WHY ISN'T THERE A FULL MOON OUT?

... And if there is one out tonight, then that will explain the behavior of my customers. Where shall I start from?... From the beginning of the day would be good...

Believe it or not, folding can be relaxing at times. When I fold, I listen to my music and i just fold to the beat. Time passes by faster and I am in my own world. Today I didn't have music. Instead I had the sound of the dryers and a belt hitting up against the washer door. I felt like turning the washer off just to remove the "clanking" sound but I tuned it out eventually. A customer approached me for the fourth time this week looking for the seamstress. Before I get into the conversation he and I had, let me give you a bit of a background on him.

This perverted gentleman (if that is even possible) is a little bit over 6 feet tall and must weigh around 125 pounds. He is as thin as a toothpick. He is from Romania and has a heavy accent with a well trimmed beard. He is also a VERY nervous person and very punctual. Tell him "soon" and he would say "I need a precise time". I would say "Fuck you" but I fear he would ask for an exact time, an exact place, and the exact date. Oh and he must be in his early 60's or 70's.

For the past three days, today being the fourth- he would come around asking for the seamstress and for the past three days I would give him the exact times she would be here. He always missed her by 10-20 minutes. Unfortunately, I had to deal with him. Today he decided to wait for the seamstress's arrival and decided to ask me some questions to "get to know me." Now, I was so into what I was doing and I didn't bother to give him much attention let alone turn on my witt... I thought "hey, this guy is old... what can he possibly do?"... well... this is what went on:

Cust: I always see you here. Do you have hobbies?
LG: Yes.
Cust: Well, what are they?
LG: Oh, art, photography, sports, and video games.
-starts to talk about art and music-
Cust: You say you like video games?
LG: Yes
Cust: Like what? Cooking? Sports? Music? Sex?
-note the sex-
LG: Uh... Rpg, Fp.....
Cust: Oh, you no like sex video games?
LG:.... that... that doesn't exist...
Cust: Oh well you know uhuhmmm hahah hmmm

At this point my mouth is slightly open with what felt to be like a WHAT THE FUCK face. The first thing that came to my mind was this:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/orl/740493470.html

Straight from the best of Craig's list. I feel like printing it out and giving it to this guy. Anywhoots, seeing that I didn't have anything to say he said "well, I will let you finish your work."
I have come to the conclusion that 80% of the old people are perverted and or crazy...
Crazy is up next.

I have a customer that has been coming to us since day one. I never really speak to her but there is the occasional greetings and asking of one anothers well being. Recently, she has been bringing her mother to the laundromat and she has been scaring me. This is rare, for a human to scare me. It's not her looks or anything but it's the fact that she is always talking and chanting to herself. When I am around, she does this while looking at me, which when she does look at me, I go to a mirror to look at myself to see if there is anything wrong. She makes me paranoid. Today, she didn't stop looking at me at all. She even walked around the laundromat and came back to my folding table and just stood there.... mumbling something in Spanish and looking straight ahead. I asked her if she needed anything and she said "Nuh" and went back to her daughter. After fifteen minutes, I proceed to the front to assist a customer with something. When I go back to the folding tables, she stands right where I was standing while I was folding... I told her "excuse me, but I need this table... its has the clothes on it." She just looked at me and then went back to her daughter. Eerie is an understatement I think.... Where's my blanket? Something about old people today and it doesn't stop here! Read on!

This lady, I have wrote about her. She is the one who doesn't understand that I don't speak English and she always arrives to the laundromat with a home attendant. Well, today after telling her 4 or 90million times that I don't speak Spanish, she picked up her cane and I think she threatened me. She was shaking her cane at me in an angry voice.

At this point I went from relaxed to slightly irritated. I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. If I did speak Spanish I would tell her "Shake your cane at me one more time and I will shove it so far up your ass, you would need a wheelchair to help you." Oops! Did I say I was slightly irritated... sorry, I'm pissed off!

The day gets better for you readers but worse for me. Remember, today is also Thursday which means I am dealing with people that really aren't my customers.

