather the rain drops in a bucket and put it in a BIG barrel so the machines can take the water from there. Then, little fairies come and start to dance around and sing *wash clothing wash so you can see day again*" while bashing her head against the washer. Yup. That would have made my year, not day but year.

Don't ask stupid question because when you do, little kittens die.

EASY DAYS

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday have been easy days. Friday not much happened and things went smoothly. People left on time and they knew what they were doing. Saturday the same... but then again, I didn't work much. Instead I decided to go watch Paranormal Activity, which you should go watch. It was really good. Sunday, which is today is my off day and I used this day to look for a second job. Tough times.

WHY ISN'T THERE A FULL MOON OUT?

... And if there is one out tonight, then that will explain the behavior of my customers. Where shall I start from?... From the beginning of the day would be good...

Believe it or not, folding can be relaxing at times. When I fold, I listen to my music and i just fold to the beat. Time passes by faster and I am in my own world. Today I didn't have music. Instead I had the sound of the dryers and a belt hitting up against the washer door. I felt like turning the washer off just to remove the "clanking" sound but I tuned it out eventually. A customer approached me for the fourth time this week looking for the seamstress. Before I get into the conversation he and I had, let me give you a bit of a background on him.

This perverted gentleman (if that is even possible) is a little bit over 6 feet tall and must weigh around 125 pounds. He is as thin as a toothpick. He is from Romania and has a heavy accent with a well trimmed beard. He is also a VERY nervous person and very punctual. Tell him "soon" and he would say "I need a precise time". I would say "Fuck you" but I fear he would ask for an exact time, an exact place, and the exact date. Oh and he must be in his early 60's or 70's.

For the past three days, today being the fourth- he would come around asking for the seamstress and for the past three days I would give him the exact times she would be here. He always missed her by 10-20 minutes. Unfortunately, I had to deal with him. Today he decided to wait for the seamstress's arrival and decided to ask me some questions to "get to know me." Now, I was so into what I was doing and I didn't bother to give him much attention let alone turn on my witt... I thought "hey, this guy is old... what can he possibly do?"... well... this is what went on:

Cust: I always see you here. Do you have hobbies?
LG: Yes.
Cust: Well, what are they?
LG: Oh, art, photography, sports, and video games.
-starts to talk about art and music-
Cust: You say you like video games?
LG: Yes
Cust: Like what? Cooking? Sports? Music? Sex?
-note the sex-
LG: Uh... Rpg, Fp.....
Cust: Oh, you no like sex video games?
LG:.... that... that doesn't exist...
Cust: Oh well you know uhuhmmm hahah hmmm

At this point my mouth is slightly open with what felt to be like a WHAT THE FUCK face. The first thing that came to my mind was this:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orl/740493470.html

Straight from the best of Craig's list. I feel like printing it out and giving it to this guy. Anywhoots, seeing that I didn't have anything to say he said "well, I will let you finish your work."
I have come to the conclusion that 80% of the old people are perverted and or crazy...
Crazy is up next.

I have a customer that has been coming to us since day one. I never really speak to her but there is the occasional greetings and asking of one anothers well being. Recently, she has been bringing her mother to the laundromat and she has been scaring me. This is rare, for a human to scare me. It's not her looks or anything but it's the fact that she is always talking and chanting to herself. When I am around, she does this while looking at me, which when she does look at me, I go to a mirror to look at myself to see if there is anything wrong. She makes me paranoid. Today, she didn't stop looking at me at all. She even walked around the laundromat and came back to my folding table and just stood there.... mumbling something in Spanish and looking straight ahead. I asked her if she needed anything and she said "Nuh" and went back to her daughter. After fifteen minutes, I proceed to the front to assist a customer with something. When I go back to the folding tables, she stands right where I was standing while I was folding... I told her "excuse me, but I need this table... its has the clothes on it." She just looked at me and then went back to her daughter. Eerie is an understatement I think.... Where's my blanket? Something about old people today and it doesn't stop here! Read on!

This lady, I have wrote about her. She is the one who doesn't understand that I don't speak English and she always arrives to the laundromat with a home attendant. Well, today after telling her 4 or 90million times that I don't speak Spanish, she picked up her cane and I think she threatened me. She was shaking her cane at me in an angry voice.

