BED BUGS

Before I get into the story, I just want to apologize for not making a Spin Cycle post yesterday. I was busy during the day and at night, I had to do with some real life issues and people. Guess you can say "shit happens". Don't worry though, this coming Sunday you will have a super duper Spin Cycle post.

Now, onto today. New York has a big issue with bed bugs. Luckily, it has been a long time since a customer came to our laundromat with bed bugs. Until today, today a stupid customer decided to come  to our laundromat to get rid of the little suckers.

First off, she didn't wash her clothes. She just tossed them in the dryer. BIG MISTAKE. I can't stress this enough. If you have bed bugs you MUST WASH ALL OF YOUR BELONGINGS! When you do wash them, you have to wash them on hot. I am contemplating on putting a couple of fliers up in the laundromat with instructions on how to wash clothes if someone is infested with bed bugs. Anyways, I told my co-worker that I am going to approach her and ask her to wash her clothes. My co-worker told me not to so she wouldn't get offended. Fuck if I care if she gets offended. She is doing it wrong and she will get infested again. I approached the female patron and told her the following "Hey! I know you have -that- problem and I recommend you wash them because by just drying them, you aren't doing much." She snapped at me and said "Who is going to pay for it? You? No you aren't. So mind your own business." That's when my logic kicked in. I told her "The amount that you are paying for the exterminator, wouldn't it be worth it to just do the job right instead of bringing an exterminator again?" She thought about it and she took her clothes out and put them in a washer. I was shocked. Really shocked... customers normally don't listen to me. When she removed her clothes from the dryer, I put a plastic bag over my body and hiked up my pants so I can clean the dryer and make sure there isn't anything left behind. I put the dyer on hot for 60 minutes to make sure stuff is dead in there. I even cleaned the area after she left too. Mopped with heavy bleach and I worked the washers she used too so the inside can rinse out.

When she was leaving, she thanked me for giving her the advice with bed bugs. For once I can say my logic worked.

People, when you have bed bugs ALWAYS remove EVERYTHING from the infected area and wash the items or dry clean them. Do NOT clean the infested area. First you must let the exterminator do his chemical business thingy and THEN clean the area. Then you can put everything back in it's place. Having bed bugs now is pretty acceptable and one should not be ashamed of them. It's more of a pain in the ass than anything. Ask a laundry employee for help or do research on the internet to figure out what you need to do. You are doing more harm by not telling a laundry employee that you have a bed bug problem.

If you need more tips on bed bugs, feel free to email me at Lillaundrygirl@gmail.com

SPIN CYCLE

Allllooooo there!

Sorry for the lack of posts. I got sick for two days and then I got better and now I have an ear infection. I should probably go see a doctor... or take vitamins or something at least. On Wednesday I slept for 12 hours straight. It felt so damn good!

I am NOT into gossip. As a matter of fact, I hate it. Gossip is evil and just opens a box full of fail and evil. Yesterday my co-worker was telling about this customer that was asking her questions. I have talked about this customer before, she is the one that set my dryer on fire. It should be posted somewhere at the start of the blog. Anywhoots, she was asking my co-worker if she gets paid on time. My co-workers answered "yes" and then asked her why. Apparently, a customer had a friend that used to work at the laundromat. I call TOTAL bullshit! First off, the people that used to work at the laundromat were NOT Spanish, with the exception of two. Even those two Spanish workers didn't converse with this bitch. After asking her that question, she asked how our boss treats us because her friend told her my boss used to beat her. WHAT. THE. FUCK? Our boss has never laid a finger on us. See, this is how rumors get started, by stupid bitches. I should start spreading rumors about her and how she likes to make out with her cats or something... see if she likes that. Luckily, I am not like that... to start rumors or gossip. My co-worker gives her a sour face and says "no, she is very nice". She tried to get more answers out of my co-worker but my co-worker was smart enough to say "look, I have real work to do. I'll talk to you another time." The customer got upset and stopped talking to her.

Oh and this same customer had the nerve and demanded that I should remove MY clothes from the top dryer so she can use it. I told her "no, the quarters are in and there is a bunch of empty dryers in the back. I need dry clothes too." She told ME to go and use the back ones. I didn't and instead I gave her a look and ignored her for the rest of the night.

People like her make me wonder why they are still around. I wish there was a pack of wolves that sense stupid people and then they just destroy them...harsh? I don't think so. Cynical? Naw... Cynical would be me telling my father the following "either you go fix the car or you pay for my funeral!"

STORY TIME!

I like Mike. Mike sends me stories all the way from Kansas! He owns a laundromat and can relate to me. I thought stupid people going to laundries only existed in New York but I was wrong!
Mike wrote to me the following:

"I think the parents must tell the kids to wait 'til they get to the laundromat to run wild.  It's unbelievable! 

But most of the time, when the kids arrive, they behave pretty good.  But, as soon as the laundry is in the washers, it's time for Coke and cookies.  By the time the wash is in the dryer, the little rugrats are running wild.  Always jumping on all the seats, playing with all the doors, screaming and running like there is no tomorrow.  I guess at that point I have to talk to the parents and tell them, "if you want to spank your kids, I will loan you my belt."

And then, at just the time when the clothes are done, the kids are asleep in the middle of the floor."

