SUNDAY FUNNIES

Today I am going to keep it short with a video... I have a toothache =(

The video I am going to post shows a female making homemade soap. People believe that homemade soap is better but really, it isn't. In some cases it works on clothing that isn't dirty but in many cases, for heavy soiled clothing- it doesn't work. If you think about it, the money that you spend on obtaining these ingredients, will most likely end up costing more. Especially if you live in city. Also, why would someone want to use their kitchen items to make this soap? To me, that is disgusting. Of course you can clean them after but... no... I will buy my soap thank you very much. Maybe it's the toothache speaking or maybe she is truly annoying... basically I just want to choke her.

I made soap once... from animal lard in biology class back in college. I remember my partner in my lab group had very oily hands after using the home made soap.

Bottom line is, just buy your soap. Don't put your health in danger by using kitchen tools to make homemade soap... -shakes head- If you want to go a natural way to clean your clothes, then buy the organic soap stuff. Even those don't work too well in getting the stains out but if it will make you happy and you like to spend eight bucks for a twelve load bottle, go for it. Just don't come complaining to me after saying "my stuff isn't getting cleaned!" If you do I will say "Well duh dumbass! You aren't using powerful detergent!" Okies, maybe I won't call the person a dumbass but hey, I can think it!

Here is the video:





THE FACT THAT THIS LADY IS PUTTING A TOWEL OVER A FOOD PROCESSOR, KIND OF SAYS SOMETHING... I wonder how many times she had to sniff this stuff before she came up with the towel idea.

She claims that it is cheaper but I submit not. Guess she didn't take the time to think about people's schedule either. If a person in the city is working a 9-5 job, with slight overtime, along with errands on a Saturday, and laundry on a Sunday, they wouldn't have time to make soap. So realistically, it is better to just buy the damn soap already! If you are smart, you can find laundry detergent cheaper in some places. Don't forget you can also print coupons from online as well as get the detergent from a 99 cent store as opposed to a super market.

This lady makes me want to stab her.

Here is a tip for the day:

If you are out for the night and you spill something on your blouse or whatever you are wearing, dab a tissue or towel with club soda/seltzer to remove the stain. It might not remove it as a whole but it won't set for the night! Do NOT scrub it with soap and water, you will damage your garment!

SOMETHING NEW

This has happened for the first time ever.

These two guys must be new to laundry and the English language. They asked me how to turn on the water from the sink so they can put it in the washer. This is how it went down:

Cust: I need water.
Me: What for?
Cust: For the machine.
Me: What?
Cust: I need water.
Me: In the sink.

Yes this is a delayed reaction.

Me: WAIT! Where are you going to PUT the water?!
Cust: I need to wash my clothes.

He and I walk to the sink and then to the washer.

Cust: Clothes need wash.
Me: You need to put quarters in it and the wash will start. Water will come down and the soap will dissolve.
Cust: I need water.
Me: Are you thirsty?
Cust: Machine water.
Me: QUARTERS!! YOU NEED TO PUT QUARTERS. LOOK!!!!

Apparently his friend did speak English but he just sat back. I gave him a glare and withheld the comment of "YOU ARE A JERK".

Come on people, get it together!!! YOU NEED QUARTERS TO DO A FUCKIN WASH!!!

Oh and here is a bonus, a lady at my local bakery today didn't know the difference between butter and cream cheese. I asked for butter and she put cream cheese and said "its the same". So I replied "It won't be the same if you decide to not make me another one." I am a cranky person in the morning. Especially at 7am with only 4 hours of sleep. Like I said before, I am a nice person but if you don't use your noggin, you are in for a knockin... get it?...no?... WELL FINE!

*POINT AND LAUGH*

Rarely do I feel sympathy for those who "violate" and "disrespect" my machines/property. One of my customers decides to bang/punch my washer and kick it so it could accept the quarters but I got my satisfaction in scaring her. Not only does she like hitting other peoples property but she also has music blasted in her ears... and we all know what that means... miscommunication. First, she couldn't hear me say "I don't have any quarters here" and then she didn't hear me say "don't bang the machine". As a matter of fact, I felt like choking her tiny little neck with the wire from her headphones but I don't feel like going to prison before my vacation. So, I stormed out from behind the counter and stomped to her. She was in her own little world because when I started talking loud (not yelling), she turned and got scared. Inside, I was laughing. Outside, I was yelling. She got so startled that she gave me the quarters to put in the machine. Her hands were even shaking. Did I feel bad? Of course not! I feel bad for me because if that machine breaks down then -I- have to fix it. Not her, not the Chinese dude next door, but me. M. E.