At this point I went from relaxed to slightly irritated. I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. If I did speak Spanish I would tell her "Shake your cane at me one more time and I will shove it so far up your ass, you would need a wheelchair to help you." Oops! Did I say I was slightly irritated... sorry, I'm pissed off!

The day gets better for you readers but worse for me. Remember, today is also Thursday which means I am dealing with people that really aren't my customers.

After my break, I go back to work to only find out that one of my customers is drunk and won't stop talking. As a matter of fact, she manages to scare a little boy AND be bitchy towards me. She was bitchy because she was cranky and she was cranky because she is a waitress. I know how it is BUT its not that hard to move a bay carriage away from the washer. That is what she was bitchy about. A baby carriage blocking her washer. She came to ask me to move it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!? She could have moved it herself and when I told her I didn't want to move because there is a child in there, she replied "so I have to stand around all day until the lady comes back?" to which I kindly said "she took her son to the restroom. She won't be long." Then she started to blab and at that point, I just moved it to get it over with. When the lady came out of the restroom, she gave me a weird look and that is when I explained to her what happened. The crazy drunk lady decided to add her input by saying "I was a bitch to her." I had nothing to say to her... I just went along my business. A customer came and complained to me that she wouldn't shut up and to tell her something and I pointed out the whole freedom of speech thing and how you can't really tame drunk people... especially when they are mean drunks. I classified her as a mean one. She was at the laundromat for three hours straight and she only had two loads of laundry... go figure... oh and her husband abusive too but I will leave that story for another day.

Next up on the insane-o-mobile we have the guy who can't function the dryer and states that it is broken. He comes storming up to me in his bumble bee type sweater and starts yelling at me in Spanish. I let him finish and then I asked him kindly to tell me what the problem is in ENGLISH. He got pissed at that. Ladies and gentleman, never assume someone is or speaks Spanish. I went to check out his dryer to only point out to the fuckin retard that he had it on warm the whole time. He continued to yell and scream at me and I asked him to relax and calm down and he says "Calm down!? How can I calm down?! My clothes aren't dry"... I said "Sir, next time pay attention to what you press. YOU are at fault. NOT me." I walked away. I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He just started to rant again in Spanish to someone that speaks Spanish and that customer told the crazy one that the dryers are working right and he isn't. I win.

Lastly, I locked up late tonight because people like to have clothing fights with each other. Nothing says "FUN" like thongs and boxers being tossed around. DO THAT AGAIN AND ILL THROW YOU OUT INTO TRAFFIC.

I need a bath.

Good night.

RING RING: OCD TIME!

Not only do I get stupid people in person but I get them on the phone too.

This lady called 4 times to ask the same question with different wording and on the fourth time, I felt like telling her she has OCD. Her question was if this was ____________ Laundromat and four times I said yes. Well, one time out of the four she asked if this was a laundromat with other services as well. I didn't bother to ask what she meant by "other" but I hope she isn't thinking that we provide happy endings along with clean bedsheets and underwear.


Speaking of underwear, ladies... if you are wearing a thong and you are on your period, please invest in a tampon or at least pads cut out for thongs. This lady yesterday decided to go off on me because the blood wasn't removed from the underwear. I explained to her the following:

"Ma'am, unfortunately blood doesn't come out of clothing unless you pre soak it on the day it gets stained. If blood did come off of clothing and items, then serial killers wouldn't be caught."

I don't think she was too happy with my explanation. Especially the last sentence, she gave me a look as if I am disturbed. No lady, I'm not disturbed. As a matter of fact, I am disgusted that you decided to yell out that you stain your underwear with blood. I should have told her to invest in the products that I mentioned above but I just stood there listening to her tell me how her clothes should be watched. "You should do it yourself next time" is what blurted out of my mouth. She asked for the manager and I said she was speaking to the manager. The end result was that she did it herself to prove me wrong... except that she failed horribly at proving me wrong. She bleached her underwear and the blood was still there. I tried not to laugh but I thanked her for her apology (which is rare) and she went on her merry way. She came by today and dropped off more clothes to be washed and she left a generous tip. I felt like saying "keep it so you can invest in the goods" but I didn't. See how good and professional I can be at times? It's rare with stupid people...