---------------------------------

Mike, you have NO idea how much I want to trip their kids while they run. One of my achievements in life would be complete. The worst part is that majority of the parents keep feeding their kids thinking it would quiet them down. They are wrong! Once a customers kid thought it would be a good idea to color on all the tables. I pulled the mom aside and handed her the Greased Lightening and a towel. I made her clean it up because she gave her kid a bag of chips, juice (water, sugar, coloring), and a crap load of pure sugar candy. She wasn't happy but she didn't even punish the kid! It's unbelievable! Parents like that make me want to choke them.

-sigh-

I mentioned above Greased Lightening. People, if you have this available in your stores, buy it! It does wonders! We use it as a spot cleaner and it removes anything from grease, to ink, to blood. I even have a bottle at home to I can clean the oven top and counters. I swear by it! I am 89% sure they have them at all Home Depots but in the gallon size. If you want to find a store near you or if you can purchase it online, go here www.greased-lightning.com .






OH! VERY IMPORTANT!!! THIS WEEK, I WILL NOT HAVE A LAPTOP! I AM SENDING OUT MY LAPTOP TO BE PREPARED! I WILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE A POST ON SOMEONE ELSE'S COMPUTER!

With that being said, have a good one everyone!

IRRITATED PART 2

I know today is my day off from posting in my blog but I wanted to. I should rather say that I needed to post because I need to rant and ranting is always good.

Yesterday I mentioned that Moshe wanted me to deliver the black skirts to him so he can complete his order for Thursday evening; however the problem was that I didn’t know if I was going to deliver the items due to the blizzard in NYC.

I ended up delivering the skirts to him.

I was not pleased that he called me early in the morning to do so either. I should put my phone on silent or vibrate at least. He calls me and asks the following “hey laundry girl, can you deliver the skirts to me please? I need them.” I told him to tell Cheapo to have the money ready.

So I get out of bed cranky and I look outside to see a blanket of snow covering the ground. My exact reaction was “oh fuck, I better get paid for this shit.” Thankfully I have a jeep with four wheel drive and it took me to where I needed. I drop them off at his place and I go to him “your five skirts are delivered.” He says the following (which pissed the fuck out of me) “oh, why did you bring them in this weather? I saw what it looked like outside. Also, I completed my order but thanks for bringing them.” Really? I had a look on my face that projected “I’m going to fuckin’ kill you”. I told him “you, you asked me to bring them to you because you needed them and they were important, you could have called.” He apologized but I didn’t accept it or anything. I turned my back to him. I asked him if he got any word from Cheapo and Moshe said that he didn’t come to work because of the snow. ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING?! YOU FUCKIN ASSHAT, YOU GOT ME OUT OF BED TO BRING YOU SKIRTS WHICH YOU DIDN’T EVEN FRIGGIN NEED?! WHAT. THE. FUCK!? If I were to kill him on the spot, it would be my fault. Not his. This also led me to believe that whenever he rushes me with the skirts, he really doesn’t need them. As a matter of fact, it makes sense. I believed that he rushed me for nothing a long time ago but today really did confirm it.

I saw olive colored table skirts still on the hanger and in plastic. My memory is excellent and I remember him saying “I need these olive skirts back as soon as possible, they are for a wedding.” I remember picking them up in the morning around 9:00am and dropping them off at 3:00pm. He never used them. If he did use them, then I would be cleaning them again after the wedding. So Cheapo is really cheap and Moshe just likes to feel important. Great. Really, I shouldn’t complain because it’s money coming in for the owner and it’s how I get paid but if money doesn’t show up on Monday, Cheapo is REALLY going to hear it from me.
I have patience and I am a calm person but when I am being dragged around and treated unprofessionally, then I can get pretty mean.

I HATE GRADE A ASSHATS!

Next up, there is a friggin blizzard going on outside. Why is the Laundromat busy?! Why are people doing laundry when they can be at home in a warm bed or couch watching television or something?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU COME AND DO LAUNDRY WHEN THERE IS ALMOST A FOOT OF SNOW OUTSIDE!? WHY!? Oh I know why… these people are destined to make my life difficult. Then again, they are the customers that are labeled as “stupid”. I got a good bunch of them today. Then again, they were the only bunch. One customer kept asking me over and over if bleach is only for white clothes. I told him to read the label after the fifth time. Another customer put coins in the wrong washer and started it up. Another one put soap in a wrong washer and asked me to reimburse the soap to them. I just stared at the customer and walked away. I was NOT in the mood to deal with them. Then I had a customer who decided that it would be a good idea to dye her clothes in the washer with hot water. I stopped her. My favorite one is the one who was confused with the mirrors. The mirrors reflect some of the equipment and he kept asking me how he could get to that side. Really?

I need to sleep and I need to get my money on Monday.

THE BET

Last week I made a bet with a customer of mine. The bet was the following:
If he finished his laundry before I finished doing two loads (each around 30 pounds), then he would get two weeks’ worth of free wash (one load per week). If he didn’t, then he wouldn’t get anything and secretly he would be known as a failure.

Pretty sweet incentive right? He thought so and so did I! The owner doesn’t have a clue about this bet but hey, this place can practically be identified as my own at this rate. Plus the cash for the free laundry would be coming out of my pocket.

