... Williamsburg, the mother of spawning hipsters and yuppies.
Dear People of Williamsburg,
Majority of you living in Williamsburg are starving "artists" yet you come from families that are loaded with money. These parent's send you off to another state or town just to satisfy your crave of the current trend. Unfortunately, these parent's do not send off their kids with a brain. It must be left behind or they must have been dropped when they were a wee bit lad. In addition the parent's have forgotten to teach their children the basics of math as well as laundry. I am 99.9% sure that Williamsburg has at least a laundromat where people can do laundry. If not, then that explains why the hippies/yuppies that are moving into my town, are retarded.
So Williamsburg, please teach your spawns of a trend to use the laundromat properly or open up more laundromats and offer classes.
Sincerely,
LLG
I have no words for today. Well, actually I do... since I am typing this blog.
It's 6:35 pm and the laundromat is pretty busy. The door opens and in walks a tall and thin male with curly long hair wearing a fedora. Half of his face is covered with acne. His shirt is black and white plaid and the undershirt is red. He is wearing tight skinny jeans. Put it this way... his jeans are so tight that you can make out his... you know what... never mind... anyways... he brings in two bags worth of laundry and he is pacing back and forth trying to figure out which washers he is going to use. He uses the ones that are right in front of the counter area. I let out a long "sigh" because I knew what was coming.
First off, the moron uses four washers and then he puts bleach in the washer with the mixed color clothing. Then he inserts quarters... the quarter wouldn't be accepted by the machine. Without looking up I told him "don't you even dare to bang the machine. I see you. Use the coin return button." I think I scared him because he jumped a bit. He had trouble putting quarters into the machine and I asked him if he needed help and he said "no." It was HILARIOUS watching him trying to coordinate his hand with putting the quarter in the slot and then pushing the button. I did an eye roll and went to help him. He gave me the quarter and I put it in the coin slot without any trouble. Now, here is where he was having trouble with his math... our machine takes 7 quarters and he inserted four quarters, leaving him with three more quarters to go.
He complained that the machine didn't register the fourth quarter, but it did. The counter was showing that he needed to put in three more quarters but he was convinced that the machine didn't register it. I think he has ingrown curls in his brain... anyways, I open up the coin box and I show him that there are four quarters in there. Then I take my index finger and point out that he needs to put in three more quarters. He got pissed.
Fuck if I care that he got pissed. Not my fault he refuses to use his brain. Other people around him were snickering and laughing. I felt like saying "Uh dude, Williamsburg called and they are looking for their residential moron, they are missing you." Trust me, I was biting my tongue.
I can't stress enough that doing laundry is NOT a hard thing to do! Certain things that come with it as well, it isn't hard to achieve. Can we bring back School House Rock? Except this time, make a mini episode about laundry and math...
For those who don't remember School House Rock, here is a YouTube video:
Also, if this post seems a bit off, forgive me. I am sleep deprived and pretty exhausted.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Friday, January 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
DEAR TEACHERS,
Dear Teachers,
A new school year has begun and first off, good luck. Second, please teach these kids how to count and use their noggin. I know you are trying your best and the Excedrin is handy in your drawer but please, drill into their brains that FOUR QUARTERS= $1 and that you can't get half a dollar without getting the whole dollar in quarters. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEACH THESE CHILDREN THE NECESSITIES OF LIFE!!! Kids do not need to know about Pluto not existing anymore, hell majority of them will hate Science. Teach them math, this way my life would be easier too.
Thank you!
Today I had a 10 year old and a 11 year old come in at two different times and neither of them knew how many quarters they needed... nor how many quarters a dollar gives you. How do I know the ages? I asked. Of course the first question was "aren't you supposed to be in school today?" The 10 year old gives me a $10 bill and asks for two fives. I explain to her that the change machine was out of order (once again) so I would have to manually give her quarters. This is how the convo went:
LG: How much in quarters do you need?
Cust: I need two fives.
LG: Okies, but the machine is out of order so I need to give you quarters here.