Other then that, people are still banging on my machines and it's the same people sometimes. When I call it on them they say "oh I forgot!" Maybe I should really consider banging their head against the washer, maybe then they will remember my words. Don't fuck with your laundry person... they may seem nice and quiet, but really we could be plotting.

BY THE WAY...

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE OCTOBER!!! I know I missed the beginning of October by a day but better late than never, right?

WHEN ONE COMPLAINS, ALL COMPLAIN

On Thursday I had a lady approach me to tell me that her washer stopped working and the door wouldn’t open. This isn’t unusual so I grab my Phillips screw driver and a flat one just in case the machine was broken. Turns out, it was and it wouldn’t spin her clothes. I couldn’t fix the machine on the spot and I needed a part (which I didn’t have in the store) so I put the machine “out of service”. I refunded the quarters back to the customer and made my way back to the front until another lady approached me in a panicked voice saying that the dryer was broken because her clothing isn’t dry. (Keep in mind, the moron broke her cover). She stated that her dryer wasn’t hot and that her towels weren’t dry. I asked her how many quarters she put in her dryer and she said “five”. Then I asked her how many minutes there were and she said “28”. Okies, MATH TIME! Five times eight does NOT equal to 28.

I listened to her problem and I dropped a quarter into the dryer and put it on hot to see if the dryer was heating. As I was doing that, she yells “OH MY GOD! HOW DID YOU PUT IT ON HOT!?” Two thoughts came running into my head: 1. Why do you still exist in society? and 2. Can I please bash your head against the dryer door? I pre –prepared myself for this stupidity and started to explain to her how to push the button with the following instructions:
1. Take your finger and choose the temperature you want.
2. Push the word on the temperature button once.
3. Remove finger.


I don’t think she enjoyed my sarcastic help but her response was “Oh! So you have to push the word and not the light! I see now, I was pushing the light over here and I was wondering why it wasn’t working. I thought you guys didn’t have the hot option but you do. I was just pressing the wrong button. You see, I am from out of town and I just have two or three times a year to do my mother’s laundry.” I wanted to ask her “you only do your mom’s laundry three times a year?” but I just let it go and answered that question by myself. The answer was “yes.” Trust me… it saved me a couple of brain cells that she may have killed. Honestly, I believe that once a customer makes a complaint publicly, others will follow. It ALWAYS happens.
I have this customer that always complains there isn’t enough water in the washer and I have told him “you are the only one complains. Obviously a problem isn’t with the machines.” He had given me one of those “how dare you” faces but I just walked away; however, when he complains, another customer complains about the machine eating their quarters where 98% of the time, I prove them wrong.

A poster that I would LOVE to put in my laundromat would say the following:

PEOPLE, STOP BEING STUPID AND DON’T FOLLOW OTHER PEOPLE’S COMPLAINTS. YOU WILL JUST GET MOCKED BY ME FOLLOWED BY US, AT THE LAUNDROMAT, GIVING YOU A NAME!
STOP IT!

THE RELIGIOUS ONE

I don't have a problem with religion. I have my beliefs and I respect other people's beliefs too. I used to have a customer that would come on a weekly basis to do her laundry and she would lecture me for the whole time that she was here how St. Anthony is her angel and that when she loses something, she would ask him for help. She would also tell me that I should go church hopping and find a big group of Christians that would help me through my times. Confused, I asked her “what times?” and she said “we all have our times where we need people.” My question to her was “well, isn’t that what friends and family is for?” To which she replied “yes but being in a group of people that believe in the man upstairs is very powerful.” I agreed with her for the hell of agreeing and just to make her stop really. She would always approach me with the bible and would read me and excerpt.

