MARCH... I SAID MARCH!!! (For Thursday)

This has NOTHING to do with the month of March. Nothing at all. What does it mean? The same old...same old as crazy people...crazy people that project their craziness onto their children. If the mother was part of the military it would all make sense but she isn't. She is more of a drugster than anything else. This mother is about five feet and six inches tall with a very frail frame. Her hair looks unhealthy and the blonde strands look as if they need a comb badly. She had a North Face coat on and her sneakers are Nike in white...they were sparkling clean. I look over to the kids and they were just wearing hoodies and their sneakers and shoes look beat up and dirty. There is nothing wrong with hoodies! As a matter of fact, I love them; however in this type of weather, I would bundle up my child. Oh yeah, two of the children, their pants were short, you could see their ankles.

There is your description! Now onto the story!

Yesterday I worked at the Laundromat for an hour. I am sick again. This time I am coughing too. Joy. Hence why I didn't blog this entry yesterday, Nyquil knocked me out. Anyways... I was sitting in the front area behind the counter and all of the sudden I hear someone yelling "MARCH!" The first thing that came to mind was "oh great, an invasion!" and the second thought was "huh, it must not be zombies since they just grunt." I took a sip on my tea and my eyes focused on the entrance door. Normally I ignore stuff like this but I think a part of me deep down secretly wanted to know what was going to walk into the door.

As my eyes are fixated on the door, a parade of four kids and a drugged out mother walk in. They walked in with a military formation, marching away... and the kids were responding to the mother's yell of "GET WITH IT, MARCH, MARCH, MARCH!" then I hear "I SAID MARCH DAMNIT!" Poor kids looked miserable. If one of the kids becomes a serial killer, the mother is to blame. The little girl seemed like she was dreading what her mother was doing, as if it was a punishment just to punish the kids. I was interested and amazed. It's as if she was forming her own little army and taking my dream of taking over the world. Meh... actually I don't want to pop out babies yet to start the army and seeing what her kids are feeling, I prefer not to be a tyrant.

Once she started putting the clothes in the washer, she started to order the kids around and slowly, she was backing away to allow the kids do the laundry while she filed her nails. I smell a total psycho bitch. She continued to yell and I started to have other customers come to me with complaints. Believe it or not, I reached four complaints. I approach the psycho bitch and I ask her to lower her voice and to use her "indoor" voice. Everyone knows the indoor voice... we learn that crap from pre-k! She snapped at me. She told me "last time I checked, it's a free country." I blinked at her and decided to go all tyrant on her ass. I told her "last time I checked, this is MY Laundromat and MY democracy in here. Lower your voice!" She gasped and pulled back. She stopped yelling but she didn't stop giving orders to the kids. If I was a multi-millionaire, I would grab those kids and take them away from the mother. I felt so bad for them.

I don't get it... why would a mother dress herself warm and in designer but let her kids freeze and wear clothes that don't fit them? Obviously if she can afford Nike and name brand clothes, she can dress her children more appropriately. -sigh-

In the past when I saw kids wear clothes that didn't fit them or even mothers who looked like they needed a warm coat, I would give a sheet of paper with charities that give out clothing and sometimes even food. I stopped doing that because a couple of times, the adults would get angry/upset and tell me "what, you think I need this because of how I look?" Now, I would explain to these people that I would watch them for a couple of weeks and this is what I determined. Majority of the people were thankful about my gesture and half of those people would come back to me saying "thank you so much for helping me". After a while, I stopped because of the people that would argue with me. It took a lot of energy out of me due to explaining my justification along with other stuff.

After all that, I went home and I went home with a lesson learned.

The lesson that I learned is, to start a cult or a small army... you need your own spawn to start it.

I DRIVE TAXI (Wednesdays post)

I will admit that yesterday I did not feel like posting. I was zombified. I only had three hours of sleep the night before because Mr. Toss and Ms. Turn decided for me that I didn't need sleep. I managed to cut caffeine out of my diet and when I cad that large cup of coffee yesterday, I felt worse after drinking it.

Anywhoots, now I present to you yesterday post!