Cust: Five dollar bills.
LG: Machine out of order. Quarters here.
Cust: Um, I don't know.
LG: Well, how much were you going to put in the machine?
Cust: Uh -smiles nervously- um, five dollars.
LG: You have a lot of bags, are you sure?
Cust: Yes.
LG: OKay, here you go.
Cust: NO! I need ten.
LG: Is your mom here so you can ask her?
Cust: No, but I need 10 in quarters.
LG: Ok. How old are you?
Cust: 10
Alrighty... After she put her clothes in the washer, she blasted her ipod and sat down. I felt like shoving a book in here face. The 11 year old was just as bad. She didn't know how many quarters she would get back in a dollar so she thought I was cheating her when I gave her four quarters. I asked if her mom was around and she said no. Mind you, when I was questioning her, she didn't know how to respond to some of the questions and of course she blasted her iPod.
Dear Parents,
Please stop giving your children Mp3 players when they don't know simple math. In addition, please escort your children to the laundromat because they lack the common sense that they should have for their age. In addition, I might choke them due to the fact that I am explaining something to them that a three year old knows. May I also suggest that you shove a book in front of your child's face and if they have an allergic reaction to it, let them suffer.
Thank you!
A new school year has begun and first off, good luck. Second, please teach these kids how to count and use their noggin. I know you are trying your best and the Excedrin is handy in your drawer but please, drill into their brains that FOUR QUARTERS= $1 and that you can't get half a dollar without getting the whole dollar in quarters. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEACH THESE CHILDREN THE NECESSITIES OF LIFE!!! Kids do not need to know about Pluto not existing anymore, hell majority of them will hate Science. Teach them math, this way my life would be easier too.
Thank you!
Today I had a 10 year old and a 11 year old come in at two different times and neither of them knew how many quarters they needed... nor how many quarters a dollar gives you. How do I know the ages? I asked. Of course the first question was "aren't you supposed to be in school today?" The 10 year old gives me a $10 bill and asks for two fives. I explain to her that the change machine was out of order (once again) so I would have to manually give her quarters. This is how the convo went:
LG: How much in quarters do you need?
Cust: I need two fives.
LG: Okies, but the machine is out of order so I need to give you quarters here.
Cust: Five dollar bills.
LG: Machine out of order. Quarters here.
Cust: Um, I don't know.
LG: Well, how much were you going to put in the machine?
Cust: Uh -smiles nervously- um, five dollars.
LG: You have a lot of bags, are you sure?
Cust: Yes.
LG: OKay, here you go.
Cust: NO! I need ten.
LG: Is your mom here so you can ask her?
Cust: No, but I need 10 in quarters.
LG: Ok. How old are you?
Cust: 10
Alrighty... After she put her clothes in the washer, she blasted her ipod and sat down. I felt like shoving a book in here face. The 11 year old was just as bad. She didn't know how many quarters she would get back in a dollar so she thought I was cheating her when I gave her four quarters. I asked if her mom was around and she said no. Mind you, when I was questioning her, she didn't know how to respond to some of the questions and of course she blasted her iPod.
Dear Parents,
Please stop giving your children Mp3 players when they don't know simple math. In addition, please escort your children to the laundromat because they lack the common sense that they should have for their age. In addition, I might choke them due to the fact that I am explaining something to them that a three year old knows. May I also suggest that you shove a book in front of your child's face and if they have an allergic reaction to it, let them suffer.
Thank you!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
LAUNDROMAT CHARM SCHOOL
Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen!
Today's blog will educate you in Laundromat Etiquette. Hopefully, you will take all of this information given to you at no cost and consider it for when you enter your local laundromat. Please be advised that by reading this, you will further advance your manners and reduce the numbers on your bitch meter and douche-baggery meter. Please note that all this does not apply to some of you and if it does, then crack your thick skull open and absorbed the following:
1. Thou shall greet. We do not expect you to smile when you enter but a reply to our "hello" would be nice. I know some of you that are hipsters or think you are from the early 1900's have a constipated look on your face, so we will omit the smile, but a hello wouldn't hurt you.
