DEAR TEACHERS,

Dear Teachers,

A new school year has begun and first off, good luck. Second, please teach these kids how to count and use their noggin. I know you are trying your best and the Excedrin is handy in your drawer but please, drill into their brains that FOUR QUARTERS= $1 and that you can't get half a dollar without getting the whole dollar in quarters. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEACH THESE CHILDREN THE NECESSITIES OF LIFE!!! Kids do not need to know about Pluto not existing anymore, hell majority of them will hate Science. Teach them math, this way my life would be easier too.

Thank you!

Today I had a 10 year old and a 11 year old come in at two different times and neither of them knew how many quarters they needed... nor how many quarters a dollar gives you. How do I know the ages? I asked. Of course the first question was "aren't you supposed to be in school today?" The 10 year old gives me a $10 bill and asks for two fives. I explain to her that the change machine was out of order (once again) so I would have to manually give her quarters. This is how the convo went:

LG: How much in quarters do you need?
Cust: I need two fives.
LG: Okies, but the machine is out of order so I need to give you quarters here.
Cust: Five dollar bills.
LG: Machine out of order. Quarters here.
Cust: Um, I don't know.
LG: Well, how much were you going to put in the machine?
Cust: Uh -smiles nervously- um, five dollars.
LG: You have a lot of bags, are you sure?
Cust: Yes.
LG: OKay, here you go.
Cust: NO! I need ten.
LG: Is your mom here so you can ask her?
Cust: No, but I need 10 in quarters.
LG: Ok. How old are you?
Cust: 10

Alrighty... After she put her clothes in the washer, she blasted her ipod and sat down. I felt like shoving a book in here face. The 11 year old was just as bad. She didn't know how many quarters she would get back in a dollar so she thought I was cheating her when I gave her four quarters. I asked if her mom was around and she said no. Mind you, when I was questioning her, she didn't know how to respond to some of the questions and of course she blasted her iPod.

Dear Parents,

Please stop giving your children Mp3 players when they don't know simple math. In addition, please escort your children to the laundromat because they lack the common sense that they should have for their age. In addition, I might choke them due to the fact that I am explaining something to them that a three year old knows. May I also suggest that you shove a book in front of your child's face and if they have an allergic reaction to it, let them suffer.

Thank you!

AWAY

I will be going away for two weeks and I will return on September 5th, 2009.

HAPPY LAUNDERING EVERYONE AND BE SAFE!!!!

BLEACHED BRAINS GO IN THE SPIN CYCLE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!





Where the hell do I begin? Child surfing in the cart? Child making bomb noises? Two females asking someone who clearly doesn't work here, if she works here? Female not knowing if the change machine works? Male not knowing which is the dryer and washer? Male screaming that the machine ate his 5 dollar bill?



The best part? All this happened within 8 minutes. Yes, I was checking time to see if I am going home soon.



Since I already made a mental- write down list above, I will just go with that.



So I come back to work from the ear doctor (my ear was clogged with black wax. Yum.) to only find a child surfing in a cart while making bombing noises. I asked the lady if the child belonged to her and she said yes. I asked her to remove her son from the cart because it was dangerous and the child could be in danger. Plus, I didn't want to deal with the insurance company and fill out tedious paper work along with answering questions to liability investigators. The kid asked why and the mom replied "because the mean lady said so". I corrected her in front of her son by saying "no, not because of that but because it is dangerous and you could get hurt." The mom gave me a stare down. I stared back. She isn't even my regular customer. She belongs to the other laundry place that closes on Thursday's. Tell your child the truth and point out the dangers. I felt like slapping the bitch because she made me out to be a "bad" or "mean" person just for placing fault (subliminal) to her parenting. Come back and stare at me and your eyeballs will be 6 feet under bitch!!! Too many incompetent human beings today has made me cranky.
Also, if my child were making bombing noises with curse words, I would tell him to stop and take the toy soldiers away. Mind you, the kid must have been 6 or 7 years old.

Next up, we have two females high on Burger King (super sized might I add) and really loud. They said "hi" to me and even asked how I was. I was polite. That right there would make you assume that they know I work there right? Nope. They went over to the sink asking a lady who didn't know how to speak English if she worked here. This was the convo:

Girls: You work here? I need two fives from a 10.
Lady: No.
Girls: You don't have change? I need change. You work here. Go to the front.
Lady: No, no speaky English.
Girls: ugh, how can you work here? I need change. Go get me change.

The lady walks away from them frightened. I am just sitting at the counter watching it all. They told me "Can you believe it? She works here!" I was like "Uh, no she doesn't. I do." They felt stupid. They had a "no way" type of look on their face. Mind you, one of them didn't know how to turn on the water at the sink.