For a while she had stopped coming and to be honest with all of you, I have thought about her and where she is until one night… she came into the Laundromat as I was closing (what is it with people paying me a visit as I am closing shop?). She came in all giddy and in a loud voice (mind you I was standing in front of her) she say “HI! HOW ARE YOU?!” At first I got scared because my back was to her and then I thought to myself *well fuck, she had to come now as I am closing!?* She has a mouth on her and she can talk for hours without stopping. She asked me how I was, what I am up to, and how a friend of mine in Texas is doing. My friend that moved to Texas used to do laundry in this place and sometimes, the religious lady would be around and talk to us until it was time for all of us to leave. So I updated her with a couple of short words hoping she got the point but she continued on about her life and how she has visited many churches in the NY area. She also mentioned that she learned another language and how St. Anthony helped her. That was my cue to say “oh! I remember you telling me how close you were to him”, which I did but she didn’t stop. She decided to continue about this saint and how great he is as well as that I should pray to him. I was polite but I had to end the conversation by saying “it was nice seeing you! Pass by again!” The pass by again was a big mistake. She paid a visit to me the next night and even brought food for herself since she was “famished.” A customer came to the rescue saying that a dryer was broken so I told her it was nice seeing her once again and I did NOT tell her to pass by again.

Why me?

THE USER

This happened on Wednesday

I hate these kinds of people; you know... the users... the people that always come up to you with a smile smacked on their face and talk in a chipper voice. You can tell them apart from the people that are truly genuine.

We used to have a customer that would come twice a week and sometimes three when the Laundromat first opened. Now, we see this guy two times a year. When I asked him where he disappeared to, he said he goes to another Laundromat. I asked him why he left (due to curiosity) and he said "the other Laundromat is closer and it's cheaper." That is good to know sir; you are now on my list. The list consists of names and faces of people that I think I can be rude to due to the fact that they are either douche bags/bitches/users (most of the time non-customers). This list is more of a game than revenge. Believe it or not, the list is small and stupid people can't be on it only because there isn't enough room for them.

Anywhoots, this guy had the nerve to come up to me with his Pakistan accent asking me let him borrow ten dollars. His voice was so sweet and his smile was so wide. Sadly, there was a frown on my face and a stern voice saying "no". Then he built up another nerve to say "your store owner knows me." To make him feel stupid, I said "I will call the owner and ask him/her myself". That's when his smile went away and in a small not - quite - there - yet shaken voice he said "no, you don't have to"; however, I did not listen to his plea. The owner on speaker said "WHO?! Don't give him money. I don't know who he is" and followed by that I added "you should have continued to come here and not to the other Laundromat. Sorry but your status has been denied." You could say I was a bitch for saying that but laughter suddenly followed as he left the premises. It could have been worse if you really think about it. When he came back to pick up his laundry from the dryer, he started to talk to me and ask me what I have been up to. At that point, I didn't feel like talking and I just wanted to go home. So I kept saying "uh-huh" along with "yeah". He didn't get the hint and continued to talk. That's when I turned around and said "Sir, look... I am busy and I want to go home. Your clothing is finished and I want to lock up. It was nice seeing you and I will see you again when you don't make the cut off time at the other Laundromat." That is when I remembered, THIS GUY GOT ON MY NERVES!

In the past this guy would bring in food and dirty not one but two tables and I would ask him to clean it up or go eat at the restaurant. He would get mad at me and say "I work long hours!" This had happened about 2 or 3 years ago. He would even put his dirty feet in the laundry baskets and I would tell him to remove his feet and he would bite back the same excuse "I'm tired or I work long hours." Eventually my boss said I could kick him out if need be and I did. When he finished his laundry one night I told him to not bother coming back if he can't listen to my rules. He yelled "FUCK YOU!” I can't help but laugh.

BLOOD SHOT EYE

I was going to make a long post last night but my left eye couldn't stand the bright white background. My left eye suffered from a corneal abrassion last night due to the cat poking me in the eye 3 years ago. Actually, it poked me in my right eye but somehow over a year and a half, the left eye decided to jump in on the "problems with the cornea" wagon. Go figure. I promise you all tomorrow I will have many stories and each story will have it's own post to make reading easy.
If it weren't for the cat, I wouldn't have this problem and if I didn't have this problem, there would be a post... thus, blame it on the cat.

LITTLE BIG WORLD

It is a small world. I don't care what anyone says, the world is small... maybe even tiny...