The reason I made this bet is because this customer takes six hours to do one load of laundry. Unfortunately, I am NOT exaggerating. He would come in at 2:00pm to put his wash and he would leave. Then he would return five minutes before or after closing to pick up his laundry. Oh yeah, at one point he would come back to toss his laundry in the dryer. The point of this bet was to show him that it isn’t hard to stick around to do one load of laundry. By the time he finishes a newspaper or whatever, he would be done. Plus I get to go home early if I don’t stick around for him to come and pick up his laundry. Actually, I don’t stick around for him at all now. He is one of –those- customers who think that the world works around him. He claims to be a star too. I wonder if I could hit him with a reality brick. Is that against the law?

Sometimes I want to pat this customer on the head and patronize him by saying “of course you are a star. I bet the people at Olive Garden know that too.” He is a waiter. Not at Olive Garden BUT it is a major food chain. –shakes head-
Today I reminded him about the bet and I had two bags ready to put in the wash. I started to put the laundry in at the same time he started to put his laundry in the washer. I asked him if he was sticking around and he said “I will be back in twenty minutes”. Our washers run for twenty-eight minutes. Thirty minutes later, he doesn’t show up and I am already putting the two different loads of clothes in the dryer. He can still make to win the bet. Forty minutes pass and I remove the first load from the dryer and I start to fold. I think to myself *this guy has another forty-five minutes. He better make it.* He was nowhere in sight.

In a way I was kind of glad that he didn’t show up because then the money would remain in my pocket. Will I continue to wait for him? No. If he complains, the owner of this place will side with me. Even the owner asked “who the hell takes six hours to do laundry?” I answered “he does apparently.” Oh well. He had an opportunity to get two weeks’ worth of free wash as well as to see that being in a Laundromat for an hour isn’t that bad when you have something to do.

I have seen people stay in the Laundromat for three hours because they had a crap load of laundry to do and they hardly complain. What’s his excuse? Probably scratching his balls and dreaming about his dream mansion now that he is a “star”. I really need to research if it is illegal to hit someone with a reality brick.

I wouldn’t mind if someone took his clothes from the dryer while he was out and about instead of being in the Laundromat. It would teach him a lesson. Then again, I can see him blaming it on me or whoever is on duty because his clothes were missing. Meh, he would get the same answer I give others “you should have stayed in the Laundromat to monitor your property, not our fault.”

Oh well. Sucks for him and I learned my lesson to not bother making bets with customers. It’s for the best for my pocket.

SPIN CYCLE

Sunday Funnies has been changed to Spin Cycle. Why? Well it seemed logical to me because Sunday doesn't only have funny stuff but useful information and such. Now it's even enhanced with stories from readers! I have one today too!

Please submit your stories or questions to lillaundrygirl@gmail.com =D

Does anyone know a site where I can upload images and get a code to paste it on here? Something other than Imageshaq or whatever it's called.


Someone during the week posted a comment asking what a "pill" is on clothing. Here is an image. Those "dot" thingies on the clothing, they are called pills. You can purchase a device to remove these little suckers or you can just ask your dry cleaners to remove it. If you don't ask, they most likely won't remove them.



Some dry cleaning advice: Please don't bring wet items to your local dry cleaners. They will most likely deny. I have this customer who *thinks* it's a good idea to pre-soak the item before giving it to me. I had to tell her several times that she is making the problem worse. Finally she stopped and now she is bitching that the stains won't get removed. Gee lady... not my fault you can't follow directions. She is the one that damaged her silk blouse with pre-soaking treatments. This is why morons shouldn't have nice things.... and when they do, I have to deal with them.

Here is a readers story. It is by To the Moon, Alice :

My laundromat is usually quiet and most people seem smart enough to function at mine. Today however not so much. You know how the arrows go up and down to point which dryer is which? Apparently she literally had no clue which way was up. She had a bottom dryer and kept hitting start for the top one. I'm just watching her stare and open and close the door and repeatedly hit the wrong button. I continue to fold my clothes and watch her. My father keeps telling her she's hitting the wrong button and to hit the other start button. Now this lady knows perfect English and so does my father so I knew this bitch was ignoring him because my dad was right next to her repeating to her it was the wrong one. (I'm sorry but it was the wrong button the first time and the next eight times after. Ain't gonna change, Lady.) I was about to tell him within her hearing range to not bother with an imbecile but then she decided to hear him and went "Oh" as she hit finally hit the right button. Didn't thank him, nothing. God I hope she doesn't drive.


Alice, I deal with people like that everyday with one or two exceptions. Your lady understood English and 80% of my customers, don't even know how form a sentence. If I were you, I would have said that to your father along with giving her a look. In my case I get the "Dryer no work. Dryer broken" deal. Not fun at all. Then I have to sit and explain to them while using hand diagrams that they are using the wrong dryer and I can't refund them. Those who are fluent in English tend to say "I don't want to use the bottom dryer, give me my money back to use the top." Of course I tell them that it is not possible but they can't understand why and when I tell them why, they refuse to understand it because they want their way. -sigh-

Moving forward...

I am going to choose a day of the week to not blog. I need a break from blogging for a day. Maybe two. I am thinking about Wednesday and Saturday.

With that being said, I am out.

I wish you all a good week and enjoy the day!