Our next lucky contestant on today's blog is the young lady asking me if the change machine works. It does I told her and I also pointed out to her that she used it 15 minutes ago. She said there is a piece of paper next to it and I asked her what the paper says and she replied "I don't know". Good going... I went to see and I pointed at the sign that was there and she was like "Oohhh!" The sign had the hours of operation on it. I asked her if she saw the sign before she used it the first time since I was curious and she said "no."... OPEN YOUR FUCKIN EYES AND READ YOU STUPID BITCH!.... Okies, I am cranky without a doubt and maybe, just maybe the bitch comment is uncalled for but I don't give a crap! READ!!!
R-E-A-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHIFT+1!!!!!!!!

So remember the "I know I know" guy from a couple of blogs ago? I called him Bob if I recall... he is the you who also ends the sentence with "you know?" Well, the genius thought he had put in a five dollar bill and he didn't. GOOD GOING! So he was yelling from the back while I was at the counter waiting for him. I was NOT going to yell. The laundromat is busy today and last thing I was going to do is scream. He came to the front and after a minute of banting and ranting, he apologized because he had the bill in his hand the whole entire time.

-Breathes- Just typing all this makes me want to go play in traffic.

Then I had a customer that is not a regular ask me which are the washers and the which are the dryers and if the washers also dry. You know what, I am not even going to get into this one because the guy was obviously high. I asked him if he knows a place where the washers also dry and he said no. He answered his own stupid question and just went on to wash.

My favorite today was the lady who came to pick up her dry cleaning and she didn't have the money for it and asked "can I pick it up and pay you tomorrow?". I felt like saying "lady, I wasn't born yesterday" and instead I pointed her to an ATM. She rolled her eyes and went to retrieve money.

-face to desk-

The shift isn't over yet and I can't wait until I get home.

SOMETHING NEW

This has happened for the first time ever.

These two guys must be new to laundry and the English language. They asked me how to turn on the water from the sink so they can put it in the washer. This is how it went down:

Cust: I need water.
Me: What for?
Cust: For the machine.
Me: What?
Cust: I need water.
Me: In the sink.

Yes this is a delayed reaction.

Me: WAIT! Where are you going to PUT the water?!
Cust: I need to wash my clothes.

He and I walk to the sink and then to the washer.

Cust: Clothes need wash.
Me: You need to put quarters in it and the wash will start. Water will come down and the soap will dissolve.
Cust: I need water.
Me: Are you thirsty?
Cust: Machine water.
Me: QUARTERS!! YOU NEED TO PUT QUARTERS. LOOK!!!!

Apparently his friend did speak English but he just sat back. I gave him a glare and withheld the comment of "YOU ARE A JERK".

Come on people, get it together!!! YOU NEED QUARTERS TO DO A FUCKIN WASH!!!

Oh and here is a bonus, a lady at my local bakery today didn't know the difference between butter and cream cheese. I asked for butter and she put cream cheese and said "its the same". So I replied "It won't be the same if you decide to not make me another one." I am a cranky person in the morning. Especially at 7am with only 4 hours of sleep. Like I said before, I am a nice person but if you don't use your noggin, you are in for a knockin... get it?...no?... WELL FINE!

A SPECIAL FEATURE...

I found this clip by looking through random stuff on youtube.com. When watching this clip I shook my head in disgust and then I thought that I should have this play non-stop in my laundromat. If anything, maybe... just maybe they will learn something from this. Afterall, its a kid show. Believe it or not, majority of the people pay more attention to cartoons then some signs, right?

SENSES

Sense (Websters Dictionary)----b : a specialized function or mechanism (as sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch) by which an animal receives and responds to external or internal stimuli.
Sight- Some of my customers lack this sense... they ignored 11 signs on Maintenance day.

Smell- Many of my customers have this... hence why they are doing laundry!

Taste- Well, I once had a customer that used his dirty boxers to blow his nose... would that somewhat count...? Though, I can't tell if my customers have it... Unless we are also counting fashion taste, which some should go to school for.

Touch- Yeah, getting my ass grabbed screams that my customers have this ability.

Last but not least HEARING. You know how Sesame Street has the special letter and number for today? Well, my letter is H and my special word is HEARING. Not only do my customers lack sight due to the fact that they don't SEE large blot letters highlighted but they also lack hearing.

So a customer asked to use the bathroom and I handed him the key. I asked him nicely after handing it to him to lock the door when he is done. He nods his head and replies "okay". Great! That means that he understood his quest of bathroomage right?! NO!! The fuckin moron failed. After he was done, he handed me the key and he said "thank you". He gets props for the "thank you". I asked if he locked the door and he said "no". I asked him to go lock it and he rolled his eyes.

See if he listened from the start, the door would have been locked. Maybe the urine in the bladder was jumping around but that has NOTHING to do with his ears. This is not the only time customers have not listened to me. Time after time I would catch them doing the same thing and I raise my voice a notch and tell them to stop without a "please". Pretty macho of me right? Yeah... did I mention I give them a crazed look and give impolite gestures at times? behind their back of course (the gestures) but in the end, I feel good.

People, please open your eyes and ears. God or Science... or whichever and whatever you believe in, gave you senses for a reason, to not be the fool in society. FUCKIN USE THEM!!!

SASSY

I got called sassy by a customer. I took it to heart. =(