HEY!

Since I provide you guys with laughter and entertainment due to my misery, I would like it if you could take the time and tell me what you think about this blog AND what your favorite story was so far.

I know for a month I did not post but real life got in the way. I will make sure that does NOT happen again in 2010 and if it does, I will keep you guys (my readers and new comers) posted.

Let me know what you think and what your favorite story is =) It would be greatly appreciated =D

HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

P.S. The post down under is a letter to the New Year!

DEAR NEW YEAR

Dear Sir/Ma'am New Year,

First of all, I would like to point out that within the past decade, I have met people, fought with people, and became great friends with some of these people. I have fallen into relationships which could not be described and I have wisened up on what I want. For that, I thank you for not killing me (after all the close encounters and self-accomplished incidents/accidents) so I can live and learn throughout the ten years. I close a chapter in my life when a decade ends and/or when something happens and I want it behind me. After today, this chapter will be closed and a new one will open. Of course, I have a couple of requests from your New Year... I doubt it will change, but what the hell, a person can dream... right? With that being said, enough babling and lets get right down to business.

First off, the laundromat. Being that it is a new year and a new decade, knock some effin sense into people. I know it is hard to do that with over one million stupid people in this world, but try aiming for at least three quarters of them. It would help. While you are at, implant an imaginary hearing aid for people so they can listen to me when I say "don't sit on that!" or "stop banging my machines". It would be nice if you knocked some sense into my co-workers and owners as well.

See, I am NOT asking for much for the coming new year. I am just asking for two or three things because when someone has common sense, then they wouldn't do all the other stupid shit that they do... like praising a child for sticking playdough into the washer coin slot... or people asking me what the difference is between the soaps and the services we provide.

With that being said, GIVE SOME OF THESE STUPID PEOPLE A BRAIN OR A COUPLE OF BRAIN CELLS SO I CAN SAVE MY FRIGGIN SANITY!

Sincerely,

Little Laundy Girl

P.S. If you don't give this to me, I will kill one of these douche bag customers one of these days and I will plead insanity because I will be blaming it on you! Don't tempt me New YeaR! -breathes- Okies, maybe not kill... but maybe verbally hurt them? That works too...

MOMMY! IM A BIG KID!

Karma is hating me lately. Normally I have good karma. Maybe it isn't karma and just shitty luck. OR I am a magnet for these people. Maybe all of the above? I want to go into the fitting room, cover my head with some random towel, cry, and make believe that I am on an island owned by me. You guys are probably thinking that I am over exaggerating but removing play dough from a coin slot is serious business... especially when you have other morons hovering around the counter acting like they need something.



Play dough in a coin slot is something new to happen to me. The kid put a quarter to the dough to get a print on it and decided to put it in the slot. The kid thought that it was real currency. The mother praised the child and I scolded the mother. If you picture it, the mother should scold the child and I ignore the mother but the scolding and praising worked the other way. I spent 2o minutes cleaning out the fuckin dough... I hope the kid creates a donut and chokes on it... That is a mean remark but really, after a long day I am allowed to make such statements. I pointed out to the mother several times what her child did and many times I let out a heavy sigh. Every time I sighed she told her kid "its okay, it was clever for you to try it out. It is trial and error." I felt like telling the damn bitch "so if I kick you in the ass and I THINK you wouldn't fall face down but you do, that would be trial and error right?" But alas, I did not. I kept thinking *patience is virtue and in the end, it will be worth it*; however, my patience was being tested today by customers, co-workers, and family. Oh and after I cleaned out that gunk, I go over to the kid, get on one knee and tell him "what you did, was not nice and you could have damaged the machine. Don't do it again." The mother now scolded me... I should google a parenting class for her....



Next up!



All day customers were hovering over the counter and looking at the items (which is soap) that we sell. I would ask them "may I help you?" and they would say "no, I'm just looking." EXCUSE ME PEOPLE! THIS ISN'T WINDOW SHOPPING OR WINDOW DECORATIONS! IT'S FUCKIN TIDE!!! TIDE!!! THE CRAP THAT YOU PUT IN YOUR DAMN CLOTHES!!! What else can you possibly be looking at?! Half way through the day, I did take a walk to the other side of the counter and took a look to, to see what these people are looking at. Just as I suspected... IT IS TIDE! JUST LIKE LAST WEEK, LAST MONTH, AND EVERY OTHER DAMN YEAR WE HAVE SOLD THIS STUFF! After a couple of customers doing this, I questioned this one lady. She is a nice lady with an old fashioned mentality so I was being nice to her. Nice people deserve niceness -nods- So when I questioned if she needed something, she said "oh I'm just looking." I questioned further "what are you looking at?" and she said "the soaps". I was still confused so I questioned further... "what about the soaps?" and she replied "I'm trying to see if they are all the same and if there is a difference between any of them." Trying to remain calm and not break brain cells, I said "but we only sell Tide. That is the only non-chlorine detergent we sell... everything else with the exclusion of Clorox 2, will stain your clothes." She said "So Tide and Clorox 2 are the same"... "No ma'am, they are different... C2 is bleach for colors, you can add that in with the Tide if you want." She just stood there. I asked her if she wanted any of it and she just said that she was still looking -face roll- WHY!?!?!?!?