A customer walks in today and he is someone I went to elementary school with. Why do I remember him? He always picked on me and he used to have an extra finger. I didn't say "Hello!" but what blurted out of my mouth was "You went to _____ (school) and you picked on me! I remember you!" Apparently he remembered me too because of my dimples and face. We talked for a bit and then I asked him why he picked on me (what can I say, im blunt and I was curious) and his answer was "I don't remember why but I remember doing it". Typical.

No crazy people today then again, the day is still young.

BRA SUICIDE

So two morons walk into a laundromat....

I need to make a joke that starts out like that...

Really though, two morons did walk into my store today, considering it is relatively quiet. Then again, when don't they walk in?

Let me start of with the bra suicide.

For those of you who do laundry or wear bra's, you will know that sometimes the bra clasp thingy gets stuck in the drying holes of the dryer. It is normal. It happens. Sometimes the bra gets destroyed, other times it just hangs there. This one female customer started screaming like a bloody banshee (I feel the English accent coming out of me) that her bra is stuck and won't come out. First off, never scream in a laundromat because three things come to mind:
1. You let your child go in the dryer for a ride and the child is now burned
2. You managed to somehow mutilate your hand from our machines
3. There is a fire..

The third one would sound more legit but the first one could happen... you never know, there are twisted parent's out there that decide "hey! I will let my child go in so it can have fun while I fold in one peace" followed by "OMG OMG OMG AHHHHHHHHHHH MY CHILD IS BURNING". Anywhoots, back to the story...
So she yelled and I walked in a fast pace to the drying area to only find her arm in the dryer trying to unlatch (if that is a word) the bra from the drying holes. She had an attitude with me and she kinda made it seem like it was my fault. I tried my hardest to not laugh. I tried to show some sympathy and I finally unlatched the bra from the drying holes for her and she didn't even thank me! So I blurted out "your bra tried to commit suicide and I might know why." She didn't bother to ask why but she flashed me a glare. Hey, I was trying to be funny by mocking her with a minor and subtle insult. Maybe it was a good thing she didn't ask why... wouldn't want to lose a customer... Hey, maybe it was her favorite bra or something!

Here is a tip to avoid a problem like the lady above, buy a small garment bra bag. They usually go for $2.99- $8.00 depending where you get it from. I would avoid the ones from Bed, Bath and Beyond only because after 4 uses, the plastic ring comes out. Make sure it is the zippered bag too! The zipper eliminates any tangling among washed or drying clothing. It is a good investment and the bras don't lose their structure.

A male walked in today asking what our dry cleaning prices were. I told him the prices and he told me it was too much and that other places were cheaper. I told him he could go to those places if that's the price he wants. He left and then came back after 2 minutes. He comes back and asks me what the wash and press prices were and I told him. He said that he wanted the wash and press service to begin with and I pointed out that he said he wanted dry cleaning. He didn't say anything about him being wrong but instead he asked if we add starch, to which I replied yes. After counting his shirts and pants, I made his tickets and told him that they would be ready on Thursday. He went to give me his laundry bag and this is what went on:

Customer: You keep my bag?
LG: No. We don't keep the laundry bags for the dry cleaning. You need to take it with you because we have our own bags to put the clothing in.
Customer: So where you put clothes now? (he didn't speak perfect English)
LG: Oh! We have own bags but before that, we put it in that basket. (I pointed to the basket)
Customer: Professionals put clothes in the bag.
LG: But we don't need the bag.
Customer: So I have to carry the bag with me?
LG: Yes and next time, you can just put the clothes in a plastic shopping bag. We recycle those and you wouldn't have to carry a bag around.
Customer: That is no professional. Professional places hold bag and then put bag on hanger with dry cleaning.
(I hand him his tickets and he puts them in his pocket)
LG: Well, we don't do that only because we have so many packages.
(Customer is lingering around and fondling his laundry bag. Mind you I was nice and calm until he started the attitude, which is now)
Customer: YOU NO PROFESSIONAL!
LG: Well, okay sir. If you would like, you can take back your clothing and take it to the place that is professional. Keep in mind, you left from that place to come here for a reason. We offer good service.
Customer: Yes, I take my clothes back, gimme.
(He pulls out the tickets I gave him and he starts to stuff his laundry bag with the clothing)
LG: Also, do know that hanging a bag to give back after the cleaning is done, is not professional and that you are leaving because of a bag, which is fine. We are professional but I guess you want that little extra "oomph" which is fine. There is reason why we can't hang the bag for you. I hope you have a good and pleasant day and I am sorry we couldn't help you. Have a good one.