My co- worker took someones laundry as a drop off and the guy failed to answer the "do you have any blanket, rugs, or comforters in your bag" question. Fortunately, there was a reason to it. It wasn't his laundry bag. It was his brothers. What my co-worker failed to do is call the actual owner of the laundry bag and ask if he wanted his blanket to be washed. Unfortunately, the brother gave the owners name on the ticket but not the phone number. As a matter of fact, the number that was given to me was linked to a restaurant. -sighs- We decided to wash the blanket and not charge it full price. The reason we didn't charge full price was because I didn't want to deal with the owner of the clothes at pick up time. Sadly, he gave me a hard time and I concluded that I should charge people full price no matter what because miserable people will never be pleased at a friendly (with a motive) discount.

He comes at night and his to pick up his crap and the total was 37.85. Without the blanket it would have been 32.85. Now, if I were to charge the blanket at a normal price, it would have been twelve dollars more. He bitched and moaned about the price and I let him. I just had my hand out while he was doing that so I can get the cash. He didn't look at my facial expression which was *I don't give a fuck, give me the money you moron* Why is he a moron? Well because of this... Oh before I go ahead with the dialogue, I will give you a description of him. He is Mexican, his height is about 5'4", approximately 175 pounds, black hair, tanned, and his two front teeth were made out of gold. His accent was thick and his English was decent. This is what went on:

Moron (ron): Why so much?
Me: Well, we charged you for the blanket but not at full price and we also deducted the weight of the blanket from your bag. This way, you wont pay more.
Ron: But why do I have to pay for it?
Me: Because it is clean?
Ron: How much you charge for the blanket? -He is saying this while he is going through his stack of cash-
Me: Being that it is a Queen size, we charge twelve but I only charged you five dollars. You didn't give me the right phone number for me to call you.
Ron: Why I pay so much?
Me: Because we cleaned your stuff and those are our prices.
Ron: But why?
-I felt like saying "chicken thigh" or "because you touch yourself at night"-
Me: Your total is 37.85.
Ron: I no drop this off. My brother did.
Me: Well we asked him and now it is clean. Would you have preferred if we didn't wash it?
(here is the line)
Ron: I drive taxi!
Me: Well, good! I work at a laundromat!
Ron: Taxi!
-This is where I thought *great, he is going to kill me*-
Me: Okies, thank you!
Ron: *mumbles something is Spanish* I never come back! Why did my brother come here?
Me: Oh! I know! Because you told him to take your clothes to the laundromat to have them cleaned!

He wasn't too happy about the last line. He did hold up the line of customers but all four of them said they were entertained. They also sided with me and one of them said "your sarcasm really shined with that last line." I think I may have blushed when he said that but I'm not too sure... Oh well!

Thanks to him, I believe that all gypsy cab owners are crazy and I don't think I will be getting in one anytime soon.

FOOD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LAUNDRY

This is too funny. Scary but funny.

I was putting tags on dress shirts and out of the blue, the door opens with a loud *bam* and all I hear is "Un-Fuckin Believable." I turn to see who it was that came into the store and it was a short female, in her late 20's with long black hair. She must have weighed around 220 pounds. After storming in, she continues her walking rampage to the back of the store and all I hear is "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MONEY OUT OF THE ACCOUNT? ALL YOU ARE DOING IS LAUNDRY. HURRY YOUR FUCKIN ASS UP. I WANT FOOD AND I AM HUNGRY YOU STUPID BITCH!" The other girl, who I will assume is her sister asked the psycho to "simmer" down. She didn't. She continued to yell and scream. Oh yeah, while she was yelling "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE NOW! YOU DON'T NEED TO SPEND SO MUCH FUCKIN TIME IN THE LAUNDRY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I AM HUNGRY", she slammed her hand into my washer.

Here is an analogy:
Mother is protective to her newborn as laundry employee is protective to her washers.

Bitch better not mess with my washers...

