PAID

I finally got paid by Cheapo (look at Irritated and Irritated part 2 for details). I was supposed to get paid yesterday but he wasn't there. Well actually, he was supposed to pay me yesterday (Monday) and he said he wasn't in the office.

You know what really pissed me off though? He really was in the office but didn't have the money. I found this out by Moshe. Moshe asked me when he is paying me and I told him "Well, he was supposed to pay me today but he isn't in the office." Moshe smirked and shook his head. I knew what was going on and I asked "He really is in the office, isn't he?" He nodded.

PISSED I TELL YAH!

Today he didn't answer the door when I was ringing it. I stood outside a bit. Nothing. I went to the car and I slammed the door. Then I hear from the intercom "hello, hello, HELLO!?" and I yell "IT'S LAUNDRY GIRL" There was a pause. I could feel a self monologue from him that went like this "shit, shit, shit"... finally his secretary opens the door for me and he is taking money out of his pocket. I took his last two one hundred dollar bills. He gave it to me with a mean look and said "here you go dear". I just blinked, thanked him, grabbed the money, and left.

You'd think that I was the mafia for him to hide like that but really, I'm not. It was only $240... nothing more... I want my money just as much as he wants his skirts. Maybe I should become my own mafia with only me in it to scare him into the fuckin money. Instead of smoking a cigar and asking "wheres the money?" I would be sucking on a lollipop. -shakes head-

Next time I am making a non-kosher comment towards Cheapo. Also, today I wanted to deflate Moshe.

A SIMPLE REQUEST

How a normal person starts the washer:
1. Insert clothing into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment as advised.
3. Close the washer door.
4. Make sure nothing is stuck in the door.
5. Insert coins.
6. Sit and wait.

How a moron starts the washer TRY # 1:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Close washer door.
3. Complain.

How a moron starts the washer Try #2:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment.
3. Insert clothes.
4. Close the washer door.
5. Sit and wait while complaining on the phone to his friend why he didn't get reimbursed.

I guess the tight jeans and bottle of gel in his hair made his brain stop functioning. I bet his brain has as many holes as his tight jeans do, if not more. -shakes head- I think he is a confused hipster. -mumbles- fuckin hipster..

So what happened? He put coins in the washer and started it without his clothes. His explanation was...actually you know what?.,.here is the dialogue:

Hipster (Hip): Um, I have a problem. I put coins in my washer and it turned on.
Me: What do you mean? You are supposed to put quarters in it so the machine COULD work.
Hip: Well I started it but there is nothing in there.
Me: As in water?
Hip: No, it's empty.
Me: And it is working?
Hip: Yes.
Me:... Okies, let me see what you did because this isn't making sense.
-The moron laughs-
Me: So you started your wash without putting your clothes in first?
Hip: Well, I normally put the quarters in first then the soap then my clothes.
Me: You are supposed to put your clothes in first..
Hip: Well, can I get reimbursed?
Me: No... you started it...
Hip: Can you stop it?
Me: Nope!
Hip: So I wasted 2 bucks for nothing?
Me: Nope! You wasted $1.75!
-He sighs at me-
Hip: And there is no way to get my money back?
Me: Nope! Sorry. If you want you can come back tomorrow and talk to management.
Hip: I'm leaving tomorrow.
Me: Can't do anything about it. The register gets counted and if I am missing that much, I get in trouble. Sorry.

See, if he said "please" I may have reconsidered. Then again, my laundromat doesn't pay for people's stupidity. Next time, put your clothes in first.

The moral of the story? Always use your manners and say "please", it may get you what you want and always put your clothes in FIRST in the washer.

MOMMY! IM A BIG KID!

Karma is hating me lately. Normally I have good karma. Maybe it isn't karma and just shitty luck. OR I am a magnet for these people. Maybe all of the above? I want to go into the fitting room, cover my head with some random towel, cry, and make believe that I am on an island owned by me. You guys are probably thinking that I am over exaggerating but removing play dough from a coin slot is serious business... especially when you have other morons hovering around the counter acting like they need something.