My belief is that she isn't a bright one or she has been sheltered throughout her life. Then again, I am not an all mighty dude with power to judge. One day an Arabic male approached her asking her where she lives and if she is single. What her mom's name is and if she is arranged for a marriage. He kept complimenting her on her folding and touching her. When he left, I asked if they were related or something (didn't want to seem too nosey) and she said "No"... YOU MORON, WHY GIVE OUT YOUR NAME, WHERE YOU LIVE, AND FAMILY INFO!? YOU ARE IN YOUR TEENS AND HE IS IN HIS 40S... I should have hit her over the head with a Tide bottle. Maybe that action would knock some common sense into her.

On a side note, I really do hate it when people fold their tickets into small little squares. Really do...

BLEACH WASHED BRAINS

Today I had to explain a couple of times the difference between softener and soap as well as comforter and bed sheets. These people that do not belong to me, meaning that they are not regulars at the laundromat, do not know the difference between the two. Here are a couple of definitions... I just HAD to post this because it pisses me off to no end when I have to sit there for 5 mins to explaining the above... and I want to KILL THEM when they tell me after the explanation "no understand English". Well a big FUCK YOU to you for wasting my time! I normally do NOT curse but when I'm pissed, I let loose.



COMFORTER: bedding made of two layers of cloth filled with stuffing and stitched together. Comforters cover the mattress, but not the box spring. Since the top and bottom fabrics of a Comforter are quilted together with a filling material in between, they are usually fluffier and thicker than a bedspread or coverlet. YOU USE IT DURING THE WINTER TO KEEP YOU WARM.



BED SHEETS: A bed sheet is a large piece of cloth used to cover a mattress. It is this sheet that one typically lies on.



SOAP: A cleaning agent used to wash a variety of items or persons. (Not the best quote but I like it... it made me chuckle)



SOFTENER: A product designed to impart a soft mellowness to the fabric.



I use the following example at times so people could understand the difference. Surprisingly it works and I do NOT need pictures:



Think of soap and softener as shampoo and conditioner... You use soap to wash your hair and conditioner to soften your hair. You use soap to wash your clothing and conditioner to soften your clothes and eliminate excess soap. Its not that hard of a concept.

LAUNDROMAT CHARM SCHOOL

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen!



Today's blog will educate you in Laundromat Etiquette. Hopefully, you will take all of this information given to you at no cost and consider it for when you enter your local laundromat. Please be advised that by reading this, you will further advance your manners and reduce the numbers on your bitch meter and douche-baggery meter. Please note that all this does not apply to some of you and if it does, then crack your thick skull open and absorbed the following:



1. Thou shall greet. We do not expect you to smile when you enter but a reply to our "hello" would be nice. I know some of you that are hipsters or think you are from the early 1900's have a constipated look on your face, so we will omit the smile, but a hello wouldn't hurt you.



2. Thou shall not be a slob. Upon entering the laundromat, do not throw your stuff around the location. It is NOT your living room and I will NOT clean up after you. As a matter of fact, go grab a laundry cart or two and store your belongings in there. At the same time please be aware that I am NOT responsible for your belongings and for a simple fee of 19.95 and hour, I will protect your belongings. Actually, I won't. I just felt like saying that.



3. Thou shall think. Before coming to me about your problems, see if you can solve it on your own. Example: I put the quarters in the washer but it wont start. Why is that? A. do I need more quarters? B. Is the washer door closed? C. Is the washer lock latched? D. Let me go ask for help because I am a complete moron. Most likely your answer is D because you refuse to use what is left of your brain cells and you want everything done for you.

4. Thou shall try. Majority of us LOVE to paint/draw/look at pictures. If you don't at the adult age that you are, I bet when you were young, pictures made you "happy". Well, when in doubt on how to retrieve quarters from the change machine, look at the picture. If you cannot figure it out, then please go buy a coloring book and start from square 1 level 1. It will further advance your knowledge and you will graduate to the next level of not irritating the owner or employee at your local laundromat. *Please note, this rule also applies to closing a washer door and latching it. All washers provide a detailed picture*

5. Thou shall not lie. I can catch you when you are lying. Employees at other laundromats know when you are lying. We just patronize you so you could leave us alone. Majority of the laundromats have cameras. We see what is going on and we can easily solve a case when needed. Do NOT use another currency for the washers. We will catch you. When we do catch you, do not lie. Again, there are cameras. We let you off easy by fessing up, giving us our CORRECT money, and allowing you to leave peacefully. I do not know how other laundromats operate but I assure you, they do NOT want to be filling out paperwork. So... DO NOT LIE. FESS UP. YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. Oh and if you have the courage to show your face again at the scene of the "crime", be nice or we will be on top of you until you leave.