After my break, I go back to work to only find out that one of my customers is drunk and won't stop talking. As a matter of fact, she manages to scare a little boy AND be bitchy towards me. She was bitchy because she was cranky and she was cranky because she is a waitress. I know how it is BUT its not that hard to move a bay carriage away from the washer. That is what she was bitchy about. A baby carriage blocking her washer. She came to ask me to move it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!? She could have moved it herself and when I told her I didn't want to move because there is a child in there, she replied "so I have to stand around all day until the lady comes back?" to which I kindly said "she took her son to the restroom. She won't be long." Then she started to blab and at that point, I just moved it to get it over with. When the lady came out of the restroom, she gave me a weird look and that is when I explained to her what happened. The crazy drunk lady decided to add her input by saying "I was a bitch to her." I had nothing to say to her... I just went along my business. A customer came and complained to me that she wouldn't shut up and to tell her something and I pointed out the whole freedom of speech thing and how you can't really tame drunk people... especially when they are mean drunks. I classified her as a mean one. She was at the laundromat for three hours straight and she only had two loads of laundry... go figure... oh and her husband abusive too but I will leave that story for another day.

Next up on the insane-o-mobile we have the guy who can't function the dryer and states that it is broken. He comes storming up to me in his bumble bee type sweater and starts yelling at me in Spanish. I let him finish and then I asked him kindly to tell me what the problem is in ENGLISH. He got pissed at that. Ladies and gentleman, never assume someone is or speaks Spanish. I went to check out his dryer to only point out to the fuckin retard that he had it on warm the whole time. He continued to yell and scream at me and I asked him to relax and calm down and he says "Calm down!? How can I calm down?! My clothes aren't dry"... I said "Sir, next time pay attention to what you press. YOU are at fault. NOT me." I walked away. I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He just started to rant again in Spanish to someone that speaks Spanish and that customer told the crazy one that the dryers are working right and he isn't. I win.

Lastly, I locked up late tonight because people like to have clothing fights with each other. Nothing says "FUN" like thongs and boxers being tossed around. DO THAT AGAIN AND ILL THROW YOU OUT INTO TRAFFIC.

I need a bath.

Good night.

BLEACHED BRAINS GO IN THE SPIN CYCLE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!





Where the hell do I begin? Child surfing in the cart? Child making bomb noises? Two females asking someone who clearly doesn't work here, if she works here? Female not knowing if the change machine works? Male not knowing which is the dryer and washer? Male screaming that the machine ate his 5 dollar bill?



The best part? All this happened within 8 minutes. Yes, I was checking time to see if I am going home soon.



Since I already made a mental- write down list above, I will just go with that.



So I come back to work from the ear doctor (my ear was clogged with black wax. Yum.) to only find a child surfing in a cart while making bombing noises. I asked the lady if the child belonged to her and she said yes. I asked her to remove her son from the cart because it was dangerous and the child could be in danger. Plus, I didn't want to deal with the insurance company and fill out tedious paper work along with answering questions to liability investigators. The kid asked why and the mom replied "because the mean lady said so". I corrected her in front of her son by saying "no, not because of that but because it is dangerous and you could get hurt." The mom gave me a stare down. I stared back. She isn't even my regular customer. She belongs to the other laundry place that closes on Thursday's. Tell your child the truth and point out the dangers. I felt like slapping the bitch because she made me out to be a "bad" or "mean" person just for placing fault (subliminal) to her parenting. Come back and stare at me and your eyeballs will be 6 feet under bitch!!! Too many incompetent human beings today has made me cranky.
Also, if my child were making bombing noises with curse words, I would tell him to stop and take the toy soldiers away. Mind you, the kid must have been 6 or 7 years old.

Next up, we have two females high on Burger King (super sized might I add) and really loud. They said "hi" to me and even asked how I was. I was polite. That right there would make you assume that they know I work there right? Nope. They went over to the sink asking a lady who didn't know how to speak English if she worked here. This was the convo:

Girls: You work here? I need two fives from a 10.
Lady: No.
Girls: You don't have change? I need change. You work here. Go to the front.
Lady: No, no speaky English.
Girls: ugh, how can you work here? I need change. Go get me change.

The lady walks away from them frightened. I am just sitting at the counter watching it all. They told me "Can you believe it? She works here!" I was like "Uh, no she doesn't. I do." They felt stupid. They had a "no way" type of look on their face. Mind you, one of them didn't know how to turn on the water at the sink.