Play dough in a coin slot is something new to happen to me. The kid put a quarter to the dough to get a print on it and decided to put it in the slot. The kid thought that it was real currency. The mother praised the child and I scolded the mother. If you picture it, the mother should scold the child and I ignore the mother but the scolding and praising worked the other way. I spent 2o minutes cleaning out the fuckin dough... I hope the kid creates a donut and chokes on it... That is a mean remark but really, after a long day I am allowed to make such statements. I pointed out to the mother several times what her child did and many times I let out a heavy sigh. Every time I sighed she told her kid "its okay, it was clever for you to try it out. It is trial and error." I felt like telling the damn bitch "so if I kick you in the ass and I THINK you wouldn't fall face down but you do, that would be trial and error right?" But alas, I did not. I kept thinking *patience is virtue and in the end, it will be worth it*; however, my patience was being tested today by customers, co-workers, and family. Oh and after I cleaned out that gunk, I go over to the kid, get on one knee and tell him "what you did, was not nice and you could have damaged the machine. Don't do it again." The mother now scolded me... I should google a parenting class for her....



Next up!



All day customers were hovering over the counter and looking at the items (which is soap) that we sell. I would ask them "may I help you?" and they would say "no, I'm just looking." EXCUSE ME PEOPLE! THIS ISN'T WINDOW SHOPPING OR WINDOW DECORATIONS! IT'S FUCKIN TIDE!!! TIDE!!! THE CRAP THAT YOU PUT IN YOUR DAMN CLOTHES!!! What else can you possibly be looking at?! Half way through the day, I did take a walk to the other side of the counter and took a look to, to see what these people are looking at. Just as I suspected... IT IS TIDE! JUST LIKE LAST WEEK, LAST MONTH, AND EVERY OTHER DAMN YEAR WE HAVE SOLD THIS STUFF! After a couple of customers doing this, I questioned this one lady. She is a nice lady with an old fashioned mentality so I was being nice to her. Nice people deserve niceness -nods- So when I questioned if she needed something, she said "oh I'm just looking." I questioned further "what are you looking at?" and she said "the soaps". I was still confused so I questioned further... "what about the soaps?" and she replied "I'm trying to see if they are all the same and if there is a difference between any of them." Trying to remain calm and not break brain cells, I said "but we only sell Tide. That is the only non-chlorine detergent we sell... everything else with the exclusion of Clorox 2, will stain your clothes." She said "So Tide and Clorox 2 are the same"... "No ma'am, they are different... C2 is bleach for colors, you can add that in with the Tide if you want." She just stood there. I asked her if she wanted any of it and she just said that she was still looking -face roll- WHY!?!?!?!?


From that I learned to not ask them if they want anything and to just leave them there until they ask for something.

THEN I had a customer ask me for a ten and two fives. I gave him exactly that and he was arguing that I stiffed him on a five dollar bill. I was pointing out that he had a ten dollar bill in hand as well as two fives... after 5 minutes, his wife comes over and she agrees with me. He started to apologize to me and offered me a drink to which I replied very fast "NO!"

... I am terrified of my customers buying me beverages now... why? Well, sometimes they lead to questions such as "will you marry me?" or "do you want a boyfriend?" and "want to web chat?" -cries-

As for family, I went to pick up an uncle and he just wouldn't shut the hell up! My dad and I would just ignore his questions sometimes but his mouth would still go 100mph! GAH! If it is karma, DAMN YOU!

DEAR TEACHERS,

Dear Teachers,

A new school year has begun and first off, good luck. Second, please teach these kids how to count and use their noggin. I know you are trying your best and the Excedrin is handy in your drawer but please, drill into their brains that FOUR QUARTERS= $1 and that you can't get half a dollar without getting the whole dollar in quarters. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEACH THESE CHILDREN THE NECESSITIES OF LIFE!!! Kids do not need to know about Pluto not existing anymore, hell majority of them will hate Science. Teach them math, this way my life would be easier too.