From that I learned to not ask them if they want anything and to just leave them there until they ask for something.

THEN I had a customer ask me for a ten and two fives. I gave him exactly that and he was arguing that I stiffed him on a five dollar bill. I was pointing out that he had a ten dollar bill in hand as well as two fives... after 5 minutes, his wife comes over and she agrees with me. He started to apologize to me and offered me a drink to which I replied very fast "NO!"

... I am terrified of my customers buying me beverages now... why? Well, sometimes they lead to questions such as "will you marry me?" or "do you want a boyfriend?" and "want to web chat?" -cries-

As for family, I went to pick up an uncle and he just wouldn't shut the hell up! My dad and I would just ignore his questions sometimes but his mouth would still go 100mph! GAH! If it is karma, DAMN YOU!

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE!

I deal with this laundry place 6 times a week. If I am lucky, only five times. Now, I dream about it. Not dream as in day dream but like the dreaming you do when you sleep. I will blame it on Nyquil but my dear god, I hope I never dream about me working in the laundromat. It was a nightmare!!

This is how the dream went.

It was 30 minutes before the last wash and the laundromat was pretty quiet with only 3 customers. I kept thinking "yes! I am going to close early!" but I was wrong. Even in my dream my prediction was wrong! So much for the whole "controlling your dreams" advice...
Anyways, a customer comes up to me and asks me for a couple of bags because his wife forgot to give him the laundry bag. I told him I would have to charge him for the bags and he just went on a mumbling rant saying "oh I am never coming here ever again." I leave from the counter to go to the back to start cleaning up and all of the sudden, theres over 10 customers. Washers are going and dryers are drying. Customers started to come in 10 minutes before the last wash and I would tell them that im closed. While im telling these group of customers to basically leave, other customers are putting in wash! I look at the clock and I see that its 30 minutes before closing time. I start to freak out. I clean and it gets dirty all over again. I am reminding people of the closing time and they ignore it. There were 3 teenage girls sitting on the folding tables and I told them to get down. I thought that the customer with the bags put a curse on me so I return to the counter to get him the bags and I gave them to him. He thanks me. He didn't put a curse on me. I turn around and i see three girls sitting on the counter again. I yell at them this time to get down... except for the fact that there were three little girls sitting there. I started to freak out that I made 2 of the 3 girls cry and I started to apologize to the mom. The mom forgave me and told me "you are just doing your job." I told her she can leave them up there if its going to avoid a headache and them running around as if it were a playground. I look at the clock and it was 10 minutes before closing and these people were nowhere close to down. I was freaking out because I wanted to go home. Then my phone rings in reality.

The dream freaked me out... NO MORE LAUNDRY DREAMS PLEASE!!!!

I SMELL APPLE

First off, a friend of mine came by to see me... she lives 4 doors down from the laundromat. I wish she never left. I REALLY do wish she didn't.

Remember that customer that I talked about in the past... the one that would always bring me a beverage and a snack? Yeah well, he came back today. I thought he would leave before my friend did but sadly, his wash was on the first rinse cycle. When he entered the laundromat (before the friend came by) he didn't start a conversation nor did he bring me a drink. I thought I was safe and that he gave up on trying to "impress" me. I was wrong. Lately, I have been wrong a lot with my predictions. I don't even know why I bother to think that these people will change, it only leads to disappointment as well as the urge to just stab them in the eye or force feed them a box of Tide and hope that they never approach me. Sadly, the stabbing and Tide poisoning is illegal...

Anyways, I thought I was in the clear until the friend left. He came up to me, cleared his throat and said "I smell apple." I was tempted to say "I smell you" but I didn't know if that would get him excited or not. That's another thing... I have to watch what I say to people or they will take it the wrong way. Instead of saying what I thought, I just told him "I don't smell apple. As a matter of fact, I smell bleach." He said "oh yeah yeah yeah, it might be that." I continued to ignore him and I would answer with a "yes" or a "no". He asked me if I wanted to go to the park with him and I told him "No. It's cold and I am going to a gym." He asked which gym and I told him "sorry, I don't share that with customers. I see you guys in here, I don't want to see you at my gym." He then told me if I wanted help, I should ask him... I pointed out that there are trainers at the gym. Then he went into a conversation about my co-worker and how she works hard and to that I replied "she better. She is getting paid." He laughed and then he asked me if I found a job yet. I thought *Hey! Apparently you missed the Obvious Bus! I'M STILL HERE!* but I went with the short answer "no". He clears his throat once again and he starts to flex his legs. He points out once again that he is running every morning in the park but I just told him "oh, I thought you have an involuntary muscle spasm." He didn't understand what that meant and he asked me what I meant... I decided to ignore the question and say "well, the loo is calling me... I'll talk to you later." It was a lie.