NO REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

In my laundromat we have over fifteen laundry carts. Three out of those fifteen carts, have a hanger thingy on them. At some point today, three of those carts were being utilized by customers. (Yes, I counted for the sole purpose to make a point). You would think a customer would go for an empty cart so they can cart away their wet clothes to the dryer. Nope. Why would someone do that? That thought requires too much logic and a high amount of brain cells to work.

I was going through a laundry magazine (I have resulted to one of "those" people) and I look up after a question was asked. The question was "excuse me, is this cart being used?" She had her hand over the cart in a claw like form ready to grab the items from that cart to put them somewhere else. I stared at her, then at the laundry cart, and then back her and then I replied with a "yes" along with a *wtf* look. She looked shocked while she was staring at me and she didn't move for a couple of seconds. I guess not many people tell her "no", except for me. After the "yes" I told her to go to the back, where there was a large quantity of carts available.

Why... why... Why would she want to touch some random person's dirty laundry bag??? Just WHY?! To me, it doesn't make any sense!!! I must have missed the stupid bus once again.
Mind you this female is a teenager so her boyfriend comes along, with acne full on his face and braces and decides to put quarters in the wrong dryer. By the way, the dryer clearly stated "OUT OF SERVICE =(" Stupid people deserve each other, I just fear for their spawn....

MR. STEAMY

Hey kids! Look what I brought home! It isn't your ordinary ball or dryer sheets! It's Mr. Steamy!

With Mr. Steamy, you can fill it with water and toss it in your dryer! That’s not all! While your dryer is working, your clothing inside the dryer is playing catch with Mr. Steamy! But that’s not all! In the end, your clothes will come out with dry water spots! That's right kids, now you can go to school with brown spots on your jeans and white cotton t-shirts! You will start a whole new trend!

https://www.mistersteamy.com/?mid=653217

Ah, I just love infomercials that sound exciting. Truth is, I bought this out of pure curiosity and then tossed it out. Why did I toss it out? Well... it left dry water spots on white clothes and small dark spots on dark clothes. It irritates me that people who invent stuff like Mr. Steamy, make it seem that laundry will be done in a better manner. The infomercial is deceiving or maybe m Mr. Steamy was broken somehow... but also think of this... you are putting "dirty" water to steam clean clothes. With a washer, there is a filter before the water goes into the washing machine. The filter connected to the hose, before the valve collects debris (rocks and such) as well as soil/dirt. You would be AMAZED what a filter net looks like after three months. We actually change our filters every two months because the water flows better and it eliminates problems in the future.

In all honesty, Mr. Steamy doesn't make sense to me and I don't see the need for it. Want clothes to come out wrinkle free? That is easy. Want clothes to come out fluffy? Easy as well.
Here are a few tips:

- To keep clothes wrinkly free, remove the light weight clothes (button downs, thin cotton t-shirts, etc) out of the dryer before the dryer finishes. If they are a bit damp, let them air dry and by the time your heavy clothes dry, the light weight clothes will be dry. This will also eliminate shrinkage as well as wear and tear.

- To achieve the fluffiness in your clothes, add an extra cup of softener in the final rinse cycle of the washer. By adding the recommended cup, the dryer “burns out” the softener, especially if you have the dryer on hot. If you want, you can use the Bounce dryer sheets or any other brand. I am not a big fan of dryer sheets because it isn’t that great for your skin. Plus people put more sheets then they are supposed to and then they wonder why they are itching…

To conclude this, Mr. Steamy isn’t all that great it is made out to be. If you are curious like I was, go ahead and buy it… maybe it will work out for you but I am sticking to my tips!

Oh! I am going to assume that the person, who created this invention, is a fan of McSteamy from Grey’s Anatomy… Mr. Steamy minus the “Mc”… do you see it too or is it just me…?

STARSHMUCKS LADY

Starshmuck is my way of saying "Starbucks". I will admit, I am not a fan of Starbucks but if there isn't a Dunkin Donuts around for a tea, I will result to the Seattle Coffee House also known as Starshmucks. Think about it... there is a Starshmucks on every friggin corner! Yo, Dunkin Donuts, I think you need to step up here!
With that being clear, this lady dressed in business clothes, walks in with her nose stuck up in the air holding a flashy bag, a Starshmucks extra large cup, and an Ikea plastic bag (the ones that sell for 59 cents or something) acting as if there is a red carpet event going on in my laundromat. Who thought! An Ikea plastic bag is the new Coach Laundry Bag. -head to desk-

Normally I don't have any problems with her but I secretly mock her whenever she walks around like she is the bomb. (Oh snap! I went old school and said "the bomb"). She put her laundry in the washer and she came up to me and complained that the washer isn't working. Without a word, I silently walked to her washer and turned the handle. It magically worked! I turned around and walked back to my counter without saying "you're welcome." I am exhausted... I have a right to not say anything, especially when stupidity and lack of competence is present.

Dryer time!

She places her clothes in the dryer and I spot out that she left her dryer on the warm option. I didn't say anything. I assumed she wanted it that way since she is obviously weird. Of course she wasn't present when I spotted this as well and I could have easily changed the option but I didn't.