2. Thou shall not be a slob. Upon entering the laundromat, do not throw your stuff around the location. It is NOT your living room and I will NOT clean up after you. As a matter of fact, go grab a laundry cart or two and store your belongings in there. At the same time please be aware that I am NOT responsible for your belongings and for a simple fee of 19.95 and hour, I will protect your belongings. Actually, I won't. I just felt like saying that.
3. Thou shall think. Before coming to me about your problems, see if you can solve it on your own. Example: I put the quarters in the washer but it wont start. Why is that? A. do I need more quarters? B. Is the washer door closed? C. Is the washer lock latched? D. Let me go ask for help because I am a complete moron. Most likely your answer is D because you refuse to use what is left of your brain cells and you want everything done for you.
4. Thou shall try. Majority of us LOVE to paint/draw/look at pictures. If you don't at the adult age that you are, I bet when you were young, pictures made you "happy". Well, when in doubt on how to retrieve quarters from the change machine, look at the picture. If you cannot figure it out, then please go buy a coloring book and start from square 1 level 1. It will further advance your knowledge and you will graduate to the next level of not irritating the owner or employee at your local laundromat. *Please note, this rule also applies to closing a washer door and latching it. All washers provide a detailed picture*
5. Thou shall not lie. I can catch you when you are lying. Employees at other laundromats know when you are lying. We just patronize you so you could leave us alone. Majority of the laundromats have cameras. We see what is going on and we can easily solve a case when needed. Do NOT use another currency for the washers. We will catch you. When we do catch you, do not lie. Again, there are cameras. We let you off easy by fessing up, giving us our CORRECT money, and allowing you to leave peacefully. I do not know how other laundromats operate but I assure you, they do NOT want to be filling out paperwork. So... DO NOT LIE. FESS UP. YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. Oh and if you have the courage to show your face again at the scene of the "crime", be nice or we will be on top of you until you leave.
6. Thou shall keep my hands to myself. This one speaks for itself and pretty much anyone can and may relate to it (anyone in the serving industry). Please do not touch my ass. Compliment if you want. I will ignore you. But touch my ass and you will get smacked. It has happened and the individual got smacked. Threaten to call the cops? Again, please come to full realization that there are cameras installed and I WILL WIN. Go ahead, grab my ass but at the same time, make sure you have a death wish.
7. Thou shall explain. Explain what you want and need. I do not have the ability to read minds. If I did then majority of the problems in the world would be solved. I am not a psychic either. If I were, I wouldn't be in a laundry. god gave you a mouth. SPEAK!
8. Thou shall be prepared. Having stuff ready for me to expedite the service. The faster I serve you, the faster you will go wherever you have to go. I give you a pink slip... STORE IT IN A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT. Also, please don't fold your slip into a very small square. It is extra work for me and I will hate you forever. I am not a person to hate but I can and will make some exceptions.
9. Thou shall respect the property. A wise man once said "an eye for an eye".... sit on my table or surf in my laundry carts and I will ridicule you or cut your legs off. Wanna try me? Go ahead. Majority of the time I am NOT in a good mood because of stupidity... chances are, you will get your legs chopped off or I will tear you a new asshole.
10. Thou shall not talk on the phone. Actually, talk on the phone all you want; however, DO NOT TALK TO THE PHONE WHILE YOU ARE ASKING ME SOMETHING. It is rude. Many people do this and I go back to doing what I was doing. It is irritating and I will tell you to get off the phone. You want to be served properly? Well then respect me and get off the phone. I will NOT wait for you to finish and I WILL take the next customer. You don't like it? Too fuckin bad. Get a clue.