Notice how I have been failing at my predictions AND lying to customers? I have reached to the lowest levels of the low scale. -sighs- Meh, I'll be able to sleep at night knowing that I didn't have to deal with any longer.

On another note, I accidentally locked myself out of the office... I had to jump over the counter. It happens once in a while but that's what I get when I exit one door and enter through another. I could yell at myself but I think it's best if I save my energy for the incompetent morons that need the yelling.

SUNDAY FUNNIES

Today is Sunday... a day that I can sit back and relax. Oh and prepare myself for the week. Of course it is 1 am but hey... better a post early then not at all! Truth is, I can't sleep. My walls are vibrating because of the club next door and I think they know I am calling so they aren't picking up their phones. Yoda would say, asshats they are. Plus, I will not be around for most of the day tomorrow.

You know, the best day of the week is Saturday. Its the last day of the week I have to deal with incompetent morons. When Sunday comes around, I dread Monday. Monday and Thursday are the two worst day's of the week. Why? Well on Monday people come into the laundromat fully energized and excited. By excited I mean that they are ready to pick a fight or hit some machines due to anger issues. Thursdays are bad because I have customers that don't even belong to me because other laundromats are closed... so I'm dealing with people that don't know how to speak English and people who think that the washer will work with the door open. If I see someone attempt to start a washer without closing the door I will ask them "do you think your clothing is claustrophobic?" and go from there.

It really is mind boggling and many people tell me I have patience. I nod and smile at that remark only because sometimes it isn't true. I will yell at people if I have to and make threats if the job gets done. As a matter of fact, my co-worker told me that a lot of the Spanish customers think I am an angry person. Well... of course I am! If you don't understand English and I don't understand Spanish, there will be a bit of hostility. Then again if I am making hand signals and flailing my arms while talking to them in a language they don't understand, they will probably think I am trying to kill them. Hell, I would be frightened too AND think that the person belongs in a room with four padded walls.

I once had a customer tell me I had the easiest job since I get to sit around sometimes. While he was telling me that, a customer came up to me telling me that his keys got stuck in the soap hole. I turned to the other customer that was lecturing me on my job and said "so, you think my job is easy?" he said "I take it back. You are dealing with morons." I replied "I glad I had an example walk up to us at the right time." I grabbed my screwdriver and skipped to the washer.... to only find out that the keys entered the actual washer. I told the customer "feel free to put the keys in your mouth, they will be bacteria free!" and I walked away. The key customer laughed and thought that my suggestion was adorable. On the bright side, he didn't ask me to perform a sexual gesture!

With that being said,

ENJOY YOUR SUNDAY EVERYONE!

Also, if you are reading this blog and liking it, don't be afraid! Follow me! I swear I really don't bite!

-LG

I NEED CLEAN

I thought I was going to have a calm Saturday after the tablecloth lady but no. I was introduced to the most stupidest person on this Earth. I will call him the Fail Guy. He deserves that title!!

What did he do?

Many things. This is how it goes:

Failguy: I need clean.
Me: Excuse me?
FG: -mumbles-
Me: -snaps- What?
FG: You have clean?
Me: -points to the soap- You need soap?
FG: -nods-
Me: Which one?
FG: Tide
Me: Okee... 6.50

After giving me the money he left and I thought "that wasn't so bad... he won't bother me again". Five minutes later:

FG: Clean no work.
Me: What?
FG: 18 clean no work wrong
Me: Is something broken? Did you break something?
FG: no clean no clean!
Me: Okay, okay... show me!

So he takes me to the washer and he says that he put the coins and soap in the wrong washer. This is how it all unraveled:

FG: Clean in wrong machine
Me: You put money in here too?
FG: Yes, 2.50
Me: I can't give you your money back. I don't even know if you really put it in there! Plus, I am not going to pay for your mistake!
FG: ok, give me free clean!
Me: No! I am NOT responsible for your mistake! It is YOUR fault! You should have paid attention. You need to pay attention to what you are doing.
FG: I need clean.
Me: I will sell it to you.
FG: Give me discount.
Me: No, I am not going to be responsible for your wrong doing! No discount for you!

Finally he starts to put money in the right washer and he comes to buy soap. He is about to walk away with it for free but I told him to come back and pay. He did pay. I thought that after that, he wouldn't bother me again... he did.

FG: Clean no work
Me: What?
FG: 18 no work
Me: Ugh! Show me!
Me: You didn't close the door!
FG: OH okay!

His friend was sitting down and tells me "he is stupid." I replied "no shit". And we left it at that.

Oh and if you were wondering, "clean" used by him means soap and washing machine at the same time.

So, when can I grow a new set of brain cells?