She comes back thirty minutes later and she stated that her dryer is broken because she had her clothes in there for 40 minutes and her clothes were not dry. I told her that I saw it on warm but I didn't change it. She said that she was 110% sure that she had it on hot. I argued with her and pointed out the obvious "Ma'am, the dryer is working because no one else complained about it. If you put your hand on the metal piece, it is slightly warm. You had it on the warm temperature"... She said "No, no! It was on hot!" She got an attitude with me and I was planning on proving her and her Starshmucks drink wrong!

I will be honest with you though... when I walked away with the attitude that I was right and she was wrong, I was hoping that I don't get proved wrong and I come out as the ass... haha! What? I'm sure all of you get that way at times!

So when I walked back with the quarter to put in the dryer and put it on hot, I told her "I'll be back in two minutes to check the temperature." I go back in two minutes and the dryer door is HOT! I told her to put her hand on the dryer and showed her that she made the mistake. I stuck around for the apology. After a couple of seconds, she said it... with her head down too! haha! BITCH! I WIN!

On her way out, she was walking as if she were on the runway. I should have told her "don't walk that way... your butt and muffin top are wobbling!" Instead I just laughed at her... she didn't notice. Not that I wanted her to -whistles- but hey... I WIN!

Also, there is a blog below from today as well! Read on about the Cranky Russian!!!

WHY ISN'T THERE A FULL MOON OUT?

... And if there is one out tonight, then that will explain the behavior of my customers. Where shall I start from?... From the beginning of the day would be good...

Believe it or not, folding can be relaxing at times. When I fold, I listen to my music and i just fold to the beat. Time passes by faster and I am in my own world. Today I didn't have music. Instead I had the sound of the dryers and a belt hitting up against the washer door. I felt like turning the washer off just to remove the "clanking" sound but I tuned it out eventually. A customer approached me for the fourth time this week looking for the seamstress. Before I get into the conversation he and I had, let me give you a bit of a background on him.

This perverted gentleman (if that is even possible) is a little bit over 6 feet tall and must weigh around 125 pounds. He is as thin as a toothpick. He is from Romania and has a heavy accent with a well trimmed beard. He is also a VERY nervous person and very punctual. Tell him "soon" and he would say "I need a precise time". I would say "Fuck you" but I fear he would ask for an exact time, an exact place, and the exact date. Oh and he must be in his early 60's or 70's.

For the past three days, today being the fourth- he would come around asking for the seamstress and for the past three days I would give him the exact times she would be here. He always missed her by 10-20 minutes. Unfortunately, I had to deal with him. Today he decided to wait for the seamstress's arrival and decided to ask me some questions to "get to know me." Now, I was so into what I was doing and I didn't bother to give him much attention let alone turn on my witt... I thought "hey, this guy is old... what can he possibly do?"... well... this is what went on:

Cust: I always see you here. Do you have hobbies?
LG: Yes.
Cust: Well, what are they?
LG: Oh, art, photography, sports, and video games.
-starts to talk about art and music-
Cust: You say you like video games?
LG: Yes
Cust: Like what? Cooking? Sports? Music? Sex?
-note the sex-
LG: Uh... Rpg, Fp.....
Cust: Oh, you no like sex video games?
LG:.... that... that doesn't exist...
Cust: Oh well you know uhuhmmm hahah hmmm

At this point my mouth is slightly open with what felt to be like a WHAT THE FUCK face. The first thing that came to my mind was this:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orl/740493470.html

Straight from the best of Craig's list. I feel like printing it out and giving it to this guy. Anywhoots, seeing that I didn't have anything to say he said "well, I will let you finish your work."
I have come to the conclusion that 80% of the old people are perverted and or crazy...
Crazy is up next.

I have a customer that has been coming to us since day one. I never really speak to her but there is the occasional greetings and asking of one anothers well being. Recently, she has been bringing her mother to the laundromat and she has been scaring me. This is rare, for a human to scare me. It's not her looks or anything but it's the fact that she is always talking and chanting to herself. When I am around, she does this while looking at me, which when she does look at me, I go to a mirror to look at myself to see if there is anything wrong. She makes me paranoid. Today, she didn't stop looking at me at all. She even walked around the laundromat and came back to my folding table and just stood there.... mumbling something in Spanish and looking straight ahead. I asked her if she needed anything and she said "Nuh" and went back to her daughter. After fifteen minutes, I proceed to the front to assist a customer with something. When I go back to the folding tables, she stands right where I was standing while I was folding... I told her "excuse me, but I need this table... its has the clothes on it." She just looked at me and then went back to her daughter. Eerie is an understatement I think.... Where's my blanket? Something about old people today and it doesn't stop here! Read on!

This lady, I have wrote about her. She is the one who doesn't understand that I don't speak English and she always arrives to the laundromat with a home attendant. Well, today after telling her 4 or 90million times that I don't speak Spanish, she picked up her cane and I think she threatened me. She was shaking her cane at me in an angry voice.

At this point I went from relaxed to slightly irritated. I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. If I did speak Spanish I would tell her "Shake your cane at me one more time and I will shove it so far up your ass, you would need a wheelchair to help you." Oops! Did I say I was slightly irritated... sorry, I'm pissed off!

The day gets better for you readers but worse for me. Remember, today is also Thursday which means I am dealing with people that really aren't my customers.