Our next lucky contestant on today's blog is the young lady asking me if the change machine works. It does I told her and I also pointed out to her that she used it 15 minutes ago. She said there is a piece of paper next to it and I asked her what the paper says and she replied "I don't know". Good going... I went to see and I pointed at the sign that was there and she was like "Oohhh!" The sign had the hours of operation on it. I asked her if she saw the sign before she used it the first time since I was curious and she said "no."... OPEN YOUR FUCKIN EYES AND READ YOU STUPID BITCH!.... Okies, I am cranky without a doubt and maybe, just maybe the bitch comment is uncalled for but I don't give a crap! READ!!!
R-E-A-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHIFT+1!!!!!!!!

So remember the "I know I know" guy from a couple of blogs ago? I called him Bob if I recall... he is the you who also ends the sentence with "you know?" Well, the genius thought he had put in a five dollar bill and he didn't. GOOD GOING! So he was yelling from the back while I was at the counter waiting for him. I was NOT going to yell. The laundromat is busy today and last thing I was going to do is scream. He came to the front and after a minute of banting and ranting, he apologized because he had the bill in his hand the whole entire time.

-Breathes- Just typing all this makes me want to go play in traffic.

Then I had a customer that is not a regular ask me which are the washers and the which are the dryers and if the washers also dry. You know what, I am not even going to get into this one because the guy was obviously high. I asked him if he knows a place where the washers also dry and he said no. He answered his own stupid question and just went on to wash.

My favorite today was the lady who came to pick up her dry cleaning and she didn't have the money for it and asked "can I pick it up and pay you tomorrow?". I felt like saying "lady, I wasn't born yesterday" and instead I pointed her to an ATM. She rolled her eyes and went to retrieve money.

-face to desk-

The shift isn't over yet and I can't wait until I get home.

MAINTENANCE FOLLOW UP

I did not post yesterday because after Tuesday, my brain needed a rest and so did my vocals from saying "we are closed". Then again, my vocals has nothing to do with typing a blog but I thought I would just throw that in there for a bit of sympathy. You chuckle at the previous statement but if only I knew where some of you lived... if only...

Anyways...

After my last number, another 3 or 4 people attempted to wash their clothes. One of them was a ninja at it. I didn't notice the lady coming in at all and the maintenance dude came and asked me if I was closed and I said yes and he brought the ninja that attempted to wash. Not cool lady, not cool. My reaction was "when did you come in?"... which she simply ignored... I felt the hate radiate off of her though. Oh well. She will get over it.

Also on that day, a guy in his 40s dropped off laundry and he was drunk. Wait. He is ALWAYS drunk and when he washes on weekends, he stinks of alcohol. He wanted to wash but I told him about the maintenance so he dropped off his green bag to be washed. I told him it would be ready on Wednesday at 8pm. He thought it would be done on Tuesday since on Wednesday he was bitching to me that I closed before 8pm on Tuesday... which is complete bullshit since I stayed after maintenance to clean up. My friends, alcohol destroys your perception of time as well as brain cells that make you think. Don't get me wrong... I am a fan of alcohol... whether it is social drinking or a glass of wine with a good read... but to be drunk constantly- NOT a fan. I even stressed to him on maintenance day that his clothing would be ready on Wednesday. So come Wednesday he was bitching that I closed early and asking "what maintenance was being done?" I felt like throwing back at him "next time you come and do laundry, please don't be drunk... this way you know what is going on and you don't annoy me"; however, I did not say that... instead I flicked on the patience switch and explained to him what was going... which he gave me a questionable look and then stared at my chest. That's what I get for wearing a low cut t-shirt... Note to self- hide the twins at work.

Tuesday showed that people refuse to read the answer to their questions... especially when it is in their face. Next time I post a sign, it will have to be in Arabic too. Translation.com here I come. -shakes head-... I also learned that if I were to become a mechanic, I would most likely be the only female and that people are douche bags when they don't get what they want... but hey... that can be applied to anywhere.

CUSTOMER # 21

He walked in and ignored the signage -sigh- But he was nice enough to just leave and not make an argument or question it. Actually he did question what was going on and for how long it will be. The sign specifically says that I would be open the next day.

-sigh- And to think today would be easy.

Hopefully this was the last one.

NUMBER 4-BATHROOM BREAK

I am starting to believe that when I go to the bathroom something really does happen... well something always happens but like maybe a mini-parade as well? I go to the bathroom for two minutes and I come back to see a lady putting clothes in the washer. WHY!? There is a 35 gallon storage bin right next to you with the vacuum tools. WHY ARE YOU DOING LAUNDRY!? She was Spanish and did not know a word of English so I pointed to the door and she stared at the sign and blinked back at me. Why can't you read your own language? OH MY BEJEEZUS!!!
It took my almost 10 mins to get rid of her until one of the maintenance workers told her what was going on.