Thank you!

Today I had a 10 year old and a 11 year old come in at two different times and neither of them knew how many quarters they needed... nor how many quarters a dollar gives you. How do I know the ages? I asked. Of course the first question was "aren't you supposed to be in school today?" The 10 year old gives me a $10 bill and asks for two fives. I explain to her that the change machine was out of order (once again) so I would have to manually give her quarters. This is how the convo went:

LG: How much in quarters do you need?
Cust: I need two fives.
LG: Okies, but the machine is out of order so I need to give you quarters here.
Cust: Five dollar bills.
LG: Machine out of order. Quarters here.
Cust: Um, I don't know.
LG: Well, how much were you going to put in the machine?
Cust: Uh -smiles nervously- um, five dollars.
LG: You have a lot of bags, are you sure?
Cust: Yes.
LG: OKay, here you go.
Cust: NO! I need ten.
LG: Is your mom here so you can ask her?
Cust: No, but I need 10 in quarters.
LG: Ok. How old are you?
Cust: 10

Alrighty... After she put her clothes in the washer, she blasted her ipod and sat down. I felt like shoving a book in here face. The 11 year old was just as bad. She didn't know how many quarters she would get back in a dollar so she thought I was cheating her when I gave her four quarters. I asked if her mom was around and she said no. Mind you, when I was questioning her, she didn't know how to respond to some of the questions and of course she blasted her iPod.

Dear Parents,

Please stop giving your children Mp3 players when they don't know simple math. In addition, please escort your children to the laundromat because they lack the common sense that they should have for their age. In addition, I might choke them due to the fact that I am explaining something to them that a three year old knows. May I also suggest that you shove a book in front of your child's face and if they have an allergic reaction to it, let them suffer.

Thank you!

SOMETHING NEW

This has happened for the first time ever.

These two guys must be new to laundry and the English language. They asked me how to turn on the water from the sink so they can put it in the washer. This is how it went down:

Cust: I need water.
Me: What for?
Cust: For the machine.
Me: What?
Cust: I need water.
Me: In the sink.

Yes this is a delayed reaction.

Me: WAIT! Where are you going to PUT the water?!
Cust: I need to wash my clothes.

He and I walk to the sink and then to the washer.

Cust: Clothes need wash.
Me: You need to put quarters in it and the wash will start. Water will come down and the soap will dissolve.
Cust: I need water.
Me: Are you thirsty?
Cust: Machine water.
Me: QUARTERS!! YOU NEED TO PUT QUARTERS. LOOK!!!!

Apparently his friend did speak English but he just sat back. I gave him a glare and withheld the comment of "YOU ARE A JERK".

Come on people, get it together!!! YOU NEED QUARTERS TO DO A FUCKIN WASH!!!

Oh and here is a bonus, a lady at my local bakery today didn't know the difference between butter and cream cheese. I asked for butter and she put cream cheese and said "its the same". So I replied "It won't be the same if you decide to not make me another one." I am a cranky person in the morning. Especially at 7am with only 4 hours of sleep. Like I said before, I am a nice person but if you don't use your noggin, you are in for a knockin... get it?...no?... WELL FINE!

WEDNESDAY'S POST

In the past I would sit and wonder about some of my customers about their level of incompentance and lack of common sense. Now, I just go with it. I answer what they want to hear and argue with kindness, a lethal verbal weapon. No need to curse... unless I really have to. Actually, I do argue a bit just get the point accross but when I see a lost cause, I stop.


A new customer approaches me a couple of times. One time for quarters, another for soap (took her 3 mins to figure out what she wanted), and another time to complain that the washer did not rinse her clothing properly.