Of course he got pissed at me being super nice and I bet what he mumbled in his language was a curse word towards me or something, which I found pretty funny. What was even more entertaining was the customer waiting behind him tells me "He must be a dumb fuck, you guys are the best!"

Go figure.

IT ATE MY QUARTERS

I am starting to believe that people will do ANYTHING or come up with an excuse just to get free quarters out of me. Little do they know, I am out there to prove that they are WRONG! Of course in some cases, they are right and I refund them their money. An example would be the machine is acting up and it does not rinse the customers clothes, which in that case we will refund the money by putting the clothing to wash again. Sometimes, I don't refund it and just reset the washer's timer to rinse the clothes an extra time. Hey, shit happens and when it is our fault, we admit to it. As much as we hate doing so, we do it. What can I say, this is an honest laundromat.

A customer apparently put 4 quarters (32 minutes) in an out of order dryer. The two main questions are:

1. Why would you put quarters in an out of order dryer?

and

2. How did you put quarters in an out of order dryer when the coin slot is taped up with paper and has been for the past 3 days?

He said that it wasn't there when he put the quarters when it was complete bullshit because I checked to see if the sign was still there. The workers at this laundromat always check to see if signs are up to make sure that future problems do not develop like this one. The customer convinced himself that he put quarters in there. What did I do? I called my co-worker to ask how long the sign and the coin slot was taped up for just to make sure I am not imagining things. She confirmed that the sign and paper was not touched within the past two days. I explained this to him and somehow, he didn't believe. My next step was to grab the keys and open the coin box collector, which I did and to only find that the box was empty. I showed him and I told him that quarters aren't in here. The fucker still didn't believe that he did not put quarters in that dryer. My logical explanation to him was the following AND I was being nice: "Sir, you didn't put quarters in here. See? The box is empty and by all means, look inside the box holder, there isn't anything. You must have put the quarters in another dryer or you may not have put any in it at all. I am terribly sorry but I can't help you here."... his response? "When I went home, someone took it out." My response "no, we didn't and if we did, we would have emptied out all of them. Look, the tape is still on and not pulled off. I can't help you."

It didn't sink in that he was wrong. He started going off that it was MY fault and the he had to use more quarters out of his pocket. NOT MY FAULT.

Next time the fucker should pay attention and the ONLY reason I call him a fucker is because when he was leaving, I sweetly told him to have a good night and he just ignored me. As a matter of fact, I AM HAPPY YOU USED UP MORE QUARTERS YOU DOUCHE BAG! KARMA KNOWS YOU ARE AN ASS!!

Trust me, it pays to be nice, even when it kills.

IM SICK

I'm sick, hence the lack of posting.

Plus side, I sneezed twice while typing this...

"BOBBY BROWN IS MY DAD"

I used to have a customer that would come on a weekly basis to our laundromat until she moved. She has two daughters and one of them must have been sick in the head. Actually I diagnosed her as a pathological liar. She never liked me because I would catch her on her lies but she had a thing for my co-worker. As a matter fact, I was glad she didn't like me because then she would be glued to my hip like she used to be with my co-worker. I remember one of her "lies" was that she was a child model and that everyone wants her for their shows. I inquired about what kind of shoes and what she modeled. She answered me with the typical child response that we all have said once in our young years and that is "it's a secret and I can't tell you." I am guilty of that but I didn't go as far as saying that my mother is in some secret service thing. She said that along with "it's so secret that they don't even know it is secret." I would have asked her mom if I could keep her for a week and psycho-analyze her or something... kind of like being my own lil' test subject. I would compensate them with free laundry for a month since that is the only thing I could have afforded then...