Another customer came in to leave his laundry for us to wash but he took it back because he wanted it to be done today. I explained to him twice that maintenance was going on and that the sign was put up a week and a half ago to warn our patrons. Plus, who does their laundry at the last minute when they are down to the last piece of underwear? That is disgusting. He took it to the other laundry place near us but oh well. He should have planned ahead.

AN INTERESTING DAY...

...ITS GOING TO BE FOR SURE!

Today the laundromat is closed for maintenance! Which means no customers!!! Except for those that bring in the drop-off and dry cleaning... Just because I don't have customers doesn't mean I won't deal with people that lack common sense. I opened today at 7AM and a customer walked in ready to wash. Now, I have 11 signs posted all over the laundromat and on the store window stating that on 8/11 we would be closed for maintenance. Oh, the sign is in Spanish as well. The customer, not understanding English walks in and asks for a small soap. I explained that the laundromat was closed... this is what went down:

Cust:One soap
Me: We are closed today for maintenance.
-Customer stares at me blankly-
Me: There is a sign on the door in Spanish. Go read it.

Now, instead of the customer going to the door to read the sign-he goes outside to read the sign on the window at the far right... didn't make sense to me but hey, maybe he likes to take long walks. After his short read, he comes back and I get this:

Cust: You closed?
Me: Yes. Open tomorrow.
Cust: No wash?
Me: No, tomorrow.

So he lingers around for a couple of seconds.

Cust: No wash eh?
Me: NO! Open tomorrow...
Cust: Okay.

He was the only customer to walk in. Hopefully he will be the last for today. No one can use the argument that I did not inform people in Spanish. I did and the fact that they can't even pay attention to their own language with the word "ATTENTION", frightens me. Sometimes the brain doesn't allow you to see certain key elements when you are awake early or even tired. It has happened to me when I went to a credit line only instead of cash, but that was also because I was tired due to working too much and lacking sleep. I apologized to the lady that pointed the sign to me and I did feel like a moron for not seeing it; however, to see the sign and still ask if you can wash three times, is kind of ridiculous.

I'm sure the rest of the day will be just as interesting...

LOSING MIND IN...

3...2...1....WAIT

My mind IS lost. For good. There is no finding...

No post for Wednesday and I apologize for that. I was waaay too tired so I just sat in front of the computer in a vegetative state. Captain Crunch kicked in after and I was on a mini hype followed by a crash.

Here is a funny story for you all.

On Sunday I managed to injure myself on the left wrist, which looks like I tried to slash my wrist. How did I manage that? Well, I tripped on my pajamas and managed to scrap my wrist against the wooden frame door. What does this have to do with the laundromat? Well, many of my customers tend to be curious. People were eyeing my cut on my wrist and asked if my life was okay or if I have any troubles. Were my customers concerned? The ones that I really don't know too well, no. They were just curious and they got a story that would feed their curiosity. The story? I decided to tell a customer that I hate life because I tend to deal with stupid people on a daily basis and since I couldn't kill them, I had to kill myself... since jail for killing them was out of question. He gave me a look, grabbed his ticket, and left. I'm not sure if he will be coming back or not but that should teach him a lesson from being curious. There is a way to ask about an injury... "What happened? Are you OK" NOT some stupid question that is pin pointed to suicide. I love life and yes the stupid people do aggravate me to no extent but they aren't worth one's life.

Bottom line is, ask a curious/stupid question and your curiosity will be fed.

POST FOR THURSDAY

Last night I did not get around to making a post. As much as I wanted to, I came home too late from my siblings home.

So remember what Thursday is?

NOT MY CUSTOMERS THURSDAY.

That's right ladies and gentlemen. My customers yesterday did not "belong" to me but to the closed laundromat.

Yesterday, a customer walked in at 8:15 PM when the last wash is at 8:00 PM. I realized this after I heard a washer start up. I was FURIOUS. Now, I am exhausted. Even though the environment tends to not be as hectic as an office job, its still pretty bad working at a laundry. When 8:00 PM hits, I think about home and my bed. Not customers.