After my break, I go back to work to only find out that one of my customers is drunk and won't stop talking. As a matter of fact, she manages to scare a little boy AND be bitchy towards me. She was bitchy because she was cranky and she was cranky because she is a waitress. I know how it is BUT its not that hard to move a bay carriage away from the washer. That is what she was bitchy about. A baby carriage blocking her washer. She came to ask me to move it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!? She could have moved it herself and when I told her I didn't want to move because there is a child in there, she replied "so I have to stand around all day until the lady comes back?" to which I kindly said "she took her son to the restroom. She won't be long." Then she started to blab and at that point, I just moved it to get it over with. When the lady came out of the restroom, she gave me a weird look and that is when I explained to her what happened. The crazy drunk lady decided to add her input by saying "I was a bitch to her." I had nothing to say to her... I just went along my business. A customer came and complained to me that she wouldn't shut up and to tell her something and I pointed out the whole freedom of speech thing and how you can't really tame drunk people... especially when they are mean drunks. I classified her as a mean one. She was at the laundromat for three hours straight and she only had two loads of laundry... go figure... oh and her husband abusive too but I will leave that story for another day.

Next up on the insane-o-mobile we have the guy who can't function the dryer and states that it is broken. He comes storming up to me in his bumble bee type sweater and starts yelling at me in Spanish. I let him finish and then I asked him kindly to tell me what the problem is in ENGLISH. He got pissed at that. Ladies and gentleman, never assume someone is or speaks Spanish. I went to check out his dryer to only point out to the fuckin retard that he had it on warm the whole time. He continued to yell and scream at me and I asked him to relax and calm down and he says "Calm down!? How can I calm down?! My clothes aren't dry"... I said "Sir, next time pay attention to what you press. YOU are at fault. NOT me." I walked away. I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He just started to rant again in Spanish to someone that speaks Spanish and that customer told the crazy one that the dryers are working right and he isn't. I win.

Lastly, I locked up late tonight because people like to have clothing fights with each other. Nothing says "FUN" like thongs and boxers being tossed around. DO THAT AGAIN AND ILL THROW YOU OUT INTO TRAFFIC.

I need a bath.

Good night.

WHEN ONE COMPLAINS, ALL COMPLAIN

On Thursday I had a lady approach me to tell me that her washer stopped working and the door wouldn’t open. This isn’t unusual so I grab my Phillips screw driver and a flat one just in case the machine was broken. Turns out, it was and it wouldn’t spin her clothes. I couldn’t fix the machine on the spot and I needed a part (which I didn’t have in the store) so I put the machine “out of service”. I refunded the quarters back to the customer and made my way back to the front until another lady approached me in a panicked voice saying that the dryer was broken because her clothing isn’t dry. (Keep in mind, the moron broke her cover). She stated that her dryer wasn’t hot and that her towels weren’t dry. I asked her how many quarters she put in her dryer and she said “five”. Then I asked her how many minutes there were and she said “28”. Okies, MATH TIME! Five times eight does NOT equal to 28.

I listened to her problem and I dropped a quarter into the dryer and put it on hot to see if the dryer was heating. As I was doing that, she yells “OH MY GOD! HOW DID YOU PUT IT ON HOT!?” Two thoughts came running into my head: 1. Why do you still exist in society? and 2. Can I please bash your head against the dryer door? I pre –prepared myself for this stupidity and started to explain to her how to push the button with the following instructions:
1. Take your finger and choose the temperature you want.
2. Push the word on the temperature button once.
3. Remove finger.


I don’t think she enjoyed my sarcastic help but her response was “Oh! So you have to push the word and not the light! I see now, I was pushing the light over here and I was wondering why it wasn’t working. I thought you guys didn’t have the hot option but you do. I was just pressing the wrong button. You see, I am from out of town and I just have two or three times a year to do my mother’s laundry.” I wanted to ask her “you only do your mom’s laundry three times a year?” but I just let it go and answered that question by myself. The answer was “yes.” Trust me… it saved me a couple of brain cells that she may have killed. Honestly, I believe that once a customer makes a complaint publicly, others will follow. It ALWAYS happens.
I have this customer that always complains there isn’t enough water in the washer and I have told him “you are the only one complains. Obviously a problem isn’t with the machines.” He had given me one of those “how dare you” faces but I just walked away; however, when he complains, another customer complains about the machine eating their quarters where 98% of the time, I prove them wrong.

A poster that I would LOVE to put in my laundromat would say the following:

PEOPLE, STOP BEING STUPID AND DON’T FOLLOW OTHER PEOPLE’S COMPLAINTS. YOU WILL JUST GET MOCKED BY ME FOLLOWED BY US, AT THE LAUNDROMAT, GIVING YOU A NAME!
STOP IT!

BRA SUICIDE

So two morons walk into a laundromat....

I need to make a joke that starts out like that...

Really though, two morons did walk into my store today, considering it is relatively quiet. Then again, when don't they walk in?

Let me start of with the bra suicide.

For those of you who do laundry or wear bra's, you will know that sometimes the bra clasp thingy gets stuck in the drying holes of the dryer. It is normal. It happens. Sometimes the bra gets destroyed, other times it just hangs there. This one female customer started screaming like a bloody banshee (I feel the English accent coming out of me) that her bra is stuck and won't come out. First off, never scream in a laundromat because three things come to mind:
1. You let your child go in the dryer for a ride and the child is now burned
2. You managed to somehow mutilate your hand from our machines
3. There is a fire..