Anyways, one day she started singing that her dad was Bobby Brown and that Bobby had so much money that he would come and pick her up from her apartment. According to her the only reason she lived in the projects was because her dad, Bobby Brown wanted to protect them from the media. As she was continuing to sing the tune of "Bobby Brown is my father", the following question slipped out of my mouth... I thought it was an internal monologue but nope... she was annoying me and the following managed to slip "Your dad is a crackhead?" She stopped her singing, looked at me, and said "IM TELLING MY DADDY ON YOU!". I was tempted to say "You can't do much with a crack spoon" but I let it go. Obviously the girl isn't sane. -sigh-

We all imagine stuff. When I was little and Clinton was in office the first term, I used my pillow and pretended I was dancing at a Royal Ball or something. We have all imagined people or being something else... but I would never choose a famous crackhead to be my father.

I haven't seen the family since and I am 90% sure they moved. The mother was a health care nurse and the oldest daughter was in high school. The young one annoyed me and I would imagine tripping her on her rollie shoes or whatever the hell they are called.

Point is, don't go around singing that your dad is a famous crackhead... you will get a response like mine and eventually get bit in the ass for it but karma let me slide I guess.

UPDATE

Remember gorgeous eye's dude is my previous post? Well he just made King Douche Bag in my book.

What did he do?

Well, he was in the dryers section and he started to yell "Hey mami" and "Sweetie" with whistles in between towards me. I didn't respond to it. I am NOT a dog and I am NOT someone that responds to pet names.... I don't even fuckin know him!!! This lasted for a good two minutes.

After he realizing that I am not responding, he comes up to the counter and he says "hey sweetie, can you help me?" and of course I was going to help him but I pointed out to him that i don't respond to pet names because I have a name. He didn't bother asking for it nor did I tell him. He didn't have a reaction to what I pointed out to him. OH! He even checked me out from head to toe. Not subtle at all. Kind of creeped me out............

I showed him how to use the dryers and he thanked me. I turned around to go back to the counter and as I was walking he said "you my love". Alrighty then. Next comes "will you marry me?"... right? I'll take the eyes but not the whole package.

MANIC WEDNESDAY

Surprisingly Tuesday was really quiet. I worked practically a whole day and it was quiet. People actually cooperated and I let my co-worker know that she should only contact me if the laundromat is burning. I wanted to relax Tuesday night. If people got into a fight and stabbed each other, then call 911. Not me. If a machine broke, tell the customer its punishment because he touched himself the night before (Family Guy reference... sort of), and if someone had an issue, to put it in the imaginary comment/suggestion box.

Today is Wednesday and I am sure many of you know that but I bet for some of you it wasn't manic. As I am writing this, I am humming to myself Manic Monday except I am replacing Monday with Wednesday... Huh... pretty repetitive...

Anywhoots, the day started out pretty good and gradually got worse. Spanish people were yelling and I asked them to quiet down a bit and they replied "we are talking, we are allowed". Under my breath I called them chickens in my language and went my merry way. I didn't feel like putting up a fight. My week wasn't exactly the greatest. Sometimes you just let things go without a fight so you can save what is left of your sanity. Even then, that is not enough. When one of the Spanish ladies got up to go to the dryer area, her friend just sat on the other end of the laundromat and yelled at her. I come out from behind the counter and I suggest to the lady to go to her friend to continue their yapping. She got on my case about how rude I am but I just told her "thank you ma'am for informing me about my attitude. I appreciate it."... I think that got her more irked. Kindness can piss someone off and that right there is proof. When they left she looked at me and said something in Spanish and of course I replied "you too" and in return I got a "maricon". Nice.

Some people need anger management and by some people I mean people that I know and 80% of my customers. A new customer (I assume this) walked in to do laundry and as I am helping another customer, he literally starts beating on the machine's coin slot... after 4 LOUD hits, I told my customer to give me a minute and to enjoy the show. I head to the back to tell the douche bag to stop banging on my damn machine and to use the coin return button. The moron realized what the button does and started to utilize it. Then he said something like "samara" and I was like "what?" and he said it again, to which I just turned around and walked away. I stopped when he said "you don't understand?" to which I replied "no" and went back to my customer. The customer at the counter was laughing and I told her that this happens a lot and that I may consider putting signs on the washers. Her exact words were "don't waste your ink. The assholes aren't going to read it." Lady has a point. After he put his wash, he comes to the counter and apologizes and I accepted his apology. Hey, not a lot of people apologize for their wrong doing. He is cute too and his eyes are gorgeous. Too bad he is an asshat. Did I mention his eyes are gorgeous?!?!?! After his apology he asked me to dry and fold his clothes... I declined his request and he said he was going to pay... this is how the convo went (he had an accent too and I couldn't pin point if it was an Arabic accent or Spanish):