Anyways I inform the customer that at 9 PM I close and she can NOT dry her clothing. She then says that she only has a small load and I tell her NO. The worst part? She did not understand or speak English. In broken Spanish I point to the sign and show her. Her daughter approaches me 20 mins later and asks if they could dry. I think to myself "round 2 ding ding". I tell her she can not dry and that the last wash is at 8 and I want to close at 9. She was trying to convince me to allow them to dry. I told her "if you were to go to Macy's last minute, you would not be allowed to continue shopping. As a matter of fact, you would be asked to leave."

They finally got it and they left. Is it that difficult to follow rules let alone read a sign? Oh and people that look like hippies and talk like them while calling me sweetie and babe, scare the living shit out of. Especially when their significant other looks drugged and can't grasp the concept that I do not have black garbage bags for sale. *head to desk*

I HAVE A HEADACHE...

... and incompetence from my customers is NOT the right medication.

Why is it so hard for one to do a load of laundry? Let alone work a change machine or say the word BOTTLE?

I'm cranky. I had a long day. I want to cry because of the headache and having an employees kid talk non-stop because of a sugar rush is NOT cool. For one, I would NEVER give my child sugar sticks at 10 AM... actually, I would never give my child sugar PERIOD unless its a "special" occasion. Want your kid to shut up? Then don't provide him/her something that would make them hyper. Hell, even the mother asked him to stop... *breathes* Its okies, just an hour and a half until closing...


So remember the lady that decided to burn my dryer due to her lack of common sense? Well, apparently she still lacks it. Lets do the math here folks, we have been open for almost ten years and this lady has been coming to us for the past 7 years. The location of the key to the bathroom has been the SAME for the past couple of years if not all. Why ask where the bathroom key is when you are standing in front of me and pointing at it!? Excuse me ma'am, may I have your permission to point at you and ask where the moron is located? If your answer is no, I will nod and respect your answer but I will NOT stop pointing. As a matter of fact, I'll even throw in the "I'm not touching" you game that my siblings used towards me. Bitch, burn my dryer again and ask me something stupid and I swear this unhappy blogger will... well... I will not say anything because then it would be evidence. Yes, I am angry today because my brain cells decided to knock on my head and slowly die due to incompetence and disgusting weather. Well okies, not angry but cranky. At least she didn't ask me how her boobs looked today so there is something to be pleased about.

However, I am not pleased about people I don't know touching me. Especially if they are male and married. I have known this customer for a while because his wife and I went to the same high school but this guy, he is OVER PROTECTIVE to the point where he will not allow her to work, go out, or even fix herself to look good. Asshat much? I submit yes. So this guy hands me a twenty for change and I give back the change and he tries to hold my hand. I give him the evil eye and walk away. An hour and a half later, I was in the back packaging the table skirts happily with a frown on my face (its possible, trust me... ) and he comes and puts his hands all over my shoulders asking for a plastic bag. That's when I turned around and said "excuse me! You asked for a bag did you not? You ask with your mouth, NOT with your hands." He turned red and went on his merry way. Don't fuck with me... especially when I have a headache... and that is rare. I should put a sign "touch the employees and you will be gutted like a dead fish". Would I get in trouble for that? Better not and if I do, there is great justification. Actually, I could just see people in attire that is white from head to toe, knocking on my door, and asking for me.

I never understood why its so hard to answer "box or bottle?"... Actually, I am giving you the answer. YOU just have to CHOOSE one of the two unless you want both. A fresh example from today:

Cust: Can I have a tide please?
LLG: Which one? Box or bottle?
Cust: The $6.50 one.
LLG: The bottle it is.

We could have saved 6 seconds there and you would have also walked away without me staring at you and wondering "why me? Why is it so hard to say box or bottle?!"... I think I dreamed of this once... Oh and by winking your eye at me, it doesn't make you seem smart or hot. As a matter of fact, I shake my head at you.

Then we have the lady that is obsessed with the word "small"... here we go:

Cust: Can I have a small bottle of bleach?
LLG: Sure but just to let you know, there is only one size so need for the small.
Cust: Okies, can I also have a small box of softer?
(here we go again with the box or bottle thing, only this time... its size)
LLG: Yes ma'am but just so you know, there is only one size for the boxes, there is no small.
Cust: Okay.
-5 mins later-
Cust: Can I have a small bag?
(this is where I'm thinking, does she tell her significant other "I want your SMALL friend now")
LLG: Sure, give me a minute to get you one.

I finally give it to her and she thanks me. I think she was waiting for me to lecture her on her obsessiveness on the word "small".

-SIGH-

Why me again?

-LLG