The third one would sound more legit but the first one could happen... you never know, there are twisted parent's out there that decide "hey! I will let my child go in so it can have fun while I fold in one peace" followed by "OMG OMG OMG AHHHHHHHHHHH MY CHILD IS BURNING". Anywhoots, back to the story...
So she yelled and I walked in a fast pace to the drying area to only find her arm in the dryer trying to unlatch (if that is a word) the bra from the drying holes. She had an attitude with me and she kinda made it seem like it was my fault. I tried my hardest to not laugh. I tried to show some sympathy and I finally unlatched the bra from the drying holes for her and she didn't even thank me! So I blurted out "your bra tried to commit suicide and I might know why." She didn't bother to ask why but she flashed me a glare. Hey, I was trying to be funny by mocking her with a minor and subtle insult. Maybe it was a good thing she didn't ask why... wouldn't want to lose a customer... Hey, maybe it was her favorite bra or something!

Here is a tip to avoid a problem like the lady above, buy a small garment bra bag. They usually go for $2.99- $8.00 depending where you get it from. I would avoid the ones from Bed, Bath and Beyond only because after 4 uses, the plastic ring comes out. Make sure it is the zippered bag too! The zipper eliminates any tangling among washed or drying clothing. It is a good investment and the bras don't lose their structure.

A male walked in today asking what our dry cleaning prices were. I told him the prices and he told me it was too much and that other places were cheaper. I told him he could go to those places if that's the price he wants. He left and then came back after 2 minutes. He comes back and asks me what the wash and press prices were and I told him. He said that he wanted the wash and press service to begin with and I pointed out that he said he wanted dry cleaning. He didn't say anything about him being wrong but instead he asked if we add starch, to which I replied yes. After counting his shirts and pants, I made his tickets and told him that they would be ready on Thursday. He went to give me his laundry bag and this is what went on:

Customer: You keep my bag?
LG: No. We don't keep the laundry bags for the dry cleaning. You need to take it with you because we have our own bags to put the clothing in.
Customer: So where you put clothes now? (he didn't speak perfect English)
LG: Oh! We have own bags but before that, we put it in that basket. (I pointed to the basket)
Customer: Professionals put clothes in the bag.
LG: But we don't need the bag.
Customer: So I have to carry the bag with me?
LG: Yes and next time, you can just put the clothes in a plastic shopping bag. We recycle those and you wouldn't have to carry a bag around.
Customer: That is no professional. Professional places hold bag and then put bag on hanger with dry cleaning.
(I hand him his tickets and he puts them in his pocket)
LG: Well, we don't do that only because we have so many packages.
(Customer is lingering around and fondling his laundry bag. Mind you I was nice and calm until he started the attitude, which is now)
Customer: YOU NO PROFESSIONAL!
LG: Well, okay sir. If you would like, you can take back your clothing and take it to the place that is professional. Keep in mind, you left from that place to come here for a reason. We offer good service.
Customer: Yes, I take my clothes back, gimme.
(He pulls out the tickets I gave him and he starts to stuff his laundry bag with the clothing)
LG: Also, do know that hanging a bag to give back after the cleaning is done, is not professional and that you are leaving because of a bag, which is fine. We are professional but I guess you want that little extra "oomph" which is fine. There is reason why we can't hang the bag for you. I hope you have a good and pleasant day and I am sorry we couldn't help you. Have a good one.

Of course he got pissed at me being super nice and I bet what he mumbled in his language was a curse word towards me or something, which I found pretty funny. What was even more entertaining was the customer waiting behind him tells me "He must be a dumb fuck, you guys are the best!"

Go figure.

IT ATE MY QUARTERS

I am starting to believe that people will do ANYTHING or come up with an excuse just to get free quarters out of me. Little do they know, I am out there to prove that they are WRONG! Of course in some cases, they are right and I refund them their money. An example would be the machine is acting up and it does not rinse the customers clothes, which in that case we will refund the money by putting the clothing to wash again. Sometimes, I don't refund it and just reset the washer's timer to rinse the clothes an extra time. Hey, shit happens and when it is our fault, we admit to it. As much as we hate doing so, we do it. What can I say, this is an honest laundromat.

A customer apparently put 4 quarters (32 minutes) in an out of order dryer. The two main questions are:

1. Why would you put quarters in an out of order dryer?

and

2. How did you put quarters in an out of order dryer when the coin slot is taped up with paper and has been for the past 3 days?

He said that it wasn't there when he put the quarters when it was complete bullshit because I checked to see if the sign was still there. The workers at this laundromat always check to see if signs are up to make sure that future problems do not develop like this one. The customer convinced himself that he put quarters in there. What did I do? I called my co-worker to ask how long the sign and the coin slot was taped up for just to make sure I am not imagining things. She confirmed that the sign and paper was not touched within the past two days. I explained this to him and somehow, he didn't believe. My next step was to grab the keys and open the coin box collector, which I did and to only find that the box was empty. I showed him and I told him that quarters aren't in here. The fucker still didn't believe that he did not put quarters in that dryer. My logical explanation to him was the following AND I was being nice: "Sir, you didn't put quarters in here. See? The box is empty and by all means, look inside the box holder, there isn't anything. You must have put the quarters in another dryer or you may not have put any in it at all. I am terribly sorry but I can't help you here."... his response? "When I went home, someone took it out." My response "no, we didn't and if we did, we would have emptied out all of them. Look, the tape is still on and not pulled off. I can't help you."

