NO REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

In my laundromat we have over fifteen laundry carts. Three out of those fifteen carts, have a hanger thingy on them. At some point today, three of those carts were being utilized by customers. (Yes, I counted for the sole purpose to make a point). You would think a customer would go for an empty cart so they can cart away their wet clothes to the dryer. Nope. Why would someone do that? That thought requires too much logic and a high amount of brain cells to work.

I was going through a laundry magazine (I have resulted to one of "those" people) and I look up after a question was asked. The question was "excuse me, is this cart being used?" She had her hand over the cart in a claw like form ready to grab the items from that cart to put them somewhere else. I stared at her, then at the laundry cart, and then back her and then I replied with a "yes" along with a *wtf* look. She looked shocked while she was staring at me and she didn't move for a couple of seconds. I guess not many people tell her "no", except for me. After the "yes" I told her to go to the back, where there was a large quantity of carts available.

Why... why... Why would she want to touch some random person's dirty laundry bag??? Just WHY?! To me, it doesn't make any sense!!! I must have missed the stupid bus once again.
Mind you this female is a teenager so her boyfriend comes along, with acne full on his face and braces and decides to put quarters in the wrong dryer. By the way, the dryer clearly stated "OUT OF SERVICE =(" Stupid people deserve each other, I just fear for their spawn....

LAUNDROMAT CHARM SCHOOL

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen!



Today's blog will educate you in Laundromat Etiquette. Hopefully, you will take all of this information given to you at no cost and consider it for when you enter your local laundromat. Please be advised that by reading this, you will further advance your manners and reduce the numbers on your bitch meter and douche-baggery meter. Please note that all this does not apply to some of you and if it does, then crack your thick skull open and absorbed the following:



1. Thou shall greet. We do not expect you to smile when you enter but a reply to our "hello" would be nice. I know some of you that are hipsters or think you are from the early 1900's have a constipated look on your face, so we will omit the smile, but a hello wouldn't hurt you.



2. Thou shall not be a slob. Upon entering the laundromat, do not throw your stuff around the location. It is NOT your living room and I will NOT clean up after you. As a matter of fact, go grab a laundry cart or two and store your belongings in there. At the same time please be aware that I am NOT responsible for your belongings and for a simple fee of 19.95 and hour, I will protect your belongings. Actually, I won't. I just felt like saying that.



3. Thou shall think. Before coming to me about your problems, see if you can solve it on your own. Example: I put the quarters in the washer but it wont start. Why is that? A. do I need more quarters? B. Is the washer door closed? C. Is the washer lock latched? D. Let me go ask for help because I am a complete moron. Most likely your answer is D because you refuse to use what is left of your brain cells and you want everything done for you.

4. Thou shall try. Majority of us LOVE to paint/draw/look at pictures. If you don't at the adult age that you are, I bet when you were young, pictures made you "happy". Well, when in doubt on how to retrieve quarters from the change machine, look at the picture. If you cannot figure it out, then please go buy a coloring book and start from square 1 level 1. It will further advance your knowledge and you will graduate to the next level of not irritating the owner or employee at your local laundromat. *Please note, this rule also applies to closing a washer door and latching it. All washers provide a detailed picture*

5. Thou shall not lie. I can catch you when you are lying. Employees at other laundromats know when you are lying. We just patronize you so you could leave us alone. Majority of the laundromats have cameras. We see what is going on and we can easily solve a case when needed. Do NOT use another currency for the washers. We will catch you. When we do catch you, do not lie. Again, there are cameras. We let you off easy by fessing up, giving us our CORRECT money, and allowing you to leave peacefully. I do not know how other laundromats operate but I assure you, they do NOT want to be filling out paperwork. So... DO NOT LIE. FESS UP. YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. Oh and if you have the courage to show your face again at the scene of the "crime", be nice or we will be on top of you until you leave.