My theory is that if a machine works all day without anyone complaining, then it is NOT broken. In the morning, I find out if a machine is broken or not because I have anal customers who sit in front of the washer to see if it goes through all the cycles and if the washer gets filled with water. This lady approaches me and says "my clothes have soap". I roll my eyes and ask her to take me to her washer. She takes me and I see soap residue on the door which means that she put too much soap in the washer. I explain to this lady that soap residue is normal when an excessive amount of soap is put in. She argues that she only put a quarter of a cup in the washer... BULL SHIT... if she were to put a quarter of a cup in a maxi load, then her clothing would not be clean and soap residue would NOT exist. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a liar on board the Asylum.

I started to rumage through her wet clothes to see if there was any soap residue. Lo and behold, nothing. She was complaining that the plastic thingy she had in there, had soap on it. There is an explanation for that. Plastic is not fabric so there is no way water could "flow" through it, thus the allowing of soap to be left behind. She didn't understand that concept. Long story short, I gave her the quarters back so she can wash again. I spent 15 minutes with her and I didn't want to continue on.

Later on, a lady approached me and I had to ask her twice "how many quarters do you need?" before she gave me the right answer instead of "two tens". *Palm to face* Please help me.

2+2 DOES NOT EQUAL 4

Thats right, it does not. My fellow readers, this is not a trick question either. A young female walked into my laundromat today and she must have been at least 11 years old. She needed $2.50 in quarters from $3.oo. I told her she was going to get three dollars in quarters and she was insisting that she wanted $2.50. I asked her how she wanted the other .50 cents and she was saying she wants it back in a dollar form. I was arguing with her for 5 minutes to only give up and give her $3.00 in quarters. She is young and I get it, no one wants to think during Summer but even then... your brain cells should be working.

A long time ago, I had an adult ask me to break a 20 for him. He said four- five dollar bills and the rest in singles. I was doing simple math with him to figure it out. He had an excuse but I do not remember it.

People, wake up... its scary having to see people not use their logic and what they were taught in school. Some schools are bad and sometimes teachers do not care but come on, at home teach them something! It will make life at the laundromat easier. Trust me.

PET PEEVES- Part TWO

• LAST WASH IS AT 8PM!- Not 8:01 and not 8:02. The answer will forever be "NO YOU CANNOT DO YOUR WASH AND PLEASE LOOK AT OUR TIMES BEFORE YOU COME HERE. I HAVE A LIFE AND WANT TO GO HOME TOO." Sometimes I would love to insert "next time, don't scratch your balls/ass and get here on time!" Bless those who come before 8pm to wash.
  
• LAST MINUTE DRY CLEANING: Its 6pm. Of course you cannot have your dry cleaning at 6:30pm. Thank you and come again.
  SOCKS: Stop complaining that you are missing socks. Its not my fault you either leave them under your bed/couch or the washer monster ate them. Last time I checked, I do not wear YOUR socks.... or your underwear so STOP ASKING ME!
  
• BITCHY CUSTOMERS: I get these a lot. I bet some of you who work in retail or in any other type of job get them too. They are not fun but they are entertaining. Example? SURE!
  Customer: Someone stole my 3 bikinis!
  

LLG: Well, where did you leave them and where were you?
'

Customer: On the table to dry and I walked out for 30 mins to get a coffee and a bagel with my husband.

LLG: Well, there is your problem! We are not responsible for any missing or stolen items. Next time, please be aware of your belongings and by leaving them like that, they are bound to be taken most likely. It rarely to never happens here for someone to take anothers persons stuff but even so, please be responsible.

Customer: HOW DARE YOU TELL ME YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE TAKING MY BIKINIS!

LLG: Ma'am... if someone returns them, I will be more than happy to return them to you.

Customer: Yeah, like someone is going to retrun 200 dollar bathing suits.

I get a lot of these customers. Two months later she sarcastically asks me if someone brough back the bathing suits. Of course, I did not deserve such an attitude so I bit back with "Are you being more careful with your stuff? I hope you are because I don't want someone taking your 300 dollar underwear. She got pissed but oh well. She is still a customer. It pays to be a clean laundromat.

There are many more pet peeves and the list could go on but as I blog about the wonderful world of laundry, I might add a pet peeve as a bonus.