It didn't sink in that he was wrong. He started going off that it was MY fault and the he had to use more quarters out of his pocket. NOT MY FAULT.

Next time the fucker should pay attention and the ONLY reason I call him a fucker is because when he was leaving, I sweetly told him to have a good night and he just ignored me. As a matter of fact, I AM HAPPY YOU USED UP MORE QUARTERS YOU DOUCHE BAG! KARMA KNOWS YOU ARE AN ASS!!

Trust me, it pays to be nice, even when it kills.

UPDATE

Remember gorgeous eye's dude is my previous post? Well he just made King Douche Bag in my book.

What did he do?

Well, he was in the dryers section and he started to yell "Hey mami" and "Sweetie" with whistles in between towards me. I didn't respond to it. I am NOT a dog and I am NOT someone that responds to pet names.... I don't even fuckin know him!!! This lasted for a good two minutes.

After he realizing that I am not responding, he comes up to the counter and he says "hey sweetie, can you help me?" and of course I was going to help him but I pointed out to him that i don't respond to pet names because I have a name. He didn't bother asking for it nor did I tell him. He didn't have a reaction to what I pointed out to him. OH! He even checked me out from head to toe. Not subtle at all. Kind of creeped me out............

I showed him how to use the dryers and he thanked me. I turned around to go back to the counter and as I was walking he said "you my love". Alrighty then. Next comes "will you marry me?"... right? I'll take the eyes but not the whole package.

NUMBER 5

READ THE DAMN SIGNS!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF KITTENS READ THE SIGNS!!!! THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Customer comes barging in with a couple of items and a bottle of Tide.

ME: we are closed. We are closed. HELLO! WE ARE CLOSED!
Cust: Since when?
Me: Since this morning. We are doing maintenance.
Cust: But I need to wash my stuff.
Me: We are closed.
Cust: You don't have any signs up.

-I leave from behind the counter and I start counting the signs-

Me: Three in the front and eight spread around the laundromat in English and in Spanish. There is also one on the door double ended so you read it when you come in and go out.
Cust: omg

Customer leaves after his "omg". A customer that was picking up, was cracking up when I was counting the signs for him. OPEN YOUR EYES FOOL!!!!!!!

SUNDAY'S POST- COMEDY HOUR?

Being the YouTube whore that I am, I found this video from Madtv. Imagine if my laundromat had comedy hour? How cool would that be?! NOT! I would participate in a self lobotomy and the starting area would be the ear. Finding boots in washers and toys in dryers? Nothing new there... I should get one of those mic thingies...

BED BUGS

I get asked many questions about bed bugs since I work at a laundromat. So I figured I would share my knowledge with you guys.

- Bed bugs are quite hard to kill without professional help.
- They can live up to a year without drawing any blood.
- They do NOT only live in beds. They can be found in bed posts, curtains, shelves, bed wheels, drawers, and closests.
- They can easily be attracted in places where USED clothing is being transported. Rarely in big department stores.

- During the summer time, it is hard to distinguish a bed bug from a mosquito. Best way to identify a bed bug bite is by "breakfast, lunch, and dinner"... A bed bug normally bites in three different spots near eachother and the bites are not as round as a mosquito bite.
- "Baby" bed bugs tend to itch more than adult bed bugs because of the bed bug saliva.

- When hiring a professional, remove everything material wise from your room and wash it on hot as well as drying it on hot for an hour. Of course this might cause shrinkage of clothing but... do you really want to live with bed bugs? I think not...
- Once the professional finsihed spraying the room, do not enter it for 24 hours and when you do, clean the room. DO NOT USE BLEACH. IT WILL DEACTIVATE THE CHEMICAL.

- Make sure you have your mattress bed in a ZIPPERED MATTRESS COVER and the same for your pillow. This will eliminate future problems.

There is a posibility where you can attract bed bugs again after this but if you are careful, you should not have a problem. Ask your laundromat what their protocol is when they THINK they are infested with bed bugs. They will most likely lie to you because half of them can not be bothered. At our laundromat, we spray every 3 months and when we suspect a customer brought in bed bugs, everything gets cleaned and washed extremely well. Normally I can spot a customer that is infested with bed bugs for obvious reasons. One give away is the big black plastic bags mounted in a cart. That is a dead giveaway. PLEASE DO NOT JUST PUT YOUR CLOTHING IN THE DRYER ON HOT. YOU NEED TO WASH YOUR CLOTHES ON HOT TOO! I have seen many customers do this and the week after, they come up to me and ask me how to get rid of them. My first question to them always is "did you wash your clothing first?" and they say "no". Well, there goes your problem. Bed bugs are attracted to heat but they can not handle heat after a certain degrees and time. Hence why the hour on the dryer is a necessesity, especially on hot.

Do not be shy to ask questions about bed bugs. Its very common now and when I had spoken to an exterminator, in his words he said "blame the yuppies with their backpacking and wearing used clothing."... He mostly named Beacons Closet and Buffalo Exchange. Mostly Beacons Closet though. I find that quite funny.