6. Thou shall keep my hands to myself. This one speaks for itself and pretty much anyone can and may relate to it (anyone in the serving industry). Please do not touch my ass. Compliment if you want. I will ignore you. But touch my ass and you will get smacked. It has happened and the individual got smacked. Threaten to call the cops? Again, please come to full realization that there are cameras installed and I WILL WIN. Go ahead, grab my ass but at the same time, make sure you have a death wish.

7. Thou shall explain. Explain what you want and need. I do not have the ability to read minds. If I did then majority of the problems in the world would be solved. I am not a psychic either. If I were, I wouldn't be in a laundry. god gave you a mouth. SPEAK!

8. Thou shall be prepared. Having stuff ready for me to expedite the service. The faster I serve you, the faster you will go wherever you have to go. I give you a pink slip... STORE IT IN A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT. Also, please don't fold your slip into a very small square. It is extra work for me and I will hate you forever. I am not a person to hate but I can and will make some exceptions.

9. Thou shall respect the property. A wise man once said "an eye for an eye".... sit on my table or surf in my laundry carts and I will ridicule you or cut your legs off. Wanna try me? Go ahead. Majority of the time I am NOT in a good mood because of stupidity... chances are, you will get your legs chopped off or I will tear you a new asshole.

10. Thou shall not talk on the phone. Actually, talk on the phone all you want; however, DO NOT TALK TO THE PHONE WHILE YOU ARE ASKING ME SOMETHING. It is rude. Many people do this and I go back to doing what I was doing. It is irritating and I will tell you to get off the phone. You want to be served properly? Well then respect me and get off the phone. I will NOT wait for you to finish and I WILL take the next customer. You don't like it? Too fuckin bad. Get a clue.

PET PEEVES- Part TWO

• LAST WASH IS AT 8PM!- Not 8:01 and not 8:02. The answer will forever be "NO YOU CANNOT DO YOUR WASH AND PLEASE LOOK AT OUR TIMES BEFORE YOU COME HERE. I HAVE A LIFE AND WANT TO GO HOME TOO." Sometimes I would love to insert "next time, don't scratch your balls/ass and get here on time!" Bless those who come before 8pm to wash.
  
• LAST MINUTE DRY CLEANING: Its 6pm. Of course you cannot have your dry cleaning at 6:30pm. Thank you and come again.
  SOCKS: Stop complaining that you are missing socks. Its not my fault you either leave them under your bed/couch or the washer monster ate them. Last time I checked, I do not wear YOUR socks.... or your underwear so STOP ASKING ME!
  
• BITCHY CUSTOMERS: I get these a lot. I bet some of you who work in retail or in any other type of job get them too. They are not fun but they are entertaining. Example? SURE!
  Customer: Someone stole my 3 bikinis!
  

LLG: Well, where did you leave them and where were you?
'

Customer: On the table to dry and I walked out for 30 mins to get a coffee and a bagel with my husband.

LLG: Well, there is your problem! We are not responsible for any missing or stolen items. Next time, please be aware of your belongings and by leaving them like that, they are bound to be taken most likely. It rarely to never happens here for someone to take anothers persons stuff but even so, please be responsible.

Customer: HOW DARE YOU TELL ME YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE TAKING MY BIKINIS!

LLG: Ma'am... if someone returns them, I will be more than happy to return them to you.

Customer: Yeah, like someone is going to retrun 200 dollar bathing suits.

I get a lot of these customers. Two months later she sarcastically asks me if someone brough back the bathing suits. Of course, I did not deserve such an attitude so I bit back with "Are you being more careful with your stuff? I hope you are because I don't want someone taking your 300 dollar underwear. She got pissed but oh well. She is still a customer. It pays to be a clean laundromat.

There are many more pet peeves and the list could go on but as I blog about the wonderful world of laundry, I might add a pet peeve as a bonus.