6. Thou shall keep my hands to myself. This one speaks for itself and pretty much anyone can and may relate to it (anyone in the serving industry). Please do not touch my ass. Compliment if you want. I will ignore you. But touch my ass and you will get smacked. It has happened and the individual got smacked. Threaten to call the cops? Again, please come to full realization that there are cameras installed and I WILL WIN. Go ahead, grab my ass but at the same time, make sure you have a death wish.

7. Thou shall explain. Explain what you want and need. I do not have the ability to read minds. If I did then majority of the problems in the world would be solved. I am not a psychic either. If I were, I wouldn't be in a laundry. god gave you a mouth. SPEAK!

8. Thou shall be prepared. Having stuff ready for me to expedite the service. The faster I serve you, the faster you will go wherever you have to go. I give you a pink slip... STORE IT IN A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN FIND IT. Also, please don't fold your slip into a very small square. It is extra work for me and I will hate you forever. I am not a person to hate but I can and will make some exceptions.

9. Thou shall respect the property. A wise man once said "an eye for an eye".... sit on my table or surf in my laundry carts and I will ridicule you or cut your legs off. Wanna try me? Go ahead. Majority of the time I am NOT in a good mood because of stupidity... chances are, you will get your legs chopped off or I will tear you a new asshole.

10. Thou shall not talk on the phone. Actually, talk on the phone all you want; however, DO NOT TALK TO THE PHONE WHILE YOU ARE ASKING ME SOMETHING. It is rude. Many people do this and I go back to doing what I was doing. It is irritating and I will tell you to get off the phone. You want to be served properly? Well then respect me and get off the phone. I will NOT wait for you to finish and I WILL take the next customer. You don't like it? Too fuckin bad. Get a clue.

ATTACK OF THE HIPSTERS

First off, yesterday was pretty crazy... from dealing with customers to having a family member die. May he rest in peace... it was time for him to go and sadly, he had to suffer before he found peace.


Last night, I specifically told a customer that I will be closing early due to the family situation. He said he understood and that he would be out before 9pm. He was out by 9:05pm. Why? Well, his hipster friends decided to waltz in and try to take over the laundromat. Not over my dead body though (no pun intended... an inside joke related to the family death... oh never mind...)! I swear these three individuals looked like they came fresh from Williamsburg... at first I got scared and though out loud "OH NO! I'M BEING INVADED" to which one turned around and gave me a look. I grinned. I did not have a problem with them until one decided to sit on the table and the other tried to surf in the laundry cart. I would have asked them "is this how you act at home?" but I already knew the answer would be "yes". I skipped on the question and with a firm voice I said "you can't sit on the table" and "you, get out of the cart now."... Of course I was in a bitchy/upset mood too but either way, they deserved it. I asked two of them to move to the other side so I can mop and one mockingly said "Oh sure!" to which I ignored and they were snickering but oh well. It was probably because of the comment I had made when they came in.

They thought they were being cute by prancing all over the laundromat but with a pair of scissors in my hand, I was tempted to stab an eye out... or at least their hand. I forgot to add, as they were entering, I felt as if I were in the Time Zone- hipster/yuppie style. Also, a bunch of them have moved into my neighborhood... I actually don't mind some of them since they ride bikes which means more parking spaces which means I don't have to search for an hour for parking. Guess there is a bright side.... with a bit of puke in my mouth.

On another topic, what is it with people and leaning against an active doorway? Two customers, on two different occasions, decided to lean on the door that allows access to the counter. Why would you do that? One customer, an immigrant from Afghanistan got scared because the door hit her on her back. I tried not to laugh but serves her right... she went and stood by it again... WHY!? The other customer decided to leave her baby in the carriage right behind the door... I must have hit the carriage 4 times before I told her something and she got the hint. Now I have to put a sign for that too.... COMMON SENSE PEOPLE, WORK ON IT... YOU CAN'T BUY IT BUT SERIOUSLY, WORK ON IT!