I asked the psycho bitch to stop yelling and to not hit the machines. She turns to me and yells "DON'T YAH TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU AIN'T MAH MOTHER." You are right, I am not your mother and I thank the heavens for that. If I were your mother, I would whoop your ass and teach you manners you damn whale! After yelling a bit more at her assumed sister and making a fool out of herself, she storms to the front and before she exits she yells "YAH BETTER HURRY YOUR ASS UP. I WANT MAH CHICKEN."

I lost it there. Once I heard that she wants her chicken, I sat in a chair and just laughed. I may find this funny because I have been in the laundromat since 8:30 am with only two mini breaks which I used to email my friend. That is almost 12 hours. Therefore, the above situation is hysterical to me. I just picture that scenario over and over again and to me, it never gets old.

Also, I will be taking pictures now of items that I find interesting. Someone in the past had notified me that they would LOVE to see what some of these people looked like but unfortunately, I don't have a cool camera phone and I can't really point a camera at someone without explaining the reason I am taking a photo. However, pictures of people items is no harm! For instance, on a pair of boxer briefs today, there was a worn on ribbon saying "limited edition underwear" and I thought *can I cut this off? What is the point of it? Does he wear it when he gets laid and secretly thinks that the ribbon is a "good job" award?* So yeah, the camera will be coming with me at work. What do you guys think?

CURRY QUEEN

Sorry for not posting the Sunday Funny!

Yesterday was a lazy day for me and I took full advantage of it. Nothing says relaxing like Pj's, movies, and games. I even played Guitar Hero sitting down at one point, but that didn't last. I went straight to the computer to play a video game and search for useless information that may at one point be significant. For all we know, Zombies could evolve and they would keep us captive if we didn't know how to answer trivial questions about useless information.

The above information was provided to you by your local detergent distributor.

Now, back to reality.

I didn't think Indian's lived in my neighborhood. No, not Native American Indians but Indian's from India. -Laughter- For some reason, that line made laugh. Who know, maybe delirium is kicking in. Anywhoots, as I was saying, I have no problem with Indians at all. I love their food and the taste/smell of curry until today...

This lady walked into the laundromat with a heavy smell of curry and dirty socks following behind. I never open the door in the front during the Winter but my dear god, I had to this time. I think the lady picked up on my action because she turned around and gave me a mixed look of "death" and "are you hinting at something bitch?" After that look, I put my head down and scratched it. She came up to me at the counter and asked me for change. I asked her "change for what?" and she replied "for the machines". -Ponders- Last time I checked, someone had to GIVE me money so I can give them change... This is all how it went down:

Curry Queen (CQ): I need change.
Me: I need money.
CQ: I need change for the washers.
Me: I need money to give you change.
CQ: OH! Okay.
-waits with a smile-
Me: You know, if you give me a 20, I can give you a 10 and 2 fives...
CQ: One minute (with an Indian accent).

She rummages through her bag and pulls out a twenty. I give her the change. She comes back asking me to break the ten into two fives and breaking the fives into singles. I just gave her ten singles from the ten instead of going down the pyramid of money breaking. What came to mind? Nothing. Her heavy odor killed my brain cells. I should start a campaign "Save Little Laundry Girls Brain Cells".

One thing I did NOT like is that she continued to bang on my washers. I asked her to stop doing that many times and she refused. After the sixth or seventh bang, I walk back up to her and asked her if she had complications and she said "yes". I asked her what they were and she said "machine no work! Eat my quarters!" I tried my best not to laugh because I pictured my washer with a mouth and sharp teeth trying to chomp away her arm. I told her "Machines don't eat quarters. They accept them. Here, let me show you how. Be one with the machine and be nice to it, it will be nice back at you." I think the lady thought I was crazy because she gave me another look of disapproval. She can take her look and shove it up her ass!

My co-worker heard me and she said "Laundry girl, you need to be more nice to customers" and I told him "I will be nice to them when they grow a couple of brain cells OR when hell freezes over and I am put as the leader." She told me to take a nap. I didn't take a nap but I did point out to the Curry Queen that she put waaay too much soap in her washer. Though, with her odor, she may need it...

