A LETTER TO...

... Williamsburg, the mother of spawning hipsters and yuppies.

Dear People of Williamsburg,

Majority of you living in Williamsburg are starving "artists" yet you come from families that are loaded with money. These parent's send you off to another state or town just to satisfy your crave of the current trend. Unfortunately, these parent's do not send off their kids with a brain. It must be left behind or they must have been dropped when they were a wee bit lad. In addition the parent's have forgotten to teach their children the basics of math as well as laundry. I am 99.9% sure that Williamsburg has at least a laundromat where people can do laundry. If not, then that explains why the hippies/yuppies that are moving into my town, are retarded.

So Williamsburg, please teach your spawns of a trend to use the laundromat properly or open up more laundromats and offer classes.

Sincerely,

LLG

I have no words for today. Well, actually I do... since I am typing this blog.

It's 6:35 pm and the laundromat is pretty busy. The door opens and in walks a tall and thin male with curly long hair wearing a fedora. Half of his face is covered with acne. His shirt is black and white plaid and the undershirt is red. He is wearing tight skinny jeans. Put it this way... his jeans are so tight that you can make out his... you know what... never mind... anyways... he brings in two bags worth of laundry and he is pacing back and forth trying to figure out which washers he is going to use. He uses the ones that are right in front of the counter area. I let out a long "sigh" because I knew what was coming.


First off, the moron uses four washers and then he puts bleach in the washer with the mixed color clothing. Then he inserts quarters... the quarter wouldn't be accepted by the machine. Without looking up I told him "don't you even dare to bang the machine. I see you. Use the coin return button." I think I scared him because he jumped a bit. He had trouble putting quarters into the machine and I asked him if he needed help and he said "no." It was HILARIOUS watching him trying to coordinate his hand with putting the quarter in the slot and then pushing the button. I did an eye roll and went to help him. He gave me the quarter and I put it in the coin slot without any trouble. Now, here is where he was having trouble with his math... our machine takes 7 quarters and he inserted four quarters, leaving him with three more quarters to go.

He complained that the machine didn't register the fourth quarter, but it did. The counter was showing that he needed to put in three more quarters but he was convinced that the machine didn't register it. I think he has ingrown curls in his brain... anyways, I open up the coin box and I show him that there are four quarters in there. Then I take my index finger and point out that he needs to put in three more quarters. He got pissed.

Fuck if I care that he got pissed. Not my fault he refuses to use his brain. Other people around him were snickering and laughing. I felt like saying "Uh dude, Williamsburg called and they are looking for their residential moron, they are missing you." Trust me, I was biting my tongue.

I can't stress enough that doing laundry is NOT a hard thing to do! Certain things that come with it as well, it isn't hard to achieve. Can we bring back School House Rock? Except this time, make a mini episode about laundry and math...

For those who don't remember School House Rock, here is a YouTube video:



Also, if this post seems a bit off, forgive me. I am sleep deprived and pretty exhausted.

A SIMPLE REQUEST

How a normal person starts the washer:
1. Insert clothing into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment as advised.
3. Close the washer door.
4. Make sure nothing is stuck in the door.
5. Insert coins.
6. Sit and wait.

How a moron starts the washer TRY # 1:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Close washer door.
3. Complain.

How a moron starts the washer Try #2:
1. Insert coins into the washer.
2. Insert soap into the soap compartment.
3. Insert clothes.
4. Close the washer door.
5. Sit and wait while complaining on the phone to his friend why he didn't get reimbursed.

I guess the tight jeans and bottle of gel in his hair made his brain stop functioning. I bet his brain has as many holes as his tight jeans do, if not more. -shakes head- I think he is a confused hipster. -mumbles- fuckin hipster..

So what happened? He put coins in the washer and started it without his clothes. His explanation was...actually you know what?.,.here is the dialogue:

Hipster (Hip): Um, I have a problem. I put coins in my washer and it turned on.
Me: What do you mean? You are supposed to put quarters in it so the machine COULD work.
Hip: Well I started it but there is nothing in there.
Me: As in water?
Hip: No, it's empty.
Me: And it is working?
Hip: Yes.
Me:... Okies, let me see what you did because this isn't making sense.
-The moron laughs-
Me: So you started your wash without putting your clothes in first?
Hip: Well, I normally put the quarters in first then the soap then my clothes.
Me: You are supposed to put your clothes in first..
Hip: Well, can I get reimbursed?
Me: No... you started it...
Hip: Can you stop it?
Me: Nope!
Hip: So I wasted 2 bucks for nothing?
Me: Nope! You wasted $1.75!
-He sighs at me-
Hip: And there is no way to get my money back?
Me: Nope! Sorry. If you want you can come back tomorrow and talk to management.
Hip: I'm leaving tomorrow.
Me: Can't do anything about it. The register gets counted and if I am missing that much, I get in trouble. Sorry.

See, if he said "please" I may have reconsidered. Then again, my laundromat doesn't pay for people's stupidity. Next time, put your clothes in first.

The moral of the story? Always use your manners and say "please", it may get you what you want and always put your clothes in FIRST in the washer.

ATTACK OF THE HIPSTERS

First off, yesterday was pretty crazy... from dealing with customers to having a family member die. May he rest in peace... it was time for him to go and sadly, he had to suffer before he found peace.


Last night, I specifically told a customer that I will be closing early due to the family situation. He said he understood and that he would be out before 9pm. He was out by 9:05pm. Why? Well, his hipster friends decided to waltz in and try to take over the laundromat. Not over my dead body though (no pun intended... an inside joke related to the family death... oh never mind...)! I swear these three individuals looked like they came fresh from Williamsburg... at first I got scared and though out loud "OH NO! I'M BEING INVADED" to which one turned around and gave me a look. I grinned. I did not have a problem with them until one decided to sit on the table and the other tried to surf in the laundry cart. I would have asked them "is this how you act at home?" but I already knew the answer would be "yes". I skipped on the question and with a firm voice I said "you can't sit on the table" and "you, get out of the cart now."... Of course I was in a bitchy/upset mood too but either way, they deserved it. I asked two of them to move to the other side so I can mop and one mockingly said "Oh sure!" to which I ignored and they were snickering but oh well. It was probably because of the comment I had made when they came in.

They thought they were being cute by prancing all over the laundromat but with a pair of scissors in my hand, I was tempted to stab an eye out... or at least their hand. I forgot to add, as they were entering, I felt as if I were in the Time Zone- hipster/yuppie style. Also, a bunch of them have moved into my neighborhood... I actually don't mind some of them since they ride bikes which means more parking spaces which means I don't have to search for an hour for parking. Guess there is a bright side.... with a bit of puke in my mouth.

On another topic, what is it with people and leaning against an active doorway? Two customers, on two different occasions, decided to lean on the door that allows access to the counter. Why would you do that? One customer, an immigrant from Afghanistan got scared because the door hit her on her back. I tried not to laugh but serves her right... she went and stood by it again... WHY!? The other customer decided to leave her baby in the carriage right behind the door... I must have hit the carriage 4 times before I told her something and she got the hint. Now I have to put a sign for that too.... COMMON SENSE PEOPLE, WORK ON IT... YOU CAN'T BUY IT BUT SERIOUSLY, WORK ON IT!