Today's blog will educate you in Laundromat Etiquette. Hopefully, you will take all of this information given to you at no cost and consider it for when you enter your local laundromat. Please be advised that by reading this, you will further advance your manners and reduce the numbers on your bitch meter and douche-baggery meter. Please note that all this does not apply to some of you and if it does, then crack your thick skull open and absorbed the following:
1. Thou shall greet. We do not expect you to smile when you enter but a reply to our "hello" would be nice. I know some of you that are hipsters or think you are from the early 1900's have a constipated look on your face, so we will omit the smile, but a hello wouldn't hurt you.
2. Thou shall not be a slob. Upon entering the laundromat, do not throw your stuff around the location. It is NOT your living room and I will NOT clean up after you. As a matter of fact, go grab a laundry cart or two and store your belongings in there. At the same time please be aware that I am NOT responsible for your belongings and for a simple fee of 19.95 and hour, I will protect your belongings. Actually, I won't. I just felt like saying that.
3. Thou shall think. Before coming to me about your problems, see if you can solve it on your own. Example: I put the quarters in the washer but it wont start. Why is that? A. do I need more quarters? B. Is the washer door closed? C. Is the washer lock latched? D. Let me go ask for help because I am a complete moron. Most likely your answer is D because you refuse to use what is left of your brain cells and you want everything done for you.
4. Thou shall try. Majority of us LOVE to paint/draw/look at pictures. If you don't at the adult age that you are, I bet when you were young, pictures made you "happy". Well, when in doubt on how to retrieve quarters from the change machine, look at the picture. If you cannot figure it out, then please go buy a coloring book and start from square 1 level 1. It will further advance your knowledge and you will graduate to the next level of not irritating the owner or employee at your local laundromat. *Please note, this rule also applies to closing a washer door and latching it. All washers provide a detailed picture*
5. Thou shall not lie. I can catch you when you are lying. Employees at other laundromats know when you are lying. We just patronize you so you could leave us alone. Majority of the laundromats have cameras. We see what is going on and we can easily solve a case when needed. Do NOT use another currency for the washers. We will catch you. When we do catch you, do not lie. Again, there are cameras. We let you off easy by fessing up, giving us our CORRECT money, and allowing you to leave peacefully. I do not know how other laundromats operate but I assure you, they do NOT want to be filling out paperwork. So... DO NOT LIE. FESS UP. YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. Oh and if you have the courage to show your face again at the scene of the "crime", be nice or we will be on top of you until you leave.
6. Thou shall keep my hands to myself. This one speaks for itself and pretty much anyone can and may relate to it (anyone in the serving industry). Please do not touch my ass. Compliment if you want. I will ignore you. But touch my ass and you will get smacked. It has happened and the individual got smacked. Threaten to call the cops? Again, please come to full realization that there are cameras installed and I WILL WIN. Go ahead, grab my ass but at the same time, make sure you have a death wish.
7. Thou shall explain. Explain what you want and need. I do not have the ability to read minds. If I did then majority of the problems in the world would be solved. I am not a psychic either. If I were, I wouldn't be in a laundry. god gave you a mouth. SPEAK!
8. Thou shall be prepared. Having stuff ready for me to expedite the service. The faster I serve you, the faster you will go wherever you have to go. I give you a pink slip... STORE IT IN A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT. Also, please don't fold your slip into a very small square. It is extra work for me and I will hate you forever. I am not a person to hate but I can and will make some exceptions.
9. Thou shall respect the property. A wise man once said "an eye for an eye".... sit on my table or surf in my laundry carts and I will ridicule you or cut your legs off. Wanna try me? Go ahead. Majority of the time I am NOT in a good mood because of stupidity... chances are, you will get your legs chopped off or I will tear you a new asshole.
10. Thou shall not talk on the phone. Actually, talk on the phone all you want; however, DO NOT TALK TO THE PHONE WHILE YOU ARE ASKING ME SOMETHING. It is rude. Many people do this and I go back to doing what I was doing. It is irritating and I will tell you to get off the phone. You want to be served properly? Well then respect me and get off the phone. I will NOT wait for you to finish and I WILL take the next customer. You don't like it? Too fuckin bad. Get a clue.
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