Speaking of my co-worker, she told me that she noticed my mood changes during the week. She came up with this theory:
-On Monday, I am hyper and giddy but on Tuesday I am just happy.
-Wednesday, I am okay but sarcasm kicks in even more so than Monday and Tuesday.
-Thursday and Friday, I seem tired and the smile is wiped away.
-Saturday, I am angry.

I bought her a Snapple because it was a good observation! Who would have thought?? I could say that her observation is 80% correct.

IT'S COLD TODAY

Actually, cold is an understatement. It is freezing and I don't feel like dealing with morons today.

Today's rain brought out customers that are stubborn and stupid. Before I get into this customer, take the following advice from me.

In certain situations, you should tone down your stubbornness and put your pride to the side, especially in public because you will come off as a moron and you will have an audience whether you like it or not.

This lady isn't even my customer but she arrived to the laundromat with TWO shopping carts and each shopping cart had one bag of laundry in it. She could have easily put both bags in one but she said "one cart is heavy to cart it all.".... Instead she was pushing one cart and pulling the other -shakes head-.

She puts her laundry in the washer and then starts to add the quarter. After every quarter, she would hit the machine so the washer could accept the quarter. After four "bangs", I left the front to go to the back and told her to stop because she is damaging the washer and that she can use the coin return and try again. I stood there for two seconds and she said "what, now you are going to stand and watch me?" and I said "no, but I figured you might need help." She snapped back "I don't." Like a fuckin moron, she stood in front of the washer trying to figure out where the coin return button is. One lady shook her head at me for her and mouthed "retard". The only lady that started chit chatting with her about the laundromat was that crazy waitress lady from last Thursday that bitched at me for the baby carriage. All I have to say is this: Crazy waitress lady, meet crazy moron. Now shake hands.

Other than that, the day has been relatively quiet. Outside of the laundromat, I had a political convo with someone and they thought I attacked them by making a general comment. In the end, I just apologized (it was sincere) to be the bigger person and just end the suppose attack. Lesson in life : Never touch politics because there are people out there that are defensive and in denial while others are just sensitive about their views and logic behind their reason. Be the bigger person and just don't touch the subject and if you do, end the debate with an apology.

MONDAY'S POST

All day I was wondering why were so busy and why little kids aren't in school. Then I realized it was Columbus day. A friend texted me "Happy finding America then ruining it day". I laughed and I think the laughter was more for the fact that I forgot that it was a historical day. No wonder I didn't recieve my dvd in the mail... who would have thunk?... yes... thunk IS a word in MY dictionary.

Monday morning I had a passer-by argue WITH me that HE knew this was a dry cleaners and NOT a laundromat. After a minute of arguing, I gave in and said "you know what? You are absolutely right and when the apocolypse comes, YOU will know EXACTLY what to do." He looked at me as if I were the crazy one. He finally left after telling me that I am not a nice person.

The stupidest question of the day was : The washers use water to wash, right?
My ideal answer would have been "No. When it rains, we gather the rain drops in a bucket and put it in a BIG barrel so the machines can take the water from there. Then, little fairies come and start to dance around and sing *wash clothing wash so you can see day again*" while bashing her head against the washer. Yup. That would have made my year, not day but year.

Don't ask stupid question because when you do, little kittens die.

SPANISH 101…LEVEL: HELL NO

I have mentioned before that I am not fluent in Spanish. I do understand a couple of words thanks to junior high school. I can –try- to pick it up again but I rather not. Is it useful? Of course… but why should –I- have to go learn it when they can go learn English… for free might I add.

So around 11am, I am getting cursed out in Spanish by an 80 year old lady. We actually know her from the past and my dear god is she crazy. I asked for her name to put on the dry cleaning ticket and she gave it to me. Then she started throwing out some numbers at me and I just waited until she was done. If I were to disturb her number marathon, then I would have gotten some type of lecture in Spanish. Plus, I must confess that I was highly amused. After her little number thingy, I asked for her number only to be given a shit load of numbers again. I go to her “TELEPHONE… TELEPHONO… RING RING” (I did add the ringing to it… I stooped to a new level and a brain cell is dead for that)… finally the crazy old lady decided to call over her home attendant and the phone number was finally given to me.