Guy: I'll pay you to do it.
LG: Well, I was going to charge you in the first place if I were to do that but we don't offer half the service. We only do the full service, washing, drying, and folding.
Guy: Ok, you do full service.
LG: No. It's too late to do that and I am not going to do it. You should have brought it in the morning so it could be done by tonight if you wanted the drop off service.
Guy: Come on, I pay good and full service.
LG: NO! Its too late and I am tired. We don't do wash at night unless my co-worker is here.
Guy: Come on, please?
LG: No! Sorry but no!!

Gosh darnit people, NO MEANS NO!!! Lol! To anyone!!!
"Can I have my shirts in an hour?" NO!
"Can I have my laundry done at 7am?" NO YOU MORON! WE OPEN AT 7:30AM!!!
"Can I have a blow job while my laundry is being dried?" NO! This would also score the person a kick to the balls. Of course this question hasn't come up again but I'm waiting for it. Everyone seems to be skipping to the "will you marry me?"

-head to desk-

Enjoy your night everyone!

SOCK MONSTER!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen

Do you wonder where your missing socks go? Or who takes them? Well, after researching day and night without sleep and using a difficult equation for a solution, I conclude this:





Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIAL

Its been almost a week since I last made an entry and for that I do apologize. You see, real life took its toll on me and I have been dealing with family stuff as well as my own health. My customers are creating an ulcer for me I think. Where are my Rolaids?...


During the week I have spoken with four teachers, which are my customers and I will say, one doesn't know her head from her ass, another seems to be an excellent teacher, and two are in it for the money. The ones with the money, I asked them if they knew how many quarters are in a dollar. They answered correctly but one of the two didn't know the difference between a box and a bottle. If I get a ten year old that doesn't know the difference between the box and the bottle, I will who their educator is. The teacher/customer type person asked me why I asked such question and I told her that within the past week, two kids didn't know how many quarters were in a dollar. She shook her head and said "it is expected". I asked why and she said "well, they just don't want to learn and the parents aren't helping." Of course I inquired further and asked what she, as a teacher is doing and she said "well, you can't do much and you can't use force on them and if you do, they will complain." I felt like taking the ruler from the seamstress and slapping her across the face with it. OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO COMPLAIN DUMBASS! THEY ARE IN SCHOOL AND NOT AT THE BEACH!!! DO YOUR FUCKIN JOB! Now, I didn't exactly use those words but I did point out that using force in a positive manner, may increase the wanting to learn. She thought it was a good idea. Then again, she could have just been saying it to make me go away and give her the dry cleaning. Bitch, you didn't know the difference between a box and a bottle... your learning years may have sucked.


On Thursday, when the change machine was broken a big fat female approached me. I will admit, I did get slightly intimidated because she was taller and she was wider than me with a mean face. She wanted change from a twenty dollar bill.... this is what went on:

LG: The change machine is broken, how much do you want in quarters?
Cust: I need a 10 and two 5's.
LG: Okies but the change machine is broken... I can give you quarters here... how much do you want?!
Cust: Im telling you 10 and two 5's.
LG: Right, but the machine for quarters is broken... do you need $10 in quarters?
Cust: You aren't listening to me.... I need a 10 and two 5's.
LG: Are you washing here?
Cust: Yes.
LG: Are you aware that the change machine is broken?
Cust: Yes, now give me what I asked you for, god.
LG: Fine!

I give her the bills and then she asks me for 10 bucks in quarters. I told her while giving her the quarters that she could have just told me and avoided the whole conversation. She just smiled, turned her head and under her breathe called me dumb. Of course I would have fired back with something but I was truly afraid that she would sit on me. It sounds mean but seeing her life saver tube around her waist spilling out of her really small jeans made me think twice about opening my mouth, a first. I should have asked for her age but I could see a conversation having numbers, symbols, and stuff... kind of like "I am 3x2+10-50x6$##@@!%^&x5" coming out of her mouth.

Again, sorry for not posting!