She later introduced another problem to me… in Spanish and after me flailing my arms in front of her in a “no” motion and saying “I don’t understand you and I don’t speak English”, she started cursing at me in Spanish. I should have kicked that lil’ old bitch to see how far she would fly. Her home attendant finally came to my rescue and said that she wanted something but couldn’t describe it. A. How the fuck is that my fault? B. Why am I getting cursed at? Finally, C. Why is she waving her cane at me?

The nice home attendant came to me for quarters and she apologized. She also started to share with me her problems (I am a therapist as well) with the old lady. Apparently she is a tad bit crazy and exhausting to be around.

When they left, the old lady gave me a death stare and I shot back a one eye stare. If she were to walk into the glass, I would have laughed.

MY NUTS!

Ladies and gentlemen, those of you who have kids and bring them to the laundromat, please keep them within your site at all times. Your children may be angels at home but in public, they are demons awaiting to let go of their wrath. You may not know thing because you are too busy talking to your friend about what rice you used last night or what underwear to buy.

Two kids went up to a lady (this lady is not sane by the way) and just stood their and watched the lady eat her peanuts. The lady offers the 2 year old and the 5 year old peanuts. I recall her saying this exact words "Want peanuts? Give me your little hand." The first thought that came to mind was "oh great, now I have to fill out a police report for pedophelia" and "I wonder if she owns a white van". Anyways, the lil' girl puts her hand out to only be given a couple of peanuts. The little girl puts one in her mouth and goes to throw them out. The lady then yells at her "Why did you give me your hands for nuts if you were just going to throw them away? Shoot, those are my nuts. You are disrespectful for throwing away my nuts. Next time im not giving you any nuts. They are my nuts". I kid you not the lil girl was giving her a stare and then ran to her mother. After that, the lady was talking to herself about the bag of nuts being 99 cents and how the girl tossed the nuts out. I couldn't help but laugh and think at the same "stupid lil girl, what if that was a kidnapper?".

Moral of the story, do not mess with peoples nuts in the laundromat. Better yet, do not take anything from anyone... no matter how curious you are.

This lady is the same lady that gave me a lecture on laxatives and how she lost weight on them. She is also the one that decided to bring all her psycho friends to my laundromat to wash. I tried to be nice to one of them by saying "did you dye your hair? its pretty"... It got thrown back in my face by her basically saying "no, I got older and my hair color changed. Im old."... I think she was expecting 'Oh you are not old!' from me, but I turned away and quickly walked to my safe spot. Behind the counter.

KEEP YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM CRAZY PEOPLE AND DON'T COMPLIMENT CRAZY PEOPLE.

WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS...

This happened last year in September. In the past, I used to write down the events based on the customers and myself.

This customer was the first and last time I saw him. It happened last year in September and it was raining. This guys came in and he started asking questions. I was answering every single question with a smile and a hyped up voice. According to him, I was giving him an attitude and he started to lecture me on respecting the elders. Of course, I started to defend myself since I didn't do anything wrong. He then started to demand for a manager or a supervisor.... here is the conversation:

Customer: I need to speak to the manager.

Me: Sure! Let me get her. *I duck under the counter and come back up* May I help you?

Customer: And I guess you are the manager?Me: Good guess! Now what do you want?

Customer: I dont know if these need to be washed or dry cleaned.

Me: Did you read the label?

Customer: Label?

Me: Nevermind... um, dry cleaned.

Customer: OKies. Its free right?

Me: Yeah if you give me your arm.

Customer: Can I have my clothes back?

Me: Why?

Customer: I don't want to give me arm.Me:.... I was kidding.....

Customer: I don't trust you.

Me: You are kidding right?

Customer: Clothes, please.

Me: Fine.

Customer: Well you guys charge?

Me: Yes...

Customer: ok thank you.

Me: *mumbles* Wtf?


Rain bring out crazy and disturbing people at times... then again, im not any better at times. Heeey theres my meds...